Physical Discipline for Children - For or against?

[Livyatan]

I've come to realize that in the united states it is generally looked down upon to hit your child. It sometimes even results in jailtime.

But I was brought up in a south american country, where "go to your room" was never used. The idea is that if you send a child to their room, they get bored, but they don't correlate something thaa they shouldn't have done with something strongly unpleassant. I think its even more true now due to the fact that its common place for a child to have game consoles, computers and cell phones.

Care was always taken to never cross that line between discipline and abuse. As in all cultures and countries and eras, abuse DOES occur but its actually quite uncommon.

As a child who was spanked with a belt or flip flop or even diplomaticly pinched when making a scene in public, I am actually thankful of the way my discipline was handled. I don't resent my mother or my aunts or my grnadmother for having spanked me or anything of the sort. I actually think that if they had not and had chosen other methods they would not have been successful and I would not have learned my lesson.

How do you guys feel on the matter? Is physical discipline of a child acceptable or no? And please, explain why or why not.

 

[Saint Peter]

Smack the little fuckers.


Tell them Pete said it was alright to do so.

 

[Bert Notorius]

I've come to realize that in the united states it is generally looked down upon to hit your child. It sometimes even results in jailtime.

But I was brought up in a south american country, where "go to your room" was never used. The idea is that if you send a child to their room, they get bored, but they don't correlate something thaa they shouldn't have done with something strongly unpleassant. I think its even more true now due to the fact that its common place for a child to have game consoles, computers and cell phones.

Care was always taken to never cross that line between discipline and abuse. As in all cultures and countries and eras, abuse DOES occur but its actually quite uncommon.

As a child who was spanked with a belt or flip flop or even diplomaticly pinched when making a scene in public, I am actually thankful of the way my discipline was handled. I don't resent my mother or my aunts or my grnadmother for having spanked me or anything of the sort. I actually think that if they had not and had chosen other methods they would not have been successful and I would not have learned my lesson.

How do you guys feel on the matter? Is physical discipline of a child acceptable or no? And please, explain why or why not.

You obviously don't shop at Walmart.

 

[Livyatan]

You obviously don't shop at Walmart.

If I did, what would I witness?

 

[Wok]

Five across the face. Show them who is the boss.

 

[Bert Notorius]

If I did, what would I witness?

Walmart Shoppers?

 

[Johnny_Ray_Wilson]

If I did, what would I witness?

Other shoppers praying they could smack someone else's trouble making kid. Regardless of how much they are against physical discipline.

 

[njlauren]

I respect other people who use it but personally I think physical discipline is a lousy way to teach kids to behave. If it gets to the point that you need to hit the kid it means that somehow the kid was never shown appropriate boundaries and such and then the kid acts out. A lot of that IME is parents don't like to say no, they don't like the kid getting upset, or worse, when they say no, they do it on a power trip with the old caveat "because I said so" instead of showing the kid why or explaining it. Kids get out of control because it has been effective for them (like the kid in the store whining "I want this" or "I want that' , they do that because chances are the parent usually gives in).

The real problem I have seen is where parents get into a battle of wills with the kid, like getting into a power struggle with a three year old instead of being a parent. Parents seem to want to be the kids friend and be liked at all cost, instead of being a parent, and then when the kid reacts to this by blowing by boundaries and acting out, the parent then gets mad and uses physical punishment when it should have been nipped a while before.

The real problem is it doesn't teach the kid to respect others or themselves, it teaches them to fear the consequences of being hit. Plus it also gives the kid the idea that use of force is a way to solve problems effectively, it can be confusing to tell a kid not to hit others or solve problems with their fists, but then in effect you are doing just that. We never used physical punishment with our son, and he is now in his mid to late teen period and we have always gotten compliments on his behavior towards other kids and adults, so hopefully we did something right (on the other hand, I am sure he will be telling some therapist about his weirdo parents down the road *lol*)

 

[Johnny_Ray_Wilson]

Seriously, I am a disciplinarian at heart. My parents were disciplinarians and often used physical discipline in my early childhood to stress the importance of respecting both them and society. Most often, it was a last resort they hated doing. I was never abused. Ever. Most times it was because I really did something wrong that could have progressed into something worse. Sometimes it was to show me I should never let anyone run over me or back down simply because the odds seem to be against me. They used physical and mental discipline alternately, sometimes both, according to what they felt would make my brother and I better human beings. As a result, I had more freedoms and privileges than most kids did.

