Physique and Dominance

[RJMasters]

just an FYI

I subscribe to the WC Fields school of exercise

whenever I feel the urge to exercise....

I lay down till the urge goes away....



ah yes, my little chickadee.....

lol

 

[FurryFury]

If I had the time to commit, I would still be running the thread in the cafe...You did a fine job in keeping your commitments and working out.

*dimples*

Why thank you very much, Sir!

*curtseys*

I love having someone to look after me that way. You did an excellent job of it!

Fury

 

[Evil_Geoff]

... I think I'm afraid of BIG guys and not in a good way. I think that is why I've never dated one. I can admire them but I think it would take even more trust to get naked and physical with them...

I'm 6'1" and mass around 250 lbs.

Be afraid. *weg* Be VERY afraid!

 

[BeachGurl2]

I think I'm afraid of BIG guys and not in a good way. I think that is why I've never dated one. I can admire them but I think it would take even more trust to get naked and physical with them.

Fury

And I think this is one of the reasons why I'm drawn to very big guys. Like Luna, I'm fairly small - 5'2" and about the same weight range. I tend to gravitate toward men who are 6' or above - my bf is 6'2" and around the 200 mark. While there can be a little bit of fear because they have the ability to do harm, I think for me it's more of a protected feeling. I somehow feel safer with someone who can literally wrap his body around mine.

I don't believe that size makes a man more or less dominant, though. I believe it's the whole package - confidence, intelligence, control, integrity, attitude. And ultimately, it's not about what's on the outside. It's about what's inside. No matter what someone looks like, unless you have trust and respect, there can be no dominance or submission.

There is an opposing question for you, though, RJ. Could you see a larger woman as submissive? If she were, say, 5'10" and was in the same weight range as the average man? Or are you drawn to women who are significantly smaller than you are because they seem more submissive? I think the original question about who is more dominant could easily be flipped to who is more submissive. Because in all honesty, the question implies that dominance and submission lie in the physical rather than the mental or emotional. And we've really had that discussion on other threads at other times - that dominance and submission both are a part of who you are regardless of how large or small you are.

Again, just my 2 cents added to the pot.


Edited to make Spectre happy. And because as someone with a degree in English, I should remember how to spell.

 

[SpectreT]

[rant]Damnit, this drives me batshit! Dominate is a verb! If you're looking for the noun for someone who does that verb, the noun is Dominant. Note the spelling - there'll be a pass/fail quiz later.

Most of the Internet will fail.[/rant]

To answer the original question, which I've answered in the past, though maybe not here...

Physical can be part of it, but is not required. I'm a pretty big guy - 6 feet tall in my bare feet (1.82 meters for the european audience), and around 323 pounds (146.5 and some change kilograms), so most women are smaller than me - if she's going to dominate me, it's going to be attitude and personality that carry the day for her.

From the dominant perspective, I'll use my presence, sure. It's not a super in shape bod, but it's not a pear-shaped bod, either. More like a barrel torso, and I'm quite capable of picking up and carrying a 220 pound man for a goodly distance, so my weight is not all flab. Knowing this is what gives me the presence. Damned if I know what gives me the charm I've been described as having.

As to men, D/S has always been an unspoken social thing rather than a sex thing - my actual sexual experience with my own gender is very limited, so I can't say much about it in that context. Some guys are clearly in charge, others follow me. I dunno how to explain it beyond that.

 

[FurryFury]

I'm 6'1" and mass around 250 lbs.

Be afraid. *weg* Be VERY afraid!

You're trying to scare me?

How could you?

*hides under bed, with lip trembling*

Fury

And I think this is one of the reasons why I'm drawn to very big guys. Like Luna, I'm fairly small - 5'2" and about the same weight range. I tend to gravitate toward men who are 6' or above - my bf is 6'2" and around the 200 mark. While there can be a little bit of fear because they have the ability to do harm, I think for me it's more of a protected feeling. I somehow feel safer with someone who can literally wrap his body around mine.

