Pity sex

[policywank]

I think that the key consideration for me would be the impact on the other person beyond physical pleasure.

I have had sex with men for what I would call reasons of empathy if I was quite sure that they understood the context, were entering into it in a good frame of mind and wouldn't likely have negative feelings about it later. However, I don't wish to get caught up in semantics but I don't see that dynamic lining up with the word "pity" because I don't think people really want to be pitied. Even if they do in the moment it is quite likely to lead to emotions of negativity and insecurity later.

I recall an older gentleman who had gone through a rather difficult break-up. He knew me and he knew I was in a non-monogamous relationship with no intent of ever leaving my husband or getting deeply involved with another man. He also had a good perspective on himself and was in a head space to just let loose. I would not normally have been interested, but his emotional state (stable but vulnerable) nudged me into bed with him. We had sex a few times, enjoyed each other's company then he moved on.

I also remember a rather anxious young man who had also gone through a difficult break-up. But he was clingy and a bit desperate and vacillated between trying too hard to woo me and begging for attention. I found it all unsettling and unattractive. While I was briefly tempted to take pity on him I realized it would lead to no good. He would get crushed all over again when he realized that it was just a pity fuck.

 

[dolf]

I agree about the term. Perhaps the term "suffering" wasn't appropriate, but I think people understand what I was trying to say.

But I don't agree about the questionable ground here. Why do you even compare my relationship with that man (or pity sex in general) to Boss/employee , Dr/patient, Teacher/ student, etc?

It's just one person who needs sex and another who is willing to satisfy that need without being interested sexually.

If we reverse the genders, nothing changes either, unless you believe in some kind of patriarchy and see women as incapable of deciding about their own bodies.

No, I believe we live in the patriarchy and so people frequently fail to acknowledge that men can also be victims of inappropriate sexual behaviour.

Of course you don't agree about it being questionable moral ground. But it is.

Your use of the word "suffering " combined with your "pity" sums your attitude up perfectly. I think a lot of people understand exactly what your attitude is.

You're not the Saint of neglected boners, you're someone who doesn't think through all the possible ramifications, and refuses to reflect upon their own behaviour.

 

[dolf]

Foranyonewhocan'tbebotheredtolook,

24 years. When I was 43, I had a relationship with a 19 year old man who had learning disabilities.

I published my story on Literotica: Helping Johnny

Your story reads like NAMBLA propaganda.

 

[JohnnySavage]

As surprising as it may seem that I've never been offered pity sex, I want the record to show that I'm not the Johnny that was Helped in the sex offender's story.

 

[HMILF]

I also remember a rather anxious young man who had also gone through a difficult break-up. But he was clingy and a bit desperate and vacillated between trying too hard to woo me and begging for attention. I found it all unsettling and unattractive. While I was briefly tempted to take pity on him I realized it would lead to no good. He would get crushed all over again when he realized that it was just a pity fuck.

You did the right thing. If you had gone further, he would have probably interpreted it as a sign of having feelings for him. And if you had told him straightly that you are doing it merely out of pity, he could have felt even worse.

Pity sex only makes sense of it helps the person who receives it to improve the bad conditions which have created the need for pity, enables that person to have better relationships, and vanishes the need for pity over time. If the purpose is something else, the sexual relationship can't be out of pity. It would be some kind of abuse.

 

[HMILF]

As surprising as it may seem that I've never been offered pity sex, I want the record to show that I'm not the Johnny that was Helped in the sex offender's story.

I attest that you are not the Johnny in question!

But why should people offer you pity sex? And why you call it "the sex offender's story"?

 

[HMILF]

Foranyonewhocan'tbebotheredtolook,


Your story reads like NAMBLA propaganda.

And your words reads like Nazi propaganda (which advocated sterilizing the people who had learning disabilities) or nurse Ratched's way of thinking at best.

I clearly wrote that he was mature and responsible enough to have sexual relationship. It's inhumane to treat people who have learning disabilities (at least the one's who are able to develop beyond a certain level) like children for all of their lives.

