Parents, is this right?

[Guest]

Parents, is this right? (sarcasm)

1. The child isn't out of diapers until s/he is OVER 4 years old.

2. The child at almost 6 years old hasn't been taught to wipe after pooping.

3. The child at almost 6 years old has to have a parent with them to bathe, doesn't shower yet, as well as brush their teeth without help. Or how about the child going without a bath for 3-4 days? Sometimes, s/he needs help dressing because the parent hasn't taught them. Or the child will put up a fuss, and beg the parent to help them dress when in fact they can, but refuses to do it. The child gets their way. The parent gives in.

4. The child at almost 6 years old just started pre-school in March 2005. (the end of the year!)

5. The child at almost 6 years old won't sleep without the parent, and the parent refuses to teach them any different. And if s/he cries for a treat after brushing their teeth before bed, gets a cookie, and their way. 10 or 11pm bedtime this young??

6. The child is spoiled with material things, yet no quality time in what I have seen -hasn't been taught how to color, write their name, etc.

And I could go on. I think the education of a child this young is so important. Well, for a child at any age, really. It's the early years, and if kept this way will have a very hard time with other kids when going to first grade. I believe the child could get hurt and bullied (sp?) from others in school due to being treated like a baby this long.

The child is very smart, and can probably do all these things, but the parent keeps treating the child like a baby, therefore the child walks all over the parent, and the parent lets it happen. I hope that made sense. This child is far from being stupid, doesn't have ADHD, and can really pull some adorable faces to get what s/he wants.

What would you do if this parent was a friend of yours? I'm a mother of two girls: 14, 11, and also a boy who's 10, and it's driving me nuts.

 

[pupper]

I would avoid these folks like the plague,unless it's family but expect to be critiqued on your parenting skills in return.My wife and I have gotten to where we don't really associate with anyone(with unruly kids).We Run our own business and we have our fill of people for too many hours during the week that any idle time we spend with our kids or each other(behind closed,locked doors).We have a couple of friends/business associates that we go out with occasionally.

 

[phoenix1224]

I don't know what to tell you other than when this kid grows up, he/she is going to need to seek some major psychological help because your friend has seriously stunted him/her emotionally.

I never understood why some parents think that coddling the hell out of their kids is a GOOD thing for them...

 

[emap]

The reason they are doing this is most likely one or both of them, assuming their are two of course were raised in strict households, so swore they wouldn't be like that and that's the result.

Another option is he ran out on her, or other way around and the remaining parent is doing that to the child so they won't run away also. If there is anyway to to convince them to do so, get them to go to a therapist. The therapist will point out what they are doing to their child and hopefully will manage to convince them that they HAVE to change the way they treat the child.

If not, MOVE, I am so not kidding, soon as that kid gets older assuming he, will probably start forcing himself on women, a she would be a bit easier to handle, she will simply run off with anything male, possibly female. Though either sex would be shortly producing babies.

If you think otherwise, consider when puberty starts, hormones go absolutely nuts, and generally the biggest thought in your head then is sex, it's kinda rare to find a 13 year old not at least thinking of sex several times a day.

I was thinking of it lots more, but the town was kinda compacted with lots of boys near my age.

 

[EJFan]

i have to agree with the others... incredibly bad parenting skills... they may need therapy because it sounds like they're harboring some psychological problems that are compelling them to keep the child from maturing.

life has a way of kicking us all in the ass sooner or later. when this kid grows older reality is gonna smack it in the face like nobody's business. if s/he is emotionally underdeveloped (courtesy of the retarded parents) it'll be that much harder to adapt. s/he will have to assimilate sooner or later though because society will force it if the parents don't.

if these parents are people you're close to, i think you have to sit them down and try to work this out. if they're NOT close to you then i think you can just watch the show from afar. i feel sorry for all of them.

 

[Eilan]

The child isn't out of diapers until s/he is OVER 4 years old.

I'm ashamed to admit that my now-7-year-old was in Pull-Ups until she was 4 1/2. It wasn't a matter of intelligence: she damn well knew what she was supposed to do, but she wouldn't do it regularly. Though I didn't want to punish her, I finally had to threaten to take away a few privileges (namely favorite toys and/or videotapes). Within a day (literally) she was out of Pull-Ups (except at night, just in case). With my 4-year-old, it just seemed to happen sometime before her third birthday. I'll let you know about the other two when it actually happens.