I don't believe that size makes a man more or less dominant, though. I believe it's the whole package - confidence, intelligence, control, integrity, attitude. And ultimately, it's not about what's on the outside. It's about what's inside. No matter what someone looks like, unless you have trust and respect, there can be no dominance or submission.

There is an opposing question for you, though, RJ. Could you see a larger woman as submissive? If she were, say, 5'10" and was in the same weight range as the average man? Or are you drawn to women who are significantly smaller than you are because they seem more submissive? I think the original question about who is more dominant could easily be flipped to who is more submissive. Because in all honesty, the question implies that dominance and submission lie in the physical rather than the mental or emotional. And we've really had that discussion on other threads at other times - that dominance and submission both are a part of who you are regardless of how large or small you are.

Again, just my 2 cents added to the pot.


Edited to make Spectre happy. And because as someone with a degree in English, I should remember how to spell.

We do have very different ideas on this then. See I think men are very focused, fairly simple and potentially dangerous creatures that should never been given things like guns or knifes for presents. The trick is to gently and subtly steer them onto what you can deal with them obsessing about, like not guns or knifes. For instance, I'm cool with them obsessing about sex and spanking!

*nods a lot*

That you feel protected by them is a new concept for me.

Me protected being by someone else, other than myself that would be a very new thing for me to think about.

Hmm.

*thinks on it, tries to wrap head around the idea, wanders off a bit dazed*

Fury

 

[SirFace]

Well, we are both above our "ideal" weights but I dont have any problem "handling" her when needed. We are going to both do the gym and some kind of diet this winter with goals. For health reasons only. it doesnt affect our sex life life.

 

[rbijon]

I am buff, fit, and do excersie. I can still run an Air Force mile in under 12 min., I say all this to point out that my Mistress, who is small compared to me, still holds my attention with a simple word or the wave of her hand. Like when She waves Her hand and says, "get to work pantyboy, and kiss my ass until I need you to stop!"

This is a case of size does not matter!

 

[SirFace]

You are very correct. I am very impressed. Given the proper "toys" to play with, most men would never think about weapons or sports for that matter.

You're trying to scare me?

How could you?

*hides under bed, with lip trembling*

Fury




We do have very different ideas on this then. See I think men are very focused, fairly simple and potentially dangerous creatures that should never been given things like guns or knifes for presents. The trick is to gently and subtly steer them onto what you can deal with them obsessing about, like not guns or knifes. For instance, I'm cool with them obsessing about sex and spanking!

*nods a lot*

That you feel protected by them is a new concept for me.

Me protected being by someone else, other than myself that would be a very new thing for me to think about.

Hmm.

*thinks on it, tries to wrap head around the idea, wanders off a bit dazed*

Fury

 

[FurryFury]

I am buff, fit, and do excersie. I can still run an Air Force mile in under 12 min., I say all this to point out that my Mistress, who is small compared to me, still holds my attention with a simple word or the wave of her hand. Like when She waves Her hand and says, "get to work pantyboy, and kiss my ass until I need you to stop!"

This is a case of size does not matter!

That's H-O-T!

Fury

You are very correct. I am very impressed. Given the proper "toys" to play with, most men would never think about weapons or sports for that matter.

Oh how I WISH that were true at my house! (The sports part.)

Fury

 

[rbijon]

That's H-O-T!

Fury



Oh how I WISH that were true at my house! (The sports part.)

Fury

Yes it is....

Nonetheless I think that YOU are hot Furry! ...and I have always thought that from the first time I read your stuff and leared at your lushish pix thread

you are very sexy....

 

[SirFace]

That's H-O-T!

Fury



Oh how I WISH that were true at my house! (The sports part.)

Fury

One of the things that makes me and C a perfect match. I (and her) do not understand the drive that some (many) people have to get pleasure from watching other people do something they are paid a ton of money to do.

Id rather do stuff myself and be happy with it than get happy over someone else doing something while I watch.

 

[FurryFury]

Yes it is....

Nonetheless I think that YOU are hot Furry! ...and I have always thought that from the first time I read your stuff and leared at your lushish pix thread

you are very sexy....

