Pansexuality? Heteroflexibility? Polygendered?

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'Homosexual' is passé in a 'boi's' life - Rona Marech, Chronicle Staff Writer

First, there was the term "homosexual," then "gay" and "lesbian," then the once taboo "dyke" and "queer." Now, all bets are off.

With the universe of gender and sexual identities expanding, a gay youth culture emerging, acceptance of gays rising and label loyalty falling, the gay lexicon has exploded with scores of new words and blended phrases that delineate every conceivable stop on the identity spectrum -- at least for this week.

Someone who is "genderqueer," for example, views the gender options as more than just male and female or doesn't fit into the binary male-female system. A "trannydyke" is a transgender person (whose gender is different than the one assigned at birth) attracted to people with a more feminine gender, while a "pansexual" is attracted to people of multiple genders. A "boi" describes a boyish gay guy or a biological female with a male presentation; and "heteroflexible" refers to a straight person with a queer mind-set.

The list of terms -- which have hotly contested definitions -- goes on: "FTM" for female to male, "MTF" for male to female, "boydyke," "trannyboy, " "trannyfag," "multigendered," "polygendered," "queerboi," "transboi," "transguy," "transman," "half-dyke," "bi-dyke," "stud," "stem," "trisexual," "omnisexual," and "multisexual."

"The language thing is tricky," said Thom Lynch, the director of the San Francisco Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Community Center. "I feel sorry for straight people."

Tricky, maybe, but also healthy and empowering, said Carolyn Laub, the director of the Gay-Straight Alliance Network, which links gay and lesbian student clubs in the state.

"We in society and in our generation are developing new understandings of sexual orientation and gender identities and what that means to us," she said. "We don't really have enough language to describe that; therefore, we have to create new words."

For those back in the linguistic dark ages still wondering what's wrong with "homosexual," the evolution of queer identity language has progressed something like this: "Homosexual" sounded pathological and clinical, so activists went about creating their own words, starting with "gay" and "lesbian." That was well and good, but terms like "dyke" and "queer" had an appealing spikiness and served double-duty by stripping the sting from words that had heretofore been considered unspeakably nasty.

The adjustment took time for some: As recently as 2002, visitors at the San Francisco community center routinely complained about a sign proudly pronouncing it "the queerest place on Earth," Lynch said. But in the Bay Area, in the age of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," that sort of sensitivity is beginning to seem almost quaint. Even some straight people have adopted the word because they have gay parents or an affinity for gay culture.

These days, "queer" is especially handy because it's vague enough to encompass just about everyone. The word and its newfangled linguistic cousins have become indispensable as the transgender population in the Bay Area has grown exponentially -- into the tens of thousands, advocates say -- and sexual identities have become increasingly complicated.

"If you're not a man or woman, words like 'gay' or 'lesbian' don't fit you anymore," said Sam Davis, founder of United Genders of The Universe, a support group and speakers bureau. "The words from just a few years ago aren't adequate to talk about who we are, where we're coming from and who we like."

Dee Braur, a 17-year-old with a tuft of greenish hair, calls herself "half-dyke." "I'm bisexual but I lean more toward women than men," she said. Men, she added, annoy her.

"Trisexual" also works, she said with a snicker: "I'll try anything once and if I like it, I'll try it again and again and again."

Andy Duran, 19, said: "People are feeling like, what's the point of labeling? If I must label, let me create my own."

That said, Duran uses "queer" -- among others -- because "it's the one that leaves the most for discovery. ... It's not really limiting. I can date a woman or a man. I can date someone who's transgender or genderqueer."

Tiffany Solomon, who is 19 and technically a lesbian, is put off by the word "lesbian."

"I think of a shorthaired woman who wears flannel. It's bad to a degree, but it's something that becomes embedded when you're young and queer and look on TV and you only have stereotypes to go on," she said. She calls herself a "metrosexual" -- the word used to describe straight men who have a gay sensibility when it comes to fashion and grooming -- because she also identifies with gay male culture.

Justin, who is 19 and didn't want to use his last name because he's not out to his family as transgender, calls himself a "boi" -- with an "i" -- because he feels like a boy -- with a "y" -- but "I don't have the boy parts, as much as I wish I did."

"I'm still learning the ropes of just being me," he added.

Lynn Breedlove, a musician and author, spent years as a "butch dyke," but nowadays, he prefers to interchange pronouns and, depending on his mood, goes back and forth between the old label and "trannyboy." "Because I'm like Peter Pan -- eternally youthful but I'm always played by a girl," Breedlove said. "It's more a faggy aesthetic thing. I don't want hair on my face and chest. Ooh, I don't want to be transman -- that sounds really furry."

While Breedlove is old enough to have an age complex -- he explained his refusal to divulge his age as a "rock star thing" -- a lot of the identity fluidity, name mania and word invention is bubbling up from the next generation of queer youth.

