Phallic SYMBOLS!! And other Pagan Humor

[Silverluna]

Advantages of Being A Pagan Chick.

(i didn't write this...i found it...and i thought i would share)

Good excuse to dance around naked outside.

All of your ex-lovers are terrified of you, and treat you very nicely.

Having big hips is a symbol of fertility, and therefore incredibly sexy.

Be honest.... deep down, haven't you always wanted to dress like Stevie Nicks??

We're the only ones that know how to get candlewax out of carpet.

Palm reading is a nice way to pick up guys. And the number one best thing about being a Pagan chick...

Two words: PHALLIC SYMBOLISM!!!

 

[AriaSilverfyre]

*giggles* Very nice, Silverluna. Blessed be.

 

[Black_Bird]

*Chuckles*

That, and you can pass off sex with your best female friend as goddess worship.

 

[Silverluna]

But wait...there's more!!!!

13 Ways to annoy a Witch

1. Borrow their eyeliner and then don't give it back.

2. Snicker when the fat ones go skyclad.

3. Step into that drawn circle and ask them what their doing.

4. Ask if they can wriggle their nose like in Bewitched.

5. Put on your best Judy Garland voice and ask "Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?"

6. Throw water on them and expect them to melt.

7. Take them to a Catholic Mass.

8. Turn their pentagrams upside down.

9. Cast that circle anti-clockwise.

10. Tell them the cat says it wants human sacrifices.

11.When one tells you that s/he is a Witch,tell them not to be so
hard on themselves. .

12. Worship the devil and call yourself a 'real witch.

13.Put fire wood around the maypole.


p.s.~ BB silverfyre

 

[Silverluna]

Just a few ways to tell if you're pagan...

You Might be Pagan If ...



When asked if you believe in God, you ask, "Which one?"

You know what "widdershins" means. You apply it.

You have an entire spice cabinet and you don't cook.
You know that laurel and bay leaves are the same thing.

When you're sworn in in court, you bring your own grimoire.

You know that there are exceptions to the laws of physics. You've caused them.

On Halloween, you yell "Happy New Year!" at passers-by.

You know that Christmas trees were originally pagan symbols.
That's why you bought one.

You have friends who say they are elves. You believe them .

You commit blasphemy in the plural.

Upon dying, your first thought is, "Darn it, not AGAIN."

When you say "Mother Nature," you don't mean it in an
anthropomorphic way.

You know that there is a right way and a wrong way to draw a pentacle.
You can explain the difference.

You talk to tree’s They talk back.

Painting yourself blue, spiking your hair, and dancing naked around
a bonfire sounds like large amounts of fun.

You've seen "The Craft." You know where they were making stuff up in "The Craft."
You have explained this to other people. You can do it better than
they did it in "The Craft." You know it's a load of crap.

You understand the symbolism behind a maypole.

You've ever ended a phone call with "so mote it be."

You consider unicorns to be an endangered species.

You commonly (and frequently accidentally) call the days of the week
by alternate names: Sunday, Moonday, Tyr's Day,
Woden's Day, Thurse Day, Frigga-Day, Satyr Day.

When someone says they have a headache,
you pull out White Willow Bark and a Crystal Healing Kit.

Your candles outnumber your light bulbs.

You feel inclined to dance around and/or jump over a campfire,
and keep piling wood on it because it's not a proper bonfire.

You really do wonder why the faeries keep hiding from you...
after all, you're one of them.

You keep getting mistaken by religious zealots for someone Satanic, or you are
directly called by these same zealots a "devil-worshipper" or some such.

You dislike the Christian Bible because it's "way too strict
for fun-loving people."

You constantly wonder why all the decent people in the world are in hiding.

 

[Chantal Marchon]

That reminds me of a bumper sticker I saw that is too funny--

Happy Naked Pagan Dance with naked silhoutes (sp?) dancing around-

I can't remember the4 name of the company that makes it though.

 

[Silverluna]

Cuddling with a goddess

*Chuckles*

That, and you can pass off sex with your best female friend as goddess worship.

"Why thankyou, yes Venus was my distant relative...."

 

[Silverluna]

Now for some inspirational crap!

Butt Prints in the Sand.



One night I had a wondrous dream,

One set of footprints there was seen,

The footprints of the Goddess they were,

But mine were not along the shore.



But then some stranger prints appeared,

and I asked Her, "What have we here?

These prints are large and round and neat

But much too big to be from feet."



"My child," She said in somber tones,

"For miles I carried you alone.

I challenged you to walk in faith,

But you refused and made me wait."



"You would not learn, you would not grow,

The walk of faith, you would not know,

So I got tired, I got fed up,

And there I dropped you on your butt.



"Because in life, there comes a time.

When one must fight, and one must climb,

When one must rise and take a stand,

Or leave their butt prints in the sand."



Author Unknown

 

[Raina]

LOL

One of my favorites:

What do you say to a pissed off witch?









Ribbit!

 

[Silverluna]

LOL

One of my favorites:

What do you say to a pissed off witch?



Ribbit!

heheeh....*will have to remember that*

 

[Silverluna]

Last one for a while...

Humour Spells

Do NOT attempt to do these!.



Spell to Fly.

(It is very important to follow these instructions in the order they are given!)

1) Go to the top of a large cliff.

2) Jump off.

3) Flap arms REALLY fast.

4) Check and make sure you brought a parachute in case of emergency.





Spell to Attract Lightning.

1) Cover yourself in metal: jewellery, chains, golf clubs, nails, nuts & bolts, hubcaps. etc.

2) Go out into a thunderstorm and hold a long TV antenna high in the air.

3) Wait.





A Spell to Make Time Fly.

1. Take your clock outside.

2. Hold the clock like a Frisbee.

3. Spin in a circle three times, then release the clock.

4. Watch time fly! Wasn't that fun!




Spell to Save on petrol.

1. Cut holes in floorboards of car.

2. Remove shoes.

3. While still seated, pedal feet really, really fast.

4. Scream "Yabba Dabba Do!"

Optional: Invite passengers to join in the fun!

 

[Never]

Well actually, there's no 'wrong way' to draw a pentacle.

 

[Silverluna]

very true. well i guess the author of this "thingy" seems to think so. anyhoo *hi Never!*

 

[Never]

You might be a pagan if..
When your Lit friends ask you what your fetish is you pull out a little wooden doll.

 

[Chantal Marchon]

You know your a pagan when- you have participated in a chocolate ritual with a room full of naked people on Beltane.

Yummy!

 

[RudeNastyAssBitch]

It's A Cloth Doll, Never.

 

[AriaSilverfyre]

those are great. Do share where you have found them. I've seen some good stuff in the humor section of www.wicca.com I believe.

 

[Silverluna]

those are great. Do share where you have found them. I've seen some good stuff in the humor section of www.wicca.com I believe.

http://www.angelfire.com/realm/white_witch/index2.html


here try this....That's the site....I love it. Pretty graphics and music always get me!

 

[Silverluna]

poppet info...not humerous...i think?

http://www.angelfire.com/realm/white_witch/witch/poppets.html

 

[HeavyStick]

random bump

 

[Never]

Mine's plastic RNAB.