People callng you by your first name. Is it an age thing?

[FlamingoBlue]

It just happened to me again. I call an office to speak to a client. The receptionist answers the telephone and asks my name. I tell her that I am "Flamingo Blue" and she asks what company I am with. I tell her that I am Mr. Jones" lawyer. She than says, " Flamingo", (using my FIRST name),I 'll page him for you."

Now I have never spoken to this woman before and she is already treating me like she knows me. WHAT"S WITH THAT? Is this a showing of disrespect or is this simply another aspect of a more casual, egalitarian lifesttle?

I alway refer to someone I don't know by their surname. I was taught to do this out of respect, for me and others. Am I being too conservative/sensitive when I shudder at this treatment of MY name? Do ya think its an age thing?

I want you to know that this is not about being a lawyer. I stopped being impressed with that a long, long time ago. This happenens to me everywhere and it really pisses me off.

Your comments, please.

blue


[Edited by FlamingoBlue on 08-10-2000 at 08:17 AM]

 

[Naked Hunny]

Now I worked in an office for sometime. If i would have called a client or anyone by their first name i would have been shot!! Hell i called the people from other offices Mr and Mrs but only because i felt more comfortable that way i was 18 there people were old enough to be my parents and grandparents!!

 

[Expertise]

If this sounds stuffy I didn't mean it to.

I'm with Mr. FlamingoBlue here. Many people are far too quick to use the familiar. I am a lot younger than you and I find it a little offensive too.

There is a great deal to be said for manners and proper speach. I fear it is not something we teach our children enough about and the lack of "manners" is becoming more and more pervasive in society.

I would no more expect her (the receptionist) to call me sir or Mr. Expertise after we had been introduced then I would one of my friends to. But until then I think sir or Mr. is the proper form of address.

I tend to use ma'am quite frequently which is how I was taught to adress a lady. Yet many of them see it as some kind of affront to there liberated status or as an ageism. I find it baffling.

After becoming acquainted with someone I actually dislike formality but until then it has its place certainly in the business world.

I forget who it was that defined manners as : "Making those around you comfortable" but they hit it right on the head.

My $0.02

 

[KillerMuffin]

Nothing hacks me off more than to be called by my first name by people, particularly men, that I have not granted permission. I don't think it's an age thing at all, it's a rude thing. Period. I'm 28 now, but I've always felt this way. Particularly since my first name is one of those names with connotations of breathy, erotic, lustful women with foreign accents. There is something too intimate about someone saying my first name when I haven't allowed them the priviledge. Particularly when some people *grrrrr* linger over it. Nowdays when I am asked rudely what my first name is, I say Mrs.

In any case, I would never use a person's first name without having a comfortable relationship with them. It's about respecting another person and their private boundaries. An intelligent receptionist interested in proper business etiquette would have said in a pleasant subdued voice with a smile on her face (it comes out in the voice you know) "Please hold just a moment Mr. Blue while I page Mr. Client for you." No doubt this woman was smacking gum in your ear. Ughghghghg. The receptionist needs a spanking.

I hate it when I write a check at the grocery store and the checker wishes me a nice day and uses my first name. The only thing more aggravating is the rampant use of my social security number.

 

[FlamingoBlue]

Hey, Killer's on the phone, Mr. Jones.

What's with the name KillerMuffin? It sure is quirky.

Anyway, I'm pleased that this is not an age thing. Maybe we, as a group, can change things.

Sometimes, to rock the boat, I will ask Mr./Ms. Casual, very nicely, "Do I know you or Have we ever met"? That usually gets their attention BUT they are invariably pissed at me when I say it. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!!!

blue

 

[KillerMuffin]

Svedish Cheffie just had a thread alll bout that. Name thingy at least.

I just came from an institution where one does not use first names. First names are ranks and you are referred to by your last name if you do not have sufficient rank. I vastly prefer it that way.

Since there is no third party to make proper introductions, I shall just have to accomplish the task myself.

"Good morning Mr. Blue. I am KillerMuffin, but you may call me Muffin. Very pleased to have made your acquaintance."

*abruptly runs around the room bellowing MOPAR MOPAR MOPAR!!!! until she smacks into a wall and knocks herself out cold*

 

[FlamingoBlue]

MoPar?

Do you work for Chrysler? Oh, sorry. I meant DaimlerChrysler?

blue

 

[KillerMuffin]

naawwwww nuthin lahke that. I'se a redneck hick. 'Sides, ya'll couldn't GIVE me a diamler dodge *gagging sounds* they dun ruint dodge. I luvs my powerwagon. Sometimes the only reason me n' the ol' man din't deevorce was cuz we was fightin over who would get th' truck. I luvs my powerwagon . Yer one o' them lawyer critters? If me n' the ol' man did get a deeevorce would he still be my uncle? Just kidding!!!! REALLY!!!!!! Last time I make fun of my hick roots, I swear ya'll take this too seriously betimes.

 

[FlamingoBlue]

You got it wrong, Muffy.....

He would still be your brother, not your uncle. At least that's the usual "punch line" that I am familiar with.

blue

 

[Jade]

I know how you feel Flamingo!

