Out of my caste

[Patryn]

And I'm not talking that I broke something, unless you want to count a potential broken heart.

I'm talking about social castes, or why a wino doesn't date a doctor. I'm neither a wino nor a doctor, but due to extreme lack of funds, I'm only taking once class this semester and doing workstudy to hopefully get some cash for next semester. Guess what department I work in? Maintainence. It's not so bad, really. I've done it before, when I was just out of high school, and it's not a disgusting as you might think...just boring. Unfortunately, it also comes with a stigma to a lot of professors/professional types. You're somehow "not worthy" if you have a mop in your hand, and that's not just MY perception.

Herein lies the problem...I have never seen anyone in person so beautiful as I saw yesterday. His name is Neal, he's about 21.

He might have a girlfriend, but I'm not sure. My question is, should I even try to find out? I have this nagging feeling he looks at me as a "janitor", and I don't mean that in the sense he'd say that's what I did if he were asked. I mean, he seems like a nice guy from the little I talked to him yesterday, but even if he's not ordinarily judgemental, which I don't think he is, it's still out there. Look at it this way...I wouldn't be embarassed to say I were dating him, but what would HE say?

Long story short...what should I do? Drool from afar, or try to get to know him and maybe persue something with it?

[Edited by Patryn on 01-10-2001 at 06:53 PM]

 

[Hecate]

Hmmm -... I guess he would say he is dating a student?? .. maybe a student who has to work for continuing the classes but a student nevertheless!

Try to find out ... you don't loose anything by doing so but may be in for a nice surprise if he is single *s*.

 

[CreamyLady]

Would you feel the same way if he was the janitor, and you were the herpetologist?

Beauty is beauty, and something that good comes along very seldom. Try reading some Marxist propaganda to raise your laborer's status in your own eyes, and go for it.

Honest work is honest work, after all, whether it is mopping a floor or handling snakes.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Hmmm, you could try donning nothing but a reticulated python and flaminco dancing around with a rose in your teeth...

Seriously though, are there any strictures against such a thing? Some U's frown on coworker things. Other than that, I've known several professors in my lifetime and they don't always get that stuffy only if you're a phd too attitude.

You can try talkin to him. Tell him you were thinking about getting a snake, but you want a small one or something. Conversation is usually the best way to begin things. Besides Patryn, you're sexy as fuck, how do you know he isn't pining after YOU from afar? Wondering how on earth such a gorgeous hottie such as yourself would react if he spoke to her, that weirdo snake guy. Everyone has insecurities sweetness. Even gorgeous hunks with reptiles. He isn't better than you, and I seriously doubt he even considered the possibility that he might be.

 

[minx]

Go for it girlfriend! I think the fact that you are willing to work toward your goals, and not let anything stand in your way says far more about you than some silly job title. You are a wonderful human being, and if he can't see that he wasn't the one for you anyway.

 

[Flagg]

As long as a "herpetologist" isn't someone who studies herpes, then go for it.

 

[Oliver Clozoff]

I'm not a doctor yet, but I believe that I'm far enough along to give you a peek into the male professional's brain. In general, there is an undeniable kind of class division between common working people and more educated academics and professionals.

But at the same time, men are far more apt to look past this than women are. Male doctors often hook up with female nurses, nurses' assistants, secretaries, and yes, janitors, if the woman is attractive enough. If she's attractive enough has to be a incredibly annoying for us not to be interested.

The reverse situation is rarely seen. Women professionals seem to place a much higher value on the professional/monetary/educational status of their partners and much less on looks.

But when it comes to long-term relationships, even most men doctors want a woman who's comparible at least on an educational level, if not on a professional one.

So, as I see it, it's not hard for a "lower-echelon" woman to have a fling with a higher echelon man, but it's harder for her to interest him in a long-term relationship.

