People You Dislike

[bisexplicit]

How do you deal with them, personally?

And feel free to include real life and on lit experiences.

 

[Typo Fu Master]

How do you deal with them, personally?

And feel free to include real life and on lit experiences.

I try not to deal with them any more than I have to. Generally, if there is someone around that I don't want to associate with, I do my best to ignore them, or just leave.

I have to work with a guy who is chronically late, and has other "personality quirks" that I have difficulty dealing with. I talk to him when absolutely necessary, but he's at least 50% of the reason I'm trying to transfer out of that department.

If it's online, like Lit, it's easy. If I see someone I don't like responding to a thread I simply ignore their remarks. If only it were possible to do that in the offline world.

 

[Cathleen]

I do my best to avoid them. If that isn't possible I am civil and polite and excuse myself from their presence as soon as possible. If in a conversation where our personalities clash and/or our opinions differ, I listen and let them know I understand their point of view (if indeed I do) and again, excuse myself.

It's a big world, there will always be people who do not get along, I limit my time with them as much as possible. Life's short and serious enough without my adding negativity to my life.

 

[pupper]

I avoid them,and say as little as possible to them.

 

[Lavared]

If I dislike them because they are mean to me or inherently annoying then I try to completely ignore them. Maybe they'll go away.

If they are mean to someone else then I get mad.

 

[Dhalgren150]

indifferent.... always works for me... better than wasting thoughts or words or deeds on them.

 

[EJFan]

i always liked what danny aiello said in "29th street"... i'll paraphrase...

i hang out with people i don't like so i won't have to hang out with them as much. the more i hang out with them, the less time i have to be with them... if i didn't hang out with them at all, i'd be with them all the time.

it's more prophetic when he says it and it's in context... go rent the movie.

speaking for myself, i keep people i don't like at a distance. unfortunately we can't avoid these schmucks all the time, and there's NO WAY to go through life liking everyone you ever have to spend time with. so we might as well get used to it, right?

one of my closest friends keeps me on track with shit like this. he always reminds me not to take anything or anyone too seriously. sometimes we have to ACT like we're taking them/it seriously but it's just putting on a happy face while we're in the moment.

the other option, of course, is to drink heavily.

 

[Eilan]

Since I stay at home with my kids, I don't want to waste the precious "me" time I have with people that I don't like. And that includes some members of my family (my brother and some relatives on my father's side).

Back in my working mom days, I spent quite a bit of time with people who didn't like me. They were called students. It never really bothered me, though, because I wasn't trying to win popularity contests.

Those of you who have read my book group rant thread know that I do have to deal with a couple of people that I'm not all that crazy about. At this point, I wouldn't say that I dislike them, but I'm not that far from it. The fact that I only see them once a month or so makes the situation bearable.

There are people on Lit whom I dislike, and the feelings are mutual. That's fine. I try really hard not to acknowledge/respond to them--that's not to say that I'm always successful. Unless I receive a threat, I won't, however, put the people I don't like on Ignore. My relatively small iggy list is reserved for people and bots who clutter/spam up the boards.

 

[EJFan]

Back in my working mom days, I spent quite a bit of time with people who didn't like me. They were called students. It never really bothered me, though, because I wasn't trying to win popularity contests.

i think this is an excellent point eilan... part of dealing with people we don't like is not putting a lot of stock in what's making them unlikable... having the self confidence to let their attitudes roll off of us AND having the self confidence to know we don't have to do anything (including dislike them) about the whole thing.

 

[Eilan]

i think this is an excellent point eilan... part of dealing with people we don't like is not putting a lot of stock in what's making them unlikable... having the self confidence to let their attitudes roll off of us AND having the self confidence to know we don't have to do anything (including dislike them) about the whole thing.

I never knew most of my students well enough to care one way or the other about their opinions of me. After the semester was over, the "relationship" was usually over.

Though that woman who's my mini-stalker seems to hold quite a grudge. . .

 

[EJFan]

Though that woman who's my mini-stalker seems to hold quite a grudge. . .

this is conjuring images of a midget version of the full-sized stalker. and i'm laughing my ass off.

 

[Eilan]

this is conjuring images of a midget version of the full-sized stalker. and i'm laughing my ass off.

Okay. I'll call her Stalker Lite, then, just because I don't hear from her often enough to be concerned. But I suppose calling me 15 times in 20 minutes this past Christmas Eve was enough to last her for a few months.

 

[mrmgp]

How do you deal with them, personally?

And feel free to include real life and on lit experiences.

In real life, I try to stay clear of them. No sense in letting an asswipe get my blood pressure up if I can just simply stay away from the person. Here on Lit, I just banish them to my ignore list.

 

[Ricwilly]

How do you deal with them, personally?

And feel free to include real life and on lit experiences.

I go along with what the rest are saying. I don't deal with them anymore than I have to.
I don't espescially like everyone I work with but then I don't have to like someone to be civil to them.
If there is something in particular causing tension I like to talk to them about it and even if it doesn't change I feel better for getting my feelings out.
I understand I'm not going to like everyone and everyone isn't going to like me. I still treat them with respect and expect the same. If they won't give me that I avoid them.

 

[bisexplicit]

So, avoidance seems to be the main way to go. Which does seem the easiest way to do things.

Another question that I just thought of: What do you do if you can't avoid them? (Some of you touched on this briefly already...)