Rarely a day passes I wish I knew then how much they loved me as much as I see that now. In the end, their physical disciplining paid off. That is what often worked best in my case.

I believe most parents discipline their children in matters they feel will help their child be better prepared to fend for themselves when they become adults in the real world. No good parent wants to die thinking their child cannot fend for themselves. And, in their eyes, you will always be their innocent little child.

Bottom line is this: Most scenarios where a parent or mentor is seen as 'perceived' physical abuse, the parent/mentor is actually setting the stage for their child to do better and be more prepared for the real world than the parent/mentor has done for themselves.

 

[dirtwrench]

As a child, my mother used physical discipline as well as mental. I was NOT ABUSED, I was disciplined. Dad never raised a hand to me, but he did literally kick me in the ass a few times. Looking back from around age 15-16 on, I knew I never was disciplined when I did not deserve it.

When my own kids were young, they got a few smacks on the butt and I recall slapping one of them across the face for calling his mom a name. Now they are 21 and 18. Even today, they will argue a point, never crossing a line to disrespect their mom or others. I am quite proud of my boys.

They laugh about a situation where I yelled at a neice & nephew who were screaming constantly while their "parents" sat idley by and attempted to yell over their children to keep up a conversation. I yelled "ENOUGH". The two little ones shut up instantly and started listening. My kids, then 17 & 20, stopped dead in their tracks and waited to see what would happen next. Even at those ages they knew- don't fuck with Dad when he is pissed. Great thing was, it took my mother-in-law and brother-in-law months to speak to me again. To quote Charlie Sheen, "Duh. Winning."

 

[phrodeau]

I am in favor of physical discipline for your children.

 

[shoulderblade]

Against. Using physical dicipline only teaches children that big people can only control small people by beating up on them.

I had kids myself and and we decided that the only 'crime' which warranted a spanking was running out into the street without looking. We never had to use it.

 

[Mike_Yates]

Most of today's children are unruly brats who dabble in drugs, gangs and gang violence, crime, violence, sex, and so forth. Your average teenager has a long criminal record with several drug infractions before he/she graduates high school.

There is drug dealing happening on virtually every single high school campus throughout the US.

Herd mentality at it's worst...

It's a shame that heavy-handed parenting has been outlawed. Perhaps today's youth would be more proper and obedient.

 

[warrior queen]

I honestly don't know the correct answer here.
But I do know that this new-age parenting, where kids get 'lessons' instead of a quick smack, has resulted in a whole generation of kids who have grown up with absolutely no respect for either people or property, and who are of a mindset that somehow they deserve everything handed to them instead of having to work to attain.
In every Western country, you see teens (or gangs of teens) who are out doing whatever they please, whenever they please, terrorising their neighbourhoods, and with complete disregard for authority, including police.
Have we as parents, by giving our kids so much POWER, done an entire generation a massive disservice?
Where to from here?

 

[Mike_Yates]

http://img.over-blog.com/600x480/2/87/79/27/zit/todays_youth.jpg

 

[Cheyenne]

I am for it. Spankings will not actually hurt a kid physically. The kid will know that they did wrong though if they get a spanking. Worked for me when I was a kid, I do not consider myself abused because I got spanked. I know my parents loved me and were trying to raise me to be a good kid. They did well.

 

[Johnny_Ray_Wilson]

I honestly don't know the correct answer here.
But I do know that this new-age parenting, where kids get 'lessons' instead of a quick smack, has resulted in a whole generation of kids who have grown up with absolutely no respect for either people or property, and who are of a mindset that somehow they deserve everything handed to them instead of having to work to attain.
In every Western country, you see teens (or gangs of teens) who are out doing whatever they please, whenever they please, terrorising their neighbourhoods, and with complete disregard for authority, including police.
Have we as parents, by giving our kids so much POWER, done an entire generation a massive disservice?
Where to from here?

I do not think there is an absolute correct answer. Personally, I do agree wholeheartedly with what you say.

For the most part, I think the real source of the problem is that most people truly believe that whatever disciplinary methods they deploy is best for everyone else as well.

Difficult to actually put it into words.

For example: Take a fun event for everyone to enjoy at a city park. A family parks their car on a one-way street in the opposite direction on a street that also posts "No Parking" on the same street next to a ball field for the kids. Ignoring the parking lot provided for them because they are too lazy to walk to a sporting event. Nice kids they have. Well mannered, respectful of others, and all there to have a good time. No one doing drugs or booze right? No one appears to be upset.

