Passive and active voice

[FatDino]

It's also the natural choice for technical writing -- which is my background and the reason I have to fight so hard not to use passive voice.

Same here.

"All lab reports need to be written in passive voice and put in past tense." Said the profs.

 

[Penelope Street]

I just noticed the spell checker on my current story reckons I'm running 10% passive on this one, I usually run about 3-4%. So I went hunting to find them.

The first one was: "How could she let herself be fooled like that?"
The second was: "She was trapped."

I stopped looking. I decided I don't care about 10% passive. I aint changing either of those sentences, they fit perfectly in context and, frankly, I can't figure out how to change the second one.

The two sample sentences look ok. Although it's not clear who does the fooling or the trapping, if the surrounding paragraph provides this information, then maybe they do fit perfectly in context. The second sentence seems the easiest to change to active simply by making whoever does the trapping the subject of the sentence, though I can see why you wouldn't want to do so.

How long is this story? Ten percent seems pretty high. I think I'd keep looking even though these two sentences appear to work.

Passive definitely has its place- when my busy little girl Jessamine suddenly gets what she was wanting...

If I'm understanding Stella correctly, then I think she's hit the proverbial nail on the head- a passive voice can be effective when the recepient of an action is more important than the party performing that action.

 

[starrkers]

The two sample sentences look ok. Although it's not clear who does the fooling or the trapping, if the surrounding paragraph provides this information, then maybe they do fit perfectly in context. The second sentence seems the easiest to change to active simply by making whoever does the trapping the subject of the sentence, though I can see why you wouldn't want to do so.

How long is this story? Ten percent seems pretty high. I think I'd keep looking even though these two sentences appear to work.

If I'm understanding Stella correctly, then I think she's hit the proverbial nail on the head- a passive voice can be effective when the recepient of an action is more important than the party performing that action.

Right now, the story is around 1200 words (there are many more to come). It is a part 2. Part one was about 7600 words and had 5% passive.
Most of what has been written so far is the main character reflecting on what happened in part one, second guessing herself.
I expect the passive percentage will drop when the action takes off again.

My main purpose in starting this thread (beyond procrastination) was to find out why some people make it their life's work to extirpate passive sentences from their work.
It's never worried me overly and I'm happy to let them stay, as long as they don't try and take over the joint.

 

[WhiteWave48]

*****

 

[Darkniciad]

I think I've figured out the key to not pulling all my hair out while trying to eliminate passive voice. I have to give up little bits of description I've been desperately trying to keep *laugh*

When I bite the bullet and drop a word or phrase I really don't want to drop, that little passive blip vanishes with no problem. I just went through an edit in twice the time it takes me normally, but in half the time it usually takes me while paying attention to passive voice. Nary a blip left in the whole chapter, and I didn't scream in frustration once.

 

[WhiteWave48]

*****

 

[WhiteWave48]

*****

 

[Virgin_Whore_Baby]

Most of the examples of passive voices that were posted seem to be more like 'this happened" rather than "this happened to them". Do I need to shove the characters in more to make it "active"?

Uninteresting to some might be completely enthralling to others.

To be honest, the passive voice isn't something I understand. I've had it explained to me a hundred times and I still don't really know what it is.

Read Now and Forever by ANGELICMINX. I think it helped me see what differentiates between active & passive.

It's the natural choice for technical writing.

What is considered technical writing? What's the difference between that & "nontechnical" writing?

A passive voice can be effective when the recepient of an action is more important than the party performing that action.

Please give me an example.

 

[WhiteWave48]

*****

 

[cantdog]

Shoving the characters in sounds like a good idea. They are often missing entirely in a passive sentence, or just tacked on at the end. 'Voice' in a sentence is achieved through its structure - its word order. A sentence using 'active voice' is structured so its subject, usually a person, is the focus of our attentions and is doing the action to an object.

Example: Jones tore the dress from the girl's body and tossed it aside.

A sentence using 'passive voice' is configured so the object of the action is the focus and the subject is reduced in importance or missing altogether.

Example: The dress was torn from the girl's body and tossed aside (by Jones).

The dress is the object receiving the actions of tearing and tossing, but in a passive sentence it becomes the feature of the sentence, not Jones the man. In this example the dress is basically an inert object, so the sentence dies a little without the active presence of Jones to initiate the action. Of course, there are always good reasons for a writer wishing to focus on the object now and then.

And technical writing using passive voice? A typical example is anything you'd find in an instruction booklet or a set of procedures like a cooking recipe. Here are some examples made up with reference to that type of thing:

Example: These services can only be used if they are supported by your network or service provider.

Example: No part of this document is to be transferred, distributed or stored without the permission of the company.

Example: Reproduction of this article in any form is prohibited.

In each case, the active agent, 'the company' and 'you', have 'been removed' by forces unknown. If you converted them to active voice, these sentences would put 'the company' or 'you' in the spotlight, not the document:

You may only be able to use these services if your network or service provider supports them.
The company allows you to transfer, distribute or store all or part of this document only if you seek permission.
The company prohibits reproduction of this article in any form.

The passive voice, as you see, strips the doer, the agent of the action, out of the sentence. If something "is prohibited." it really makes all the difference by whom, doesn't it? If Aunt Mabel prohibits it, or the mob, or the man in blue representing the state of Illinois. In passive voice, you just get to leave that part out. It could just be the night clerk who prohibits it, but it sounds official.

The form 22-TSH-1417 is required. Notice, there's no one to blame for this. Nobody in particular is stepping up to take responsibility for requiring it; there is no data about who to argue with about the requirement. This makes it useful in the business and bureaucratic world, where blame is so important and responsibility is anathema.

It's also the standard form in scientific and technical writing. In a scientific setting, something happens, but you usually want to discuss the cause of it later, in your conclusions. The spoon was seen to bend, or the spoon bent, but we don't want to say that the mage's mind power bent the spoon until we know that.

In writing fiction, if you use the passive too much you make the whole thing fall flat. When bureaucrats and middle managers write ad copy they do that, because they use passive.

The sales event of the year willl be held Tuesday, the eleventh. Our cars will be sold at low, low, prices.

Now think of the sort of thing they do in real ad copy, where the agent is named and only in the fine print does passive voice return.

 

[Virgin_Whore_Baby]

I had to read it two or three times, but I get it now!

 

[Weird Harold]

What is considered technical writing? What's the difference between that & "nontechnical" writing?

Technical writing is what you find in owners' manuals, cookbooks, checklists, test procedures, and the like -- where the driving need of the writing is "just the facts, ma'am."

 

[rgraham666]

Technical writing is what you find in owners' manuals, cookbooks, checklists, test procedures, and the like -- where the driving need of the writing is "just the facts, ma'am."

Which is why so many of them fail at their purpose. Most manuals cause my brain to glaze over after the first page. It's hard to learn anything when you're nearly catatonic with boredom.

 

[WhiteWave48]

*****

 

[rgraham666]

And that's why some smart companies have developed a more honest 'plain English' policy so they can tell it how it is, straight to the reader.

Thank God for that.

 

[Penelope Street]

A passive voice can be effective when the recepient of an action is more important than the party performing that action.

Please give me an example.

She was trapped is a good example, assuming that 'she' refers to the central character and it's obvious who does the trapping. The purpose of the sentence would be to emphasize the protagonist's situation, not the actions of her antagonist(s).