"Now that community resources are in place and public acceptance has increased, it's more feasible for adolescents to come out during adolescence," said Caitlin Ryan, a researcher at San Francisco State University who has studied lesbian, gay and bisexual youth. "What we're getting in the LGBT community is the power of youth. It's their expression and exuberance and energy and also their contribution to the culture."

It makes sense that youth, in particular, are coming up with new words and trying them on, considering that "identity development is one of the most important developmental tasks of adolescence," she said.

Growing acceptance of gays and lesbians has also encouraged idiosyncrasy, Ryan said. "Identities are very personal. That was much less true 20 years ago, when identity was more around community. Now that there's a community, a vibrant one with resources, there's more room for personal identity. Before, the tribe was so much more important," she said.

To further complicate matters, race and ethnicity affect who is using which words. Some people of color prefer the word "stud" to "butch," meaning a masculine-identified lesbian. Which makes someone who falls between a stud and a femme -- a more "feminine" lesbian -- a "stem."

And genderbending and genderqueerness aren't as prevalent among people of color, said Mateo Cruz, who's Latino and a staff member at the Pacific Center, Berkeley's LGBT center.

In these communities, "queer" and the terms it spawned have a reputation of being "white," so some shy away from them in favor of "same-gender-loving people" or "men who sleep with men," or -- among Spanish-speakers -- "homosexual," which is also a Spanish word.

"A lot of the stereotypes of what a 'queer' person is supposed to be, especially in mainstream media, is always a white person," said Solomon, who is African American. "A lot of issues people of color have with their families is their parents are saying, 'If you're gay, then you want to be white.' Because that's all they see. So yeah, 'queer' is not a word that a lot of people of color use."

No wonder Cruz sometimes grows frustrated when he leads discussions about appropriate language in anti-homophobia workshops. It can take an hour for his savviest students to list the "hundreds" of words they know for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. Then the discussion about what the words mean, who can use them and whether they're polite, often drags on ad nauseam.

When Cruz's coding system -- circles, big X's and dotted lines to connote cool, uncool, and sometimes-cool terms -- inevitably breaks down, he throws up his hands.

"However people self-identify," he tells students, "we have to respect."

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What it all means - Definitions of many words in the gay lexicon are hotly contested. Here is a sample:

Genderqueer: Someone who views the gender options as more than just male and female or who doesn't fit into the binary male-female system.

Transgender: An umbrella term for transgression of the binary gender system. May include surgical, hormonal or nonhormonal changes that result in a gender identity different from the one assigned at birth.

Pansexual: Someone attracted to people of multiple genders.

Trannydyke: A transgender person attracted to people with a more feminine gender.

Trannyfag: A transgender person attracted to people with a more masculine gender.

Boi: A boyish gay guy or a biological female with a boyish presentation.

Heteroflexible: A straight person with a queer mind-set

Article & pics
 
I haven't read it yet, but just had to say I :heart: 'heteroflexibility'! :D:D

- Mindy, scrolling back up to read it now ;)
 
Why don't they just give it a rest? It's just sex, for Christ's sake.

---dr.M.
 
dr_mabeuse said:
Why don't they just give it a rest? It's just sex, for Christ's sake.
Aw, Mab. Would you say like to all the Spanish-speaking people who don't like to be labeld Latino because they come from El Salvador, not Guatemala; or Mexico, not Cuba?

What makes me not take your attitude is that it's coming from young people. I love seeing them sport all their gear and taking to the streets all gay and lively. Guess you'd have to be here.

As for "it's just sex", you advertise tales of "transcendent" sex, doc.

Perdita ;)
 
MTV had the Democratic candidates as contestants on a quiz show that was apparently designed to showcase their lack of knowledge of pop culture. The host of the show said he was "blown away" when Wesley Clark provided "a textbook definition of 'metrosexual.'"

To Dr. M's point, the craving for labels with which to define oneself does seem to have become a bit obsessive. Harmless enough, and entertaining, but it does make one think, "So what?"

Perdita, I wonder if we got your community's colorful ones together with those from South Beach, if we'd be able to tell them apart by dress and manner. I'm told that we're always at least half a trend behind over here. I don't live at the beach, but I go there when I'm in the mood for people-watching. Peope-and-dog-watching, that is. Everyone seems to have a decorative pooch.
 
That's what I mean. When you spend more time talking about what you do than you do doing it, things have gone too far.

---dr.M.
 
dr_mabeuse said:
That's what I mean. When you spend more time talking about what you do than you do doing it, things have gone too far.

---dr.M.

Well, then. Let's do something. It's our duty to set an example.

:rose:
 
I spend more time doing it than talking or writing about it, if you count wanking, which I do.

I'll chime in here and say Dr M, your post was worse than jaded, it was nonsense. It's like saying McDonalds, Granola, Lobster Thermidor is "just food".

