Paid for Domination....

[Hodes101]

So I think I'm a bit of a rope bunny and sub, but I also think I'm a bit of a switch. My wife and I have experimented, but it only goes so far. I'd like to push it further as I'm interested in discovering what my limits and kinks really are.

I want to discover who I really am.

Just curious if anyone else has had similar thoughts and if anyone has paid a "professional" Dom to help them discover themselves?

If so, did it change you? Was it a good or bad thing??

 

[AnnieLit]

A follow up question: if anybody has experience with professionals, how do they handle aftercare? It can take hours to get the person back, so he is present enough to be put in a cab to sent home.

 

[PaxNurgle]

I have had experience with a professional. And I was lucky to find one who helped me experience some of the things I had only fantasized about- I cant speak highly enough about her. I never felt like I needed any kind of aftercare or anything- we were both on the same level about things to try, and what my limits, and so on. I discovered my limits for impact type play are not as high as I wish- I like the experience and yes, it was a turn on, but the main problem is I don't have as high a threshold for pain as I would like.

She insists on meeting with clients in a public/neutral setting to get to know them and what they expect prior to any actual session, which is a huge plus- all reputable pro-dommme's should consider doing this, and it is a good thing should prospective submissives.

 

[AnnieLit]

I have had experience with a professional. And I was lucky to find one who helped me experience some of the things I had only fantasized about- I cant speak highly enough about her. I never felt like I needed any kind of aftercare or anything- we were both on the same level about things to try, and what my limits, and so on. I discovered my limits for impact type play are not as high as I wish- I like the experience and yes, it was a turn on, but the main problem is I don't have as high a threshold for pain as I would like.

She insists on meeting with clients in a public/neutral setting to get to know them and what they expect prior to any actual session, which is a huge plus- all reputable pro-dommme's should consider doing this, and it is a good thing should prospective submissives.

Aftercare is mostely about you coming back from the subspace, but I guess pros just don't take you there, so it's not an issue. This has nothing to do with limits or with your pesonal pain threshold, in theory it is possible to get you there with no pain at all, but definitely not by a stranger.

I agree that prior meeting on a neutral territory is a must for both sides. After all, you are trusting you safety to a complete stranger, so you better make sure that she knows what she is doing.

 

[cookiecat]

I have friends who were paid pro Dommes. Listening to what they said about clients (in basic terms, they never outed anyone), their goal was to give their clients the experience they desired so they'd come back and pay for more sessions. They provided their clients with extensive checklists, generally erred on the side of super caution when it came to things like impact play, cbt, suspension, etc. They were very aware what people had in their heads vs reality were very different.

So sure, I think a paid pro can help you discover what you like, what you don't like.

I will advocate for getting involved in your local kink community, if you feel comfortable doing that - and, if you have an active community. I know it's not for everyone. But that's how I learned a lot about myself, what I liked, didn't like. A lot of the community "elders" enjoyed mentoring, helping people find themselves. Just a thought!!

Good luck on your quest.

 

[PaxNurgle]

One thing I have found with professional dominants, is the cost of sessions can add up, and after a while you start to wish for the closeness of a more personal relationship, more companionship between sessions, more, well, romance.

And some dominants will frequently demand expensive gifts from their clients in addition to the regular session tributes- I don't know if all of them are this way, but the bottom line is, I am not exactly Donald Trump in terms of personal income, and over the past few months, I have found myself spending my entire paycheck on my Mistress. While she is wonderful, and it has been overall a positive experience, I know that this just isn't sustainable. And to be honest, it has been hard for me to express that some of my limits do not just revolve around kink as they do around finance.

 

[twister947]

I'll never do this. I could never put myself, my wallet, phone, and car in the hands of a complete stranger, who is fully aware that most of her clients are unlikely to report such an embarrassing theft.

 

[AlwaysFara]

I'll never do this. I could never put myself, my wallet, phone, and car in the hands of a complete stranger, who is fully aware that most of her clients are unlikely to report such an embarrassing theft.

This.