Why thank you very much!

*beams while blushing*



Fury

One of the things that makes me and Crazy a perfect match. I (and her) do not understand the drive that some (many) people have to get pleasure from watching other people do something they are paid a ton of money to do.

Id rather do stuff myself and be happy with it than get happy over someone else doing something while I watch.

I love that you two are enjoying each other on that boat and everywhere else!

Me too on the watching vrs doing thing. I prefer to do stuff damn it!

Fury

 

[SirFace]

Why thank you very much!

*beams while blushing*



Fury





I love that you two are enjoying each other on that boat and everywhere else!

Me too on the watching vrs doing thing. I prefer to do stuff damn it!

Fury

Thank you, I know we are probably making people sick with our adventures but we are having tons of fun and enjoy sharing it. I think we need a BDSM pics thread.

 

[rbijon]

Well I have not talked to you of late Fury, how are you and your stories doing? And what do you think has happened to that hot guy, who post those hot panty and ass shots?

I am just enjoying Lit tonight and lurk'n around!

 

[RJMasters]

And I think this is one of the reasons why I'm drawn to very big guys. Like Luna, I'm fairly small - 5'2" and about the same weight range. I tend to gravitate toward men who are 6' or above - my bf is 6'2" and around the 200 mark. While there can be a little bit of fear because they have the ability to do harm, I think for me it's more of a protected feeling. I somehow feel safer with someone who can literally wrap his body around mine.

I don't believe that size makes a man more or less dominant, though. I believe it's the whole package - confidence, intelligence, control, integrity, attitude. And ultimately, it's not about what's on the outside. It's about what's inside. No matter what someone looks like, unless you have trust and respect, there can be no dominance or submission.

There is an opposing question for you, though, RJ. Could you see a larger woman as submissive? If she were, say, 5'10" and was in the same weight range as the average man? Or are you drawn to women who are significantly smaller than you are because they seem more submissive? I think the original question about who is more dominant could easily be flipped to who is more submissive. Because in all honesty, the question implies that dominance and submission lie in the physical rather than the mental or emotional. And we've really had that discussion on other threads at other times - that dominance and submission both are a part of who you are regardless of how large or small you are.

Again, just my 2 cents added to the pot.


Edited to make Spectre happy. And because as someone with a degree in English, I should remember how to spell.

Fine post BeachGurl

In answer to your question, no I would not have a problem with a woman who was taller or even stronger than me.

Some years ago my answer might have been less sure, but I have come to learn that there is no way to "make" anyone submit. There in lies the secret in understanding why this truly is not a problem, for "Where the heart and the mind are, so the body will follow."

If a woman was submissive regardless of size or height, and she spent some time with me to get to know who I am as a person, chances are fair to middlin' she would feel safe and free to let her innerself surface. IMO this can be one of the greatest gifts a Domme/Dom can give to a submissive, a place which they feel safe and free to be who they are. There is no sense in quibbling about such things as she will either be comfortable with me or she won't. If comfortable, would anything louder than a whisper be needed to communicate my desire or command?

After preliminaries have been sorted, "rope" is the great equalizer regardless of gender, or size

I have never given to much thought as to my preference...I have gone out with girls in my youth and women who are taller, same size and smaller than me and it has never been an issue.

This was an interesting post to respond to, ty again.

 

[FurryFury]

Thank you, I know we are probably making people sick with our adventures but we are having tons of fun and enjoy sharing it. I think we need a BDSM pics thread.

I think you should and of course you are not making other people sick. It's beautiful and inspiring to see two people enjoying each other, IMO.

Fury

Well I have not talked to you of late Fury, how are you and your stories doing? And what do you think has happened to that hot guy, who post those hot panty and ass shots?

I am just enjoying Lit tonight and lurk'n around!

Let's take this to pm.

Fury

Fine post BeachGurl

In answer to your question, no I would not have a problem with a woman who was taller or even stronger than me.

