Perspectives of men and women in relationships

[MissTaken]

Well, I was chatting with a friend tonight who said he feels women tend to overanalyze relationships.

Men are better at compartmentalizing them.

Is this true?

So, when you are involved, how much of your free time is spent thinking about your partner and the relationship?

Do you tend to dissect the relationship, thinking through the nuances, the planning, the things said and not said to try to find some hidden meaning?

Do you find people who do do this very annoying to be involved with?

The real question: What is the difference between how men approach and involve themselves in a relationship and how women do?

 

[Never]

Being female I'd tend to disagree with your friend.

I don't overanalyze my relationships.

 

[Guest]

well

since i am not a woman i cant really say how they think about things but on the other hand i am a man and i really dont think most men dissect things maybe quite like the women i know, i do think however some men tend to approach a relationship with one thing only on their mind, which i dont agree with!!!!

 

[Tungwagger]

Very rarely will a man cozy up to his partner and ask........


























What are you thinking?

So, I would have to say that alot (not all) women overanalyze relationships....and I don't know about men compartmentalizing.... we tend to think about boobs and beer more.....

 

[ma_guy]

I don't do "hidden meanings". If they have something to say they had better say it. (and IMO, women are TERRIBLE at this! )

 

[morninggirl5]

I'm not in a relationship........ i've decided being in a relationship isn't where i need to be now, BECAUSE i overanalyze and think things to death.

 

[Rubyfruit]

Yes, I tend to think too much some would say.

 

[MissTaken]

I know I think too much.

I do know that I compartmentalize, as well.

I was just trying to guess if I do all this analyzing because of my line of work or is it my nature as a woman, as a romantic etc?

Then, was wondering if men do what I do.

Of course, I can't put a finger on what I do, but oh well.

I guess my thoughts are pretty muddled tonight. I am a wee bit tired.

 

[lavender]

I am a chronic overanalyzer.

 

[sterlingclay]

So, when you are involved, how much of your free time is spent thinking about your partner and the relationship?

Do you tend to dissect the relationship, thinking through the nuances, the planning, the things said and not said to try to find some hidden meaning? Do you find people who do do this very annoying to be involved with?

The real question: What is the difference between how men approach and involve themselves in a relationship and how women do?

Can't speak for others. Never could. In a relationship I spend a lot of time thinking of my lover, just their essence, not their habits. That's their biz. I do find hidden meanings annoying, more so than nagging. If there's a problem, let's talk. You know? But it doesn't always work that way.

 

[Nora]

I can't speak for averages, just for myself. I'm pretty clear on the "guys can't read your mind" thing, so I know I state my expectations pretty clearly.

Do I overanalyze? HELL yes.

 

[Desert Amazon]

 

[tulip2lipservice]

I do not find overanalyzing to be

a gender thing. I would say that there are men and women that partake in this way of thinking. At the same time there are facades that neither one worries and then those that simply do not analyze but goes with the flow. If a person truly wants a relationship with said party they will analyze and thoughts of that person will enter them. A simple scent will flash within their memory of this person and so forth. It seems like we analyze more when that person is out of our lives than when he/she is within it. Humans tend to remember the good points than the bad ones in past relationships especially around holiday times, the time of reflection.

I have found when I am not interested in a man they seem to over anaylze the us. When I am interested it is me that spends the countless hours trying to figure it out. It could be the old thesis if something comes too easy we don't want it. It is good when there is a balance between the two.

I know that a friend of mine the other day was contemplating on calling a fellow back. She analyzed it. What was proper protocal? I mean there is that three day rule for men but what rule is it for women?

Age has made me less worried about the rules. I try my best to let another know what I expect and so forth. It is just funny how I get tongue tied with the ones I really want to be with. All boils down to the fear of rejection we all feel from time to time.

Peace,
Tulip

 

[Kuntmode]

n/a

Women spend too much time overanalysing everything. They spend too much time chatting on the fucking phone to their girlfriends about their man. They spend too much time having cups of tea and coffee talking about their man.

Not forgetting, it seems many are in relationships on this board, and are fucking talking about the shit here too.

Just gobble the cock and shut the fuck up.

Oh, and make sure you take the cap off the beer when you get it from the fridge.

 

[Never]

Tungwagger
"Very rarely will a man cozy up to his partner and ask........
What are you thinking?

So, I would have to say that alot (not all) women overanalyze relationships...."

There's a huge difference between showing interest in a person and overanalyzing the relationship.

 

[islandman]

Islandman's perspective on relationships:

Me, man. You, woman. Me love you. Spend life together. Figure things out as we go along. Live happily ever after. The End.

