Personal catharses

[WaterNymph]

I long for a soul cleansing or somethign right now.
I just wish I could see far enough on the road ahead to know something is going to happen.

What are those points in your life where everything just got put into perspective?

Please cite inspiring examples of times when you had been struggling and really trying to make sense of things, and then suddenly with one quick instance, or maybe a series of events over time lead you to the true nature of your situation and what needed to be done. You know what I mean. Well. I am just in need of this.



I have had about upwardly 20 events, give or take a few, in my life that were extreamly cleansing to my tension, and most had nothing to do with sex. Only three times has sex been that lustrating. You'd think sex would be more long term effective, but it really isn't.

I need to be purged of my mental decrepitude. It is as if it is eating away at my soul.

 

[Sandia]

WaterNymph...
Who are you?

 

[WaterNymph]

You have to start a thread for that question.

I dare not let you hijack this hip hoppin thread while it is in the peak of it's bloom. The other posters might get annoyed.


Really though, what do you mean, and why does it matter who I am?

 

[Debbie]

Things do happen... (this was inspired by a love letter thread in the poetry forum)

Dearest Mike,

Valentine's Day draws near. The time when couples all over the world make an extra effort to show their loved one what they mean to them. When I am with you everyday feels like Valentine's Day for me. I know how much I am loved when I see that special look in your eye and how your face softens when you think I cannot see you watching me.

When I feel down you are there, running me a bath with candlelight spreading a warm glow, foamy bubbles and relaxing water awaiting my tired body. You soothe my weary mind with your tender touch. Saying little but expressing so much.

When you are annoyed or frustrated I am there, a soft caress, a kind whispered word and a big hug. Letting you know we can always share.

I am the talker, you are the listener. It is easy for me to communicate, for you it is a battle. Your heart and your mind knows what you want to say but your lips remain still. Together we have learnt to make a great team. Our personalities are like chalk and cheese but we have developed a fantastic relationship by respecting each others character flaws.

I love to watch you sleep and to whisper to you all that you mean to me. You are my soulmate, my friend, my lover and most of all the man I love and desire.

We have had so many good times but the bad has been sent our way too. We have been challenged by our five years together, when I nearly lost you I thought my heart would break. When you were really sick I could only watch and pray. Sending you positive thoughts, I could not nor would I think negatively. I believed God had given us each other so that through our love we would grow old and be happy forever.


I will always remember watching you being wheeled into surgery, your face so pale.

"Walking away with tears in my eyes
We parted with no spoken goodbyes
I mouthed the precious words I love you
Our eyes met and your face said it too"

Leaving you and knowing I may never see you again was like someone had torn my heart out, ripped it in two and handed half back to me.

Walking back to the nurse's home a while later, taking a step at a time. I felt something pass through my body. A little chill but I wasn't alarmed. Was it you my love as they stopped your heart? Were you trying to make your presence known? I will never know but to this day I remember the peace that descended through me. I knew you were going to be ok.

You have brought so much in to my life. I met you at a time when I had been at my most vulnerable. I was a battered spirit encased in a bruised body. Bruises fade but some inner wounds never heal. Mike, my darling you treated me with kindness and patience. Your touch was very gentle, your movements slow. I could see the hurt in your eyes if I flinched. I trusted you but the habit was hard to break, waiting for the next blow. You have never raised a hand in anger to me or made me feel afraid of you. Instead I have smiled and laughed and giggled with you till my sides ached and I can't catch my breath.

You love me and my children, embracing them as your own.They call you Dad and you look so proud. When people ask how many kids you have, you say 6 and mean it. You never complain if you go without for any of them.

Our bodies fit so well when we curl up close, I love the smell of your skin. At night I sleep with my body embracing yours. I love to be close to you. Running my fingers through your long red hair.

I love you, Mike.

With all my




Debbie loves Mike

I hope things turn around for you and you find perspective.

 

[WaterNymph]

Oh goodness. That was very touching and very personal. I was moved by that debbie. Thank you.

Good things are what I'll think of, in this bad time.

 

[Oilpainter]

I have had several of these ephiphanies (I am sure i spelled that wrong) in my life and they usually occur during or after very stressful and traumatic events such as the death of a loved one or losing a lover. It seems for me that the trauma of these situations somehow triggers me to view my life with clairity.

 

[Lost Cause]

Death is a profound event...