Some years ago my answer might have been less sure, but I have come to learn that there is no way to "make" anyone submit. There in lies the secret in understanding why this truly is not a problem, for "Where the heart and the mind are, so the body will follow."

If a woman was submissive regardless of size or height, and she spent some time with me to get to know who I am as a person, chances are fair to middlin' she would feel safe and free to let her innerself surface. IMO this can be one of the greatest gifts a Domme/Dom can give to a submissive, a place which they feel safe and free to be who they are. There is no sense in quibbling about such things as she will either be comfortable with me or she won't. If comfortable, would anything louder than a whisper be needed to communicate my desire or command?

After preliminaries have been sorted, "rope" is the great equalizer regardless of gender, or size

I have never given to much thought as to my preference...I have gone out with girls in my youth and women who are taller, same size and smaller than me and it has never been an issue.

This was an interesting post to respond to, ty again.

Interesting, being a tall girl I like the sound of that.

My husband is a slightly shorter than I am. His wrists and hands look beautiful and delicate but he has such strength. His calves and arms are massive. I love to watch his body as he is moving those smooth expanses of skin with muscle working under them are hypnotic.

For me, rope isn't needed but I haven't had much experience with it. Were it applied like I saw at a demo that could be very different. For that matter if I could apply it that way it would be different. I'll have to work on that.

Fury

 

[SouthernDom]

I know that it is my mental strength, my will alone that allows me to dominate another. The look in my eyes, the timber of my voice, the subtle manipulation in my words. It is the strength a sub sees behind the muscle that makes it true domination. Without that kind of control you are not a Dom, just a tool. Like it was stated before, it is all about control, mental and physical, for Dom and sub. How can you control another if you cannot control yourself? How can you be controled without releasing it? That is mental, purely mental.

Exactly!


My Dominance comes from within.......not my outward appearance.

I have never used my physical size with a submissive partner in order to Dominate.

I will admit to using my size & strength to accent my Dominance by carrying her to the bed or picking her up and placing her in different positions as if she were weightless.........it has proven to be quite arousing to some sub partners from my past.

 

[BeachGurl2]

Fine post BeachGurl

In answer to your question, no I would not have a problem with a woman who was taller or even stronger than me.

Some years ago my answer might have been less sure, but I have come to learn that there is no way to "make" anyone submit. There in lies the secret in understanding why this truly is not a problem, for "Where the heart and the mind are, so the body will follow."

If a woman was submissive regardless of size or height, and she spent some time with me to get to know who I am as a person, chances are fair to middlin' she would feel safe and free to let her innerself surface. IMO this can be one of the greatest gifts a Domme/Dom can give to a submissive, a place which they feel safe and free to be who they are. There is no sense in quibbling about such things as she will either be comfortable with me or she won't. If comfortable, would anything louder than a whisper be needed to communicate my desire or command?

After preliminaries have been sorted, "rope" is the great equalizer regardless of gender, or size

I have never given to much thought as to my preference...I have gone out with girls in my youth and women who are taller, same size and smaller than me and it has never been an issue.

This was an interesting post to respond to, ty again.

I'm glad I could post something of interest, RJ. I've found that while I enjoy being with someone who is significantly larger than I am, that does not necessarily mean that I wouldn't or couldn't have an equally satisfying relationship with someone not that much larger than I am. I believe that both my submission and his dominance are just part of who we are, and that isn't determined by size or physical appearance but by who you are inside. Otherwise, it's not a very satisfying relationship, in my opinion.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I have hesitated posting to this thread because I feel the issue is nonexistent with regard to the size of a male.

I look at it this way, the bigger they are, the harder they fall to their knees.

Eb

 

[JMohegan]

If a woman was submissive regardless of size or height, and she spent some time with me to get to know who I am as a person, chances are fair to middlin' she would feel safe and free to let her innerself surface. IMO this can be one of the greatest gifts a Domme/Dom can give to a submissive, a place which they feel safe and free to be who they are. There is no sense in quibbling about such things as she will either be comfortable with me or she won't. If comfortable, would anything louder than a whisper be needed to communicate my desire or command?

