Partner too extreme, or too mild?

[Marquis]

Would you say your partner's desires are more or less extreme than yours? Obviously, they could be extreme in different areas, but generally.

What's your gender, orientation and how did you meet your partner?



I particularly want to hear from subs who think their Tops are more extreme than themselves.

 

[catalina_francisco]

LOL, well you know us, we take turns at who is more extreme but in general it is fairly evenly balanced in just the way we like it, and we progess together at a steady pace.

Catalina

 

[alice_underneath]

Would you say your partner's desires are more or less extreme than yours?

His are much less extreme than mine.

What's your gender, orientation and how did you meet your partner?

Female.
Heterosexual.
At the office.

I particularly want to hear from subs who think their Tops are more extreme than themselves.

Oops. Nevermind.

Alice

 

[fingermagic]

Would you say your partner's desires are more or less extreme than yours? Obviously, they could be extreme in different areas, but generally.

What's your gender, orientation and how did you meet your partner?



I particularly want to hear from subs who think their Tops are more extreme than themselves.

Too vanilla. Mild bondage.

 

[BeachGurl2]

Straight female sub here.

Well, I've had both a partner who was too extreme and a partner who wasn't extreme enough.

The problem I had with the partner who was too extreme was that it made me feel somewhat a failure - he knew I only participated in those things that were too extreme for me out of a desire to please him, but because I didn't enjoy it, it didn't really please him. Kind of a catch-22. And I have one very hard limit - I'm extremely claustrophobic. That created a big problem as I can have a major panic attack when it hits. Needless to say, the relationship didn't last very long.

The problem I had with the partner who wasn't as extreme was that, as a sub, it's difficult to ask for what I want, and when I finally do, again, it makes me feel a little bit like a failure. However, once I did start asking for what I wanted, it was fun seeing him push beyond his own limits and begin to enjoy the things I enjoyed.

 

[Marquis]

Admit it though, You'd rather hear from girl subbies; talking about how pushed boundaries (namely ass fucking if I remember you) turned out to be unexpectedly awesome.

Not at all my man, I am looking to learn about the psychology of subs under pressure. Your input is most welcome.

 

[PredatorSmile]

Top of the morning to ya ! I'm 23, female, bisexual. My partner is a 20-year old bisexual male. I'm the more sexually aggressive half of this pair. I've got the most sexual experience. I'm out and proud to all my family members and friends. I dont know if I'm a top or a sub. With girls, I am usually VERY aggressive, almost butch. With my man, I tend to let go and enjoy what he's doing to me. I often initiate sex. He often seems to be otherwise occupied. If I want to get laid, I have to get naked and stimulate him. He's often too polite and too shy for his own good. He's only aggressive during anal sex, it's the only time I've heard him swear.
I want him to come home, grab me and fuck me hard. Unfortunately, I have to ask.

 

[Blushing Bottom]

Female
Sexual
In my limited experience I find the partners I've had to be not nearly extreme enough.

Would you say your partner's desires are more or less extreme than yours? Obviously, they could be extreme in different areas, but generally.

What's your gender, orientation and how did you meet your partner?



I particularly want to hear from subs who think their Tops are more extreme than themselves.

 

[Netzach]

More extreme in some ways, less in others.

I'm a less sexual player than my husband, he's more of the "selective slut" type.

 

[babiesmiles]

Female straight sub here .
My Master is more experienced than me so I think he has less boundaries than me , but the main thing is he cares for me so I can say he never puts me " under pressure". We are going together in this journey and the thing which is mainly worth is we are going there hand in hand . Labels and definitions dont count so much for us , the essential is he is part of my life and i am part of his .
I think for us the most important thing is to share this journey , and I know he will wait for me to reach for the level of experience I need to be his perfect match .
We are improving day by day , and his warmth sorrounds me and makes more easy my surrending to his wishes , whatever they are. Ty my master , i am yours
b.

 

[babiesmiles]

double post sorry

 

[landcruisergal]

Female, 38, switch.

My pup thinks I am too extreme in some ways, not strict enough in others.I'm working on some kind of balance, but ultimately its my show anyway.