 

[mrmgp]

So, avoidance seems to be the main way to go. Which does seem the easiest way to do things.

Another question that I just thought of: What do you do if you can't avoid them? (Some of you touched on this briefly already...)

Then I force myself to remain pleasant and professional, even though I'd love nothing better than to cave the cocksucker's head in with the first blunt object I can lay my hands upon.

 

[silverwhisper]

bi: i'm awfully curious what prompted this question. ?

for my part, avoidance and forced politeness. i usually try to figure out what it is about someone that i dislike which causes me to respond negatively to them. if it's someone i can't avoid, i try to make the best of an unpleasant situation and try to find common interests or admirable qualities in him or her. i've never yet been completely unable to find positive qualities in another person IRL, which helps minimize my discomfort. i'm pretty affable IRL and very easy for other people to get along with.

online, i try to remember that in a text-based medium, devoid of body language and other cues, people may be posting when upset or angry about something completely unrelated. or in some cases, just compensating for other shortcomings. :>

ed

 

[AppleBiter]

How do you deal with them, personally?

And feel free to include real life and on lit experiences.

This is probably not going to be a popular answer, but if I dislike someone I'm a bitch to them. There's no use pretending that I like them or trying to spare their feelings. If I don't like them, they'll know about it. Usually, this doesn't present a problem because they don't like me either and I'm so abraisive in my dislike that they usually don't come around me.

*shrugs* I've always been that way.

 

[EJFan]

Another question that I just thought of: What do you do if you can't avoid them? (Some of you touched on this briefly already...)

you'll cross paths with too many people in this category to not have a plan.

for me, when i HAVE to have some degree of contact with someone i can't tolerate i just shove all the emotional stuff to the back burner as best i can and wait for the time that we're together to pass.

the way i figure it, no matter how much time i have to spend around this person, it's a very small portion of the overall day. and again, it's also a matter of having the self-confidence to accept them for who/what they are and the willpower to not let it burn your britches... and know that you're better than they are for being so well adjusted.

 

[Ricwilly]

I used to work with this guy that really rubbed me the wrong way. Got to the point where we found ourselves in each others face yelling getting ready to come to blows. I ended up in my bosses office and I was telling him all the crap this guy was doing that pissed me off and he let me go on for a while and then he asked me "what did you do?". That question made me think what I had done to contribute to the hard feelings between us and I saw where I had been feeding the hostility. So I went to this guy and appologised for the things I had done. We got along fine after that. I guess it usually takes two, ya know?

 

[bisexplicit]

bi: i'm awfully curious what prompted this question. ?

How intuitive you are that I'm asking this question for my own personal gain, hehe.

Mostly, its this one girl at work who no matter how nice I am to her, is extremely condescending and that annoys me to no end. Fortunately, I don't have to deal with her for extended periods of time, but it is possible that at some point in the future I might have to (If we're ever paired together, that means eight hours a day constantly with her).
My main problem is, whenever I get annoyed/angry/upset (even at someone online sometimes - which is beyond silly, I know) it can just ruin the rest of my day.

So, how about another question - how do you move on from being pissed?

 

[EJFan]

So, how about another question - how do you move on from being pissed?

the easy answer to this is not to get pissed in the first place. most of the wonderful people i know tend to have the great attitudes they have because they don't let themselves get dragged down to the lowest common denominator.

but let's face it, this isn't always possible.

when you can't help but get pissed, i find that spinning in my desk chair is VERY relaxing. doing anyting that is a little bit of an energy release can help greatly in this type of situation. do something that makes you feel childish... it helps a LOT.

 

[Eilan]

My main problem is, whenever I get annoyed/angry/upset (even at someone online sometimes - which is beyond silly, I know) it can just ruin the rest of my day.

So, how about another question - how do you move on from being pissed?

When you find out, let me know.

I tend to be a huge grudge-holder--both online and IRL. While I've learned through the years to let things slide, I still let the stupidest stuff get to me. And I'll work things over and over in my mind (as I mentioned in the sleeplessness thread I started some time back).

 

[bisexplicit]

When you find out, let me know.

I tend to be a huge grudge-holder--both online and IRL. While I've learned through the years to let things slide, I still let the stupidest stuff get to me. And I'll work things over and over in my mind (as I mentioned in the sleeplessness thread I started some time back).

Heh, tell me about it, when someone left me a particularly rude note about one of my stories (well, more of an attack on me - if it was about my work I could handle it, since it was personal, it was more difficult); I couldn't get to sleep 'til about 5 am.

Things just seem to stew with me, and I replay stuff and over and over in my mind - trying to figure out how I could've prevented whatever happened.

 

[Ricwilly]

Heh, tell me about it, when someone left me a particularly rude note about one of my stories (well, more of an attack on me - if it was about my work I could handle it, since it was personal, it was more difficult); I couldn't get to sleep 'til about 5 am.

Things just seem to stew with me, and I replay stuff and over and over in my mind - trying to figure out how I could've prevented whatever happened.

Seems that happens a lot more on here than it would in face to face life.
I think some people veiw the internet as an chance to behave in a manner that would be unacceptable in face to face contact.
I believe it to be a soul sickness in them, I mean how bad must they feel inside to treat others in such a way.
I think the only way to deal with them is to ignore them.