Pitfalls to avoid

[nightwhitesatin]

I was not sure if I should start a new thread or not cym, but here goes. What are some of the pitfalls to avoid when trying to find your first dom/me? And a question that seems kind of silly, but if you think you have found someone how do you tell?, since I assume there is not a big neon sign above his head?

 

[fallon2]

Communication

Communication and lots of it as well as listening are two important ways to find what you are looking for. Don't rush into anything if that is possible. I am sure that there are other important things as well but through communication and listening you will eventually find the right person. Good luck!

 

[Richard49]

Re: Communication

Communication and lots of it as well as listening are two important ways to find what you are looking for. Don't rush into anything if that is possible. I am sure that there are other important things as well but through communication and listening you will eventually find the right person. Good luck!

I agree with this.....

After you find someone yu think you like....arrange a nice play session ...with lots of limits....move slowly......

One of the few nice things about online is you can play a little via cyber and see what you feel

Just be honest with the Doms and pray they will be with you.

Richard
Dom in Michigan

 

[Sex & Diamonds]

Go real slow. Make sure you trust Him/Her first.

Lots and lots and lots of talking first.


Good luck

 

[MissTaken]

In order to avoid pitfalls, it is important that you know what your limits are before being able to communicate them. Read, ask and learn as much as you can about yourself and BDSM, then move towards incorporating D/s into your lifestyle.

Be wary of on line contacts, as you would if you were meeting any friends on line. Alert yourself to inconsistencies in your communication. If you think he isn't being truthful with you, then the relationship is a no go. Communication must be honest from the beginning.

A true Dom is going to want to know who you are as much as or more than what you are willing to do. Until you trust him, dont' share too much identifying information.


Also, be sure to like the person you are with, not simply what He does to dominate you. As with any sexual relationship, for it to work, it has to be based upon more than just sex.

Oh hell, read WriterDom's Online Predator thread first....

I just realized I was hitting on some of His points.

Avoid Doms who try to Dom from first contact. They aren't necessarily genuine in their interest in you as a person. They are more interested in you as a sub.

Ummm Doms are not bad! They are wonderful....but caution must be used anytime we seek an SO on line or off, regardless of sexual preferences

Good Luck and take care,
Miss t

 

[cymbidia]

nightwhitesatin?
You can start any kinda thread you like in here. If no one else wants to talk about it, whatever it is, you'll know soon enough. (That happens to ALL of us, by the way.)

And how to find a good Dom/me?

Wow.
I feel like i've typed out a zillion words on that very thing over the last almost-year.

We've got a bunch a threads on that in this forum already, and we're not that old. Have you done a SEARCH using "find good Dominant" or "personals BDSM" or "BDSM partner find" as the parameters?

Also, and i hesitate to even suggest this, but there's LOT of material on this subject in the Mother thread. Go and seek there, if you're strong enough.

Come back with more specific questions. "How do i find a good Dom/me" means, to me, that you're unsure of where to begin, that you perhaps haven't yet completed the kind of intensive self-reflection that's necessary if you going to be able to find someone who suits your needs, needs you'll have to be able to articulate to that Dominant BEFORE any play begins.

Find a good Dominant who suits what you need to give and get. The most accomplished Dominant in the world, if their needs don't mesh well with yours, isn't going to be "good" for you. You have to know what you're looking for to have any hope of finding it in another person, don't you?

Once you find someone who might be right for you, talk A LOT before the play begins. Talk limits and fears and shivery places of fantasy and needs and desires and hopes and nightmares. Be open. Be honest. Be real. You won't gain anything - and you'll end up hurting yourself and your Dominant - if you're less than that.

Try to avoid online play unless you have to do it for some reason because it'll wire your brain into the quick, easy, sanitary version of BDSM... and real play is never BDSM lite the way it is in online chatrooms. With real BDSM play, one sweats and farts and squeaks and spits and every single second of it is incomparably more wonderful than any online BDSM could possibly be, in its wildest imaginings.

In the end, go with what your heart says is right.

If you get hurt down the road for being so open, well, so be it. One gets nowhere in life by being tightly closed. Especially in the BDSM game of bodies, souls, hearts, and spirits, one can get tremendously hurt, and hurt someone they care for, by being less than open.

 

[nightwhitesatin]

pitfalls to avoid--thank you

Thank you all for the wonderful advice. It is very helpful.

 

[pierced_boy]

Er again

.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Wonderful and comprehensive answer cymbidia.

There is not much more to say!

But I will jump in with My two cents and suggest that the submissive does not try to be what they think the Domme wants them to be when they are looking for their magic.

If you become wrapped up in what you think they are looking for you often lose yourself without even realizing it.

Never settle for less than you need and always rememember that submission is just as powerful as Domination. One holds no value without the other.

 

[FdiskIt]

This is a helpful thread.

I am new to this board. I do not usually post on boards. My wife and I are starting a Dom/sub relationship and I found this board searching for info on the life style. The threads like this give me the information I need to make this life style work without damaging my mariage or hurting my wife. So thank you for this thread it is very helful reading the opinions and info found within.

 

[arcticfox]

Wonderful and comprehensive answer cymbidia.

There is not much more to say!

But I will jump in with My two cents and suggest that the submissive does not try to be what they think the Domme wants them to be when they are looking for their magic.

If you become wrapped up in what you think they are looking for you often lose yourself without even realizing it.

Never settle for less than you need and always rememember that submission is just as powerful as Domination. One holds no value without the other.

Wow, that spoke to me too...
Shadows, you come up with some good stuff
See 'curious and poised on the brink' - your answer is really pertinent to that, ta....(sorry! I know this is about nightwhitesatin not me, but I thought a bit of cross-referencing could be helpful...)
fox

 

[nightwhitesatin]

This thread is about anyone who has questions or needs advice. I tried somewhat unsuccessfuly maybe to post a question that would help many like me who are searching for answers to the million questions they have about this lifestyle and possibly moving into real time at some point. Anything that gets posted here has the potential to help someone or answer a question they did not know how to ask. So, articfox post away and I agree with you, shadowsdream's post was profound.