Peeking out of the closet...

[Never]

Yep, I'm thinking about doing it. I have no idea where these stupid compulsions come from but, yep. The people in RL who know I'm gay might be about to rise from 2 to 3. Of course, number three will promptly tell everyone I work with, oh joy.

Am I making a mistake? Should I even be trying this? I'm stumped here. I get the feeling that most straight folk don't like 'gayness' (that's actually a word!) rubbed in their face. Maybe I should wait?

I'll do it.
I won't.

I'll tell her.
I'll chicken out.

I'll come out.
I'll stay in here among mother's fur coat where is smells like mothballs for another decade or two.

I'll end up like Ed.
I'll end up like Phil.

I admit it! I'm a conformist, I want people to like me! Everyone likes the sweet, silent, bookish type Never. It's nothing but a self induced crisis waiting to happen.

I'm loosing my freakin' mind here people. Should I do it? How should I do it if I do?
I'd appreciate any comments. Thanks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This meaningless post brought to you by Fizz; the one drink to have when you're having more than one.

 

[naudiz]

This is a toughie, Never. As trite as it sounds, do what's comfortable for you. Even if you're all geared up to tell her (or him), if the moment comes and the anxiety is too high, don't feel like a wimp for backing off. If keeping it in becomes too stressful, don't let other people's hangups make you miserable. Ultimately, the person whose comfort your responsible for is your own. I don't have a lot of personal experience with this, only an anecdote that may or may not help.

A good friend of mine who happened to work where I did was outed to our co-workers because he told someone and they told everyone. Most of our co-workers were cool with it. Many of them weren't all that surprised. He was pleasantly surprised by some of our co-workers who he was sure would have problems with it. They didn't. It was big news for about a week, and then life resumed. After all, we all had a job to do, no matter who we were boinking in our free time.

Unfortunately, there was one guy who just couldn't handle it. He even went as far as to write letters to HR to get my friend fired for being 'blatantly homosexual'. Never mind that before the third party blabbed, this guy had no clue. HR politely ignored this guy's letters, and when his actions started affecting work (refusal to work with my friend to the extent he wouldn't attend the same meetings), he was warned to get over it or get lost. He eventually quit, and I doubt many people missed him.

I think my friend was lucky. There was only one bad apple in the bunch, and he proved himself to be such an ass no one could sympathize with him. Things could've gone better, but they could've gone a lot worse. It was a big deal for a short while, then it blew over like last week's news, except for that one guy, and in the end it was his problem, not my friend's.

Whatever happens, I wish you good luck.

 

[Svedish_Chef]

I admit it! I'm a conformist, I want people to like me! Everyone likes the sweet, silent, bookish type Never. It's nothing but a self induced crisis waiting to happen.

I'm loosing my freakin' mind here people. Should I do it? How should I do it if I do?
I'd appreciate any comments. Thanks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This meaningless post brought to you by Fizz; the one drink to have when you're having more than one.

Hon, do what you feel right with

Having said that I never 'came out' as such as was asked the question Are you gay? and I told the truth which happened to be that I was Bi. Whether people make a deal about it or not it was so hard to start telling the truth, because of societies pressure.

Never... we love you through who you are here and what you have allowed us to see. You shouldn't lose any friends with your "new" status and some people become closer to you as a result - strange but true.

My policy has worked for me... and yes the word of mouth is actually the thing you have to watch for, cause it sucks when someone you would never tell finds out.

K, nuff of ramblings... mail me or Q me if you need.

Later

 

[desireswithin]

Never, you have to do what is best for you. You'll know when the time is right to let people know by the feelings you have inside your heart. It's a very difficult thing to come out and admit to others about your lifestyle. Not all people are turned off by others who admit to being gay. I have 4 friends who have finally admitted their choices and I love every single one of them dearly. But, I will also tell you that you need to pick and choose wisely who you decide to be open with. There are people in this world who are not accepting or tolerant of your choices. Before you speak, please look inside their hearts and see them as they really are. It's such a sad world when we can't be ourselves and give our love to those we choose. My wishes are for you to be happy and decide what is best for you. xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

 

[Cheyenne]

I can't help you from the "gay" point of view, but I can from the "straight" side of things. I work with lots of people, a big company. And I hire quite a few people. I hired a gay guy about a year ago. The person who recommended him to me was in senior management and he "warned" me this guy was gay, and in the closet. I said I didn't care, and I meant it. He is an excellent employee, and that is all that matters to me. His personal life is just that, personal. I think most of the people he works with directly know he is gay, although he never talks about it. It isn't an issue, so he could be much more open if he wanted to. Maybe some day he'll be more comfortable being open and out of the closet. I think he'd be surprised at how many people already know he is gay and think it doesn't matter.

By the way, I suspect I work with a lot more gay people than just that one guy. I wouldn't have a clue which ones they would be, though. Never tried to figure it out.

 

[KillerMuffin]

I'm guessing that you have no intention of joining the military.

If you came out completely, what is the absolute worst that will happen? They'll string you up and burn you at the stake? Everyone you know will ostracize you? Mom and grandma will start parading eligible young men around you in order to turn you into something "normal?" You'll be alone? What's the absolute worst thing that will happen? Can you deal with these consequences?

What will probably happen? Sensitive people probably already suspect it. Most people will probably just accept it. The ones who'll have the most problems with it are the ones who feel threatened by you. If you come out then some of you female friends and relatives may not want to touch you anymore.

I say it doesn't matter what they think. You are who you are, and it's who you are that makes you very special. If they can't accept you for who you are, then they never loved you or liked you in the first place. They loved or liked someone else they had all built up in their brains, how can they love you if they don't accept you?

