Panic Stops

[Cirrus]

For the Doms, or subs that know:

How do you recognize a panic stop during a session? Do you err on the side of safety that any utterance of the safeword means stop NOW (which IMO is never a wrong decision)? Or are there occasions when you've just innately KNOWN that the safeword doesn't necessarily mean stop and was said out of anxiety? Do you play with a "yellow" and "red" word to avoid this?

Just curious...

 

[SierraMoon]

cirrus, my Dom knows by the look on my face,and the way i am breathing,wether i'm having a good time or not... i've used the "yellow" word on several occassions....

 

[WillowPuss]

I've have used yellow a couple of times and Robuck has slowed right down.

That said, he is constantly on the look out for my reaction and if he feels that play has gone far enough, he makes the descision to stop. This is right for us in this stage of our development as we are both still learning ... both very much novices.

(I also have a safe word for when I need to change position ... (if possible!) as one of my joints has locked and the pain from that is over-riding the sensation from anything else that may be occuring.)

 

[cellis]

While I have never used the safe word or even asked to slow down, Himself watches me closely, and has several times slowed down or asked questions to make certain I am okay,

He constantly checks restaints to make certain that my circulation is okay and that I am safe.

I have never worried about my safety in his hands, but there is a reason for that. He has never given me a reason not to trust his judgement or pushed me further than I could go.

 

[JenJ]

We shall us the color system yet I think I shall know when Dusty and I play together just from her reactions to what I am doing. I can tell sometimes already when what we are talking about has pushed her a little bit to far.

 

[RisiaSkye]

my opinion, suggested retail $.02

We use "yellow" and "red" code words to differentiate between the need to slow it down and the need for an immediate and total break in a session.

Whatever the cause, whether pain, panic, emotional distress, health concerns, or anything else, I believe that a good Dom/me always heeds the safe words or signals, even if they think the sub's invoking them needlessly. Excessive use of safe-signs can be addressed and corrected with time, experience and discipline (in all its many meanings ); physical or emotional damage to a sub, particularly when due to a Dom/me's unresponsiveness to mutually agreed-upon SSC protocols, undermines the trusting foundation of the relationship. And, one can't ever undo the damage one's done to the sub--even if you successfully rebuild the trust, you never erase the past.

 

[cymbidia]

What they all said.

 

[Merelan]

Risia, where do we send the 2 cents....

How could you not play with words? Isn't that asking for trouble.? Especially when in a new relationship and such.

Or maybe I feel that way as Cymbidia has drilled it into our heads here.

See... I listen, sometimes.

 

[Cirrus]

Sometimes, words are impossible...when the sub is gagged for instance, or situations like I was in last night where I was instructed not to speak or make any sounds. The signal my Dom and I decided on was that he would put his finger in the palm of my hand when "checking in" with me, and I if grabbed it, he would consider that a safe signal.

If you mean playing with no words or signals at all, that's something that *I* would consider dangerous mostly because He and I are complete novices, but I know it works for some people.

 

[pierced_boy]

Safe word or panic stop

During yesterdays play I was receiving some serious attention with a cat and while not wanting to stop I was at my limit. I tried to get out my amber safeword. I knew it, I could think it, but I could not get it out. My partner changed just when I considered an outright stop. I was squirming and sweating and now don't understand what I was doing. Could I have safeworded at all? I don't know.
This has not frightened me because I had physical options like roll away (our restraints are mind ones) though I did not consider this at all. Also I was where I wanted to be, doing what I wanted to do after all but the intensity was enough.

Anybody else experienced this at all?

h

 

[catalina_francisco]

Bumpity bump.....

 

[WildRose40DDD]

Safe Words

I think anyone is crazy to play without safe words or signals. That said, when one is gagged a good safe signal is to place an object in the subs hand, if the object is dropped, it is the same as invoking the safe word. It was the only way I felt secure trying a gag....but agin just my feelings.

 

[MastrJ]

My sub and I have a safe word for stop. We don't have an 'amber' word. So far, we've only needed to stop once and that was before we thought to come up with a safe word. I just try to pay very close attention to her and make sure I'm not pushing her too far. This has resulted in my being too gentle, but we're still feeling out each other's limits, so I'm not overly worried about that yet. I also try to keep a close eye on her to know when it's time to change or release the restraints due to a sore joint or muscle. I think I've done a pretty good job of that so far, but she would be the one to comment on that for sure.

 

[WriterDom]

Safewords are important, but if you are playing with someone you don't know well, as a Dom/me you have to be plugged in to how the sub is doing.

 

[Mistress Tasha]

safewords

In my experience AMBER safe words have been a waste of time and have only allowed my submissives to annoy me. It is very easy to use them. I believe that a safe word should be the ultimate STOP. Discomfort is perhaps something that the submissive may accept? Any dominant should know and be aware of cramping or bad placement of their submissives. Knots should be learned as with positioning and methods of corpral punishment. The dominant has a responsibilty to be aware of these things. If a safe word is used it should mean the end of any play or scene, otherwise submissives may use these so called AMBER safe words as a form of control over the dominant, never allowing the dominant to bring the play to the level of intensity that makes a bdsm session the ultimate in mental and physical release. Thats my experience. AOne safe word is all that is permitted in my world.

 

[WildRose40DDD]

Safewords

Mistress Tasha, maybe if everyone was super tuned in and experienced like you are we could all do away with Amber safe words. That being said there are many who are new to each other or new to BDSM without that expertise. I have always played with both, though I have never used them. The Amber safeword is not a way for the sub to control, but another form of communication that keeps everything safe.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I have difficulty understanding how an Amber word could control the situation as in my understanding they are usually used to indicate the submissive feels they are beginning to get close to their limit of capability zone, not to stop a scene. It is more a way of creating awareness in the Dominant so they then can better guage the situation and be aware of what is happening for the other person.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

I much prefer things like "my right foot is falling asleep, Ma'am"

to "yellow"

At times, if I feel that the "yellow" is trotted out too early I'll push for a few more strokes or ramp them up rather than backing down, just to illustrate that a bottom is either on the submission bus or not on the submission bus, if you know what I mean.

A premature or lightly tossed out yellow bugs me too, this isn't a tennis match on a butt, this is SM.

To me, yellow means I'd like something to change, whereby I always stop, look over the situation, check in, evaluate.

Red means you're damaging me. That's pretty sacrosanct. I've never encountered it yet, personally.

 

[sasha_fem22]

I've only used the "red" word once. He stopped immediately. This helped me to have complete confidence and trust in him in subsequent scenes.
I don't see the point of an "amber" word. Either the sub can take it, and is enjoying it, or she can't.