 

[AnnieLit]

I doubt I could ever do this either.

My primary need is to feel wanted. To feel desirable; even better, but as I've gotten older this has become desperately improbable. The exchange of money suggests otherwise. I doubt any performance could overcome the mountain of doubt seeded by a monetary exchange.

Nothing against pro-dommes, I'm just cautious with respect to myself. A subspace triggered in those circumstances would be most likely be emotionally ruinous.

It probably depends on the domme. If this is her main income, then yes, chances of you being wanted are pretty slim. If it's a hobby, a side once in a while job, in short, if she really can afford to pick and choose clients -- that's a different story. Then money or not, you know that she chose YOU to play with.

Say, if I ever were to do it ( not very likely to happen, but still), I will definitely expect some payment - hotel room needs to be rented, some of the implements are single user only, and yes, I would want to be paid for my time too. But for me to perform, there has to be chemistry between the two people - this is where prior communication comes in. Is there any pull during that first public meeting? If not, then what's the point?

Its funny you mentioned age. You are a man, right? Then who the fuck cares how old you are? How much are you in shape - maybe, but that usually can be fixed with few months at a gym. But age? It does not matter, unless you are 90 and I will be afraid to touch you, because you might have a heart attack.

And Dommes are usually not 25 either.

 

[Hodes101]

Thanks for all the comments.

Money certainly is a big issue with 'pro'. I suppose my ideal situation would be to see one with my wife to see if she could be inspired or find out her true self as well.

Anyone been to one with a partner? What was the end result?

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

I have done a little PDing, so hopefully can answer a few questions.
You are booking a professional service. Most dommes will advertise the sort of areas that they are proficient in, for example, I prefer corporal punishment, impact play with maybe some mild humiliation, I did not do pegging, which was a deal breaker for many guys, but it wasn't my thing, and I wanted to enjoy the session too. Others may prefer sissification, cbt, rope, needles etc. Look for what you are interested in.
Unless you become a regular, there is minimal chance of a connection, simply down to time constraints. You don't become familiar with someone in an hour!
If a PD is demanding gifts and is emptying your wallet, walk away. There are lots of very good and very professional PD's competing for the same pool of customers.
Most will not go into long winded negotiations before a financial deposit has been made. This is due to a hell of a lot of blokes getting in contact for wank fodder. For every genuine enquiry, you will have at least 10 time wasters. A deposit means that you are serious and the PD will help talk you through your scene, sort out limits and safe words.
You are paying for their experience and usually a very considerable collection of equipment. Premises will be scrupulously clean and they will be well presented.
Don't go expecting sex. If you want that, look for an escort who offers BDSM services.

Hope this helps

 

[Miles Long]

I have done a little PDing, so hopefully can answer a few questions.
You are booking a professional service. Most dommes will advertise the sort of areas that they are proficient in, for example, I prefer corporal punishment, impact play with maybe some mild humiliation, I did not do pegging, which was a deal breaker for many guys, but it wasn't my thing, and I wanted to enjoy the session too. Others may prefer sissification, cbt, rope, needles etc. Look for what you are interested in.
Unless you become a regular, there is minimal chance of a connection, simply down to time constraints. You don't become familiar with someone in an hour!
If a PD is demanding gifts and is emptying your wallet, walk away. There are lots of very good and very professional PD's competing for the same pool of customers.
Most will not go into long winded negotiations before a financial deposit has been made. This is due to a hell of a lot of blokes getting in contact for wank fodder. For every genuine enquiry, you will have at least 10 time wasters. A deposit means that you are serious and the PD will help talk you through your scene, sort out limits and safe words.
You are paying for their experience and usually a very considerable collection of equipment. Premises will be scrupulously clean and they will be well presented.
Don't go expecting sex. If you want that, look for an escort who offers BDSM services.

Hope this helps

It's a daisy sighting!!!

