Pimping with Buddha

[Marquis]

The Wisdom of the Monks

Monks did a similar piece of Sand Art at my University one year, and I was hypnotized by the philosophy behind it.

It is an idea that I have applied to many areas of my life, but none so much as pimping.

People often ask me:

Marquis, how is it that you're such a fucking pimp?

How did you get to be so smooth with the ladies, you ain't that motherfucking pretty you cocky sonofabitch?

The truth is, I was pimping when I was a fat boy. You could put me in a wheel chair tomorrow and I'll still be pimping my ass off.

You see, it's quite simple. The key to not being insecure is to be ok with ALL of your options.

The insecure man approaches a potentially embarassing social situation, like hitting on a female in a public location and begins to consider all the horrible possibilities that can happen. She could be totally interested, but of course she might not be interested and you'll have to take the walk of shame back to your seat feeling like everyone is watching you. Could be she'll be nice about it, or could be she'll laugh in your face. Could be she won't even notice you and you'll be completely ignored.

The insecure man tries to have an answer for every obstacle and doesn't make a move until he thinks his probabilities for success are very high. The truth is though, you are not truly free until you don't give a fuck what happens. The key to being a pimp is not avoiding rejection, but reveling in it.

Last time I went out with a wingman, he kept fucking up my game by acting too desperate. So I gave him instructions. He was to hit on a a beautiful girl with the best game he had, then intentionally fuck it up somehow. Say something that is sure to turn her off and maybe even get a slap in the face if possible. Only with the acceptance of failure can we ever truly focus on being successful. You can have a body of steel and a mirrored smile. You can have the brain of Einstein or the money of Trump, but confidence is unanimously accepted as a person's most attractive quality. We've all met the moron who always had a gorgeous babe, the starving artist who has to beat them off with a stick and the ugly motherfucker who's suaver than James Bond. Ask a smoking babe what she sees in her butt ugly boyfriend and you'll hear something like "I don't know, he's just sexy". I can tell you from my own experience that nothing impresses a female more than approaching her like you don't give a fuck what her response will be.

This goes for relationships too. I think people often lie, feeling it is a necessity until they have built the equity of trust in which they can reveal their true selves. However, these people are not accepting the fact that you're better off telling the truth, always, and accepting you will lose MANY potential mates over it. But then, the ones you do get, you never lied to! They know exactly who you are, and more importantly they should and will trust you because you never attempted to misrepresent yourself. It is my belief that in order to be truly happy in a relationship, you have to be prepared to end it at any time.

Life without risk is the cousin of death.

 

[jasonlf]

Wow, I get the feeling I need to be taking notes.

 

[Quint]

Brilliant analogy. Very nice.

 

[Killishandra]

Wow, I get the feeling I need to be taking notes.

*passes out pen and paper*

He has a point about confidence being very attractive in a potential partner.

Of course, some people walk that thin line between confidence and arrogance....

 

[Volz]

*passes out pen and paper*

He has a point about confidence being very attractive in a potential partner.

Of course, some people walk that thin line between confidence and arrogance....

No confidence can be a deal-breaker for me. I don't want to be with someone who is obsessing about what others think of them or obsessing about rejection.

And I agree with Killishandra. Arrogance is BAD. I hate a man/woman who is too cocky for their own good.

 

[Marquis]

Arrogance is confidence undeserved.

 

[graceanne]

This reminds me of something I noticed when I was in highschool. One day I was watching one of the 'popular' girls flirt with someone, and I realized that she wasn't actually that pretty. She needed braces, and the color she had dyed her hair wasn't attractive to her face. And yet, she never wanted for male attention. So I got to wondering what she had that I didn't, and I figured it out - she had a hell of a lot more confidence. So I learned to fake confidence. No, I didn't get more boyfriends, but since I wasn't looking for them, that was ok. But I did start making friends, cause people are attracted to confident people.

 

[Aeroil]

lol.... what does this mean for me, I wonder, I barely have any confidence IRL, except in specific areas, and my people skills isn't one of them.

 

[Marquis]

lol.... what does this mean for me, I wonder, I barely have any confidence IRL, except in specific areas, and my people skills isn't one of them.

The reason you have confidence on this board is because you're not embarassed to be a submissive assfuckee.

Think of the mandala my boy.

 

[curiousjen]

I am attracted to people who are quietly confident. The kind of person who doesn't impose their own agenda on the group all the time, but those who, when you ask them a question will know and be sure of themselves and their answer. I tend to fall head over heels for the kind of person who doesn't say an awful lot but when they do, the room turns their heads and listens. There is often a small silence after they finish talking, or a loud laugh.

My husband is a lot like that.

I try to be one of those people, but mainly I gabble and jitter.

Sigh.

Genuine confidence is something I aspire to, achieve sometimes, but more often fail miserably. I would love that don't give a fuck attitude that marquis describes but sometimes I feel that its precisely the fact that I do give a fuck that makes who i am and helps me care about others. I'm not sure if i want to lose that, although it does seem that people who don't give a fuck have a lot more fun.