 

[Boo]

It will matter to some......

and those it will matter to are the same type of people who judge you by who your family is and what kind of car you drive etc.....and, would you really want to go out with someone like that anyway? The thing is, it should be important that you are interesting and educated (not necessarily through formal education either) and somebody that the object of your interest finds facinating to be around. My story is the opposite. I'm an attorney. I was married to an attorney for years. The guy I've been dating for the last three years, though college educated, works in a family building supply business. However, we both love to travel, love the same music, love to cook and eat out as well as in, and generally have a lovely time together whenever we are with each other. I got a few raised eyebrows from some of my more snooty friends when I told them that the guy I was seeing weighed nails and mixed paint for a living. They couldn't see what we possibly had in common. But the thing is, I have far more in common with him than I did with the ex-husband with whom I share careers. He also possesses the qualities which I value...intelligence, common sense, gentleness, generosity, self-assuredness, sense of humor, thoughtfulness, loyalty, usefulness and an artistic sensibility. And, he lacks some of the negative qualites that were present in my oh so much more "educated" and "socially acceptable" ex-spouse....arrogance, self-absorption, meglo mania, anal retentiveness, selfishness, false pride, jealousy, paranoia....oh, I could go on. I'm not saying that someone is an asshole just because they are a "professional" or an prince just because they do manual labor...but..it's so basic....it's the person not the title or the number of diplomas on the wall. And if your snake handler can't see this...better off looking elsewhere. And if he is worried about what his friends would think that he is dating someone who is working her way through school...well...enough said.

Boo

[Edited by Boo on 09-06-2000 at 09:30 AM]

 

[Patryn]

Well, thanks for the replies everyone, and I'm LMAO at Killer Muffin. There IS a 12 foot Burmese python downstairs, and don't think the idea didn't cross my mind.

I suppose maybe I'm just being somewhat insecure, but I have been since high school. I don't think I'm physically attractive in the least bit, but I suppose when I look in the mirror, what I see is far worse than what anyone else sees. I know that I'm not an idiot by any means. I know a lot of things about a lot of things, and I've been told I'm eloquent and funny. But point of fact, no matter how many times people say looks don't matter, they do, at least to a point. I don't think I'm hideous, but neither am I attractive.

Then there's the matter of the job. About what Oliver said, I don't know if I'd like to persue a relationship with him, but assuming he's not otherwise attached, I'd definitely like to look into it. I can see what you're saying, though, Oliver and Boo, and I also realize not everyone sees things that way. So that gives me some hope.

There is nothing at this U that says a professor can't date a student or another member of staff. They do frown on supervisor/subordinate relationships, but since I'm not in the same employment division as he is, that wouldn't be a problem. Also, I'm not studying in the Natural Resources field, so I'd more than likely never have him for an instructor.

Bah, maybe I'm just venting my own lack of self esteem here. I should just go talk to him....yes, that's what I'll do. I do have an Argentine Horned Frog of my own, maybe that'll count in my favor.

 

[April]

If you don't try, then you'll always wonder about what might have been.

 

[Patryn]

Slight Update

Well, I just saw him when I got to work.

I froze...ugh. Couldn't even say "hi". This has never happened to me before, and I am SO not liking it.

Ya know, what if he's reading this. You never know who's going to stumble into this place next. His name really IS Neal, and there's only one female work study maint. person in this building. Nah, I'm only joking. I'm not that paranoid....yet.

[Edited by Patryn on 01-10-2001 at 06:54 PM]

 

[CreamyLady]

If he's reading this, then he might put two and two together and make four. He'll know you are interested, at least.

May I suggest a cup of tea and regrouping? You can try again tomorrow.

 

[Sonora]

Patryn, last fall I was intrigued by the thought of running a marathon. A friend sent me the following message (it echoes what April said): "I hope you do it! You won't regret it. You might regret it if you don't try it." My friend's words were enough of a challenge that I just had to try it.

I say go for it!!!

 

[Skitten]

You are worrying too much about what he might say or might think. Instead of thinking you are an awesome person to be around. You will never know unless you try, yes he might have a girlfriend then again maybe he won't and then you may have let this one go buy without even giving him the option.

Give him a chance he may be shy and not wanting to make a move because you are a student. Remember who you are on the inside not what you are doing and there is nothing wrong with it. It is honest and no one should judge you on that as long you remember that you are a good person that is all than should matter. And if nothing happens at least you will know you tried instead of always wondering what may have been.

 

[Patryn]

So, Sonora....how did the marathon come out? Might give me some idea what to expect.

 

[Sonora]

I haven't done it yet, but I did run a half-marathon last spring. Right now I'm battling a foot injury. X-rays and MRI's have been negative to any breaks. One doc says it's arthritis. I'm just about ready to try something else thoguh, because even with rest and orthotics, it doesn't seem to be getting better. ;( Right now I'd say that the marathon is next spring at the earliest.