Patience

[spankableBelle]

How many have it? How many say they do but it's nothing more than an empty word? i'm not speaking to anyone imparticular, but perhaps to Dom/mes in general...how many of You have patience to wait for what You want? Say that You want Your sub to come see You, but she has other responsibilities...like children, for example. Do You dismiss her simply because she can't ditch her kids? In Your heart of hearts would a real and true Dom/me even want her too? Does it take patience and understanding to work out things in life in order to be together, or is it just me that thinks that? i am simply frustrated and sending this out to whomever cares to listen. A sub gives all, is trusting and vulnerable, waiting for that moment that it's right to give that final measure of complete surrender? Is it worth patience? Is it worth understanding? Or because it isn't given immediately, is it just best tossed aside? Are there different degrees of patience? Different areas where one is more patient at waiting than others? Or is patience only supposed to be one-sided in a D/s relationship? Is it the sub that is supposed to be the patient one, accepting all, giving all, when the Dom can't be all that she needs or wants right in that moment? Maybe i'm not making any sense with this...but thanks for letting me ask...

belle

 

[artful]

How many have it?
belle

belle,...it makes all the sense in the world. I being who I am,...have patience. I feel patience is my MOST valuable tool.(pun not intended) I use patience as a CONTROL factor, and use it to increase the joy of us both in my relationship with a sub.

Like any other tool,...it needs to be applied in proper circumstances, and is not to be confused with TEASING.

When Dream comes back online,...I will let her explain the ways I have used patience to not only train her,...but make our relationship a more MEANINGFUL one.

Good Topic,...I would like to hear more of others experience, in utilizing patience in their BDSM lifestyle also.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Belle,

In my humble opinion, any Dom/me worthy of the title would have to have patience. If my Dom (also my hubby) didn't have patience I would in no way, shape or form have even considered this lifestyle with him. Also having kids myself, I have to say that they come before any pleasure I have or my Dom has. In other words my kids come first above everything. If I had a Dom that didn't understand that I would ask to be released. Lucky for me my Dom feels the same way I do.

Should having to wait for a sub with kids be a problem for Dom/mes? In my opinion no, how could they not respect their sub more than that.

Ok I'll get off my soapbox on the child issue. Suffice it to say, I personally feel that patience is a must in this lifestyle, not only for the Dom/me but also for the sub.

respectfully,
dixi

 

[RisiaSkye]

Belle, I think that in your heart you know the answers to your questions and did even before you posted this, so I won't go there. But, I'm sorry you're having problems in your relationship, and I'm glad you got the chance to vent. For what it's worth, I hope it works out for you.

 

[spankableBelle]

Belle, I think that in your heart you know the answers to your questions and did even before you posted this, so I won't go there. But, I'm sorry you're having problems in your relationship, and I'm glad you got the chance to vent. For what it's worth, I hope it works out for you.

~smile~ Thank you, Risia...however, i don't have a relationship. Parts are from past personal experience, parts are from observances of other D/s relationships, and parts are just simply curiousity. i won't deny that something happened in a conversation today that brought about this question and this frustratedness that i feel...it brought back hurtful memories, but i am always curious to know how people feel, and curiousity is most often why i stay silent and observe. One learns a lot that way as well as asking questions.

 

[intrigued]

Hello,
It takes patience, understanding and work, to work out anything in life. Further, nothing comes before ones children, and for me, there would be a total lack of respect for anyone that does not accept that. I realize you are involved deeply with this person, and this has to be tough on you, I'm very sorry for that. However, in my mind, it isn't even a question/issue...you just don't go there.

I surely hope you two work this out as best you can. Isn't that what this is all about?