You have to be happy, you deserve to be happy just like everyone else on this planet. You do not have to sacrifice yourself for the comfort of other people. You just have to live with them, and sometimes, when you do things they don't like, they can make life hell. What's more important to you?

You have my unqualified support.

 

[Gingersnap]

Never bever bo bever fee fie mo mever banna mana fo feaver NEVER!

One of my best friends is gay. She told me a couple years ago. It didn't bother me a bit.... I already knew. I think the people in your life who need to know already do know. I would not make the announcement myself but I wouldn't deny it if asked. I mean nobody says "Hey Hi I am Heterosexual".
I guess in many ways I look at being gay as someone with a preference for the same sex. No more important then my decided preference for hairy scots with green eyes and musical and writing talents. You are as Swedish Chef said "Never". The person we have come to know on the board who can be funny and clever and sensitive and bitchy (I mean that in a nice way). A person with many talents. I do not think it matters at all who you kiss or sleep with or fuck. All that matters to me is that you be happy and healthy and yourself. Other then that my friend it is just a name game.

[Edited by Gingersnap on 01-27-2001 at 07:47 AM]

 

[Gaucho]

Am I making a mistake? Should I even be trying this? I'm stumped here. I get the feeling that most straight folk don't like 'gayness' (that's actually a word!) rubbed in their face. Maybe I should wait?

I guess the question that occurs to me is "Why?" Why tell this person and why now? Are you sexually interested in her and hope she might return your affections? Is she a friend and you just want to come clean and not feel somehow dishonest in the relationship? Are you hoping that by telling her it will somehow change your relationship for the better?

I know what it's like to have a secret and not feel comfortable letting it out (no, I'm not gay, in case you were wondering). And, for me, at least, whether you let the cat out of the bag depends on just what you think will happen when you do so. Are you ready for it, no matter what?

Cheffie - It's interesting what you mentioned about the reaction to your being bi. My understanding (and it's a limited understanding, to be sure) is that bi's are somewhat looked down upon by both the straights and the gays. For one thing, because it disproves any theory that people are one or the other but not both. Of course, there seems to be a certain amount of fascination with the idea, too.

To me, it's always seemed like bi's had the most fun.

"...double your pleasure
double your fun..."

 

[CelestialBody]

I'm afraid,

 

[TN_Vixen]

Never

what kind of authority am I? I'm hetro.. and yet, my best friend is gay.. albeit a male homosexual, but we've talked at length about his "comfort level" about his choice in sexuality.

My point is this... do what you feel is right. Coming "out" isn't necessarily something that has to be done, it only is necessary in your own mind, in your world.

People tend to judge you..and you know this.. upon your choice of sexuality. Making your choice public isn't something that society expects. Rather, it is something that you feel within yourself is necessary in order to define your own being... your own personality.

If you're tired of making excuses, of dodging questions, of lying about your lifestyle to other people, then your only choice is to go public. Otherwise, noone expects you to reveal whatever preference you may have.

It comes from within... and the choice to reveal your innermost desires resides in you.

 

[Nobody Special]

Hey Never,

If it feels right do it.. if it doesn't then don't do it.. it is somthing that you live with and I'm sure you are not ashamed of it, or at least shouldn't be.. As long as you are happy that is all that counts..

E

 

[jcgirl]

I like you Never, and dont give a rats ass if your gay. Your true friends will feel the same way. But youll have to decide if thats a chance you want to take. Do what you feel is right, not what you feel you have to do. GOod Luck, and you know we're here for you.

 

[Svedish_Chef]

Re: Never

You are as Swedish Chef said "Never". The person we have come to know on the board who can be funny and clever and sensitive and bitchy (I mean that in a nice way). A person with many talents. I do not think it matters at all who you kiss or sleep with or fuck.

Actually on that point... can you at least date me before you come out?

I hope you come to the decision you can most live with

 

[Guest]

How anticlimactic.
Here I got myself all riled up about coming out and the girl just tells me how sorry she is I never kissed anyone. At least the woman who overheard our conversation was properly shocked.

However, what concerns me is my boss - or rather his nephew; the three-year-old boy drank some Mr. Clean and is now unconscious. My boss was literally shaking as he hugged me and ran out to his jeep to drive to the hospital - the same hospital where his father is staying after a suffering a stroke on Christmas Day.

This night has been very draining for me, but I ask that those who believe say a prayer for the young boy as, from what little I know, he is quite close to dying.

 

[Cheyenne]

How anticlimactic.

This night has been very draining for me, but I ask that those who believe say a prayer for the young boy as, from what little I know, he is quite close to dying.

Anticlimactic is good!

Any news on the little boy?

 

[Adoratrice]

I'm glad to hear that it was indeed a non-issue, for her at least.



I am so sorry for that baby...I hope everyones prayers help him pull through.

 

[Expertise]

Hey Never

My response would be "thats great now could you pass the salt"

I think I represent the vast majority of people who would judge you o far more important things tha who you are sexually. I would be, in fact, a little flattered that you felt confident enough to confide somethig so personal to me.

Of course if you just want to be really really 100% positive that you're correct in your orientation, i'll take one for the team and suffer through sex with a young virgin lesbian. Thats just the kind of guy that I am.... I love to help people.

 

[April]

*snorting laughter*

 

[Expertise]

She doubts ME!?

Altruism is my middle name Nance.

Now piss off with your snickering and snide comments

 

[April]

Go read my thread, or I'll....I'll...uh, think of something.