The child at almost 6 years old hasn't been taught to wipe after pooping.

While knowing what to do and actually being able to do it well are two separate issues, I haven't supervised my 7-year-old in the bathroom for a couple of years now. My 4-year old still has a little trouble, but she's really eager to do it herself.

The child at almost 6 years old has to have a parent with them to bathe, doesn't shower yet, as well as brush their teeth without help. Or how about the child going without a bath for 3-4 days? Sometimes, s/he needs help dressing because the parent hasn't taught them. Or the child will put up a fuss, and beg the parent to help them dress when in fact they can, but refuses to do it. The child gets their way. The parent gives in.

I still supervise my kids' baths, but I have four kids and I bathe them all at once in our big jacuzzi tub--it's just easier that way. Since the two youngest are 2 1/2 and 21 months, they can't be left to their own devices. However my 7 and 4 year olds do bathe themselves (I wash their hair, as it's very long).

My 7 and 4 year olds do dress themselves, though my 4-year-old does still have trouble with her undies unless they have a picture on the front. Occasionally, my 4-year-old will ask me to dress and feed her, but I won't do it because I KNOW she's perfectly capable of doing it herself.

The child at almost 6 years old just started pre-school in March 2005. (the end of the year!)

Why start at the END of the year? Makes no sense to me. In my kids' school district, kids have to be 5 by August 1st to start kindergarten. This means that my two youngest daughters, who have August birthdays, will have to wait until they're 6 to start school, though I will be putting them both in a half-day preschool when they're 5. But to wait until March?!?!?!

The child at almost 6 years old won't sleep without the parent, and the parent refuses to teach them any different. And if s/he cries for a treat after brushing their teeth before bed, gets a cookie, and their way. 10 or 11pm bedtime this young??

Unacceptable. However, I'm not going to blame the child if the parents won't put a stop to it.

The child is spoiled with material things, yet no quality time in what I have seen -hasn't been taught how to color, write their name, etc.

Again, unacceptable. My two oldest daughters basically picked up their ABCs and name-writing on their own, but I've read to them since they were babies and given them lots of opportunities to learn/explore.

The parents certainly aren't doing the child's kindergarten teacher any favors. Most kindergarten teachers expect the kids to start school knowing how to color, write/recognize their name, etc. Kindergarten's much more rigorous than it was when I was in school. My kids' school district does all-day kindergarten; some school districts still do half-day kindergarten. Either way, the expectations are higher.

When we go to the store, my kids don't ask to go to the toy aisles--we just don't go there. As for material things, my kids, unfortunately have a lot of stuff. It's mostly because my mom's really excited about having grandchildren. I've had to talk to her about it, and she's gotten better, but she still spoils them.

And I could go on. I think the education of a child this young is so important. Well, for a child at any age, really. It's the early years, and if kept this way will have a very hard time with other kids when going to first grade. I believe the child could get hurt and bullied (sp?) from others in school due to being treated like a baby this long.

The child is very smart, and can probably do all these things, but the parent keeps treating the child like a baby, therefore the child walks all over the parent, and the parent lets it happen. I hope that made sense. This child is far from being stupid, doesn't have ADHD, and can really pull some adorable faces to get what s/he wants.

What would you do if this parent was a friend of yours? I'm a mother of two girls: 14, 11, and also a boy who's 10, and it's driving me nuts.

I think you're right. It's piss-poor parenting. So many parents are so eager to be friends with their kids that they're forgetting what their role should be. Some parents feel guilty because they don't spend enough quality time with their kids, so they let their kids do whatever they want. What's sad is to see that this kid is obviously learning that she can get what she wants by manipulating others. It's hard to blame the child, though, for the fact that her parents aren't doing a good job.

I'm not a particularly tough mom, but my kids know the rules, and they know the consequences for breaking them. My youngest kids can be a little squirrelly, but they're toddlers, so I try to be realistic about what I can expect from them.

 

[Guest]

Thank you all for your comments, opinions, and suggestions.