 

[Aeroil]

The reason you have confidence on this board is because you're not embarassed to be a submissive assfuckee.

Think of the mandala my boy.

and the joys of it too....

 

[Marquis]

I was heavily involved in competitive debate in high school and I noticed something. Given the skill level of the debaters being fairly even, 9 times out of 10 the winner is the one who believed in what he/she was speaking about.

Food for thought.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I was heavily involved in competitive debate in high school and I noticed something. Given the skill level of the debaters being fairly even, 9 times out of 10 the winner is the one who believed in what he/she was speaking about.

Food for thought.

That is very true...usually if a person fully believes in what they think, or is passionate about a particular topic or issue, they can manage to not only get others to listen, but manage to get them to think as well. It does not necessarily mean that person is not open to having their own mind changed though if another can present a plausible enough reason for them to do so. As for fear, it is what limits most people from acheiving their full potential in life..and what is morew frustrating is that in giving something a try they have nothing to lose, but a whole lot to gain. As the saying goes, "To live your life in fear is live only half a life".

Catalina

 

[Marquis]

That is very true...usually if a person fully believes in what they think, or is passionate about a particular topic or issue, they can manage to not only get others to listen, but manage to get them to think as well. It does not necessarily mean that person is not open to having their own mind changed though if another can present a plausible enough reason for them to do so. As for fear, it is what limits most people from acheiving their full potential in life..and what is morew frustrating is that in giving something a try they have nothing to lose, but a whole lot to gain. As the saying goes, "To live your life in fear is live only half a life".

Catalina

Kind of analogous to the last sentence of my first post, eh?

 

[TaintedB]

That is very true...usually if a person fully believes in what they think, or is passionate about a particular topic or issue, they can manage to not only get others to listen, but manage to get them to think as well. Catalina

I agree with this and I think that you have to carry it further, you also have to show passion toward certain people, someone who matters to you or someone you think or hope will matter to you.

Marquis, I think this part of what you wrote: "I can tell you from my own experience that nothing impresses a female more than approaching her like you don't give a fuck what her response will be." might apply to a lot of women or even men (if you're a woman) but I personally find it to be annoying game-playing that wastes a lot of precious time and is often the opposite of honest. When someone acts that way toward me I think, "fine, go act like you don't care around somebody who'll lap it up, I don't need this crap." And I exit stage left. But if someone shows that they are actually interested in me, passionate about me, or at very least intrigued, I will often fall all over them. I see an ability to openly show an interest in someone as a sign of your own confidence and the assumed air of indifference a sign of the opposite. Wouldn't it be fairer to say that different women require different approaches?

edit: The sand-painting destruction thing was a Native American tradition too, at least among the Iroquois.

 

[Marquis]

I agree with this and I think that you have to carry it further, you also have to show passion toward certain people, someone who matters to you or someone you think or hope will matter to you.

Marquis, I think this part of what you wrote: "I can tell you from my own experience that nothing impresses a female more than approaching her like you don't give a fuck what her response will be." might apply to a lot of women or even men (if you're a woman) but I personally find it to be annoying game-playing that wastes a lot of precious time and is often the opposite of honest. When someone acts that way toward me I think, "fine, go act like you don't care around somebody who'll lap it up, I don't need this crap." And I exit stage left. But if someone shows that they are actually interested in me, passionate about me, or at very least intrigued, I will often fall all over them. I see an ability to openly show an interest in someone as a sign of your own confidence and the assumed air of indifference a sign of the opposite. Wouldn't it be fairer to say that different women require different approaches?

edit: The sand-painting destruction thing was a Native American tradition too, at least among the Iroquois.

We're talking about different things entirely. My point is that you can't take it to heart if things don't work out with another person, especially before you put any effort into them. I approach women very directly, and my friends often tell me that if I tried a more passive approach I'd likely get more positive responses. This is definitely true.

I could be a great liar if I wanted to be. I have no doubt that I could craft any number of approaches that would almost guarantee me success, for a while. I recall a spring break where my pickup line was to introduce my friend and ask whatever females I was talking to a "survey question".

I said he had a girlfriend who was on spring break as well and she told him that they were taking this week off from their relationship so they can experiment with other people. This hurt his feelings greatly because he just wants to be with her. I asked the girls what they thought he should do, and they played into it every time.

"Nah, that's fucked up, she doesn't love you, you gotta have fun, come with us!"

The whole story was fabricated of course, but these women weren't exactly long-term investments. More like day-trading (heh heh).

The truth is I'm more comfortable being myself. You don't have to remember anything when you're yourself and you can just speak about what you believe in. The "not caring" part comes in not caring if a girl rejects you when you ARE yourself. "not caring" isn't my game, it's who I am. On spring break I would pretend to care about whatever they fuck they were talking about (you like Smashing Pumpkins? I love to do that!), but in real life I don't have time for that shit.

If I am intrigued by a person I am not shy about expressing my opinions. I guess you could say I am more reserved than many others because I've had my heart ripped out of my chest and eaten by savage wolves. It's made me cautious, but I recognize that if I have any hope in fostering truly loving relationships I have to be willing to stick my neck out.