I hate it when they get all personal like that. They act like your best friend right before they f3$$ you (depending on who you are talking to LOL).

However, that happens to be a very common customer service tactic.
I have unfortunately had the "pleasure" of going through several customer service training skills traumas and gotten to learn the tricks of the trade.

- Identify with the customer.. empathize with their needs (Oh really? Oh yes, me too, I am JUST like you!)

- SMILE (your voice smiles back)

- Use their first name and they will trust you more and therefore the place you are working for b/c you are all buddy buddy with them.

- If you can't please them in any way at all, apologize!

There are lots more but that stupid name one I just NEVER do.. I ALWAYS use thier last name, even if they are younger than me! They feel respected and I feel that that maintains our clientelle (sp?) way better than the first name thing.

Anyway Flamingo, be happy, at least you aren't MY age!
Whenever I call anywhere, if the person is older, they call me HON, HONEY, BABY, SWEETIE, etc. ! (Dammit lady/sir, I am NOT a sweetie, I am an asshole, live with it!)


Gosh I can't wait to get my degree!
It was so hard to smile when I had bad days in the past!

 

[FlamingoBlue]

My wife is a Ph.D

She handles men who call her"sweetie" by saying," Its Dr. Sweetie, to you."
As to you, simply say "I am not your sweetie" but do it as sweetly as possible. Delivery is everything.

blue

 

[Endlessly]

I was raised by a bunch of southern women who know etiquette when they see it, and will raise hell if they don't see it. With women, I call them Ma'am; if the relationship becomes more familiar, I call them 'Miss (first name)'. I always answer questions from men 'yes, sir' and 'no, sir' unless they specifically ask me not to.. And if the parent of a friend asks me to call them by my first name, I freeze in awkwardness.

I'm also one of those people who, if they ask for a drink, feels wrong if the person asks them to just get a drink out of the refridgerator, and insists on doing the dishes after a meal.. I have weird manners.

 

[Expertise]

No Endlessly you have good manners.

 

[ShyGuy68]

It's all a matter of culture.

Here in Denmark we are very informal, even with people we don't know. And the use of the first name is what is common here. I'm more surprised when somebody I don't really know to well call me Mr. "lastname" instead of just Kenn.

It's not meant to be disrespectful or anything, it's just the way we do it in Denmark. Culture really do mean a lot.

I did notice the Sir/Mr. thing the last 2 times I was in Massachusetts on vacation, but I just never got the hang of it myself! lol


ShyGuy

 

[CreamyLady]

I had it drilled into me at a very early age that one always used titles -- Mr., Ms., Mrs. (if preferred) professionally. If, at some point, it became okay to use first names, that was fine -- but not on the job.

I've gotten nasty enough in my middle age to stop anyone from using my first name without permission. If someone addresses me as "Patricia," I stop them and say that I prefer they don't.

It really interferes with the script . . . I like that.

 

[Aranian]

Tolerance (or lack thereof) for little things like the manner of address seems to vary a great deal geographically. By the perspective here, in most situations if you greet anyone by Mr/Mrs followed by their last name you are already expressing an air of aloofness toward the person. In a business setting I'm sure the rules vary a bit however.

Somehow it seems a tiny bit absurd that our customs still require permission to address someone by their given name.

 

[Expertise]

Mr Aranian, what you suggest as absurd, prevents anarchy sir.

Good day to you.

 

[CreamyLady]

Mr. Aranian, I, for one, do not encourage instant familiarity. For one thing, most people using my first name don't even bother with Patricia, they jump right to "Pat."

I loathe "Pat." I can't even stand to be around anyone who calls me Pat, even after they've proven themselves to be fairly nice people and have been shown the error of their ways. They are forever damned by their presumption.

I really think, when meeting someone in a business or social setting, that a title and surname is far more polite, and less trouble, than jumping right into a presumed friendship. After all, one does not like everyone one meets; why give false hope?

 

[FlamingoBlue]

Respect is never aloofness,

Mr. Aranian. Or would you rather I called you Ara? You can call me Mr. Blue, until I know you better.

Mr. Blue, to you.

 

[Bliss]

Or just call him Pink & watch the feathers fly!

"Mo bettah YardBird!" said Ms. Blahnik.

 

[Expertise]

The Lamb of the Lit God, Jesus Payne, is quite the little shit disturber today.

Now get off your beautifully tanned ass and cast the Moneychangers out of my Hotmail temple would ya'

Hee hee hee...blasphemy is liberating!

 

[FlamingoBlue]

Howmany times do I gottat tell ya,

The pink guy is a distant cousin. I am the elegant blue flamingo, not the spindly lawn ornament. (We flamingos prefer that to yardbird).

blue

 

[CreamyLady]

I should think so. Yardbirds generally wear unbecoming striped suits . . . or is it a bright orange jumpsuit these days?

 

[Expertise]

He's over fifty and living in Florida its either the Leisure suit or the "sans a belt" slacks. Atlhough he is a lawer so one of the orange cover-alls might not be such a bad guess.

*Goes away singing "Chain Gang"*

 

[FlamingoBlue]

Right on C.L.

I'm going out on the patio to read. See ya later, folks.


blue