 

[PaxNurgle]

I have done a little PDing, so hopefully can answer a few questions.
You are booking a professional service. Most dommes will advertise the sort of areas that they are proficient in, for example, I prefer corporal punishment, impact play with maybe some mild humiliation, I did not do pegging, which was a deal breaker for many guys, but it wasn't my thing, and I wanted to enjoy the session too. Others may prefer sissification, cbt, rope, needles etc. Look for what you are interested in.
Unless you become a regular, there is minimal chance of a connection, simply down to time constraints. You don't become familiar with someone in an hour!
If a PD is demanding gifts and is emptying your wallet, walk away. There are lots of very good and very professional PD's competing for the same pool of customers.
Most will not go into long winded negotiations before a financial deposit has been made. This is due to a hell of a lot of blokes getting in contact for wank fodder. For every genuine enquiry, you will have at least 10 time wasters. A deposit means that you are serious and the PD will help talk you through your scene, sort out limits and safe words.
You are paying for their experience and usually a very considerable collection of equipment. Premises will be scrupulously clean and they will be well presented.
Don't go expecting sex. If you want that, look for an escort who offers BDSM services.

Hope this helps

This is all useful information. My situation right now is, the pro domme I am seeing right now is one of those demanding gifts all the time, and who is literally emptying my wallet- I have spent my entire monthly income on her the last couple months- and less than half of that was the actual session tribute.

I didn't know she was like this when I agreed to start seeing her regularly, or I would have never agreed to get involved with her in the first place. I get that financial domination is a thing for some people, it is not my thing at all. She feels like she can get away with it because she is literally the only pro domme in my city, she is extraordinarly attractive, and she is experienced and good at what she does.

But to be honest, I am experiencing major, major sub drop because I just feel like I am being taken advantage of, rather than genuinely appreciated as a sub. And believe me, unless you are into the financial domination, sugar-daddy fetish, it becomes a major, major turn-off real quick and it has literally pushed me away from the whole idea of being a kinky sub. (or, depending on your view, it has "Cured" me of my fetishes, if you prefer.) I feel I no longer really enjoy the sessions with her since I feel I am just a cash cow to be milked, and I really can't afford to keep doing this much longer. To be honest I am really trying to break it off but she is, perhaps willfully, not picking up on the fact that I really don't want to keep seeing her anymore. Funny how she is really attentive to her sub's needs in all other areas but that one.

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

This is all useful information. My situation right now is, the pro domme I am seeing right now is one of those demanding gifts all the time, and who is literally emptying my wallet- I have spent my entire monthly income on her the last couple months- and less than half of that was the actual session tribute.

I didn't know she was like this when I agreed to start seeing her regularly, or I would have never agreed to get involved with her in the first place. I get that financial domination is a thing for some people, it is not my thing at all. She feels like she can get away with it because she is literally the only pro domme in my city, she is extraordinarly attractive, and she is experienced and good at what she does.

But to be honest, I am experiencing major, major sub drop because I just feel like I am being taken advantage of, rather than genuinely appreciated as a sub. And believe me, unless you are into the financial domination, sugar-daddy fetish, it becomes a major, major turn-off real quick and it has literally pushed me away from the whole idea of being a kinky sub. (or, depending on your view, it has "Cured" me of my fetishes, if you prefer.) I feel I no longer really enjoy the sessions with her since I feel I am just a cash cow to be milked, and I really can't afford to keep doing this much longer. To be honest I am really trying to break it off but she is, perhaps willfully, not picking up on the fact that I really don't want to keep seeing her anymore. Funny how she is really attentive to her sub's needs in all other areas but that one.

I would strongly suggest you walk away. This was not part of the original agreement, IMHO she is pushing her luck to see how far you will go.
Submissive does not equal doormat.
You may have to see a few before you find the right fit.
I hope you find what you are looking for!

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

It's a daisy sighting!!!

Hey Sweetie!
Runs over and gives a big hug!

Hows life treating you?

 

[Miles Long]

Hey Sweetie!
Runs over and gives a big hug!

Hows life treating you?

Fine and dandy here, thanks. Hope you're doing well too! It's a pleasure to see you pop up here again.