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[gauchecritic]

UPA reports:

All major TV stations across the US are accepting/negotiating sponsorship enquiries for possibly the largest anticipated viewing figures in the history of disseminated media.

In an effort to offset a large percentage of a forecast cost estimated in tens possibly hundreds of millions of usdollars, the major media conglomerates are looking to recoup through advertising and sponsorship.

The event is the Trial of the Century. At present the main theme of news bulletins and the whitehouse appears to be whether or not to impose the death penalty when Saddam is found guilty. Although the arrest has been made, particular charges, as yet are few and far between.

Expect fierce battles beforehand for the acquisition of prime time ads during the frequent adjournments of this Kangaroo circus.

So what can we expect?

This death sentence was brought to you by Pepsi, the official freedom loving drink of the Iraqi Supreme Court.

Glaxo-Klein-Beecham for indigestible verdicts.

Any other suggestions?

Gauche

The above 'news item' is entirely ficticious and as far as I know UPA is not a news agency of any kind

 

[Guest]

Brilliant, Yorkshire. - Perdita


If she's still in business, per Martha Stewart, Inc.:

Drawing and Quartering a Tyrant (It's a good thing.)

 

[Wills]

GILLETTE

This man was condemened for not using the new GILLETTE triple bladed throat cleaner.

Clean the unwanted hair from your country - use GILLETTE

Will's

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Brilliant, Yorkshire. - Perdita


If she's still in business, per Martha Stewart, Inc.:

Drawing and Quartering a Tyrant (It's a good thing.)

Brian Denahey as spokesperson in a repriasal of his role in the sherrif of Silverado.

Saddam, we are going to give you a fair trial, follwed by a first class hanging. Brought to you by the good people at Showstoppers inc. Makers of fine hemp rope since 1877.


Lethal Injection! It isn't just for american criminals anymore! Brought to you by the Texas Chamber of Commerce.

Saddam found guilty in military tribunal. Now that you have seen the trial come to Austraila to see real Kangaroo's! Brought to you by the Austrailia tourism Beaura.

Raid! Kills bugs deader than third world military strongmen!

Facitiously yours:

-Colly

 

[Couture]

Sadam says, "The new Lincoln Navigator only gets 13 mpg. It's gonna need a lot of oil. But hey, looks like the only oil I got now is in my unwashed beard."

 

[Quasimodem]

I doubt that any one sponsor will be able to bear the entire expense of worldwide broadcasting, nor do most sponsors need whole world coverage. Instead, expect a few international brands to take over the prime spots, with local firms filling with local cut-ins.

Undoubtedly, Arnie Schartzenegger will purchase time for double, cross promotion of his gift box video set of "The Terminator Series."

Dupont will take on a massive campaign, but disappointingly will use stock footage culled from evidence in the trial, to promote the sale of Tyvet® "F" chemical protection suits and Kelvar body armour as the "new direction" in urban population crowd control.

In New Zealand, Offen Chartered Accountants, may think it worth the name recognition to carry some of the burden in their locality.

The Mexican Travel Bureau buys local American and European time to promote travel to Mexico to celebrate DÍA DE LOS MUERTOS.

I can foresee that the American Military, not to mention the Bush Administration, will maintain veto powers over some sponsors, who cannot maintain the high moral tone of the event. Thus patronage from the Paris Opera Societies' production of "Highlights from Offenbach" will be refused.

W himself authorizes that a previously unknown European Operatic Society is permitted to pick up the timeslot of the refused Paris Opera, because when advertising their production of Wagner's "Die Walküre," they have promised to pronounce it as "Die Iraqi."

An oriental style of a famous martial art wins a breakthrough opportunity to bring the Hung Gar style of Kung Fu before millions of potential western students.

Finally, a last minute alert prevents W from losing a large block of voters, when it is discovered that they have not allowed that time be sold to the Security Administrator Tool for Analysing Networks (SATAN) as they thought, but to the Official Church of Satan (www.churchofsatan.com) instead.

 

[Guest]

Quas, I say this with great respect - you have an exquisitely warped mind.

Perdita

 

[LorriLove]

giggle

of course with all the telly peeps and big business involved, they're bound to want to drag it out so there'll be a few re-trials i expect, probably have a few objections cos the fed's didn't have a search warrant, or the gun wasn't allowed as evidence cos it wasn't on the search warrant, all that sort of stuff.

can we expect to see saddam 1 thro 27, followed by the return of the magnificent saddam, saddam strikes back, saddam and the sorcerer's scud, etc etc.

 

[Guest]

I can't think of the ad lines or jingles, really don't feel like it, but Roto-rooter, Mr. Plumber and Raids would be apt ads for this.

For those outside the states, Roto-rooter and Mr. Plumber are for clogged toilets and drains, Raids is an insect spray.

Perdita

 

[Uther_Pendragon]

Of course, the US government is on record as believing
that heads of state are not legally accountable for actions
they have authoised.
Can you say "Pinochet"?

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

Lime, that's really not funny, crude and cruel really. Those poor people have suffered plenty, let alone having an American joke about their poverty.

Perdita

edit: I've learned Lime did not mean his comment as a joke, only to point out the ludicrousness of the whole reality. I apologize for presuming he was making fun of Iraq's situation.

 

[A7inchPhildo]

Now that Iraqi dictator is no longer a threat. You too can have the comfort and protection of Tampax panty liners. Proud supporter of the US military and Coalition forces.



I just hope we don't see Saddam Hussein driving around on the California freeway in a white Bronco for weeks. Or hear how he didn't technically kill anyone by exact definitions.

 

[Guest]

Ha ha, Phil. I was waiting for panty liners to hit this thread.

Perdita

 

[raphy]

Ha ha, Phil. I was waiting for panty liners to hit this thread.

Perdita

Literally?

 

[Guest]

Clarification

 

[A7inchPhildo]

http://www.ampland.com/humor/03/1226.jpg

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I think the trial will be entirely government sponsored. So we'll have ads for the Department of Homeland Security ("Fear: It's Something We Can Live With"); Department of Defense ("Is there an America in Your Future?"); and the administraion ("The Best Government Money Can Buy")

---dr.M.

 

[MathGirl]

George Carlin's line:

"We're gonna fuck ya now, Saddam. An' we're gonna fuck ya real slow."
MG
Ps. A7: Isn't that a young Luciano Pavarotti?

 

[pop_54]

Ha!!!

What the fuck, I thought we were told they killed him on the first day of the war, couldn't have killed him quite enough by the looks of it. Temporary death maybe, then they seriously injured him later in the war didn't they, 'OK folks he's a gonner', Umm maybe not though.

Identified him by DNA they claim, how do they know this, he had more doubles than he had hot dinners, could still be one of them, DNA and all.

He's had a fair trial though so he can't moan.

 

[Guest]

Re: George Carlin's line:

Isn't that a young Luciano Pavarotti?

No, Maths. That's Lucky Luciano, but he's really dead. Oh, you mean the tubby opera divo, yeah, you're right.

Perdita

 

[Guest]

.

 

[Dirty Slut]

I don't understand why everyone wants to kill Saddam.

Personally, I think he should get life in a US Prison. Just think what the butt slammers would do to him there, and for the rest of his life, too.

DS