I hate to sound like a shallow prick here, but for me this scenario is not realistic.... for the simple reason that I am not going to *try* to dominate a woman (in the D/s relationship sense) unless I find her physically attractive.

And if someone asks me the question: Do you find women attractive "regardless of size or height", my honest answer will be no.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

I hate to sound like a shallow prick here, but for me this scenario is not realistic.... for the simple reason that I am not going to *try* to dominate a woman (in the D/s relationship sense) unless I find her physically attractive.

And if someone asks me the question: Do you find women attractive "regardless of size or height", my honest answer will be no.

You know actually I find your answer quite refreshing and honest. I don't think it makes you sound like a "shallow prick" at all.

I know that there are some that look beyond outward appearances, but for most the physical beauty has to be there I think. I am "attracted" to a certain type of appearance myself. Not just anyone does it for me either.

 

[BeachGurl2]

I hate to sound like a shallow prick here, but for me this scenario is not realistic.... for the simple reason that I am not going to *try* to dominate a woman (in the D/s relationship sense) unless I find her physically attractive.

And if someone asks me the question: Do you find women attractive "regardless of size or height", my honest answer will be no.

While I won't be presumptious enough to think I know what RJ meant, I do know what I meant when I posted the original question about size to him. The question and response were geared more toward the stereotypical view of dominant men as larger than life figures - you know what I mean, superhero hunky types of men - and submissive women as small and fragile and in need of protection. The question to which RJ was responding was whether he would view a taller, larger woman as not submissive because of her size.

I agree with Dixie. I don't think your response was at all shallow. Like everyone here, I know what attracts me and what doesn't. So certainly, there are body types to which I am not at all attracted. Could I submit to someone I didn't find attractive? Of course not. But I also don't view dominant men or submissive women as a physical stereotype. My understanding of the original post was that the question was one of the stereotype of a Dom, to which I posted an opposing question about the stereotype of a sub.

 

[JMohegan]

You know actually I find your answer quite refreshing and honest. I don't think it makes you sound like a "shallow prick" at all.

I know that there are some that look beyond outward appearances, but for most the physical beauty has to be there I think. I am "attracted" to a certain type of appearance myself. Not just anyone does it for me either.

Thanks for this post, dixicritter.

While I won't be presumptious enough to think I know what RJ meant, I do know what I meant when I posted the original question about size to him. The question and response were geared more toward the stereotypical view of dominant men as larger than life figures - you know what I mean, superhero hunky types of men - and submissive women as small and fragile and in need of protection. The question to which RJ was responding was whether he would view a taller, larger woman as not submissive because of her size.

I agree with Dixie. I don't think your response was at all shallow. Like everyone here, I know what attracts me and what doesn't. So certainly, there are body types to which I am not at all attracted. Could I submit to someone I didn't find attractive? Of course not. But I also don't view dominant men or submissive women as a physical stereotype. My understanding of the original post was that the question was one of the stereotype of a Dom, to which I posted an opposing question about the stereotype of a sub.

Beachgurl,

The question you asked RJ was - "Could you see a larger woman as submissive?"

In responding (post 66), RJ seemed to address two slightly different, but related, queries. First, would he be able to dominate a larger woman, and second, would he want to. He responded with a yes to both.

My answers to the queries addressed by RJ are - no to both. But the only reason for my negative response to the first is the lack of interest reflected in my negative response to the second.

Hopefully, that clarifies the point of my post.

As for the stereotypes, of course they are nonsense. Look around at the various D/s pairings that exist, and that fact is easy to see.

 

[CutieMouse]

*random thought alert*

... why is it somewhat hotter for a submissive male to be big, tall, strong, buff, etc, and under the control of a feminine little thing, but it appears to be less hot for a submissive female to be taller, larger [pick your adjective], than her dominant?

I'd have no issue with submitting to a Lover with whom I saw eye to eye (literally), for I'm more interested in a man's mind, than his height; however, woe be to the man who expects me to give up my stilettos, just to prevent my towering over him.