I'm ashamed to admit that my now-7-year-old was in Pull-Ups until she was 4 1/2.

Oh, I wouldn't be ashamed. It sounds as if you did your very best.

My son who has ADHD, and is 10, just came out of pull ups a few months back, but it was only at bedtime. This was due from his nervousness, and hyperactivity caused by the ADHD. His father has the same problem, but doesn't wet the bed. <grins>

Also, there are A LOT of children that can't control their bladder at bedtime. It's not their fault or about our parenting skills.

I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent here. I just know when something's wrong, and I tried to help by giving some advice, and now I'm starting to get angry because I feel I'm just wasting my time. <sigh>

 

[Eilan]

Oh, I wouldn't be ashamed. It sounds as if you did your very best.

Yeah, but she was using them during the day, too. Part of her problem was that she would get constipated, and then she'd HAVE to go to the bathroom and she couldn't make it to the toilet in time. Part of her problem was also that she was stubborn. I indulged her until I got sick of cleaning up shit.

I do occasionally have problems with my four-year-old having "accidents," but it's usually when she's at an unfamiliar house and she's worried about using the bathroom there. That's no big deal, though. Stuff happens.

I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent here. I just know when something's wrong, and I tried to help by giving some advice, and now I'm starting to get angry because I feel I'm just wasting my time. <sigh>

I read what you cross-posted on the GB as well, just to see what other people were saying. When it comes to parenting, I don't think any of us are perfect; I think (hope) most of us try to do our best. Your situation's frustrating, to say the least. I certainly feel for you, but I don't know that you can do any more than you've already done.


For those of you who have read my book group thread, the following refers to Ms. Chronically Late:

An acquaintance of mine has a 12-year old daughter. This woman has been a single mother since her daughter was a baby (I believe that her husband died of some type of cancer). This woman seems to feel some guilt over the fact that her child's fatherless, so she indulges her in the strangest ways. I've seen this girl throw a tantrum when her mother leaves the house without her, and she's 12 years old. MY toddlers usually don't do that, and THEY have an excuse! Whenever her mom gets on the phone, the kid immediately creates some kind of distraction. She also has to have her school lunch freshly made and hand-delivered to the cafeteria. For some reason she can't take it with her in the morning. This child makes all the plans in the household--from where/when they go on vacation every summer to what they'll do over the weekend.

What I find amusing is that this woman likes to piss and moan about her kid's behavior, but when anyone suggests that she do something differently, she immediately offers several reasons why those suggestions won't work. She wants sympathy/validation, not advice, and I refuse to give her either.

To my best friend, who has no children, this woman rationalizes her parenting approach, if it can be called that, by employing the "You don't know what it's like to have to raise a child alone" argument. She's really lucky that she hasn't said that to me, because I HAVE raised children alone and I DO know what it's like. I avoid her as much as I can because I just don't want to listen to her bullshit.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

I think it is really sad that those things are happening to the child at this point in time. I guess all I can say is that if it were me in your position, I would seriously be considering leaving an anonymous call at the local child and family services so that hopefully that child can get some help in some way.

 

[Guest]

<snip>
I read what you cross-posted on the GB as well, just to see what other people were saying. When it comes to parenting, I don't think any of us are perfect; I think (hope) most of us try to do our best. Your situation's frustrating, to say the least. I certainly feel for you, but I don't know that you can do any more than you've already done.

You are...WOW! I can't believe how much time you take to relate, and or offer suggestions. Thank you! I read everything but I really wanted to comment on this one part.

It seems I'm spending more time on the GB then anywhere else. It's crazy- I thought they'd pound me for something or ANYTHING just because that's the way it is with most there. As you can tell, there were many responses, and concerned people- I was quite surprised and relieved. Half the time, it's a bunch of people picking on each other, and you can't tell who's being serious or not. I like the fact that there were some decent, good hearted people that commented with their stories, and suggestions. Just so you know- I read everything! Thanks again!

I think it is really sad that those things are happening to the child at this point in time. I guess all I can say is that if it were me in your position, I would seriously be considering leaving an anonymous call at the local child and family services so that hopefully that child can get some help in some way.

I wouldn't make a phone call to family services. This is about discipline- not abuse or an unfed child. They would laugh at it.

