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Guest
Guest
Could people send me pictures of nude women who they would like to appear in a story.
My address is veryfunnyxxx@hotmail.com
My address is veryfunnyxxx@hotmail.com
Veryfunny, you prove to me you are very funny and this isn't some scam and I will send you pics. I just took some of me and my new vibrator. So say some very funny stuff and you'll get your pics. I promise.
Mr. Neb, how coincidental. Whore and I are writing a story where we make so much money we have a freebie night where we give away pics, $100 bills and BJ's. Well just go ask her if you no believe me!
Mr. Neb, how coincidental. Whore and I are writing a story where we make so much money we have a freebie night where we give away pics, $100 bills and BJ's. Well just go ask her if you no believe me!
Magic Merlin
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 21, 2000
- Posts
- 1,013
Could pictures of very attractive women send me the original models...It would be very appreciated..
Nobody Special
Just call me Nobody.
- Joined
- Jan 27, 2000
- Posts
- 1,326
Deborah, does that offer go for anyone, about the pics?? or just to veryfunny??
Cause I've got some jokes that I was thinking about sending to Havacman, for his news letters, but hey willing to trade for pics tho
BTW these are jokes that he has not sent out or has in his posession, to my knowledge that is.
E
Cause I've got some jokes that I was thinking about sending to Havacman, for his news letters, but hey willing to trade for pics tho
E
Svedish_Chef
On Walkabout
- Joined
- Apr 26, 2000
- Posts
- 9,937
Angelique... try fitting yourself in a big box, failing that get someone to wrap you mummy style. If that doesn't work just tell Merlin to use some of that magic... cause for a magician he is pretty damn average!
Nobody Special, I don't think you could make me laugh if you stuck a French tickler up my ass, especially with you on the other end. But you go right ahead and try. If you do, you'll get the pic.
Mr. Neb, I didn't read the story yet but I will. I'm waiting until I'm in a really bad fucking mood, and I'm getting there. I'll let ya know ...
OK, here's a little joke. Whore and I are working on a whore story where we meet up at a convention of hardware executives.
Q: What do you call a hooker at a hardware convention?
A: A Black & Decker pecker wrecker.
Mr. Neb, I didn't read the story yet but I will. I'm waiting until I'm in a really bad fucking mood, and I'm getting there. I'll let ya know ...
OK, here's a little joke. Whore and I are working on a whore story where we meet up at a convention of hardware executives.
Q: What do you call a hooker at a hardware convention?
A: A Black & Decker pecker wrecker.
Awwww...Chef...I didn't know you cared! Your comment on Merlin being "average" has peaked my curiousity...tell me, exactly how do you know that Merlin is average? Does size matter that much to you?
I'm flattered that you feel a need to respond to my comments here lately!
Oh my, was I being sarcastic? My sincere apologies.
[This message has been edited by Angelique (edited 05-18-2000).]
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Guest
Guest
deborah i have emailed you a joke, i hope you like it and if you want more just ask for them
OK, Nobody Special and veryfunny, those jokes you sent me were veryfunny (yeah, right, I'm gonna have to teach you guys how to tell jokes) so you get a pic.
Mr. Neb, your story "Pussy House-1972" did make me teary eyed (crying not laughing) so you get a pic. I've written a couple sorority sis stories myself, so I know how difficult it is to convey just how horny the sisters are. What fraternity did you belong to? "I Felta Thigh" I bet.
MADDOG, you get a pic but not because of your joke. I didn't get it. Please explain. I'm blonde, OK? But you can't tell because I use Magic. You get a pic because you said I wear an adult diaper way over on that Greyghost thread. How did you know? ESP (Extra Sensitive Pussy)? In fact, I explain in my new story "Tornado Warning!" which hasn't been posted yet WHY I wear an adult diaper. Anybody want to guess why?
OK, guys, please don't be disappointed by the pic. I am not totally nekkid, but almost. Just skimpy cut-offs. I'm willing to negotiate for even less. But you got to be funnier!
