Pick your brain - word usage advice

[SandraMustard]

My hubby is driving this query but it's about something I wrote originally so I'll own it. Is this the right word to use?

He seemed so lost in thought that he hardly knew I was at his side. We left my house almost without speaking a word. He drove in the same stoic silence, so I asserted myself into his consciousness. “What’s troubling you, Woody?”

My hubby edits my writing extensively and the highlighted word is undoubtedly his. Most of the time, his thinks it's right because a synonym (announced) works if substituted; other times he thinks another word would work better but can't come up with one. For over a year, we've occasionally discussed this passage.

Any free suggestions or support out there?

 

[lovecraft68]

I think you want inserted

 

[sr71plt]

My hubby is driving this query but it's about something I wrote originally so I'll own it. Is this the right word to use?



My hubby edits my writing extensively and the highlighted word is undoubtedly his. Most of the time, his thinks it's right because a synonym (announced) works if substituted; other times he thinks another word would work better but can't come up with one. For over a year, we've occasionally discussed this passage.

Any free suggestions or support out there?

The problem word here is "into." It would be artful to write it asserted "in" in this construction. With "into," it should be "inserted," which is more the conventional for this phrase.

 

[Eroticalover1968]

I thought of inserted too. Inflicted sounds antagonistic. I might try "stole my way". It's a bit outside the box, but maybe?

 

[Handley_Page]

My hubby is driving this query but it's about something I wrote originally so I'll own it. Is this the right word to use?

Any free suggestions or support out there?

I would suggest "Interrupted"

 

[Hypoxia]

One asserts oneself. One may have an assertive personality. One may assert that some statement is true or false. But one does not assert INTO anything. And I doubt that I would want anything inserted into my consciousness. I would phrase your excerpt as:

He seemed so lost in thought that he hardly knew I was at his side. We left my house almost without speaking a word. He drove in the same stoic silence, so I interrupted his reverie. “What’s troubling you, Woody?”

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I think you want inserted

Youre right.

 

[RoyceConnors]

My hubby is driving this query but it's about something I wrote originally so I'll own it. Is this the right word to use?



My hubby edits my writing extensively and the highlighted word is undoubtedly his. Most of the time, his thinks it's right because a synonym (announced) works if substituted; other times he thinks another word would work better but can't come up with one. For over a year, we've occasionally discussed this passage.

Any free suggestions or support out there?

I would tend to look at the word 'myself' as the problem word, not asserted. You asserted yourself and broke into his thoughts/consciousness with your own questions about it, maybe. The action is incomplete and incorrect as you wrote it. You have to discern what it is your are asserting in him, as you yourself can't physically assert yourself into another, but yes, you can insert yourself into another.

 

[SandraMustard]

I think you want inserted

This is probably what I originally penned but we thought it sounded mechanical and sought to play on my speaking (announcing my presence).

The problem word here is "into." It would be artful to write it asserted "in" in this construction. With "into," it should be "inserted," which is more the conventional for this phrase.

Changing to "in" is one option we though of but we didn't list all our ideas in the original post. Yes, we wanted more artful than inserted.

I thought of inserted too. Inflicted sounds antagonistic. I might try "stole my way". It's a bit outside the box, but maybe?

Not bad, made me think of "spoke my way".

One asserts oneself. One may have an assertive personality. One may assert that some statement is true or false. But one does not assert INTO anything. And I doubt that I would want anything inserted into my consciousness. I would phrase your excerpt as:

He seemed so lost in thought that he hardly knew I was at his side. We left my house almost without speaking a word. He drove in the same stoic silence, so I interrupted his reverie. “What’s troubling you, Woody?”

This may be the winner - with a tweak: "interrupted his trance."

 

[Hypoxia]

This may be the winner - with a tweak: "interrupted his trance."

Yes, 'trance' is the right word. I was casting about for synonyms for mental fog / distraction / over-concentration, and 'reverie' inserted itself into my thought-stream. But 'trance' works great!

 

[Aynmair]

I suggest "insinuated" as an option ... "I insinuated myself into his conscience..."

 

[SandraMustard]

I suggest "insinuated" as an option ... "I insinuated myself into his conscience..."

Hey, I'm a country girl, not a literary gymnast. Asserted was a stretch for me.

 

[Dyslexicea]

I'm not sure that either asserted or inserted works.

If I assert such and such, it can't be with a question. "You're a jackass, Woody!" would be an assertion.

I'm sure technically inserted is a better choice but it doesn't really convey the meaning of what you're doing, which is to interrupt his thought process to get his attention. In my view, "so I inserted myself into his consciousness" doesn't work either. Inserting oneself into another's consciousness implies making yourself the focus of his consciousness, “What’s troubling you, Woody?” doesn't accomplish this. I think the problem is in the words "inserted myself into his consciousness" in combination with the question. I could surely insert myself into her consciousness with something crude like "Pull over to the side of the road and fuck me, Jessica!", which would surely set the focus of her consciousness on me.

I don't have a word for you, I wish I did.

 

[sr71plt]

Asserting yourself in someone's consciousness is just a matter of getting them to focus on you in their thoughts rather than blanking you out of them. It need not have anything to do with whether or not the sentence was in the form of a question.

 

[Jidoka]

I'll take a shot because I liked the word assert. I read it as a proactive attempt to sieze control.

He was lost in thought. So much so, that he didn’t even acknowledge I was at his side. We left my house without speaking a word and he drove in that same stoic silence, until the need to assert my presence into his consciousness overwhelmed me.

“What’s troubling you, Woody?” I [verb here, I would have chosen snapped, but I don’t know what mood you were going for].

 

[sr71plt]

Back to square one we go. You don't "assert" "into."

 

[Serafina1210]

You can fiddle with a clause like that forever and not get anywhere. Back off and ask what's really going on. He's bothered about something and ignoring her, and she doesn't like either of those things. Her "asserting" is about the second problem and her question is about the first. So--

He seemed so lost in thought that he hardly knew I was at his side. We left my house without speaking a word. He drove in the same stoic silence, so I decided to remind him I was there. “What’s troubling you, Woody?”

I deleted "almost" as a bonus revision.

 

[patientlee]

I think you want inserted

I know I do.

 

[RoyceConnors]

Back to square one we go. You don't "assert" "into."

Exactly. ty Pilot. to assert oneself is to put forth a greater effort. That isn't happening in the given sentence the right way. This grade 10 Eng. stuff.

 

[SandraMustard]

I know I do.

It's crowded here in the gutter today.

The mood was: Woody was troubled by a phone call from his former girlfriend just minutes before picking me up. I wanted to find out why he was silent.

 

[49greg]

I think you want inserted

I think inserted is good too.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

I really don't thing you do anything "into his consciousness". I would try this instead.

so I inserted myself upon his consciousness.

 

[Bramblethorn]

What about "I intruded into his consciousness"?

 

[FantasyXY]

How about...

"I asserted myself and wedged my way into his consciousness."

This way you are both being assertive and making your way into something.

 

[SandraMustard]

Some suggestions are getting far-fetched and losing the essence of the scene. As I desired, I received advice that boiled down to there are TWO words (assert and consciousness) that make using either clumsy. Thank you. I've chosen "interrupted his trance" as the most succinct way to convey my purpose for speaking up.