My new dom; I've been 'sub-let' to a dom who I have chatted with occassionally online for over 2 years. He always respected the fact that I was someone elses property, and never overstepped the mark. We both took care to keep our chats very general and not exclusively bdsm.
He and my master share similar tastes. He has neither the time or patience to train another novice. My master moved interstate and I was effectively domless, and they discussed me and have come to this agreement.
That said, he is more of a sadist, more intense, more of a perfectionist than what I am used to.
I'm enjoying the challenge.

 

[superlittlegirl]

I am in a relationship with a man who enjoys quite aggressive play. I enjoy many modes of aggressive play as well, but can rarely participate to the degree that we'd both enjoy because as much as I love the bruises, they are counterproductive to my work persona. I don't consider myself to be a true masochist, or a bottom, or even very submissive, though I do have elements of all of these in my sexual personality. I enjoy the energy flow of extremely intense play, but it's often difficult for me to accept intense stimulus while in a submissive mode. It's a delicate balance for me, and one that feels risky at times.

Because we are exploring a lifestyle of conscious non-monogamy, I have encouraged him to seek play partners who crave the level of intensity that is satisfying to him. I particularly enjoy the times when he and I top them together, and other times I like to sit back and watch him work. I feed off of their energy in a deliciously perverse way. I always thank the girls for taking their beatings, because it keeps my butt in tip-top shape. (I also love to hear the details of the times when he tops them alone. I do have occasional twinges of jealousy, but it is quite manageable.)

He also enjoys a strong element of humiliation and degradation as part of his play. That feels too emotionally risky for me, so an affinity for humiliation and degradation is another quality he seeks in his potential play partners, and I am grateful to them for fulfilling his need. His play with others has been particularly instructive to me, because I have been able to get a sense for what I am able to find hot under the humiliation/degradation umbrella when he has recounted his playtimes to me. I find my range of potential possibilities expanding after each session.

(As far as my need for intense play goes, I am particularly interested in exploring play piercing and electro-stimulation as ways into intense stimulation that would leave less severe marks, or no trace at all.)

 

[superlittlegirl]

I forgot to include in the previous post: I am a 29 year old poly bisexual switch. My partner is a 44 year old straight (but not narrow) Dominant man.

 

[serijules]

female, bi-sexual lesbian (don't ask), slave. I met her online sorta...we had mutual friends we both knew in person, but we didn't actually know each other. We talked a bit on AIM before we actually met in person at a party. It's funny though, because neither of us remember connecting online or how we ever actually got to talking online since she is not online very much and never came to the chatroom that our other friends did.

That was TMI

Anyhow...She scares me to pieces, but I always want her to push me further, give me more more more. Take what you will from that.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Female straight submissive

My first Dom was initially too extreme for me painwise. He's really more of a sadist than anything. But I found myself really really enjoying it eventually. His 'extremeness' ended up teaching me a lot about myself.

My current Dom is a bit too extreme humiliation wise. But I find myself enjoying that more and more as well.

So - 'extreme' is not a good measure for me. I seem to shift, flex, bend to whatever He desires...

 

[shy slave]

Female owned slave, bi-curious and we met online.

Its an interesting question Marquis

When he and I met, and up until a few months ago, I would have said he was much more extreme than I was.

However there have been mind shifts and changes and I am not sure how big the gap is any more.

He and I have discussed this, he has said that some of the things I have talked about are more than he expected me to say.

I enjoy it when he pushes bounderies, even though at the time I may struggle with either the mental or physical aspects, the achievement and success puts me on a high.

He has said he is going to step up the level we have been working at, so we may find the gap between us increases or continues to reduce.

Of course, your question means that we ended up discussing what is generally considered extreme and where we, as a couple, fall into that line between mild and extreme.

If your looking at the the psych of subs under pressure do you think there would be a difference between the level of pressure/anxiety of asking them to do something they have not considered before or moving something they are familiar with up a level?

Personally, a new thing, causes me far more anxiety, however I feel under greater pressure when he asks me to enhance a skill I already have.
I hate failure and the idea of failing at something I have previously achieved makes it a more difficult task.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Female owned slave, bi-curious and we met online.

Its an interesting question Marquis

When he and I met, and up until a few months ago, I would have said he was much more extreme than I was.

However there have been mind shifts and changes and I am not sure how big the gap is any more.