 

[spankableBelle]

Thank you, intrigued and it's very nice to meet you. i've read a few of your posts the last couple days. As for this post, again, it is not my relationship, simply a question as per a conversation with a friend today that spurred a bunch of questions...but thank you for responding and for offering your thoughts. Each different perspective opens the doors and the windows a little bit more in this house of 'learning'...

belle

 

[morninggirl5]

Patience is one of those things we crave. Patience to allow us to overcome our fears, inhibitions, concerns. At the same time, patience can be too much. A push, poke, or prod in the direction we want to go can help get us moving when we've got those fears, inhibitiions or concerns.

I don't equate patience with understanding and respecting the other commitment's a sub has in his/her life. Understanding that one's children or other family is an integral part of your life isn't about patience. It's about the Dom/me accepting that the sub has a life outside the relationship and that life has meaning and value that helps the sub be the person he/she is.

 

[artful]

mg

Patience is often confused with PROCRASTINATION.
Patience=good

Procrastination=bad

(JMHO)

 

[morninggirl5]

Re: mg

Patience is often confused with PROCRASTINATION.
Patience=good

Procrastination=bad

(JMHO)

LOL, i'm the queen of procrastination. But i admit when i'm doing it and don't ask for patience from someone else. I accept the consequences of my procrastination when it affects someone else.

When i'm just plain scared, uncomfortable, unsure, that's when i need patience. Patience to allow me to sort things out in my brain and begin to understand all the why's of my fear or uncomfortableness. But i don't want silent patience either. When i ask for patience, i want the issue still out there, with lots of questions and reassurance. There's a balance of patience and being pushed that i need, it's hard to find but with the right person it completely frees me.

 

[spankableBelle]

Re: Re: mg

When i'm just plain scared, uncomfortable, unsure, that's when i need patience. Patience to allow me to sort things out in my brain and begin to understand all the why's of my fear or uncomfortableness. But i don't want silent patience either. When i ask for patience, i want the issue still out there, with lots of questions and reassurance. There's a balance of patience and being pushed that i need, it's hard to find but with the right person it completely frees me.

i would have to agree with this completely and say this is me as well...

thank you, mg for your insightfulness...~smile~

belle

 

[Kuurspet]

Opposites attract

I am "infamous" for my lack of patience in my family and circle of friends. M is equally well known for his incredible patience. It has been a learning experience for us to come together. Over the years I have become more willing to wait, or to accept that I cannot be what I want, or do what I want perfectly, from the first moment. You'd think after 7 years I'd be further along....

I have come to learn that really good things are worth waiting for, particularly in relationships. I could never have lasted in a partnership where he was not willing to work with me, and wait for me. And when I have been with others, I quickly ended the relationships that pushed me faster than I could go.

K

 

[CarolineOh]

I could never enter into any kind of a relationship with anyone who was not willing to take me as I am, in the wholeness of my being, which includes my career, my interests, my family obligations, etc. I am a woman, I am not a cardboard cut out of a fantasy submissive.
Of course, there are many ways I can inprove myself, but I would expect any partner to work with me to help me grow. Deadlines and demands will not accomplish that.
Being the dominant partner in a d/s relationship does not, in my opinion, give one free rein to ignore the simple basic emotional give and take that is the heart of any successful relationship.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I find as a Domme who has male subs, that I am much more patient than they are.

Ebony

 

[Shadowsdream]

(I don't equate patience with understanding and respecting the other commitment's a sub has in his/her life. Understanding that one's children or other family is an integral part of your life isn't about patience. It's about the Dom/me accepting that the sub has a life outside the relationship and that life has meaning and value that helps the sub be the person he/she is.)

I am TOTALLY in agreement with every word of this statement.

A Dominant should wish to assist the submissive to be all they can be through Her guidance and acceptance not less than they were when they came to her.

If the said Dominant could not support the family unit, relationships with friends and work related issues her Domination would add stress rather than smooth the edges in every day life that cannot be avoided.

That being said the submissive must also take the same responsibility and realise that there will also be times when the Dominant is NOT available on the schedule of the submissive for those very same reasons. Neither shows respect to the other if they use guilt, anger or head games to try to get what they want, when they want it just because they want it.