If you have any more comments about this issue, please post them elsewhere, this thread is about something else.

 

[dolf]

And your words reads like Nazi propaganda (which advocated sterilizing the people who had learning disabilities) or nurse Ratched's way of thinking at best.

I clearly wrote that he was mature and responsible enough to have sexual relationship. It's inhumane to treat people who have learning disabilities (at least the one's who are able to develop beyond a certain level) like children for all of their lives.

If you have any more comments about this issue, please post them elsewhere, this thread is about something else.

If he hadn't had Down's, the scenario you paint is skeezy.
Hell, I felt the need for caution when I first got together with my partner, and he was in his late 20's. The age difference and gap in life experience were definitely something that needed considering.

You wail about people like him not being allowed love by society, yet he later finds his own girlfriend. As do huge numbers of people with Down's.
Someone with ethics would probably have directed him to one of the many specialist dating agencies that cater for the learning disabled community and offering mentoring without sucking them off.

You got off on feeling like someone's saviour, on feeling attractive to a teenager, and on taboo.

 

[Fingerfuxs]

I wouldn't mind having pity sex but my partner should be honest about it. For me it would just be a reason like many others to have sex when it is not out of love. When it is consensual for both it is ok.

I would agree , that’s the ingredients for friends with benefits. A American slang term.

I pity the fool , is also a slang term , American…lol

Google it

 

[46n2]

I would never ever take pity on someone else - through sex.

There could not possibly ever be a worse thing for me to do than that.

You don’t ever have Sex with someone, out of pity. And if you do? Yer not helping anything. You are pretty much just throwing sugar on a bunch of ants that would like to devour whatever’s beneath it.

Do not do that. Ever.

 

[HMILF]

I would never ever take pity on someone else - through sex.

There could not possibly ever be a worse thing for me to do than that.

You don’t ever have Sex with someone, out of pity. And if you do? Yer not helping anything. You are pretty much just throwing sugar on a bunch of ants that would like to devour whatever’s beneath it.

Do not do that. Ever.

Sometimes some people may need some confidence, encouragement or education in sex. You can offer them what they need by sex. If you do it right, they can improve their relationships and sex lives after it.

Such a sex is not a replacement for a healthy relationships and sex, but merely a help for reaching them.

 

[oneblueye]

hey...

As difficult as it was for me to find and get sex from a girl as I was growing up, there ain't no way I would EVER turn sex down I don't give a shit what the reason was for getting was, pity, whatever, I was HELL YEAH!!!. Right now, right away!!! Giving or getting, if there was a chance I was gonna bust one---HELL YES, AND GET THE HELL OUT THE WAY!

 

[Big4Wheeler]

Having sex with someone your not attracted to out of compassion yes I completely agree with that.

But pity sex no no no

It is a thin line though. It needs a lot of selfknowledge for the one ' giving ' why he or she does have sex if not attracted to that person. If the one ' receiving ' doesn't feel it that way or maybe doesn't care it is only up to the mind of the giver. For mentally challenged people it very much depends on the level they can relate and put themself into the mind of the non challanged. From my perspective though many abled people misjudge the abilities of the mentally challanged. Often they know very well what they want, can and the reason abled people do what they do.

 

[yorker85]

I was on a trip and a female friend let me crash at her house. It was platonic, just a place to shower and sleep in an extra room. I knew she was having issues with her boyfriend so she was in a delicate state. I let her talk to me and tried to keep her in a positive way. The last night we had a couple drinks and she confided in me that she was a little upset I hadn't made a pass at her. I told her that I didn't want to screw with her head any more than her boyfriend had. She told me it would be ok. We ended up spending the night in her bed. I went down on her and gave her a few orgasms. Then we cuddled and fell asleep. It wasn't about my orgasm at all. It was about helping out a friend who needed some attention and contact. We are still friends and she is still with the same guy since he finally got his shit together. We don't talk about that night.