Food, like sex, has a cultural dimension that you're ignoring. In fact that's why you and I write porn, instead of continuing our genetic lines.

Most men think I'm gay. Most women think I'm straight. I guess I'm basically a compulsive flirt.
 
Svenskaflicka said:
How about we just call them "human beings"?:confused:

My point exactly. It just seems to me that we've had enough micro-fractionization of people into smaller and smaller groups, and we should be looking more at what we have in common. Do we really need to differentiate the men who wear women's underwear only on the weekends from the men who wear women's underwear all the time?

How about you just tell me what you like without having to give it a name? Otherwise I can see the day when everyone will have their own label and no one will know what it means.

---dr.M.
 
dr_mabeuse said:
My point exactly. It just seems to me that we've had enough micro-fractionization of people into smaller and smaller groups, and we should be looking more at what we have in common. Do we really need to differentiate the men who wear women's underwear only on the weekends from the men who wear women's underwear all the time?

How about you just tell me what you like without having to give it a name? Otherwise I can see the day when everyone will have their own label and no one will know what it means.

---dr.M.

Well I'd agree with you absolutely there, but a lot of people like labels. If I can venture an absurd generalisation - most people are afraid to act differently, I'm not saying acting differently for the sake of acting differently is a good thing I'm just saying that most people limit their actions to stay well within the bounds of what they think will be acceptable to others. I know this is pretty obvious but I recently had an argument with somebody over this matter, somebody told me I wasn't normal and I had to laugh at that - where is the virtue in being just like everybody else for the sake of being one of the crowd.
 
The really interresting thing about all of this is that there have been a paradigm shift. In the past, the normal put the labels on the deviants to shut them out of the clique. Now the deviants put the tags on themselves to shut others out. The whole practice of crying out "I'm alternative!" at the top of ones lungs is made much easier by labelling exactly how one is alternative. If my persinal kink has a name, that would mean that there are others just like me. Noone wants to be alone in the world.

Still I don't quite get it. Why are those labels so specifically sexual? Personally I'm a bisexual male. Everyone who doesn't know that thinks I'm just the average straight, politically correct but secretly homophobic man. I don't walk, look, talk, act, dress, smell, read, or furnish gay-ish. Not saying I'm a total slob, but the Queer Eye team could very well be knocking at my door.

Where I want to bury the bratwurst has very little to do with who I am as a person. Other aspects of me are much more important to define who I am.

#Liar
 
I found the article quite interesting. :)

Personally I've never been fond of labels, neither within politics, religion or sexuality. I have opinions, thoughts and live my life a certain way. Doesn't mean I belong to any particular group, more likely I border to more than one. Don't we all?

/LP
 
Liar said:
Where I want to bury the bratwurst has very little to do with who I am as a person.

Thank you for my evening laugh. (Picturing my dog burying a bratwurst in the back yard, and the guilty look she would have. If she had a bratwurst. Which she doesn't. But it's a funny look.)
In the past, the normal put the labels on the deviants to shut them out of the clique. Now the deviants put the tags on themselves to shut others out.

True. Just as a woman will call a woman "bitch" in a friendly way. Donald Trump said on TV that his friend PDiddy called him "my n***r" in a newspaper interview. Trump called him up wanting to know why he'd insulted him. In fact it was meant as an honor.

We take the words that were once used to belittle us and make them our own. That much I understand. But the micro-management of labels is silly. As Dr. Mabeuse pointed out, is it necessary to have a sub-category for every kind of sexual behavior? Or is it just an expression of narcissisism?
 
ella, I disagree with you and Mab., though I get your opinions. It can sound a bit too academic, in fact it does get academic, but I think it's something for these persons to go through as they continue to find themselves and fit into our puritanical non-sexual society. I think it serves a need, however superficial, and at some point will probably become unnecessary.

Look at black people, still going back and forth among Black, African-American, Afro-Amer., etc. I've rejected all the Latino labels that began in the 70s (Chicano, Hispanic, blablabla); I'm just Mexican to myself and my kind. I'm an American only because I was born in the states. I'm a feminist but even that does not mean the same to so many others.

Perdita
 
Gayness, like pop music, is heavily exploited by marketing people.

Going back to the original article, I think it's important to remember, that to the majority of outsiders, they're all "fucking faggots/dykes". All those names, if anything, remind people that things aren't so simple in the pink world.

It reminds me of the music world: There's a lot of fine-grained labels in music genres that, to outsiders, seem unduly cliquey.

But they're important for marketing, and are meaningful and useful labels for people who are into the music.

But that doesn't mean that you can't like a lot of types of music.

Of course it's still all sex, it's all music.
 
I do see your point, Perdita and Sub.