 

[Luv2PleasureF]

Setting the record straight

Since she was so kind as to leave considerable doubt as to who the parent(s) is/are, let me remove it.

*I* am the parent in question.

When I first saw this thread, I will admit to being rather upset - first, because she posted it in the first place, and second, because initially I saw it solely as an attempt to validate her position, since I felt the facts were not being presented in a fair, and completely straightforward manner. How could they be? She's spent very little time around him!

Over the last day or so as I read and re-read the comments posted, and her replies, I've calmed down, and also realized that while I still believe there's a strong hint of validation-seeking, there's also loving concern.

Brevity not being one of my strong points, I'll do my best to keep this brief.

A few facts left out:

A) I noted a lot of posters presuming that the parent in question is female. Given that in our society many times the woman bears the most direct responsibility for interacting with, and supplementally educating a child, this is not an unreasonable assumption. In fact, that hold true in this case as well.

B) This child, my son, is unfortunately from a "broken home". His mother and I separated when he was not quite 4 1/2 years old. The details of why the separation took place being moot to this discussion, I would still like to point out that while not a major issue within the marriage, I took exception to her ideologies in regards to parenting more than once.

C) The points that saldne raises seem (at least to me) to put the brunt of responsibility on me, yet I am unfortunately a "part-time" father, with only limited visitation. I get weekend visitation every other week, and 3 three hour "dinner visits" every 2 weeks. How this fits into the situation I'll get into more detail later.

In reply to the points saldne made:

1) He was not out of diapers until well after the separation. It was, in fact, something I had harped on many times prior to the separation, and it wasn't until I started making a fuss about it to my lawyer, pointing out her "lack of parenting", before potty training began in earnest. It had been her philosophy that a child will want to do it on their own eventuallly, and rather than push the issue, leave it them to want to. I disagreed. In her defense though, I will admit it seemed to work just fine with her 3 daughters, but as we all know, boys are different...
Anyway, I disagreed with it, but it is also now a moot point, as he is no longer in diapers, nor pull-ups (even at night).

2) Wiping: OK, this one is a bit weird, and I'll admit I'm not sure how to approach it. What *he* says is that he does, but only at school. My guess is that his mother, bordering on being a clean freak, wants to make very sure he's clean, and does it for him at home, thus, "I only do it at school". I've thought that I should simply say, "Do it yourself!" and leave him on the bowl as long as it takes for him to decide to do it himself, but given the very limited time I get to spend with him, I am torn between the thought of losing a half hour or more to that during visits, or simply "taking care of business", assuming that eventually he'll learn to do it himself all the time.

3) Bathing: 3 - 4 days? Given his mother's nature, I can assure everyone this isn't the case, although I will admit that he rarely bathes while here on weekend visits. Now that summer is coming and more "robust" exercise and outdoor activities are upon us though, that will change. As for "needing" a parent there, I honestly don't think this is the case. He is most certainly able to brush his teeth unassisted, but as a parent I reserve the right to check and make sure he's done a good job. As for dressing, he is absolutely able to dress himself, but I will admit that either for reasons of doting a bit on my beloved child, or for a lack of time, I will help to expedite the process.

4) Pre-school: This has been a "bone of contention" during the divorce from day one. I had been insisting that he be in pre-school since he was 4 1/2, when we separated. Her excuses ranged from not being able to afford it, to not being able to find a suitable school. It wasn't until my lawyer threatened to bring the matter before a judge that she "miraculously" found a suitable school and had him enrolled.

5) Sleep: This is a child with insecurities, grappling with the understanding that his parents are no longer together, and is only now getting accustomed to new environments - at the beginning of this year, a year to the day of initial separation, I moved into a new house. He's beginning to feel more comfortable here, but still gets "scared" at night if all the lights aren't on, and wants me with him. As far as going to sleep at night, yes, I let him sleep in my bed. saldne seems to feel this is terribly wrong, and I beg to differ. There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING deviant happening, and I know that he's going to grow out of it - as it is with most parents and their children, probably sooner than we'd like. I actually still miss the days that he was an infant, changing diapers and marvelling at his expressions, and the simple joy of bouncing him in his baby chair. Right? Wrong? I honestly don't know, but I see nothing wrong with it presuming saldne isn't sharing the bed with me, and I'm sticking to that. Bedtime? Yes, he goes to bed late when I have visitation, at least on Saturdays. I'll admit it freely - I want to maximize the time we share together. I should get him to bed earlier, but it never seems to work out that way.