He and I have discussed this, he has said that some of the things I have talked about are more than he expected me to say.

I enjoy it when he pushes bounderies, even though at the time I may struggle with either the mental or physical aspects, the achievement and success puts me on a high.

He has said he is going to step up the level we have been working at, so we may find the gap between us increases or continues to reduce.

Of course, your question means that we ended up discussing what is generally considered extreme and where we, as a couple, fall into that line between mild and extreme.

If your looking at the the psych of subs under pressure do you think there would be a difference between the level of pressure/anxiety of asking them to do something they have not considered before or moving something they are familiar with up a level?

Personally, a new thing, causes me far more anxiety, however I feel under greater pressure when he asks me to enhance a skill I already have.
I hate failure and the idea of failing at something I have previously achieved makes it a more difficult task.

LOL, girl you and I think and feel so alike over a variety of topics and issues most times.

Catalina

 

[serijules]

<snip>

I enjoy it when he pushes bounderies, even though at the time I may struggle with either the mental or physical aspects, the achievement and success puts me on a high.

He has said he is going to step up the level we have been working at, so we may find the gap between us increases or continues to reduce.

<snip>

I too love it when she pushes me. I always surprise myself with how much further I wish she would go, even when she pushes past what I used to think to be a boundary. Every time I "grasp" something new or take a previous expectation to a new level of obedience and service, I too feel that high you speak of.

After a recent weekend with D, I commented on how I was proud of myself for being able to foresee and meet her expectations with greater ease than I have in the past.

Her reply was "know that my expectations will grow"

That made me shiver. I do love that control.

 

[shy slave]

I too love it when she pushes me. I always surprise myself with how much further I wish she would go, even when she pushes past what I used to think to be a boundary. Every time I "grasp" something new or take a previous expectation to a new level of obedience and service, I too feel that high you speak of.

After a recent weekend with D, I commented on how I was proud of myself for being able to foresee and meet her expectations with greater ease than I have in the past.

Her reply was "know that my expectations will grow"

That made me shiver. I do love that control.

Oh serijules I just love how those short sentences worm their way into my mind and having me distracted for days

Catalina ~

 

[Etoile]

Originally, Daddy was more extreme than me. Much more. Now things have gotten far too comfortable for em and I find myself craving more - more extreme, more kinky, more intense. Sigh.

Y'all know my orientation and whatnot already, right? Just in case, I'm a queer dyke and I met my Daddy on the Internet back in 1997. We were friends for several years - including em tying me up at parties for show - before starting a relationship in 2000.

I'm much more extreme than my wife, too, but we don't really have a strong D/s relationship. I did get way more than 25 spankings for my birthday though!

 

[PredatorSmile]

My partner is a Sexually Conservative Bisexual Man. He is not creative at all and surprisingly close-minded when it comes to sexual role-playing. Thank you very much for asking.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Would you say your partner's desires are more or less extreme than yours? Obviously, they could be extreme in different areas, but generally.

What's your gender, orientation and how did you meet your partner?

I particularly want to hear from subs who think their Tops are more extreme than themselves.

I'm a female submissive, met my husband/dom here 3 years ago next month. He was posting on the GB of all places and I pm'd him because I found a comment of his amusing. The rest is history. As to the question at hand...for the most part, we are on the same wavelength when it comes to the extremity of our desires. The only thing I can think of that we vary on is that needle play is something that I found really intense, and would like to really push the envelope with, and he is completely uninterested in it.

~Anelize

 

[Quint]

As far as fantasy-life goes, I think I'm still more extreme than T. When he wants to hurt me, though, he's more extreme than me because well, I'm kind of a baby with most forms of physical pain. As for trying new things, we're on a par.

22, bi (and how I do miss female interaction), and through a former mutual friend. Yes, Tyra, I broke one of the cardinal rules of sisterhood.

 

[marieR19]

Huh. Um, in talking about stuff we'd like to do, we're pretty evenly matched, and I like that. However, in actually doing stuff, I'm less tolerant of pain then I think I am and want to believe (I admit it), and so it kinda creates awkwardness 'cause she loves hitting me. I love it too, just not how hard she does. But when it comes to other things, I'm definately more interested and "extreme" then she is... Example, I love to be humiliated, but she doesn't like doing that to me.


Heather