Pain

[cookiecat]

I'm not one for inspirational bdsm memes but this one got me thinking.

When "in negotiations" (which is what this dating nonsense feels like) with someone, i'm often asked if I'm a pain slut or like pain.

Nope. No. That stuff HURTS. Does anyone like stubbing their baby toe? No.

And yet.... I crave the hurt. Not for the sake of pain. But for something more.

https://i.imgur.com/0AUH1Ykl.png


I find pain useful. Sometimes transformational in that moment. Clears out the clutter in my head and heart and leaves me open for something else. For him. Chips away at the ego, pride, my notion of what's right - whatever the barriers I've constructed keeping me from deeper submission.

Does anyone else need or want this?

I realize "pain' - and painful things are different for us all. Just pondering.

 

[cookiecat]

I like the thought of "surrender"

https://i.imgur.com/0bNzfdbl.png


It reminds me of seela's no nut quest. Enduring something to do it - prove that you can do it, get to the other side. Melt away a little cynicism and be more vulnerable. Funny how being face fucked until I puke a little and can't breathe anymore allows for a more vulnerable space.

 

[SissySalina]

Presume you are referring to physical pain! There are other types to consider.

 

[msub50some]

I describe myself as "a bit of a pain slut". By this, I mean that the infliction of a certain amount of pain -- pinching/clamping my nipples, smacking and/or tightly binding my balls, etc. -- gets me aroused. If it's taken to extreme, excruciating pain, though, I'll likely lose an erection very quickly. However, there have been a couple times when I endured that kind of "erection deflating" pain, and when I think back on it, I get somewhat aroused.

 

[cookiecat]

Presume you are referring to physical pain! There are other types to consider.

For sure, Sissy.

As I've gotten older, my desires seem to be running more toward emotional pain. Either facing shameful things or being put in confusing situations. It gets me to the same place physical pain does.

 

[cookiecat]

I describe myself as "a bit of a pain slut". By this, I mean that the infliction of a certain amount of pain -- pinching/clamping my nipples, smacking and/or tightly binding my balls, etc. -- gets me aroused. If it's taken to extreme, excruciating pain, though, I'll likely lose an erection very quickly. However, there have been a couple times when I endured that kind of "erection deflating" pain, and when I think back on it, I get somewhat aroused.

There's definitely a pain threshold that tips from arousal to screaming a safe word.

I think the "deflating" moments - where it turned from happy adrenaline arousal to scared tears - are the ones I seek. Where my partner might work with me to get past that scared confusion and get me back to arousal.

 

[msub50some]

There's definitely a pain threshold that tips from arousal to screaming a safe word.

I think the "deflating" moments - where it turned from happy adrenaline arousal to scared tears - are the ones I seek. Where my partner might work with me to get past that scared confusion and get me back to arousal.

I thought of seeking that threshold also. I've toyed with the idea of asking a domme to "give me a safeword, and make me use it."

 

[fma20fma]

hi

some caning and pain is a good motivator for sodomy.

 

[HotXBuns]

Often, when I am waiting for the first stroke of a cane, I think, "And why exactly am I doing this?", and then the first stroke comes and I think, "I'm sure it was less painful the last time". But when, with extremely welted bum, she tells me that the skin is broken and I'm getting my last six, I am actually a little sad.

You're absolutely bang-on with "It clears out the clutter in my head and heart and leaves me open for something else", that definitely sums up the emotional side. In addition though, the endorphins really do get me high; I genuinely feel light-headed, and not only because I am bent-over. The physical pain becomes something distant rather than something to endure; the sharp jolts of electricity generated by the nerve endings become just a prelude to a warmth and another head-rush.

Do I look forward to a caning? No! Do I look forward to the whole experience? Abso-bloody-lutely. Is it a need? No, not in the sense that I would survive perfectly well if I was never caned again.

Truth be told, I still prefer dishing it out, but have never met anyone IRL who can get off on it the same way I can. It's a shame as the euphoric feeling is like nothing else, but causing someone genuine distress is a turn-off no matter how much they want to gift me that experience.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Subscribed.

 

[Angedesoleil]

... I'm going to come back to this **if** my account is still round in the morning.

