Other’s stuff

[YourCaptor]

I recently met a women, at first things where very unassuming. I thought she was attractive, great ass, small-ish breasts just like I like them. I talked to her a bit, and moved on to another girl. Then one day she’s next to me in another class and we totally hit it off. The more I learned about her the more I kept thinking, this could be something really special, she has so many characteristics I have been looking for in a girl. I was slow to recognize it, was not expecting to find someone like her there and then. But the more we talked the more the imperfect reality of the situation dawned on me, she is already taken.

An emotional roller coaster ride later, it suddenly clicks in my head. If he was not vanilla, would I be going after his girl like I was? I thought she was too good for him, getting wasted on someone who doesn’t know what to do with her. But submissiveness plays no role here, she’s happy with him, she loves him, even if he doesn’t know what to do with her submission, she is fine without it in her boyfriend niche

So what do you do if you want someone else’s girl? When you know she would be yours if she was free.

 

[minx1]

I recently met a women, at first things where very unassuming. I thought she was attractive, great ass, small-ish breasts just like I like them. I talked to her a bit, and moved on to another girl. Then one day she’s next to me in another class and we totally hit it off. The more I learned about her the more I kept thinking, this could be something really special, she has so many characteristics I have been looking for in a girl. I was slow to recognize it, wan not expecting to find someone like her there and then. But the more we talked the more the imperfect reality of the situation dawned on me more and more, she is already taken.

An emotional roller coaster ride later, it suddenly clicks in my head. If he was not vanilla, would I be going after his girl like I was? I thought she was too good for him, getting wasted on someone who doesn’t know what to do with her. But submissiveness plays no role here, she’s happy with him, she loves him, even if he doesn’t know what to do with her submission, she is fine without it in her boyfriend niche

So what do you do if you want someone else’s girl? Vanilla or not, or even inferior or not.

*hugs* hey YC.

I.O.U an email. Sorry have been a bit off recently.

The bottom line is do nothing if I were you. You can't make someone want you...something I have painfully come to recognise myself.
Its possible she may feel something for you, but equally loves her current partner.

If she wants you, she will be with you. If she is happy where she is she will stay.
Let her know how you feel, if she doesn't already know. But I would not make a takeover bid. That happened to me once and I didn't appreciate it. It completely put me off the person who up until that time, I liked very much.

Ultimately the decision should be hers.

 

[graceanne]

If you could get her to leave him for you, would you ever be able to really trust her? Is, maybe, one of the things that you love about her that she's not fickle like that? Would making her change make you love her less?

 

[rida]

Let her know you like her, but perhaps no need to declare your eternal love or desire for her to break up with the current boyfriend.

Keep in touch and let's things go how they are meant to go. As the trite saying goes: let her free and if she's yours, she'll come to you.

As an aside, I do not believe that if she leaves the current bf for you it means she cannot be trusted. There are too many variables and factor that we do not know to judge her from this single action.

However the point on liking her because she is not fickle is valid: would her change from the bf to you make you love her less?

 

[YourCaptor]

No hostile takeover, and natural progression.

If she had been single our natural progression would be in heat right now.

Would I like her less if she ditched him. No, I just want her as my own, and I don't think choosing me would reflect badly on her.

Taking it slow, thats hard to do.

 

[intothewoods]

Do you want her because of who she is, or because she's possibly unattainable? That's something I'd ask myself.

Otherwise I like rida's advice. You like her, she's seeing someone, if the situation changes, let's touch base. Exchange cards, shake hands...

 

[Netzach]

This is the giant suck up life sucks moment, if she gets interested enough you'll know.

No bigger turnoff in the world, personally than the "if you're ever NOT not-single, drop me a line" line. I do advise against it.

It feels begging-like in a not-good way, it's never made me look favorably on the guy resorting to it. I'm not exactly like every other girl in that I prefer to catch my own food, but I really find a certain pathos in that. I think you're probably capable of telegraphing enough interest that she'll bite if it's appealing to her.

 

[intothewoods]

This is the giant suck up life sucks moment, if she gets interested enough you'll know.

No bigger turnoff in the world, personally than the "if you're ever NOT not-single, drop me a line" line. I do advise against it.