Mr. Neb, your story "Pussy House-1972" did make me teary eyed (crying not laughing) so you get a pic. I've written a couple sorority sis stories myself, so I know how difficult it is to convey just how horny the sisters are. What fraternity did you belong to? "I Felta Thigh" I bet.
MADDOG, you get a pic but not because of your joke. I didn't get it. Please explain. I'm blonde, OK? But you can't tell because I use Magic. You get a pic because you said I wear an adult diaper way over on that Greyghost thread. How did you know? ESP (Extra Sensitive Pussy)? In fact, I explain in my new story "Tornado Warning!" which hasn't been posted yet WHY I wear an adult diaper. Anybody want to guess why?
OK, guys, please don't be disappointed by the pic. I am not totally nekkid, but almost. Just skimpy cut-offs. I'm willing to negotiate for even less. But you got to be funnier!
Sorry Deborah, that was a REALLY poor effort on my part. It's one of those intentionly stupid jokes that just make you piss yourself when you're to pissed to care. Like "Why did the man die?... Because a Fridge fell on him". Stupid yes, but so stupid that I usually lose it when I here it. (Both of those jokes were made even funnier by the fact that it was told to me by a guy with a speech impediment, and he thought they were the funniest jokes in the world.)
Here's one that will hopfully make you laugh. It won me $500 on a local radio contest.
Jenny was lying on her death bed with her husband Jake at his side. Tears rolled down his face as he watched his wife slipping away from life.
Slowly, Jenny opened her eyes and tried to speak. "Be still my sweet", said Jake. "Soon You'll be at peace". Jenny spoke painfully.
"No Jake. I must speak. I have something to tell you. I've done something terrible."
"Shhhh my love", said Jake. "Nothing you could say could change the way I feel about you".
"Jake, I have to tell you. I need to get it off my chest... Last month, when you were at work, I slept with your brother, your father, and your best friend".
Jake looked at her with a pained, yet loving expression on his face. "It's all right Jenny, I know all about it. Why do you think I poisoned you?"
MADDOG
Here's one that will hopfully make you laugh. It won me $500 on a local radio contest.
Jenny was lying on her death bed with her husband Jake at his side. Tears rolled down his face as he watched his wife slipping away from life.
Slowly, Jenny opened her eyes and tried to speak. "Be still my sweet", said Jake. "Soon You'll be at peace". Jenny spoke painfully.
"No Jake. I must speak. I have something to tell you. I've done something terrible."
"Shhhh my love", said Jake. "Nothing you could say could change the way I feel about you".
"Jake, I have to tell you. I need to get it off my chest... Last month, when you were at work, I slept with your brother, your father, and your best friend".
Jake looked at her with a pained, yet loving expression on his face. "It's all right Jenny, I know all about it. Why do you think I poisoned you?"
MADDOG
Now THAT was funny, MADDOG. At least I got it.
Maybe later today I'll teach you dudes how to tell jokes. Right now I have to run off to church and get worshipped. All "born again virgins" get to kneel before the priests and receive, well, you know.
Maybe later today I'll teach you dudes how to tell jokes. Right now I have to run off to church and get worshipped. All "born again virgins" get to kneel before the priests and receive, well, you know.
OK, ShyGuy, that was dang funny. Now, what do you want in return, a joke or a nekkid pic of me? Oh, I don't blame you, considering that in the only pic of me on Literotica (with my face) I have a moustache and goatee. Really. Damn good thing I got the Magic. And Madam said she had a boner for me. Really. And now that hot Latin tamale says she wants to sleep with me. Really. Talked about being genderfucked. I'm really confused.
OK, ShyGuy, here's your joke. If this don't make you laugh, you ain't got a funny bone, you are dead meat. Actually, this is a General Havoc joke, I am just going to make it funnier.
I'll be right back. I'm laughing so hard at your joke, ShyGuy, I have to pee. I'm off to the Ladies Room, 'er I mean Men's Room.
OK, ShyGuy, here's your joke. If this don't make you laugh, you ain't got a funny bone, you are dead meat. Actually, this is a General Havoc joke, I am just going to make it funnier.
I'll be right back. I'm laughing so hard at your joke, ShyGuy, I have to pee. I'm off to the Ladies Room, 'er I mean Men's Room.