There is a fantastic old thread on this and I cant seem to find it off the top of my head. I want to say it was called "how do you like to hurt?" Or " how do you prefer to hurt?" It dealt with this concept from SO many deep and different angles.

I have never liked the idea that the gold standard of a submissive is a "pain slut"... I adore Evie Lupine, and rarely do I disagree with her... but this video
https://youtu.be/4V1rUhPmXF8
I had some bones to pick on that topic. I think it was this one... if not it was the one on TPE.

Anyhow. I'll come back and edit my own reply in the morning on my way to work. Suffice to say, it varies upon the day, the situation, the person and a ton of things. Though you hit the nail on the head in saying it clears the clutter. To me... it is a reset button of a kind. If I'm spiraling for whatever reason I need to be held TIGHTLY. Not gently. Tightly.
I'm an emotional massochist. That is where my positive hurt comes in. No, not degradation or humiliation... deeper.

 

[midwestyankee]

I'm not one for inspirational bdsm memes but this one got me thinking.

When "in negotiations" (which is what this dating nonsense feels like) with someone, i'm often asked if I'm a pain slut or like pain.

Nope. No. That stuff HURTS. Does anyone like stubbing their baby toe? No.

And yet.... I crave the hurt. Not for the sake of pain. But for something more.

[snip]


I find pain useful. Sometimes transformational in that moment. Clears out the clutter in my head and heart and leaves me open for something else. For him. Chips away at the ego, pride, my notion of what's right - whatever the barriers I've constructed keeping me from deeper submission.

Does anyone else need or want this?

I realize "pain' - and painful things are different for us all. Just pondering.

This is one of the better short essays on this subject and it comes close to what I hope will occur when I bring pain into play. The pain is a pathway to a point that is hard to reach by other means. Like a remote island where one must use a zip line to get there. The zip line could be a canoe or a small seaplane, but it’s all that’s available, ever, to get to the island.

 

[wicked woman]

I'm not one for inspirational bdsm memes but this one got me thinking.

When "in negotiations" (which is what this dating nonsense feels like) with someone, i'm often asked if I'm a pain slut or like pain.

Nope. No. That stuff HURTS. Does anyone like stubbing their baby toe? No.

And yet.... I crave the hurt. Not for the sake of pain. But for something more.

https://i.imgur.com/0AUH1Ykl.png


I find pain useful. Sometimes transformational in that moment. Clears out the clutter in my head and heart and leaves me open for something else. For him. Chips away at the ego, pride, my notion of what's right - whatever the barriers I've constructed keeping me from deeper submission.

Does anyone else need or want this?

I realize "pain' - and painful things are different for us all. Just pondering.

This image describes my relationship with pain perfectly. Yes, occasionally it feels good, but often it doesn't. It is always about my submission to Him.

 

[AlwaysFara]

I like pain because it makes me feel empty after, and empty is good.

 

[Tallcajun]

I use use pain as an attention getter. It doesn’t need to be much.
I goes along with what you said about clearing the clutter. Bring her attention to this moment.
The amount of pain depends on what I want and to some degree, how much she needs.

 

[Jada59]

I like some kinds of pain but I don't think that has anything to do with surrender. Sometimes I inflict my own pain!

 

[AlwaysFara]

I like some kinds of pain but I don't think that has anything to do with surrender. Sometimes I inflict my own pain!

I don’t. I’m not talking about placing clothespins on my nipples or something over the phone. I did that a lot back in the day. I’m taking about trying to hurt myself. I’ve never done that.
I wonder if I trust him more than I trust me.

 

[PassTheTime]

I'm not one for inspirational bdsm memes but this one got me thinking.

When "in negotiations" (which is what this dating nonsense feels like) with someone, i'm often asked if I'm a pain slut or like pain.

Nope. No. That stuff HURTS. Does anyone like stubbing their baby toe? No.

And yet.... I crave the hurt. Not for the sake of pain. But for something more.

https://i.imgur.com/0AUH1Ykl.png


I find pain useful. Sometimes transformational in that moment. Clears out the clutter in my head and heart and leaves me open for something else. For him. Chips away at the ego, pride, my notion of what's right - whatever the barriers I've constructed keeping me from deeper submission.

