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lovetoread
hello daddy
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I have never had a problem with past relationships. I figure that if he is with me now, thats good enough.
The only problem is with my past relationships. My ex husband is my children's father. There will always be a relationship there, it takes a good man to realize that the bond I have with him wont go away, well until the kids turn 21.
The only problem is with my past relationships. My ex husband is my children's father. There will always be a relationship there, it takes a good man to realize that the bond I have with him wont go away, well until the kids turn 21.
Lust Engine
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lovetoread said:
I think LTR's got a great point. As long as there aren't kids involved, their past really doesn't matter. Once you toss kids into the mix, they're YOURS forever & ever. Just try to be their parent still despite of what differences you might've had with their other parent.
I do still sometimes fret over T's past relationships, or at least the last one, which was the biggest. The only ways that I negatively compare myself relate to my difficulty with orgasm. She, of course, could have multiples, orgasms from intercourse alone, orgasms from assfucking alone, and she squirted. I can barely get myself off with a vibrator and 10 minutes. G spot me no likey.
It is mostly my fear of disappointing T, of making him frustrated with my unresponsive body, that keeps pulling me back to compare myself with his ex. But we talk about it, and I think that's the best thing to do. Explain why you keep thinking about his relationships and believe him when he tells you they are completely different situations. (I'm still in the process of believing him.)
It is mostly my fear of disappointing T, of making him frustrated with my unresponsive body, that keeps pulling me back to compare myself with his ex. But we talk about it, and I think that's the best thing to do. Explain why you keep thinking about his relationships and believe him when he tells you they are completely different situations. (I'm still in the process of believing him.)
I am currently in a relationship with a man who has been married before and has two grown sons. I've yet to meet his ex-wife, and I don't know if I will or not. How do I feel? I've asked about her, what happened, etc. While he respects her as the mother of his children, he really wants as little to do with her as possible. He'll answer my questions, but he doesn't put forth any information. I prefer that. I've always maintained the attitude that if one doesn't really want to know the answer, one should never ask the question.
Besides, it's not like I don't have past relationships as well. He's got that to deal with, and I know that sometimes when we do something he wonders where I learned it from or who was the first person I did it with. However, he rocks my world now - that's what is important. I trust him and he's honest with me. That's more important to me than any past relationship(s) he's had.
I do agree with LTR and LE - kids into the mix does bring about certain (would be) complications. It depends on how the ex's deal with each other. But it doesn't end at 21. There are continuous life events that will necessitate bringing the biological parents together again and again. Marriages, birth of grandchildren, school graduations, holidays, etc. It's vital that the person coming into the relationship understand that, if there are children involved (young or adult), that there will always be some connection. There needs to be security and communication to make things work well.
Besides, it's not like I don't have past relationships as well. He's got that to deal with, and I know that sometimes when we do something he wonders where I learned it from or who was the first person I did it with. However, he rocks my world now - that's what is important. I trust him and he's honest with me. That's more important to me than any past relationship(s) he's had.
I do agree with LTR and LE - kids into the mix does bring about certain (would be) complications. It depends on how the ex's deal with each other. But it doesn't end at 21. There are continuous life events that will necessitate bringing the biological parents together again and again. Marriages, birth of grandchildren, school graduations, holidays, etc. It's vital that the person coming into the relationship understand that, if there are children involved (young or adult), that there will always be some connection. There needs to be security and communication to make things work well.
PinkOrchid
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Lust Engine
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Mmmmm... hearing about a person's previous sexual adventures CAN be a huge turn on for me too. Knowing that they've been around the block a few times and bringing all that to the table (or whatever piece of furniture at the moment) can be sooooo stimulating. Knowing some of their quirks or other lecherious behaviors can paint a pretty naughty picture as to where you can proceed.
Allison484
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lovetoread said:
LTR, the relationship NEVER goes away, even after the kids turn 21. Both my kids have different fathers and both kids are over 21. I don't often speak to my exes now, but there is still a bit of a "bond" that will always be there.
Allison
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EE, I adore your answer. That's brilliant.
I've been pretty much fine with people's past relationships that are in the past. Manipulative ex's are no good at all, and men that let themselves be played with are sometimes just too damaged to deal with.
Then again, I'm just not a jealous person, as long as I have trust in whomever I want to be with... and if I can't trust him, why should I be with him?
I've been pretty much fine with people's past relationships that are in the past. Manipulative ex's are no good at all, and men that let themselves be played with are sometimes just too damaged to deal with.
Then again, I'm just not a jealous person, as long as I have trust in whomever I want to be with... and if I can't trust him, why should I be with him?
kaoskytton
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Being jealous, being suspicious, it doesn't solve anything, and it doesn't stop them from walking away, if that's what they're going to do.
Be happy, and know that, in the end, all we have is ourselves. I mean, seriously, not to be the romantic-kill here, but let's say we get into an average of what, 50-200 relationships in our lives? How many of them last "forever"? Maybe, maybe one?