..that changes everyone connected in some way. I lost 17 team members of our anti-terrorist team in a stupid plane crash. I was left with the survivor's guilt, as I was scheduled for that training mission, but a problem at home held me back. After tearing my hair out for a couple of weeks, I was walking through a civil war battlefield when it hit me! Something said, "there is a reason for everything, you may not know now, but one day you will." As loud as a normal human voice! My head cleared, and I went back to "normal". Each death in my life has been faced with the same saying, and helps comfort me.
It also relates to normal day to day things that happen, like someone cheating on you, or leaving you. In EVERY instance, I have had an answer later in my life.

*Listen to your instincts, or inner voice, it usually is right on target!

 

[mokum13]

When my wife and I had our 6th miscarriage my look on the world was very disturbed. I tought noone really wanted to talk with me anymore because it was too difficult. If people wanted to talk i thought it was only out of pity, especially people who had children. Got really depressed sometimes by these thoughts.
Talked about it, after several months, and that person ask me where i got those ideas. If I had rational ground to think about people that way. The more i thought about it the more i realized i didnt. I had to train to rationalize those thoughts and succeeded. My view of the world cleared up again.

Now my wife is pregnant for the 7th time and i will be father in a few weeks. Dont know for real but i like to think my state of mind also did a lot of good.

 

[Debbie]

What a wonderful thing to share, congrats to you and your wife, mokum13. Please let us know when the little one arrives.
(Welcome to lit)

 

[badbabysitter]

It was my 16th summer and my father had just passed away after a long struggle with luekemia, my first boyfriend had been killed behind the wheel drinking and driving, my mother was fully in the depths of her alcoholism, and being the bi girl at a catholic school made it all much more frustrating...

the night my father died I ran out into the streets and just ran and ran and ran till i thought my heart would burst and then I ran some more. The clouds had been building all day and finally the shower struck...thunder and lightning.. the whole works.. i was running through Gastown when i finally gave out and just fell to my knees and sobbed in the rain feeling empty and broken in the thundering rain.

Then it happened.

Everything seemed to go still, the street was empty, it was late and the cars werent even on the cobbled streets of the tourist section in this rain.

I thought i smelt the crisp clear air of ozone and then...

BOOM

A flash of light so strong I thought I would go blind, it ripped from the sky. Straight into a globed victorian streetlight no more than 40 feet from me. Glass burst across the street. Alarms went off in buildings.and i saw it.

I saw it all. My absolute insignifigance inthe universe at the same time as I realized how vital every part of creation was. Lightning struck the streetlight and i saw the universe in perfect balance, that I was a small part in a symphony that had started uncounted aeon ago.

That everything held meaning, that everything had a place. Suffering, love, joy, hate. that it was there for a reason , even if we could never understand it with our limted capacity to reson.

Ifelt very small and full of the power of the universe. i was humbled and ecstatic. my tears turned to wonder and joy, my father was still alive in my heart and everything would happen according to the will of the divne.

Thats the day i stopped being catholic and converted to being a child of the universe.

 

[mokum13]

silence

Why is that when a thread is about true feelings there is so much silence?

 

[Starfish]

I had a cathartic day, Nymph. Oh yes I did

I know why, mokum.

Most of the time, it is easier not to deal with that hurt. It is also hard for many people to really want to go into such private things as are being disscussed here.

I am sorry about your losses. Your gains will be many in life though, I am sure.

*hugs*

 

[Debbie]

Re: silence

Why is that when a thread is about true feelings there is so much silence?

Sometimes it can be painful and hard to share.

 

[Siren]

 

[morninggirl5]

Siren, that was beautiful.


I lost my uncle recently and through his final days i discovered a strength i didn't know i had. I was involved in the decision to end all medical interventions excpet pain management. I said "goodbye" knowing that i was losing the uncle who had been a father to me.

It was one month ago yesterday that he left us. The pain is still much too big and fresh for me to understand what it all means. But i'll enentually know.

 

[Siren]

 

[Desert Amazon]

 

[mokum13]

Siren, just want to let you know that you are my thoughts. I hope you will find the positive attribute.

Wish you lots of strenght

 

[Soblue]

Siren that was beautiful, thanks for sharing your thoughts about your mother. It brough tears to my eyes thinking about the bright light that my mother is, even though we don't always understand each other

Sorry for everyone's loss.