6) He knows his numbers, his alphabet, and yes, we could spend more time on writing and coloring, but right now we're concentrating on T-ball, his catching, hitting, etc. The simple answer is that while I hope to do more as time goes by, given the limited time I'm able to spend with him, I don't want to become "Daddy the teacher" who makes up for all the deficiences (sp?) of his Mother.

One final thought, particularly for saldne: "Judge not, lest ye be judged."

'Nuff said for now, plenty of cannon fodder.

Flame away!

 

[Eilan]

Why would you be flamed?

I think your son is lucky to have a dad like you.

I noted a lot of posters presuming that the parent in question is female. Given that in our society many times the woman bears the most direct responsibility for interacting with, and supplementally educating a child, this is not an unreasonable assumption. In fact, that hold true in this case as well.

I'm guilty of making this assumption. Somehow, I also managed to assume that the child was a daughter. *hangs head*

This child, my son, is unfortunately from a "broken home". His mother and I separated when he was not quite 4 1/2 years old. The details of why the separation took place being moot to this discussion, I would still like to point out that while not a major issue within the marriage, I took exception to her ideologies in regards to parenting more than once.

I feel for you. My ex and I split up when our youngest was only two months old. The details are irrelevant; while my younger daughter wasn't really affected, my older daughter, who was 2 1/2 at the time, was--in a big way. The healing process takes time for EVERYONE involved.

The points that saldne raises seem (at least to me) to put the brunt of responsibility on me, yet I am unfortunately a "part-time" father, with only limited visitation. I get weekend visitation every other week, and 3 three hour "dinner visits" every 2 weeks. How this fits into the situation I'll get into more detail later.

While I assumed that she was talking about a woman (and, thus, typically the custodial parent), I didn't know that she was talking about the part-time parent.

He was not out of diapers until well after the separation. It was, in fact, something I had harped on many times prior to the separation, and it wasn't until I started making a fuss about it to my lawyer, pointing out her "lack of parenting", before potty training began in earnest. It had been her philosophy that a child will want to do it on their own eventuallly, and rather than push the issue, leave it them to want to. I disagreed. In her defense though, I will admit it seemed to work just fine with her 3 daughters, but as we all know, boys are different...
Anyway, I disagreed with it, but it is also now a moot point, as he is no longer in diapers, nor pull-ups (even at night).

Hey, I said in my initial post: my oldest child was the same way. I'll never judge anyone because of whether or not his or her kid's potty-trained.

Wiping: OK, this one is a bit weird, and I'll admit I'm not sure how to approach it. What *he* says is that he does, but only at school. My guess is that his mother, bordering on being a clean freak, wants to make very sure he's clean, and does it for him at home, thus, "I only do it at school". I've thought that I should simply say, "Do it yourself!" and leave him on the bowl as long as it takes for him to decide to do it himself, but given the very limited time I get to spend with him, I am torn between the thought of losing a half hour or more to that during visits, or simply "taking care of business", assuming that eventually he'll learn to do it himself all the time.

At my four-year-old's preschool, the teachers would not help the kids; they were expected to do it themselves, so he's probably right in that regard. At home, she has an easier time with those flushable wipes instead of toilet paper, FWIW.

Bathing: 3 - 4 days? Given his mother's nature, I can assure everyone this isn't the case, although I will admit that he rarely bathes while here on weekend visits. Now that summer is coming and more "robust" exercise and outdoor activities are upon us though, that will change. As for "needing" a parent there, I honestly don't think this is the case. He is most certainly able to brush his teeth unassisted, but as a parent I reserve the right to check and make sure he's done a good job. As for dressing, he is absolutely able to dress himself, but I will admit that either for reasons of doting a bit on my beloved child, or for a lack of time, I will help to expedite the process.

I have four kids. I don't always get everyone bathed at night. I decide based on who's really dirty. If all of them are dirty, I put all of them in the tub. When they're old enough to have B.O. but not old enough to care, I'll REALLY press the issue.