Man, it's doomed. Like life. It ends. That doesn't mean we can't enjoy the life we have and live for the moments given to us.
Very few people stay together forever. Don't look for a reason why you won't. Enjoy the person you're with.
Be happy, and know that, in the end, all we have is ourselves. I mean, seriously, not to be the romantic-kill here, but let's say we get into an average of what, 50-200 relationships in our lives? How many of them last "forever"? Maybe, maybe one?
Man, it's doomed. Like life. It ends. That doesn't mean we can't enjoy the life we have and live for the moments given to us.
Very few people stay together forever. Don't look for a reason why you won't. Enjoy the person you're with.
capricious_chic
Yes
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darkeyed_suzy said:
I suspect that the only reason one would be insecure or anxious would be if the current lover still wants the past lover. If it has become clear that you are the second choice, and that they spend time pining over the one that got away. If that is the case, then it is not worth dealing with. Move on.
Noor
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For me past relationships are only a problem if issues from the past come up in current ones .
Issues like betrayal, trust, honesty, abuse, and possesiveness where even relatively minor actions can generate seemingly massive amounts of past feelings.
Issues like betrayal, trust, honesty, abuse, and possesiveness where even relatively minor actions can generate seemingly massive amounts of past feelings.
Its never bothered me in the least. I mean, i'm not the jealous type at all, because i know in the end, i'm the one that she's coming home to...so yeah, past relationships dont really bother me at all, cause they're in the past, duh, lol.
Lust Engine
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Eagle70 said:
Well said Eagle! Besides there's nothing we can do about it anyway, so why not enjoy the moment & NOT let the past ruin what could be a nice future?
Lust Engine said:Well said Eagle! Besides there's nothing we can do about it anyway, so why not enjoy the moment & NOT let the past ruin what could be a nice future?
My man and I dealt with a LOT of 'past' issues, as many of you on this board know. Thanks again for your help with that, by the way.
We're okay with it now. We recognize that what happened to us MAKES us who we are, and if we accept each other, then we have to accept the past, too.
And now, we do. And my man said the coolest thing to me the other day...he asked me if I had done a particular thing with anyone else, and I admitted that I had. He then smiled and without any trace of jealousy whatsoever, said, "Will you teach me?"
If that ain't acceptance, I don't know what is.
S.
English_Dan
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I was pretty worried about my girlfriend's previous relationships when things started going down the sexual route. I asked her questions about what she liked, what she tried, what she wanted to try etc. I agree with the statement that previous relationships are all a part of the person. I know for a fact that without my previous relationships I would be a totally different individual. So I like to talk about the past with whoever I'm with, because at the end of the day you can't change it, so you might as well know about it.
Anyway, with my girlfriend, she'd had less partners than my last serious girlfriend, but had done more experimental stuff. Dressing up, positions, eating stuff off other stuff, outdoors, being tied up. I on the other hand, was essentially a virgin - although I had performed a lot of oral sex, and loved it. So, I was pretty worried. I wanted to live up to all this great stuff she did, and seeing as the other guys in her life had treated her like dirt I didn't want her to think I was anything like them so I wanted to make it special. Well after a lot of talking to her about those guys, what she liked, and also what she didn't like, I got a good picture of her tastes and knew how I could satisfy her, but I couldn't shake this feeling of competition(male ego? you betcha). Anyway, the kicker came when she told me she'd only ever had two orgasms in a row,a nd that was 'sortof by accident'. This girl was a lot more sexually open minded and liked sex a lot more than a couple of my exes, who I had gotten to 2 or 3 orgasms from oral. I found a ray of hope, if you will. After that, the past stuff didn't bother me because I had the evidence to back up the common sense - there can't have been anything really good with those guys cos she was with me. It's been great with her ever since, and we're just embarking on a great sex life which, for me, has a lot of stuff in it that's new and exciting, and for her she's doing it with someone who adores her completely.
So, in summary: I say learn about the past and use it to be the best partner you can be. Take note of all the good and bad, and capitalise on what you have in common that's good. Avoid the bad.
Anyway, with my girlfriend, she'd had less partners than my last serious girlfriend, but had done more experimental stuff. Dressing up, positions, eating stuff off other stuff, outdoors, being tied up. I on the other hand, was essentially a virgin - although I had performed a lot of oral sex, and loved it. So, I was pretty worried. I wanted to live up to all this great stuff she did, and seeing as the other guys in her life had treated her like dirt I didn't want her to think I was anything like them so I wanted to make it special. Well after a lot of talking to her about those guys, what she liked, and also what she didn't like, I got a good picture of her tastes and knew how I could satisfy her, but I couldn't shake this feeling of competition(male ego? you betcha). Anyway, the kicker came when she told me she'd only ever had two orgasms in a row,a nd that was 'sortof by accident'. This girl was a lot more sexually open minded and liked sex a lot more than a couple of my exes, who I had gotten to 2 or 3 orgasms from oral. I found a ray of hope, if you will. After that, the past stuff didn't bother me because I had the evidence to back up the common sense - there can't have been anything really good with those guys cos she was with me. It's been great with her ever since, and we're just embarking on a great sex life which, for me, has a lot of stuff in it that's new and exciting, and for her she's doing it with someone who adores her completely.