It feels begging-like in a not-good way, it's never made me look favorably on the guy resorting to it. I'm not exactly like every other girl in that I prefer to catch my own food, but I really find a certain pathos in that. I think you're probably capable of telegraphing enough interest that she'll bite if it's appealing to her.

Definitely no begging! I was thinking of it more in terms of nonchalant hey, the timing's just not right at this moment. Maybe later.

I guess from my own experience I just would not want to be doggedly pursued. Having to jump through 8 zillion hoops is also not fun, and I've had my flings on that score. I will dig in my heels and just not play, and the fling goes by the wayside.

 

[YourCaptor]

I want her because of who she is.

And I am not gonna go “hey, I want you, so I’ll be back here standing in line”.

I don’t want to do anything prehistoric either, so no getting rid of him via physical or political.

What I want is to tell her that I think there could be a future between us, and then give her the choice of continuing to move forward or ending it all. But I know she would end it, even though she likes me, she’s a good girl like that.



I feel like I’m not even getting my chance, and I can't stand it.

 

[FurryFury]

Just walk away. If it's meant to happen it will, when it should. Most likely focusing on what can't happen is keeping you from where you should be right now.

 

[minx1]

Besides.....I thought I was your special girl

 

[YourCaptor]

Just walk away. If it's meant to happen it will, when it should. Most likely focusing on what can't happen is keeping you from where you should be right now.

Well, if I don't move now it wont ever happen. After Monday chances are I wont see her again.

I don't like what ifs, should have, could have, would haves.

I would rather fail and know then the alternative.

and I believe change is always possible, so there is always hope.

I just wish there was a way to increase my chance of success.

Besides.....I thought I was your special girl

-_-

you don't put out enough...

 

[the_mgp]

blerg

 

[YourCaptor]

Personally, I'd just accept that it wasn't going to be and not entertain any further thoughts about getting with that person.

However... I have been in this situation in the past. M and I had broken up and he was dating another girl. I was still in love with him, so in order to stay in reach of him I moved in with his friends, looked miserable whenever I saw the two of them together, and generally made it pretty obvious that I wanted to get back with him without actually telling him or hitting on him.

Now, this is pretty poor behaviour, I realise now. At the time, I was 18 and not particularly savvy in the ways of the world. In the end, he ended up leaving her and got back with me but that didn't happen until I had actually bitten the bullet and decided to act like I didn't care about him anymore, and try to move on.

I'm not saying this is a good course of action for you to take.. more just demonstrate that sometimes you just don't know what is around the corner. Perhaps once you force yourself to get over this girl you will be able to see other possibilities.

Thank you for the story.

I'm not fixated on her, but I also realize that after her it will probably take years to find another one that good.

I find 1 good girl about every 3 years, thats a long time, thats a lot of motivation to get this right.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

The one thing I'm curious about here is your certainty that she is submissive. A beta personality does not automatically equal a desire to be dominated in or out of the bedroom. Even if you persuade this girl to leave her guy, how can you be sure that she'll metamorphosize into your dream woman? It would be a terrible thing to seriously hit on her, only to discover that she's not sexually submissive.

Plus, I think the fact your paths are parting ways makes this even more of a desperate leap into the unknown. To pull her off her life course and onto your own is a huge gamble and one that can foster resentment that will extinguish the brightest spark of attraction. You're clearly not about to compromise your current goals so why should she compromise hers?

Make this choice very carefully. The fact that you like this girl is not necessarily enough justification to start throwing yourself at her. There are always missed opportunities in life. It's no good strutting around complaining that you're missing your chance. She's happily attached to another guy. You idea of 'a chance' may simply be her idea of harassment. Also, when a guy swaggers up and announces that he's a better proposition, it looks terribly arrogant. If you value this girl's friendship, tread very carefully and be mature enough to be objective about this rather than purely self seeking.

 

[YourCaptor]

The one thing I'm curious about here is your certainty that she is submissive. A beta personality does not automatically equal a desire to be dominated in or out of the bedroom. Even if you persuade this girl to leave her guy, how can you be sure that she'll metamorphosize into your dream woman? It would be a terrible thing to seriously hit on her, only to discover that she's not sexually submissive.

Plus, I think the fact your paths are parting ways makes this even more of a desperate leap into the unknown. To pull her off her life course and onto your own is a huge gamble and one that can foster resentment that will extinguish the brightest spark of attraction. You're clearly not about to compromise your current goals so why should she compromise hers?

