Please constructively criticize my cuckold fiction.

[carnivalslaughter]

Hi. I'm looking to improve my writing, but I have a bit of a problem. As many of you know, one can't learn and grow without honest people pointing out flaws in your writing. Unfortunately, after my first submition, no one leaves comments on my stories. I don't know if this is because I didn't respond to the comments of my first submission, or if my stories just don't leave enough of an impact to be commented on, but at the moment I only have ratings to learn from. This isn't good.



I'm linking two of my stories, so any helpful folks with some spare time can tell me how to improve future writing projects.



Thank you so much for any amount of time you may dedicate to this request.



Red River of Lust

https://literotica.com/s/red-river-of-lust



I'll Allow It

https://literotica.com/s/ill-allow-it

 

[OverconfidentSarcasm]

I'm sure there will be people seeing this completely different, but I'd say your stories are too tame.

The Cuckold stories people got used to finding here are simply way too over the top fantasy in one of two categories:
1. Sadistic power fantasy for people who like to fantasize about destroying a man's life in ways that would realistically push him towards taking a toaster bath.
2. Misery porn for the cuckolds who like to imagine their life completely destroyed.

After reading your "I'll Allow It", though, I think it serves neither of those two. Your story seems to be about people who actually love each other, who are happily fulfilling each other's sexual fantasies, but are still a couple wanting to spend their lifes together in mutual understanding.

In short, neither are people so compelled by it they want you to create more of it, nor are people so outraged by it they want to tell you how much you suck.

 

[yukonnights]

I read part of your Red River of Lust; There are a couple of things that seem problematic to me. First is the way you wrote it directly aimed at the reader. For example; She pivots her hips until your cock bursts and slithers out like a worm. < IMO, this encourages a denial in my mind; No, my cock didn't do that, etc. Again IMO, when folks read fiction they want to — 'watch a movie in their mind fueled by the words in the story.' This approach of telling me what I'm doing throughout the story is simply a hurdle too high.

Second possible reason for no comments; The Satanic theme is about as far from sexy and erotic as I can imagine. Honestly, that's the last place I want to imagine myself in as one of the characters.

 

[countdowntolov3]

I'm not really qualified to give grammar advice. But in this case I'm pretty confident in observing one nasty habit you have. I noticed it right away because I have the same bad habit! It's sentences like these:

Lenoir's round tits and bubble-shaped butt turned from smooth to slippery, when she soaped them up in the shower.

On that particular Sunday morning, she noticed him watching her undress, with a confident smirk he'd usually hide, through force of will.

Those last trailing segments after the comma read weird. The comma tells the reader to pause, but to read those sentences correctly they reader must not pause. Reading the sentences as they are gives me reader "whiplash."

 

[carnivalslaughter]

Thank you all so much for your much needed criticism. You've been very helpful. Here is a first person version of one of my stories.


https://literotica.com/s/red-river-of-lust-first-person

 

[ElectricBlue]

Your stories/chapters are mostly very short, barely half a Lit page. That's not much for readers to get into, before it's done.

My suggestion - aim for longer stories or chapters, two or three Lit pages (7k - 12k words); and avoid second person narrative. As yukonnights says, no, I didn't do those things, don't tell me I did.