So, in summary: I say learn about the past and use it to be the best partner you can be. Take note of all the good and bad, and capitalise on what you have in common that's good. Avoid the bad.
G
Guest
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what the !?!
I have less than a handful. Where in the world do you get 50-200 relationships.
My girl has been around 20 or so guys. I doesn't bother me so much that she has been with this many guys sexually. Hell we turn it into a good thing.
Um its more the fact that she will still talk with them, and try to remain friends with them afterwords. I don't really care for this part. She knows this though and said yeah thats fine,but i plan on being friends with them with you or not. I was ok i said my piece, but i guess i just wanted to be with her enough to put it aside for now. If your open with her, then have to fear.
nah.... 50 to 200 relationships is a lot - but to me, it depends on how you define relationships. Suppose it just means people you meet, have a crush on, flirt with - maybe go out with once or twice, and things don't go any further... Depending on how hard you fall for them, or how much you allow yourself to hope that they could be the one for you - 50 to 200 is an easy number to rack up. And most of those little crushes will go nowhere, and more likely than not, they could end badly.
Right on, Eagle!
Right on, Eagle!
kaoskytton
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Yep...I'm the group slut...WAHOO! Ride me like Seattle Slew, I'm here 'til Thursday.
Seriously, I was grossly overexagerrating...In a lifetime, and that's actually a whole lot more than I have or anticipate having. But my point was, for whatever number we have, in the end, don't we stand alone? I mean, it's not futile, no more than life than eventually ends...but it just seems to me that so many people tie themselves down for something that is not only painful but as temporary as purgatory.
Man, the odds of the person you're with lasting the rest of your life is a slim-to-none chance. Enjoy them for what they are and while it lasts. Don't resent the flower because other people look at it because when it's gone, you'll regret that you didn't admire it while it was blooming.
Ride me like Seattle Slew, I'm here 'til Thursday. Seriously, I was grossly overexagerrating...In a lifetime, and that's actually a whole lot more than I have or anticipate having. But my point was, for whatever number we have, in the end, don't we stand alone? I mean, it's not futile, no more than life than eventually ends...but it just seems to me that so many people tie themselves down for something that is not only painful but as temporary as purgatory.
Man, the odds of the person you're with lasting the rest of your life is a slim-to-none chance. Enjoy them for what they are and while it lasts. Don't resent the flower because other people look at it because when it's gone, you'll regret that you didn't admire it while it was blooming.
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i would have to disagree. Most of my family on my mothers side are all married and still together. I know if i wanted to get "married" that it would last. Why because i have seen how it can last and i can model it after that way.
again all in how you see it. My grandfather died and he had 15 people in there watch him. Morbid nah, just love for a sweet man. S you could say we die alone, but in today's age its rather hard.
see this can fall under many areas. People tend to do this because they are comfortable and don't like sudden change. But even with a sudden change people tend to revert back to the normal ways. Then some people are so used to the pain that if they don't have it. They are consider themselves lost and alone.
well in trhat case i would put it up around 400. That to me is a little to over genernal statement for my taste. I would 50-75 would be better with the others being just being a hi how you doing, and moving on sort of thing. You know cheap talk.
again all in how you see it. My grandfather died and he had 15 people in there watch him. Morbid nah, just love for a sweet man. S you could say we die alone, but in today's age its rather hard.
see this can fall under many areas. People tend to do this because they are comfortable and don't like sudden change. But even with a sudden change people tend to revert back to the normal ways. Then some people are so used to the pain that if they don't have it. They are consider themselves lost and alone.
well in trhat case i would put it up around 400. That to me is a little to over genernal statement for my taste. I would 50-75 would be better with the others being just being a hi how you doing, and moving on sort of thing. You know cheap talk.
Lust Engine
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sheath said:My man and I dealt with a LOT of 'past' issues, as many of you on this board know. Thanks again for your help with that, by the way.
We're okay with it now. We recognize that what happened to us MAKES us who we are, and if we accept each other, then we have to accept the past, too.
And now, we do. And my man said the coolest thing to me the other day...he asked me if I had done a particular thing with anyone else, and I admitted that I had. He then smiled and without any trace of jealousy whatsoever, said, "Will you teach me?"
If that ain't acceptance, I don't know what is.
S.
Not only does it sound like acceptance, it sure as heck sounds like a whole lotta fun!
Lust Engine
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sheath said:Well, I taught him...and it was SO much fun!
S.
Some education! I'm sure he loves the homework!!!
What's a guy gotta do for extra credit in the sheath school???
