Parents and their influence on sex/sexuality

[Cirrus]

My young nephew called me up last night, and he sounded freaked out. At first he didn't want to tell me what was wrong, but I finally got it out of him after explaining there must have been some reason he called me, all upset like that, and to tell me what it was.

Seems his mom walked in on him masturbating. He's 11, so he knows what he's doing feels good, but that's about it. She told him all sorts of horror stories, like if he keeps it up he'll have problems when he gets married, he'll stunt his growth, lovely myths like that. I hated going against my sister's back, but I told him he was totally normal, and that it was even a healthy thing to do, and that nothing bad would happen to him. I think he believed me.

Then I started thinking about the way sex was discussed, or rather not, in my family. Growing up, the messages given to us were that sex was a "marital duty" to be performed in missionary position when the man wants and just gotten over with, not all that pleasant for the woman, masturbation is perverted, and "nice people" don't have sexual desires.

It took me until my mid 20s to feel comfortable with my sexuality and get over the way I was raised and finally realize that sexuality is a part of being human. I always knew it, logically, but felt there was something wrong with me in a way.

How was sex dealt with in your house? Were you parents open about it? What attitudes did you have about it, and do you still feel the same way or have your ideas changed?

 

[bluntforcemama]

First of all, call up that mother and tell her to stop feeding her kid lies!

My parent (Only my mom) was very open about sex, and she didn't try to sugar coat it or make it out to be some horrible deed. In fact, I was very comfortable with the knowledge, and I can still talk to her about anything I need to. She made sex out to be exactly what it is: something to be shared at an intimate level with someone you care deeply for. My mom rocks.

 

[April]

My parents screwed me up so bad, it'll take decades of therapy to straighten me out!

Pretty much the same message Cirrus got. Sex is bad, "good" girls don't want or like sex, men are bad, and that's all they want. *sigh* I know that it's not true, but still...

 

[TN_Vixen]

My Mom

bought me a book and sent me to a sexuality workshop at the church. But I was never made to feel that sex was bad.

My older sister has caught her son masturbating and apologized for walking in on him. She never made him feel uncomfortable about it and I would do the same to my son.

He doesn't know yet exactly what sex is.. he thinks it has something to do with getting naked and kissing. The "talk" is coming, though.. I can tell. If I don't tell him soon, he'll hear it from his friends.

 

[cymbidia]

My parents were pretty comfy with the subject. There was some casual nudity in my house. All my questions were answered pretty matter-of-factly when i asked them. When i was a teenager and making the rounds of the clothing-optional beaches and resorts in the San Diego area (where i grew up), i got to the point of being afraid i'd run into my dad on one (and did, actually, one hot summer day on Black's Beach - but that's another story and one that i've Lit-told already ).

My mother told me that when i was ready for birth control to let her know and she'd take me, just so she could be sure i was getting the right thing. So, when i was ready, i told her and she took me.

My 13 year old daughter told her kindergarten classmates where babies come from, and i had parental phone calls about it (but they thanked me for my kid getting it right when she told their kids). My daughter's friends have always come to me to ask about stuff like that.

I have years behind me of teaching sex ed to 13-14 year olds. If one is comfy with the subject, one should do it, right? There's almost nothing worse than some teacher trying to say the words "vaginal secretions" or "nocturnal emissions" to a roomful of wildly curious, sometimes aroused, highly embarassed 8th graders when that teacher is WAy uncomfy him/herself.

I'm lucky. I know i'm lucky. I come from a line of people who see sexuality as a natural and normal part of one's life, no more or less important than any other part. I hope i pass that attitude on to my big girl and little boy, too.

 

[Cirrus]

Man, some of you guys got so lucky. I don't plan on having kids, but if I ever do, they're going to grow up with a healthy and most of all truthful attitude toward all things sexual.

It was so bad at my house, that when my mom found out my brother was masturbating (using a sock, as young boys often will ) she took all his socks for about 2 weeks. Like that was really going to stop him, but it probably screwed him up to this day.

What shits me off the most about it is that she passed that attitude on to us. I've gotten over it, my sister hasn't obviously by what she told my nephew. I just hope I was able to convice him that masturbation is a healthy, natural thing, and a safe way for a young man to experiment with sex. I think next time I talk to my sister, I'm going to try to get it through her head, too. Wish me luck.

 

[miles]

TN_Vixen

...and how might one get in touch with this sister?

 

[TN_Vixen]

well miles

she lives in KY and has 4 kids now, happily married for 17 years.

Still want her number?

 

[miles]

PrinceVixey

Does she resemble HK?