Does anyone else need or want this?

I realize "pain' - and painful things are different for us all. Just pondering.

Awesome photo...thank you for that

 

[Threadbare42]

Interesting conversation, I've never been in a sadism/masochism dynamic before (maybe one day) but I wonder if anyone has an experience similar to this. In a vanilla situation I've my nipples bitten so hard they are sore for a while after, and found it like a constant reminder, bringing back the excitement allowing me to fondly relive the moment and carry it with me wherever I go, some long lasting pain can kind of make the whole experience feel more drawn out

 

[cookiecat]

I like pain because it makes me feel empty after, and empty is good.

I've been thinking a lot about this.

A part of me wonders why I don't go to the gym and workout like a masochist? I imagine it would give me a similar sense of endorphins and eventual emptiness. There might be an element of having someone else do that to you. Also, orgasms.

Does anyone think that a "play" partner or a Top (vs your actual partner) can give you that happy, heave cry pain place?? Have you had that experience? I've had many different play moments that included some pain. But it was more just wanting that experience. More like foreplay. Maybe I couldn't let myself go with someone I knew I couldn't fall in to a heap in front of??

The thing is, I feel ready - I crave - having that sensation again. But if I wait around for this loving, trusting relationship in order to give myself permission to fall apart (in a good way), it's going to be a while.

 

[Jada59]

I don’t. I’m not talking about placing clothespins on my nipples or something over the phone. I did that a lot back in the day. I’m taking about trying to hurt myself. I’ve never done that.
I wonder if I trust him more than I trust me.

I don't harm myself. I do mean clothespins on nipples or use of a paddle. That sort of thing.

 

[AlwaysFara]

I've been thinking a lot about this.

A part of me wonders why I don't go to the gym and workout like a masochist? I imagine it would give me a similar sense of endorphins and eventual emptiness. There might be an element of having someone else do that to you. Also, orgasms.

Does anyone think that a "play" partner or a Top (vs your actual partner) can give you that happy, heave cry pain place?? Have you had that experience? I've had many different play moments that included some pain. But it was more just wanting that experience. More like foreplay. Maybe I couldn't let myself go with someone I knew I couldn't fall in to a heap in front of??

The thing is, I feel ready - I crave - having that sensation again. But if I wait around for this loving, trusting relationship in order to give myself permission to fall apart (in a good way), it's going to be a while.

When I used to run, I did feel that way. That empty place. The mind just zoning out. Things seem easier, after.

Also, the first time I had that empty pain with someone else, sexually, was NOT with someone I loved, or even really liked very much. Right place, right time?
I’m not sure.
Once I knew what I wanted, it was easier to follow my own body clues on getting there again.

 

[midwestyankee]

I've been thinking a lot about this.

A part of me wonders why I don't go to the gym and workout like a masochist? I imagine it would give me a similar sense of endorphins and eventual emptiness. There might be an element of having someone else do that to you. Also, orgasms.

Does anyone think that a "play" partner or a Top (vs your actual partner) can give you that happy, heave cry pain place?? Have you had that experience? I've had many different play moments that included some pain. But it was more just wanting that experience. More like foreplay. Maybe I couldn't let myself go with someone I knew I couldn't fall in to a heap in front of??

The thing is, I feel ready - I crave - having that sensation again. But if I wait around for this loving, trusting relationship in order to give myself permission to fall apart (in a good way), it's going to be a while.

As Fara said above, running used to take me to a place like this occasionally, but then my knees decided to retire. I have also had a similar reaction when working out in the gym, but not always. When it did happen, it was after I’d reached a modest level of fitness so that I could push myself fairly hard for, say, a half hour. I used to use a stair-climbing apparatus that was like a small escalator. You could program its speed and then dare yourself to keep up or die of embarrassment from falling off the damn thing. It wasn’t the hardest workout ever, and I think that the repetitive nature of it, like running, may have contributed to generating that zoned-out, empty feeling that Fara describes.

 

[LibraStud]

I love the pain at the beginning of a good spanking by my mistress - It soon goes away and I beg for more

 

[AlwaysFara]

*bump*