Patience has nothing to do with this issue in My mind and My opinion only.

I have a great deal of patience IN THE BEGINNING of a relationship or training. But I do not enjoy repeating Myself over and over and over again. There are a few things that really bring the Bitch out in Me.

examples...

*waiting* I hate to be kept waiting because I do not like to keep people waiting. I find being late to be lazy and rude and arrogant if a sub of Mine keeps Me waiting when I am ready to go out (knowing this is a hard limit for Me ~~~grin~~) I actually become enraged or incredibly bored. I internalize this after it has ocurred 2 or 3 times but it is not forgotten...I see it as a lack of respect for MY needs. I am patient if the waiting is valid but if it is just pissing around it eventually will begin to erode some of the belief I have in the desire the sub says they have to make My life more pleasing. Because I know how much effort I put into the joy and happiness of those I take care of I expect as much in return.

*listening* I am incredibly busy at this time...this phase will continue for at least another 30 days...My health is less than I wish it was at the moment which makes Me sometimes more irritable and less available than I usually am. When I spend hours making this clear..all the whys...and I hear words of support and understanding IN THE MOMENT...and then within days I am assualted with the BUT what about ME! i have free time..i am bored...I need ATTENTION...NOW..between all the lines, I must question if there is anything between the ears to catch My words...

which brings Me to *repeating Myself* I bore Myself when I have to say over and over again...I am &%"¤/&%¤ sick! It embarrasses Me. I feel like a whiner! So eventually I just stop talking, bored, no patience. Relationship is now starting to end.

WHY? Frustration! The lack of respect I see I am getting when I know how much I give.

So the question is complex..the answers will vary.

good question

 

[artful]

Shadows

(I don't equate patience with understanding and respecting the other commitment's a sub has in his/her life. Understanding that one's children or other family is an integral part of your life isn't about patience. It's about the Dom/me accepting that the sub has a life outside the relationship and that life has meaning and value that helps the sub be the person he/she is.)

I am TOTALLY in agreement with every word of this statement.

My respect for you has edged up another notch. You continue to awe me, with how well you present and clarify your thoughts.

 

[spankableBelle]

i must say, i am in awe at the replies to this question...i have learned through the thoughts of Dom/mes and subs on this...how people perceive patience, how they wish to perceive it, and how they react to it or to a lack of it. As i said earlier, all of it helps to open the doors and windows in my learning place...and the windows and doors are huge, so there is a lot left for me to learn...conversation and debate, issues and concerns...i value these, the ability to speak the mind clearly (even though i don't always do a good job of it)...i appreciate, wholly, the answers and time people have taken to give...thank you...~smile~

belle

 

[Ebonyfire]

Hmmm

Bump!

 

[Never]

patience... How much I have depends on how badly I want something. The more I want it the more impatient and patient I become.

 

[Ebonyfire]

patience... How much I have depends on how badly I want something. The more I want it the more impatient and patient I become.

Ah, but good things cum to those who wait.

 

[Never]

Ah, but good things cum to those who wait.

As long as I've been waiting, I'm certain something fuckingly fabulous is about to come to me.

 

[Ebonyfire]

As long as I've been waiting, I'm certain something fuckingly fabulous is about to come to me.

You needed a spew alert for that one!

Oh I am sure something good is on its way...

 

[FungiUg]

Well, I know there have been times when I wished for some real "instant subbie" mix (just add water.) At the same time, there were submissives I could have played with but who weren't suitable, so I was willing to be patient and find the right person.

In terms of training, I can be very patient. It just depends. Mostly I am patient, I think. For some things I am impatient.

 

[Netzach]

I am remarkably patient with M.

Maybe less so with the playmate-subs who come and go...

but with M, what the fuck, I have a lifetime to get him to hop to my every little whim, right?

 

[Ebonyfire]

Training Patience

I think it behooves a dominant to take the time to teach patience to his or her submissive.

Why? Because submissives do a lot of waiting for something to happen.