Please give your feedback!

[CollaredGirrl]

I just had my story, Bound, published on the site. I was gobsmacked at the number of times my story has been read already - and even favorited twice!!! I would really appreciate it if you all could take a few and leave me comments/feedback/suggestions on my story. I would like to publish one day and want to make sure I'm headed in the right direction.

Thank you for reading my story. I hope you enjoyed it.

 

[sr71plt]

https://www.literotica.com/s/bound-73

 

[Bramblethorn]

When asking for feedback, it's good to provide a link (thanks SR for doing so). Normally you'd also want to mention the story genre, but for this one the title's a strong hint.

Some technical aspects:

Dressed only in your army tee and black underwear, you walked over to the bed and knelt between my legs.

Some readers dislike the "I/you" style of storytelling. It can work well for roleplay with somebody you know, but when addressed to a stranger it can feel presumptuous - "don't you tell me what I'm doing, I'll decide that for myself!"

In a story like this, it also assumes that readers will want to identify with the male dom character. Some certainly will, but what about the ones who'd rather visualise it from the female sub's point of view?

In most cases I'd recommend avoiding "you" as a character in a story.

I was nervous and excited. We had talked about doing this for a long time and now the time is here. I looked at myself in the mirror and wondered what you would think of it. I am dressed in a satiny pink corset that cradles the underside of my breasts and defines, somewhat, my waist.

In the first four sentences you start out telling the story in past tense, then shift to present, then past, and then present again. There's more tense-hopping later in the story.

Some writers will switch from past to present as a deliberate device, e.g. to signal emotional intensity, but this one reads like the switches are accidental, and that's just jarring.

Aside from those issues, I thought it was a decent story. I would've enjoyed more setup, but that's a personal preference and a lot of readers will prefer the way you did write it, as a single scene.