Wish that it were so simple................

 

[MissTaken]

By "hidden meanings"

I wasn't referring to anything insidious.

Really.

Oh and Kuntmode?

Thank you for your post. If I had a cock to gobble, you would miss me!



Thanks, Never, good response.

As always!


Now, in terms of compartmentalizing...my friend's example was that women can somehow make a K Mart blue light special be relevant to a relationship! *Giggles*

 

[horny_giraffe]

I have several good male friends who tend to overanalyze their relationships. I used to do that a lot, myself.

I found out that some aspects of relationships are inexplicable, though. One thing I know for sure is that there is a lot of ambiguity in my relationships. Was she my girlfriend? Or just a bed partner? Is she my ex-girlfriend? Is she "just a friend" or what? How much time do you have to spend with an acquaintance before you can call them a friend? These questions are too hard to figure out. Why bother trying to define them?

My philosophy?

Relationships have whole momentum of their own based on relationship history. People tend to do the same things together that they've done together before. I model my relationships with new people on relationships that I've had with other people--but in every relationship I develop new habits of thought and behavior. I've known some people for more than a decade--but exclusively in certain situations. Like my coffee-shop buddies, or workmates. I've only briefly lived with one long-time friend (and it didn't work so well) but I seem to get along really well with another friend as a roommate.

Each relationship is so different, and yet I know that I model each relationship on previous relationships. My ex-girlfriend started out sort of like a sister, a little like a brother, a little like an old girlfriend that I had years ago. But now, my relationship with her is unique. All of those shared experiences have formed a kind of language that we share--whether or not we continue those experiences. The fact that we are now platonic does not change the fact that we once shared a bed. That history is very significant to what goes on today (as is our commitment to remain platonic.)

 

[Kuntmode]

Re: By "hidden meanings"

I wasn't referring to anything insidious.

Really.

Oh and Kuntmode?

Thank you for your post. If I had a cock to gobble, you would miss me!



Thanks, Never, good response.

As always!


Now, in terms of compartmentalizing...my friend's example was that women can somehow make a K Mart blue light special be relevant to a relationship! *Giggles*

If you had a cock to gobble you would be considered 'fortunate' for once in your life.

 

[morninggirl5]

I do that as well...

And then I compartmentalize it all neatly away.

Maybe if i could master the compartmentalization.


I'll work on that as soon as i figure out how to relax and enjoy just being casual.

 

[Ice Cold]

I analyze first, then compartmentalize if the situation calls for it. Works in every day life. If a person is bitchy just for the sake of it, I tune it out. If I sense there is something that can be helped or discuss then I will take an active part.

 

[The Heretic]

I think it depends on the person. I know my ex-wife overanalyzed everything, but then she is a paranoid (I mean that literally - and I have a clinical diagnosis to backup that assertion).

I hate when people overanalyze what I say; I try to be very straightforward in my communication, and reading in something that wasn't there due to an inflection, or worse due to their own paranoid fears, really irritates me.

I tend to over analyze relationships sometimes too - especially if I am insecure in a relationship (typically when in a new relationship, or when a relationship is in trouble) - but then I think that is mostly because I have severe problems understanding what other people are feeling. I make up for that by trying to find people who are good at communicating their feelings, and who are straightforward. Unfortunately not many people are good at that.

I do think in general, more women tend to over-analyze aspects of a relationship, whereas men (in general), once secure in a relationship, tend to take the relationship for granted (we're busy guys after all, and we have more important things to think about ).

 

[Kuntmode]

n/a

The Heretic is in a relationship with himself.

His wife left him because she couldn't contend with his insecure ways and boring attitude to everything.

Sorry I am rather busy today. I left the violin at home.

 

[Tungwagger]

Tungwagger
"Very rarely will a man cozy up to his partner and ask........
What are you thinking?

So, I would have to say that alot (not all) women overanalyze relationships...."

There's a huge difference between showing interest in a person and overanalyzing the relationship.

I agree....

My point was that I (myself, not speaking for other men) am not the type to ask my woman what she's thinking.. of course that could be due to the fact that I've been with my woman for over twelve years now. But I figure if the thoughts in the head are meant to come out, then the lips and tongue will convey what's on the mind.

However most women who have asked me that question were new to our relationship and wanted me to expose my total inner being, almost as a way of forcing a relationship, rather than letting the relationship form on it's own....I have also found that when I have answered that question that it's not truthfulness the women seek, but rather the words they want to hear..

I have always had a problem with being asked a question, (does my butt look too big in these jeans?) Then when the proper response is not given all hell reigns down....

Just my two cents....sorry for being so lengthy...