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JazzManJim
On the Downbeat
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2001
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Important Stalker Etiquette
Just remember before you begin to stalk someone, that there are rules you can use to make sure that you both gain the maximum enjoyment from your stalking.
1 - Don't litter. Bring a little litter bag into which to put our candy bar wrappers, cigarette butts, and whiskey bottles. Nothing turns off a stalkee more than seeing a pile of trash behind that bush outside her bedroom window.
2 - Help out around the place. If you see that the lawn furniture's a little askew, straighten it out. Pick up loose debris, clean the outside of the windows (which also gains you a benefit, eh?). Your stalkee will appreciate it, and it will provide you a reasonable alibi should the police show up ("Stalker? No! I'm the Lawn Guy/Window Washer/Pool Boy!")
3 - No messing with the car. Though it's tempting, don't tamper with your stalkee's car. It'll only make your stalker mad, and you won't get the prime views you might get when she's not angry with you. Besides, breaking into a car takes time, and that's time you're not spending tending the camera focused on her bathroom, or writing rambling, incoherent love poems.
4 - Give feedback. Every stalkee likes to know that she's doing a good job. Be sure to complement her. It'll pay back in spades. If she knows she's pleasing you, she'll be sure to give you those extra peeks you so desperately crave. Remember though, "suit made of your milky soft skin" is *not* a complement.
So that's all for this installment of Jim's Stalking Tips. Remember...stay low, use a quick shutter speed, and don't step on the flowers!
Just remember before you begin to stalk someone, that there are rules you can use to make sure that you both gain the maximum enjoyment from your stalking.
1 - Don't litter. Bring a little litter bag into which to put our candy bar wrappers, cigarette butts, and whiskey bottles. Nothing turns off a stalkee more than seeing a pile of trash behind that bush outside her bedroom window.
2 - Help out around the place. If you see that the lawn furniture's a little askew, straighten it out. Pick up loose debris, clean the outside of the windows (which also gains you a benefit, eh?). Your stalkee will appreciate it, and it will provide you a reasonable alibi should the police show up ("Stalker? No! I'm the Lawn Guy/Window Washer/Pool Boy!")
3 - No messing with the car. Though it's tempting, don't tamper with your stalkee's car. It'll only make your stalker mad, and you won't get the prime views you might get when she's not angry with you. Besides, breaking into a car takes time, and that's time you're not spending tending the camera focused on her bathroom, or writing rambling, incoherent love poems.
4 - Give feedback. Every stalkee likes to know that she's doing a good job. Be sure to complement her. It'll pay back in spades. If she knows she's pleasing you, she'll be sure to give you those extra peeks you so desperately crave. Remember though, "suit made of your milky soft skin" is *not* a complement.
So that's all for this installment of Jim's Stalking Tips. Remember...stay low, use a quick shutter speed, and don't step on the flowers!
