Please clone Hunter S. Thompson

[shereads]

If he ever dies, the world will contain 15% too much unacknowledged irony. I won't be able to bear it.

Things are getting weirder and weirder in this country. I tried to call my friend Monk in Chicago last night to warn him about the coming pestilence of root-sucking beetles, but I somehow got connected to a guard station at the Illinois State Prison and found myself talking to a stern-voiced woman who said I sounded crazy and warned me never to call this number again or she would have me arrested.

"Nonsense," I said.

"I have your number right here in front of me on the screen," she replied. "What kind of fool are you to be calling a state correctional facility at this time of night and runnin' your mouth at me like a pervert?"

I was shocked and said nothing for a long moment. And neither did she. Somewhere on her end of the line, I thought I heard a bell ringing, and then a babble of angry voices. But I couldn't be sure.

"Pervert?" I wondered. Is Monk's daughter calling me a pervert? My brain was spinning frantically and I felt my natural confidence oozing away. So I hung up the phone and lit a short Davidoff cigar. Then I quickly punched redial.

"It's you again," said a voice so menacing that I felt my blood run cold. "Tell me your name again, dumbo. This is the end of the line for your crazy ass."

I told her meekly, expecting a knock on the door. Then I heard her giggling.

"I can't believe it," she shrieked. "Is it really Hunter S. Thompson, the famous sportswriter? Oh my God. I'm swooning. You're my hero! I read everything you write. How can I meet you?"

What? Meet me? At the Illinois State Prison? Am I having an acid flashback? Who is this woman? Is my phone cutting out again? Who else is on my line that I don't know about? The police? John Ashcroft? Kobe Bryant? J. Edgar Hoover? Is this really the end? Where is Bob Dylan when I need him tonight?

"Sorry," I said. "Wrong number. You're scaring me."

***

 

[Guest]

Sweet. P.

 

[JessMalarky]

Hunter S. Thompson is one strange life-form. He's the type who can walk into a biker bar with a group of friends, then start a fight in which all his friends get pounded soft and arrested while he walks out untouched escourted by two semi-clad exotic dancers. JM

 

[shereads]

Hunter S. Thompson is one strange life-form. He's the type who can walk into a biker bar with a group of friends, then start a fight in which all his friends get pounded soft and arrested while he walks out untouched escourted by two semi-clad exotic dancers. JM

Exactly.

 

[Seattle Zack]

The good Doctor has been strangely absent from espn.com these past few weeks (very strange, considering the NFL playoffs and all). One only hopes it's due to Disney executives wetting their pants at what he might write, rather than a mysterious explosion at his fortified compound in Aspen ....

Here's one from 11/9/04:

I am no stranger to the anguish of losing a presidential campaign, and this very narrow loss with John Kerry is no exception. It hurt, as always, but it didn't hurt as much as that horrible beating we took with George McGovern in 1972. That was by 22 points, the worst defeat in any presidential campaign since George Washington ran for a second term in 1787.

And the winner that year was a conquering hero named Richard Nixon, who got whacked out of office two years later because he was a crook. We had a very angry Democratic majority in the Senate that year, which is not the case now.

No. Today, the Panzer-like Bush machine controls all three branches of our federal government, the first time that has happened since Calvin Coolidge was in the White House. And that makes it just about impossible to mount any kind of Congressional investigation of a firmly-entrenched president like George Bush.

The time has come to get deeply into Football. It is the only thing we have left that ain't fixed. And more on that next week.

 

[shereads]

Yes. I wish I cared about football.

 

[M Crim]

Yes. I wish I cared about football.

I'm not a big fan of football either but I regularly check espn.com to see if there's any news from him. I noticed there hasn't been anything either.

I wish I had a way to know everytime he publiched something either print or on the web.

Thompson definetly got me reinterested in reading and writing when I started reading his work in college.

 

[shereads]

Thompson definetly got me reinterested in reading and writing when I started reading his work in college.

He awakened those dormant interests in so many of us. For some, it was writing. For others, ether and shoulder-launched missiles.

 

[M Crim]

I'm still investigating shoulder launched missles. I've seen enough from my friends that used ether to know not to touch it myself no matter how much Hunter recomended it.