SEX_VAMPYRE
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2001
- Posts
- 1,273
Truth is stranger then fiction..and sometimes its real painful too!
INNER SKELETON-----
A 63 year old widow was admitted to the hospital in Recife, Brazil,
suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that she was carrying a 20 inch
long skeleton of a fetus which she conceived a decade earlier. It had become
lodged outside the womb and was never expelled from her body.
FEMALE SOFA-----
A 500lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a hospital. During the
examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime was found
under one of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged between the
folds of her vulva.
PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH!
In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis. He
complained that his wife had "...a rat in her privates..." and it bit him
during sex. After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that she had a
surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.
PING PONG ANYONE?-----
A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony mass
in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend was fooling around with
concrete mix, then his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his
anus using a funnel. The concrete then hardened, causing constipation and
pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum
was removed along with a ping-pong ball. (Boy we live sheltered lives -
thank goodness)
BLIND DRUNK----- A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of
severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they
would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to
help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined
him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had
been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.
OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!-----
A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency room covered in bloody
restaurant towels. The man had his hands around his abdomen and the woman
had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had
gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the
woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man. While in the
act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's
penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man
grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go.
And you all thought your day was going bad????
INNER SKELETON-----
A 63 year old widow was admitted to the hospital in Recife, Brazil,
suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that she was carrying a 20 inch
long skeleton of a fetus which she conceived a decade earlier. It had become
lodged outside the womb and was never expelled from her body.
FEMALE SOFA-----
A 500lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a hospital. During the
examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime was found
under one of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged between the
folds of her vulva.
PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH!
In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis. He
complained that his wife had "...a rat in her privates..." and it bit him
during sex. After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that she had a
surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.
PING PONG ANYONE?-----
A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony mass
in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend was fooling around with
concrete mix, then his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his
anus using a funnel. The concrete then hardened, causing constipation and
pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum
was removed along with a ping-pong ball. (Boy we live sheltered lives -
thank goodness)
BLIND DRUNK----- A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of
severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they
would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to
help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined
him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had
been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.
OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!-----
A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency room covered in bloody
restaurant towels. The man had his hands around his abdomen and the woman
had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had
gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the
woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man. While in the
act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's
penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man
grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go.
And you all thought your day was going bad????