Yet I've noticed a disturbing trend among twenty-somethings, that seems connected somehow with the need to wear a label: a trend toward sharing the most intimate secrets of their personal lives with casual acquaintances. I call it "disturbing" only because I don't want to know that much about someone I've just met, particularly in the workplace, and to whom I haven't expressed any curiosity.

Example: a lovely, outgoing young man came to work for our company as a temp. We exchanged coffee room chitchat one morning, after which he came in my office and said, "You have to read my blog."

I told him I didn't have time that minute, and he said, "Let me bookmark it for you." He opened the page for me, and stood there proudly waiting for my reaction to a picture of him naked from the chest up, illustrating a paragraph about how, recently, his lover forced him to have anal sex without a lubricant and hit him and called him, 'bitch.'

"Bye, gotta run. Let's talk after you've had a chance to read the whole thing."

I was assured by two co-workers who are a few years older than this kid, that it's "a normal gay male Latin thing" to want to be entirely open with one's sexuality. Well, I never ask anyone to hide their sexuality. But having a stranger insist on show-and-tell of that nature, to someone who hasn't expressed an interest, is no different than being confronted by a flasher - except that I don't have to face the flasher across a conference table ten minutes later and pretend to have a business relatonship.

When I said I thought the over-use of labels was narcissistic, I guess I was making a connection with this kid and his blog, and how uncomfortable I felt when he insisted on opening it in my presence. Is there a need for affirmation that's so compelling, it can only be satisfied by seeing whether new acquaintances are shocked by you? Or did he hope I'd say, "That's great! My lover calls me 'bitch,' too. He's a metrosexual with a shoe fetish. Let's get together."
 
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ella, what an experience. Here in genderific land I've not heard of such but it doesn't sound too far fetched. I had a temp once, a real frat-looking guy in suit and tie who casually mentioned he was someone's sub-slave and showed me his special bracelet.

Anyway, here's a list of labels from a transgender forum:

activist, ally, androgyne, anti-gender, asexual, bear, bearded lady, bisexual, boydyke, butch, crossdressing, crossgender, cub, daddy, dom, domme, dressing, dyke, education, f2m, fag, fairy, femme, ftm, ftpeculiar, gay, gender messy, gender neutral, genderless, genderqueer, hermaphrodite, heterosexual, homosexual, intersex, lesbian, lobbyist, lover, m2f, master, mistress, mommy, monogamous, mtf, nelly, no labels, non-gendered, non-op, pansexual, playpal, poly, poly-gendered, polyamorous, polysexual, post-op, pre-op, queer, sex, slave, slave boy, slave girl, sub, third gender, tranny, trannyboy, trannygrrl, trans, transfag, transgender, transsexual, transvestite, triffic tranny, two-spirit.

I was surprised to see it left out crip-trannies (a 'sect' for disabled types).

Perdita
 
Shereads, I know exactly what you mean. There are things I frankly don't want to know about people until I consider them personal friends.

One episode from my life goes like this: A co-worker of mine, a very in all aspects plesand woman, discussed at a break by the coffe machines the state of a certain locally famous journalist.

"...but I don't know," she said, "since I dated him a few years ago, and found out the hard way that he was into scat sex, I kind of read everything he writes with new eyes."

Now, there was a very disturbing image that I couldn't get out of my head for weeks.

#L
 
Liar said:
Shereads, I know exactly what you mean. There are things I frankly don't want to know about people until I consider them personal friends.

One episode from my life goes like this: A co-worker of mine, a very in all aspects plesand woman, discussed at a break by the coffe machines the state of a certain locally famous journalist.

"...but I don't know," she said, "since I dated him a few years ago, and found out the hard way that he was into scat sex, I kind of read everything he writes with new eyes."

Now, there was a very disturbing image that I couldn't get out of my head for weeks.

#L

It's a good thing I wasn't there, L. Until I started hanging around at Lit, I'd have thought "scat" sex meant threatening to swat your lover with a broom because he's in on the sofa again.
 
Liar said:
Shereads, I know exactly what you mean. There are things I frankly don't want to know about people until I consider them personal friends.

One episode from my life goes like this: A co-worker of mine, a very in all aspects plesand woman, discussed at a break by the coffe machines the state of a certain locally famous journalist.

"...but I don't know," she said, "since I dated him a few years ago, and found out the hard way that he was into scat sex, I kind of read everything he writes with new eyes."

Now, there was a very disturbing image that I couldn't get out of my head for weeks.

#L

Hey, I told you that in SECRET!!!;)

Seriously, what's "scat sex"?
 
SlickTony said:
Activity in which fecal matter is involved.
Just to clarify, that is sexual activity. Not any activity. Regular homage to the porcelain god does not stipulare "scat sex".

So if anyone thought "Oh my god, I'm a pervert." after reading the previous post - yes you most likely are, but that is (probably) not the reason.

/ice
 
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