Take the same scenario on the same street next to the same park. Someone comes along, abiding by the rules of driving on the one street and not parking there. They are aggravated because everyone else but them is ignoring the one-way street and no-parking law. They cannot drive down that one way street legally because others chose to ignore the rules of the 'no parking, one way street'. They decide to call the cops or complain to the family(s) illegally parked. Then the family parked illegally does not understand why someone else is offended and complains.

And why is the loving family offended? It is because they chose to ignore a law they feel does not apply to them because they are not doing anything wrong, except parking illegally the wrong way on a one-way street in the opposite direction.

Therefore, they have 'disciplined' their children to think the same way. And their children have been taught they have good reason to believe they have the power to do whatever they please, so long as they are not doing drugs or anything else wrong.

 

[Frizzle_Fry]

PT....both the dog whisperer and the US Army advocate strenuous corrective physical training as a disciplinary measure. An exhausted child is a well behaved one.

Hitting? nah...no need. If they don't want to listen to me when I say "Don't touch, it will burn you." I just let them figure it out on their own. Only takes one time.

 

[cum2ut]

I think a lot of it depends on the child as well. For example, when I got in trouble as a kid, all it took for me was my dad yelling & I never did it again. On the other hand, my younger sister had every type of punishment, time out, spanking, ect, & it never bothered her. She just did what she wanted when she wanted. My parents finally figured out that if she misbehaved, they took away all her toys & she had to earn them back one at a time. I'm not opposed to a spanking, but it has to be a last resort, otherwise they lose their power. My mom spanked for everything, & so that wasn't very scary to us. My dad, rarely spanked because he was beaten as a kid, so when he did it, you got one swat & (except my sister!) didn't do it again.

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

Smack the little fuckers.


Tell them Pete said it was alright to do so.

3 and under, yes, they have no reasoning skills.

After that age, I've never found any real reason to.

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

I honestly don't know the correct answer here.
But I do know that this new-age parenting, where kids get 'lessons' instead of a quick smack, has resulted in a whole generation of kids who have grown up with absolutely no respect for either people or property, and who are of a mindset that somehow they deserve everything handed to them instead of having to work to attain.
In every Western country, you see teens (or gangs of teens) who are out doing whatever they please, whenever they please, terrorising their neighbourhoods, and with complete disregard for authority, including police.
Have we as parents, by giving our kids so much POWER, done an entire generation a massive disservice?
Where to from here?

The Feral Human
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=773814

 

[Liar]

I belong to a generation which was the first to grow up in a country that outlawed that stuff.

The generation before mine, about 9 put of 10 were subjected to physical dicipline. In my generation, it was pretty much flipped to 1 out of 10.

Guess what, we didn't run out in the streets and get killed more, we didn't become hordes of spoiled, undiciplined and disrespectful brats (more or less than our parents had been at our age anyway), and no, society didn't collapse. Shows to me that individual anectdotes be damned, physical dicipline is not really nessecary.

Anyway, laws aside, my personal view is simple:
Physical dicipline is violence. Violence is failure.

But to err is human and failure happens to the best of us. If you recognise when you fail and vow to do better, I give you a pass. Every slap towards ones critters should come with a "bad parenting" mantra in the back of one's head, and a long and hard thought on how to avoid it in the future. If that doesn't happen, you go from being a good person who failed, to being a failure as a human being. No excuses, you just plain suck as a person.

It's always touchy business to tell people how to raise their kids. But this isn't really about that. It can be applied to any aspect of life.

 

[Wat_Tyler]

My mother balled her fist once and hit me right in the mouth for coming home drunk. I had it coming.


I learned to stay out later and come home after she had already gone to bed.


I dedicated my life of crime to that incident.


The Moral of the Story: don't get caught.

 

[Liar]

I honestly don't know the correct answer here.
But I do know that this new-age parenting, where kids get 'lessons' instead of a quick smack, has resulted in a whole generation of kids who have grown up with absolutely no respect for either people or property, and who are of a mindset that somehow they deserve everything handed to them instead of having to work to attain.

Yeah sorry, but no.

"Kids today" have always had "absolutely no respect for either people or property" in the eyes of the prior generations. Wanna guess what the oldies thought about you?

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

Yeah sorry, but no.

"Kids today" have always had "absolutely no respect for either people or property" in the eyes of the prior generations. Wanna guess what the oldies thought about you?

That I should be seen and not heard unless I wanted the razor strap...


They thought I was very well behaved.