Pre-school: This has been a "bone of contention" during the divorce from day one. I had been insisting that he be in pre-school since he was 4 1/2, when we separated. Her excuses ranged from not being able to afford it, to not being able to find a suitable school. It wasn't until my lawyer threatened to bring the matter before a judge that she "miraculously" found a suitable school and had him enrolled.

That's not YOUR fault--that's hers. Sounds like you did get it resolved, though. A little bit of preschool is better than none. Will he be going into kindergarten in the fall?

Sleep: This is a child with insecurities, grappling with the understanding that his parents are no longer together, and is only now getting accustomed to new environments - at the beginning of this year, a year to the day of initial separation, I moved into a new house. He's beginning to feel more comfortable here, but still gets "scared" at night if all the lights aren't on, and wants me with him. As far as going to sleep at night, yes, I let him sleep in my bed. saldne seems to feel this is terribly wrong, and I beg to differ. There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING deviant happening, and I know that he's going to grow out of it - as it is with most parents and their children, probably sooner than we'd like. I actually still miss the days that he was an infant, changing diapers and marvelling at his expressions, and the simple joy of bouncing him in his baby chair. Right? Wrong? I honestly don't know, but I see nothing wrong with it presuming saldne isn't sharing the bed with me, and I'm sticking to that. Bedtime? Yes, he goes to bed late when I have visitation, at least on Saturdays. I'll admit it freely - I want to maximize the time we share together. I should get him to bed earlier, but it never seems to work out that way.

When my ex and I split up, I did let my oldest sleep with me. We both seemed to need it at the time. I won't let my kids do it now, though, but they share rooms and I sleep with my husband. I feel strongly about kids NOT sharing beds with adults, because I know couples who rarely, if ever, have sex because they share their bed(s) with several kids and don't know how to get the kids to sleep alone. I never thought that anything inappropriate was going on. I don't fault you for wanting you to spend time with your son; my older daughters will be staying up later now that school's out, or at least will be out for my first-grader after tomorrow. Perhaps we'll (mostly) agree to disagree on this issue?

He knows his numbers, his alphabet, and yes, we could spend more time on writing and coloring, but right now we're concentrating on T-ball, his catching, hitting, etc. The simple answer is that while I hope to do more as time goes by, given the limited time I'm able to spend with him, I don't want to become "Daddy the teacher" who makes up for all the deficiences (sp?) of his Mother.

You're the non-custodial parent. Focus on spending as much quality time as you can during the time you have. Insist, perhaps, that his mom work with him on the writing and coloring. it's a good ideas for him to be able to do that (and to be able to use scissors) when he starts kindergarten.

I'm guilty, like many others who posted on this thread, of making assumptions that shouldn't have been made. For that, I apologize.

All parents make mistakes; the key is to learn from them. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the perfect mom, no matter how much I'd like to be. Fortunately, kids are pretty sturdy little creatures.

 

[SweetErika]

I'm not going to flame, or give parenting advice, but maybe my own experience will help in some way. However, I will say as an obviously loving dad, you and your ex need to get this sorted out now. Get therapy, mediation, take parenting classes or read books together, but you have to do something. If you're unhappy with the amount of time you have with him, and are able to do more, get the agreement amended.

This may or may not be the case for your son, but my parents didn't do a great job coordinating (or if they did, I didn't see my dad enough for him to "parent" me -- which was about the same schedule you have), and by the time the divorce went through, I had little respect for his efforts. He would occasionally reprimand me for something or try to talk to me about a behavior, and I didn't listen and resented it. Why should I? This was a man who wasn't there a lot until that point, I only saw a few days a month, and didn't do it consistently...my mom was the "real" parent.

I'm just relating my own experience, but I would hate to see you start or continue on that road because you don't have enough time with him and can't put up a united front with his mom. I understand you don't want to spend the precious time you do have disciplining or really teaching, but you have to for the sake of your son.

 

[Luv2PleasureF]

Thank you Eilan, and SE, for your kind, understanding, and well thought out replies... I really appreciate it.

