Pain for pleasure

[TonyG]

A friend of mine, who has been engaged in BDSM for about 3 years, is trying to "get out" so to speak. He wants to return to non-BDSM sex with his partner. He found that he was needing more and more pain to get his pleasure and he became scared of what he might ask her to do. However, he found that he could not get aroused enough to reach orgasm without any pain.

Does anyone have any thoughts or experience similar to his? Once one uses pain for pleasure must the pain level always increase? Can it reach a danger level? Can one revert back to "normal" sex?

 

[Sammyjo]

Normal sex...I think one would always crave the pain and the pleasure they get from that pain. I don't hold it out of the question though...I've had BDSM relationships and I've had non-BDSM relationships...and been satisfied with both...right now, I do not see BDSM as "important". I am concerning myself with other things. So, I might be perfectly satisfied with a non-BDSM relationship. I guess it depends on the person I'm with and what our goals are.

I don't know if a single relationship can survive the roller coaster ride...it may be perfectly logical to both parties to take a break from it for a period of time. And this might work for them.

I do think that the pain will always increase a level. And I'm sure it could go to dangerous heights. This has been my experience, though I've never actually got to a point where it was TOO much.

 

[Never]

Ah, young grasshopper, you have grown wise.

Fighting 'experts' have always known that one's pain level can be heightened. Simply put: at a certain level of sensation your brain says 'that hurts' and starts releasing endorphins to make you feel better. Once that pain becomes a 'common' feeling though it takes higher levels before the brain decides something hurts and starts pumping chemicals.

While the physical sensation is the same, his brain isn't telling him it hurts anymore.

It can be undone though - he needs to give both the pain and pleasure a rest though. No more BDSM at all for at least a year. Two months of no sex, masturbation, or porno is typically enough to have most people climbing up the walls. His body has developed a habit for sex and pain - he just needs to brake the habit.