Make this choice very carefully. The fact that you like this girl is not necessarily enough justification to start throwing yourself at her. There are always missed opportunities in life. It's no good strutting around complaining that you're missing your chance. She's happily attached to another guy. You idea of 'a chance' may simply be her idea of harassment. Also, when a guy swaggers up and announces that he's a better proposition, it looks terribly arrogant. If you value this girl's friendship, tread very carefully and be mature enough to be objective about this rather than purely self seeking.

Grrr, Velvet, smart girl.

I know it is selfish, I have considered it, and if this potential gamble at a relationship fails she stands to lose more then I. If things don’t work out, if she is not what I think she is, then she loses me and him

Now I highly value others pain, especially hers; however the potential happiness that could be won eclipses anything else.

She is just too good, I can’t resist that payoff; I suppose she’s enough to make me sell out my own values. Maybe that is why I want her so much, to control her, to control myself.

…

Hmm…

On another line of thinking, culturally the only thing I can really do is giver her contact info… or sort of stick around like a looser and hope she breaks up. In other words stand in line.

That I think is ultimately the issue here. Acceptable methods don’t suit be, but I have none of my own for this situation.

 

[caela]

The fact is that she is taken YC. And happily so by your own admission. Trying to horn in on that is pure selfishness. You're more concerned with the potential for happiness for yourself than the fact that she is already happy where she is. It sounds like you've struck up a friendship with her so if there were problems with the bf you'd know about it already and from what you've said that's not the case.

Let it go. Like someone else said, if it's meant to be it will be. Perhaps you've met her now so that you'll recognize her and be ready when you both cross paths in the future.

 

[YourCaptor]

So I told her that if circumstances had been diffrent I would have asked her out.

And that if circumstances ever change, if she sees me around, to not hesitate saying hi.

And that was hard to do.

I am way too nice you know that.

I think I deserve compensation for "doing the right thing"... a loooooot of compensation. Like 4 or 5 of you all subbies would make up for it.

-loooooong sigh-

Back into the hunt, looking for those illusive bitches.

 

[myinnerslut]

i for one am glad that when i was in this exact situation, the guy who wanted me did not give up. after a really tough road i left the guy i was with for the guy who wanted me and am now happily his slave.

i know my situation was far from textbook, but its possible

 

[intothewoods]

So I told her that if circumstances had been diffrent I would have asked her out.

And that if circumstances ever change, if she sees me around, to not hesitate saying hi.

And that was hard to do.

I am way too nice you know that.

I think I deserve compensation for "doing the right thing"... a loooooot of compensation. Like 4 or 5 of you all subbies would make up for it.

-loooooong sigh-

Back into the hunt, looking for those illusive bitches.

Good for you! I'm sure it was hard and sucky, but you did all you can do. Now (just my opinion) get some distance and take yourself out of the equation.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

So I told her that if circumstances had been diffrent I would have asked her out.

And that if circumstances ever change, if she sees me around, to not hesitate saying hi.

And that was hard to do.

I am way too nice you know that.

I think I deserve compensation for "doing the right thing"... a loooooot of compensation. Like 4 or 5 of you all subbies would make up for it.

-loooooong sigh-

Back into the hunt, looking for those illusive bitches.

You did what?

Right. Just who the hell are you and what have you done with YC!?

(Seriously, kudos to you for doing the right thing. Hope the other bitches on your block don't prove too elusive )

 

[YourCaptor]

And I wonder, who exactly you folks where trying to help. Me or her.

 

[myinnerslut]

And I wonder, who exactly you folks where trying to help. Me or her.

both. either. neither. depends on how you look at it.

either way i am sorry that you did not end up with her, and hope things work out, as well as that she actually is happy.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

And I wonder, who exactly you folks where trying to help. Me or her.

All we can go on is what you tell us. If the situation had looked different I would have advised you differently. Besides, if you don't hook up with somebody soon, none of us will be safe.

So um... I guess that ultimately, I was helping me.

 

[WriterDom]

Don't worry. She'll show up here in a couple of years asking how to make her husband interested in BDSM.

Try baby powder on your last day. It's supposed to make women hot.


Read some Gibran:

"And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course."