In fact, the two females I spend most of my emotional energy on break my heart a few times a week at least. But I know that if I am to be the leader in my relationships, I have no choice but to be tough. So I dust off my chaps and try again. Do I ever feel like sending them on their merry way and returning to an endless string of meaningless hookups?

Hell yeah! But I also know that nothing worthwhile in life is easy, and I hope that one day the confidence I do my best to instill in them is something I will be able to draw on in my weaker moments.

But even so, I can tell you that the only reason I am able to be strong enough to put up with this constant heartbreak is because I believe in us, and I have always been someone to fight for what I believe in. NOT because I'm scared to be alone.

 

[esclave_PP]

I have often, believe it or not, have had my confidence and comfiness in my own skin as perceived as arrogant. I'm not arrogant. I just know who I am, like who I am and go with it.

I can understand that a lot of folks out there aren't like that but no reason why they can't be. It took me a lot of time to get to this point in my life, but it feels really good to me to enjoy who I am, what I like, while still at the same time, being empathetic, but not being a complete pushover.

I think a good mixture of empathy and confidence, is a real winning combination. You have to have some amount of compassion, otherwise what is the point?

Now if the 2 people are in it just to have fun, fuck it -- have fun. But for relationships, there are 4 things that are really important: compassion, competance, reliability and honesty. Without those you don't have trust which is the foundation of any relationship.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I have often, believe it or not, have had my confidence and comfiness in my own skin as perceived as arrogant. I'm not arrogant. I just know who I am, like who I am and go with it.

I can understand that a lot of folks out there aren't like that but no reason why they can't be. It took me a lot of time to get to this point in my life, but it feels really good to me to enjoy who I am, what I like, while still at the same time, being empathetic, but not being a complete pushover.

I think a good mixture of empathy and confidence, is a real winning combination. You have to have some amount of compassion, otherwise what is the point?

I think for many it makes them question themselves to be in contact with someone who is comfortable in their own skin....and don't feel a need to apologise for it or who they are, just accept themselves...so instead of looking into themselves and working toward a similar place, fear takes over and attack and accusations rule the day. It is sad. I know when I was working as a DV counsellor, I was actually told I had to have a few sessions with their psychologist because it was unnerving the staff that despite the traumas I had going on in my own life at the time, and the fact they handed me the most difficult cases they didn't want to touch, I came to work with a smile and friendly attitude and managed to keep my personal issues (while still handling them) from influencing my work (which they admitted was excelling). That to them was very suspect behaviour....lol, the psychologist did not agree with them but told me she knew for a fact my boss was the most threatened by it and so as to keep them all happy we would have a few sessions whereby instead of her working on my head to get me to act the basketcase they thought I should be, she would use them to give me a few inside tips on how to appease their insecurity a bit and provide them with the security of thinking I was being 'fixed'.

Now if the 2 people are in it just to have fun, fuck it -- have fun. But for relationships, there are 4 things that are really important: compassion, competance, reliability and honesty. Without those you don't have trust which is the foundation of any relationship.

Have to agree with you.

Catalina

 

[esclave_PP]

What tips did they give you to help ease a person's insecurities? That is most curious! And good for you! I always like to read about people's successes with inner wrestling.

 

[Aeroil]

*sighs* sometimes I can get myself all worked up (especially online) and then I start saying stupid thoughtless things. That is what happens when I get too much confidence! I start thinking I can say anything and not offend anyone.....
It has happened here before, and it happened last night, sorry.....

 

[Marquis]

*sighs* sometimes I can get myself all worked up (especially online) and then I start saying stupid thoughtless things. That is what happens when I get too much confidence! I start thinking I can say anything and not offend anyone.....
It has happened here before, and it happened last night, sorry.....

Maybe you just need to get more comfortable with offending people.

 

[Aeroil]

Maybe you just need to get more comfortable with offending people.

haha...... I'm really not Marquis, and I don't want to be.

 

[TaintedB]

*sighs* sometimes I can get myself all worked up (especially online) and then I start saying stupid thoughtless things. That is what happens when I get too much confidence! I start thinking I can say anything and not offend anyone.....
It has happened here before, and it happened last night, sorry.....

I didn't see you doing that but I don't read all your threads. I do think people tend to take things too seriously online and don't understand that misunderstanding is par for the course here. I'm glad you are honest and ask me when you don't get some joke I play on you Aeroil, and don't just get pissed. I don't mind explaining when I've been too obscure.

 

[Caitlynne]

Arrogance is confidence undeserved.

And...


Arrogance is a tool to gain attention and approval from others. Condifence seeks nothing from others.

 

[Aeroil]

I didn't see you doing that but I don't read all your threads. I do think people tend to take things too seriously online and don't understand that misunderstanding is par for the course here. I'm glad you are honest and ask me when you don't get some joke I play on you Aeroil, and don't just get pissed. I don't mind explaining when I've been too obscure.

haha... well I can almost guarentee you I'm overreacting to last night, but oh well.....