personals.......if they are all so wonderful, why bother??

matriarch

Rotund retiree
Joined
May 25, 2003
Posts
22,743
Each week I peruse the local paper, from back to front, lingering over certain items, and my attention is always drawn to the Personal Ads....'Find a Friend'......(oh, come onnnnn....friend???).

Most of them are the same: sample: "Honest female, 40, seeks a genuine man 27-40 with a GSOH, for friendship, possibly relationship."

What always strikes me about these ads, is that they are all so damn perfect. 'Honest', 'attractive', 'curvaceous', 'fun to be with', 'good looking', 'caring', 'exciting'. If this is so, then why are they advertising for what is blatently a sex partner???

Occasionally, someone manages to write something different, sample again: "Female, made 1956, body work good for age, battery flat at the moment, needs some TLC, must be seen."

Now that is much more likely to garner my interest.

I suddenly started thinking how all the people on AH would describe themselves to potential partners......I guess, if I want you guys to play, I'm going to have to start the ball rolling.

OK

"Previous reasonably successful - wife and mother (references on application), now seeking post as sex toy to the right person. Small and compact container ( a little worn, but in full working order), easily stored and maintained, still with own hair and teeth (guaranteed no additions or deletions from original model). Imagination that can run from intelluctual to downright disgusting. Detests housework, much happier in bed. Will happily cook and serve up titbits to delight. Has a masters in tease and titillation."

So people. How about it??????

How would you advertise yourselves??

Mat :kiss:
 
matriarch said:


So people. How about it??????

How would you advertise yourselves??

Mat :kiss:

Just hang about around here a while longer, you never know what will happen.

It has worked for a few, believe me. ;)

We even had an AH wedding a few months ago. :)

Lou :rose:
 
Redneck redskin (to quote Abs here) with warped sense of humor and the tendency to laugh at exactly the wrong time. Munchkins included at no extra charge. Comes complete with sports car, and matched set of horses. Will cook if you clean. Slightly bitchy occasionally, but can be won over with the right words whispered in the right manner.
 
For a wild night, call Lucky at 555-5555.

;)

Believe it or not, very little advertising is needed when you really are just looking for sex. It's the relationship thing that sometimes requires skills in sales.

:D

~lucky
 
LOL Cloudy!

Ok, my own ad:

Slutty little sub, will do anything for intense, mind blowing, body ripping, breath taking (literally) orgasms. I cook a nice fry up and make a lovely cup of tea.

Lou :p
 
Not in the mood at the moment to offer myself as much of anything, but I'd answer your ad and pray, Mat.

Perdita :heart:
 
perdita said:
Not in the mood at the moment to offer myself as much of anything, but I'd answer your ad and pray, Mat.

Perdita :heart:


:heart: :heart: :heart:

Perdy, you sweet talker, you. No need to pray darlin'....come get me.

:kiss:
 
lucky-E-leven said:
For a wild night, call Lucky at 555-5555.

;)

Believe it or not, very little advertising is needed when you really are just looking for sex. It's the relationship thing that sometimes requires skills in sales.

:D

~lucky

Only one night?

:devil:

Mat:kiss:
 
cloudy said:
Redneck redskin (to quote Abs here) with warped sense of humor and the tendency to laugh at exactly the wrong time. Munchkins included at no extra charge. Comes complete with sports car, and matched set of horses. Will cook if you clean. Slightly bitchy occasionally, but can be won over with the right words whispered in the right manner.


*leaning over, whispering*....."right words in the right manner, right words in the right manner, right words in the right manner."

Did it work??

Mat :kiss:
 
matriarch said:
*leaning over, whispering*....."right words in the right manner, right words in the right manner, right words in the right manner."

Did it work??

Mat :kiss:

Dehana asdudi, uwoduni agitsi.

(come closer, beautiful mother)
 
cloudy said:
Redneck redskin (to quote Abs here) with warped sense of humor and the tendency to laugh at exactly the wrong time. Munchkins included at no extra charge. Comes complete with sports car, and matched set of horses. Will cook if you clean. Slightly bitchy occasionally, but can be won over with the right words whispered in the right manner.

Squaw! Go fetch um fire-wood.

Would that work Cloudy.:p

Carl
 
A hypothetical.... er... yeah... worst ever personal

A sub who can't cook, has difficulties cleaning, questionable hygiene and likes to have his zits popped on his back.

How about that?
 
cloudy said:
White-eyes watch too many bad western movies.

:D

:kiss:

Actually, I got that from Peter Pan (Walt Disney) lol

In reality I'd woe you into submission, ok I'd beg.:kiss:

Carl
 
Carl East said:
Actually, I got that from Peter Pan (Walt Disney) lol

In reality I'd woe you into submission, ok I'd beg.:kiss:

Carl

This squaw is worth many, many ponies, Kemosabe. ;)
 
cloudy said:
This squaw is worth many, many ponies, Kemosabe. ;)

It's funny you should say that, because I have a ponies attributes. lol

Sorry M, didn't mean to hi-jack the thread.:kiss:

Carl
 
cloudy said:
Dehana asdudi, uwoduni agitsi.

(come closer, beautiful mother)


mmmmmmmmm, *pulls down the blinds, shutting out the other contenders waiting outside.*. Too late guys, the lady made her choice.

:rose: :heart: :kiss:
 
Carl East said:
It's funny you should say that, because I have a ponies attributes. lol

Sorry M, didn't mean to hi-jack the thread.:kiss:

Carl

I've noticed that! :p
 
perdita said:
Try me, Carl. You needn't beg. P. :kiss:

I think you'd wear me out Predita, although thinking about it, it might be a nice way to go. Could you handle me though, I'm not easy ya know.:rose: :kiss:

Carl
 
Xelebes said:
A hypothetical.... er... yeah... worst ever personal

A sub who can't cook, has difficulties cleaning, questionable hygiene and likes to have his zits popped on his back.

How about that?

Add "needs training by harsh mistress" and you might get a few takers. ;)
 
pagan switch said:
Add "needs training by harsh mistress" and you might get a few takers. ;)

How about casual mistress or seeking another sub? Come on... need working on the worst one here.
 
Carl East said:
I think you'd wear me out Predita, although thinking about it, it might be a nice way to go. Could you handle me though, I'm not easy ya know.
Carl, I can be fast or slow, hard or soft, simple or complicated. We'll just try what works, eh? If we both go happy, then we do it together. That's all I ask. P. :) :kiss:

p.s. was that a Fr. slip on my name mispelt? "Predator Perdita"?
 
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