ShyGuy68
The Dane with a cane
- Joined
- Mar 12, 2000
- Posts
- 24,395
deborah
Well that is a hard decision!! maybe both if I give you another joke?
Well here's another one anyway.
ShyGuy
The Fart
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him.
One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, "She'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this" so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he phoned his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk.
On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he thought he would walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered three extra large helpings of beans.
All the way home he farted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!"
She put a blindfold on him and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another fart coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the phone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned
and went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.
He had just started to feel better when another urge came on. He raised his leg and "rriiipppp!". It sounded like a diesel engine revving - and smelled worse. To keep himself from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate.
Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next 10 minutes, farting and then fanning each time with his napkin.
When he heard the phone farewells (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled "SURPRISE!"
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party....!
Well that is a hard decision!! maybe both if I give you another joke?
Well here's another one anyway.
ShyGuy
The Fart
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him.
One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, "She'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this" so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he phoned his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk.
On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he thought he would walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered three extra large helpings of beans.
All the way home he farted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!"
She put a blindfold on him and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another fart coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the phone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned
and went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.
He had just started to feel better when another urge came on. He raised his leg and "rriiipppp!". It sounded like a diesel engine revving - and smelled worse. To keep himself from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate.
Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next 10 minutes, farting and then fanning each time with his napkin.
When he heard the phone farewells (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled "SURPRISE!"
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party....!
Nicolle was on the right track with her "Umm ... Cock Size (Blushing)" thread. It's not how big that matters, it's the COLOR that counts.
-----------------------------------------
Guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My penis is orange."
Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange. Doc tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person's life."
Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, "How are things going at work?" The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago. The doctor tells
him that this must be the cause of the stress.
The guy responds, "No, the boss was a real asshole. I had to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I'm getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is really a great guy." So the doc figures this isn't the reason.
The doc asks the guy, "How's your home life?" The guy says, "Well, I got divorced about eight months ago." The doc figures that this has got to be the reason for all of the guy's stress. Guy says, "No. For years, all I listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that old bitch."
So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer.
The doc inquires, "Do you have any hobbies or a social life?" The guy replies, "No, not really. Most night I sit home, watch some porno flicks and much on Chee-tos."
----------------------------------------
I would post the pic of Chee-tos dick right here if only I knew how. Go to http://members.tripod.com/~sheerphallacy/
and look for the orange one.
-----------------------------------------
Guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My penis is orange."
Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange. Doc tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person's life."
Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, "How are things going at work?" The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago. The doctor tells
him that this must be the cause of the stress.
The guy responds, "No, the boss was a real asshole. I had to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I'm getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is really a great guy." So the doc figures this isn't the reason.
The doc asks the guy, "How's your home life?" The guy says, "Well, I got divorced about eight months ago." The doc figures that this has got to be the reason for all of the guy's stress. Guy says, "No. For years, all I listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that old bitch."
So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer.
The doc inquires, "Do you have any hobbies or a social life?" The guy replies, "No, not really. Most night I sit home, watch some porno flicks and much on Chee-tos."
----------------------------------------
I would post the pic of Chee-tos dick right here if only I knew how. Go to http://members.tripod.com/~sheerphallacy/
and look for the orange one.
ShyGuy68
The Dane with a cane
- Joined
- Mar 12, 2000
- Posts
- 24,395
Deborah.
What about this one?
Horse And Chicken In The Meadow
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.
The chicken runs to the farmer but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW 328i back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives forward saving him from sinking.
A few days later, the chicken and the horse were playing in the meadow again. This time the chicken fell in the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole." So he stretched over the width of the hole and said "grab my 'thingy' and pull yourself up."
And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW 328i to pick up chicks.
ShyGuy
What about this one?
Horse And Chicken In The Meadow
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.
The chicken runs to the farmer but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW 328i back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives forward saving him from sinking.
A few days later, the chicken and the horse were playing in the meadow again. This time the chicken fell in the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole." So he stretched over the width of the hole and said "grab my 'thingy' and pull yourself up."
And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW 328i to pick up chicks.
ShyGuy