I won't claim, by any means, to be the perfect Dad. But I do bring to the table what I hope is the most valuable of assets when it comes to play the cards I'm dealt, and that is an absolute, devoted, and unconditional love of my son.

Eilan, one of your questions was whether or not he will be attending kindergarten in the fall? The answer is yes.

Because his birthday falls within 2 weeks of the cutoff date for enrollment, it was optional for him to go to kindergarten last year. She decided unbeknownst to me that it would be better to wait a year.

I made it a point to let her know that I felt I should have been consulted, rather than her making that decision independent of my input, but I didn't make a big deal of the decision itself, because I agreed with it. Boys tend to develop more slowly than girls both physically as well as mentally and emotionally, and I agreed that it would be better if he was one of the older kids in his class, rather than the youngest. I went through the same thing, being one of the youngest in my class, until my parents transferred me to another school after 6th grade, at which point I was left back (but without the "embarrassment" of doing so in the same school). I fared much better after that, so I figured the same would apply to him, without having to go through the first few years.

As for parenting classes or other such counseling to help him (and myself, and the ex) with the situation is something I am ALL for. However, she is not quite as enthusiastic. I'm hoping at our next court date we can get it mandated by the judge, removing her options in the matter. A date's been set for the middle of this month.

 

[Eilan]

Thank you Eilan, and SE, for your kind, understanding, and well thought out replies... I really appreciate it.

I won't claim, by any means, to be the perfect Dad. But I do bring to the table what I hope is the most valuable of assets when it comes to play the cards I'm dealt, and that is an absolute, devoted, and unconditional love of my son.

I get the impression that you love your son very much. Sometimes we're our own toughest critic. I know that I'm always wondering if I can be a better parent.

Eilan, one of your questions was whether or not he will be attending kindergarten in the fall? The answer is yes.

Because his birthday falls within 2 weeks of the cutoff date for enrollment, it was optional for him to go to kindergarten last year. She decided unbeknownst to me that it would be better to wait a year.

I made it a point to let her know that I felt I should have been consulted, rather than her making that decision independent of my input, but I didn't make a big deal of the decision itself, because I agreed with it.

I agree that you should have been consulted, whether you were going to agree or not--that's not the issue. I always check with my ex before I make decisions regarding our kids, even though I'm usually pretty sure how he's going to respond. You're right, however, in saying that that girls DO tend to do better than boys in that regard. It's not always so, but it's often the case.

My youngest daughters will have to wait until they're six to start kindergarten. While I'd like to start them when they're five, I don't really want to push the issue. Perhaps the extra year at home will be good for them.

As for parenting classes or other such counseling to help him (and myself, and the ex) with the situation is something I am ALL for. However, she is not quite as enthusiastic. I'm hoping at our next court date we can get it mandated by the judge, removing her options in the matter. A date's been set for the middle of this month.

When my ex and I were divorced, we had to take parenting classes before our hearing (the judge made it mandatory in our county). Keep fighting for your right to play an active role in your son's life.

 

[Luv2PleasureF]

I get the impression that you love your son very much. Sometimes we're our own toughest critic. I know that I'm always wondering if I can be a better parent.

I agree that you should have been consulted, whether you were going to agree or not--that's not the issue. I always check with my ex before I make decisions regarding our kids, even though I'm usually pretty sure how he's going to respond. You're right, however, in saying that that girls DO tend to do better than boys in that regard. It's not always so, but it's often the case.

I think I actually posted a thread here a while back, offering the notion (actually, a firmly held personal belief) that women are the superior of the species. In younger years, there can be little doubt, as a whole. My ex is getting better about consulting me about things, but so far no mandatory counseling. I am going to continue pushing for it, though.

My youngest daughters will have to wait until they're six to start kindergarten. While I'd like to start them when they're five, I don't really want to push the issue. Perhaps the extra year at home will be good for them.

When my ex and I were divorced, we had to take parenting classes before our hearing (the judge made it mandatory in our county). Keep fighting for your right to play an active role in your son's life.

Thank you, and I will always fight for as active a role in his life as I can, because I love him, and because I want to be there for him, and help in any way I can. As far as schooling goes, I definitely don't think the extra year at home will matter in the long run - if anything, it may benefit them. Best of luck.