ops.

[Hairgrip]

Hello,
Am looking to this forum for some ideas/help/support/agreement/whatever. I don't normally hang around here so if I have gone and ballsed this up then just let me know or ask Etoile to send it to the right place. Thank you!

I contacted a friend who I've not seen since about 2000, but used to keep regular contact. She's fab, had some really shitty times and stuff and has started to come through them. She's suffered abuse, battled with substance misuse, and always been herself... or so I thought. The email I got back from her today said that she felt she had to be completely straight with me, that she couldn't hide herself from me anymore as much as anyone with 2 heads would find it hard to hide the second one... she's always dressed a bit blokie, baggy jeans, baggy tops etc and i have always assumed in the six or so years that i have known her that it was part of hiding herself because of the sexual abuse she was subjected to. instead she has revealed to me that she is seeking medical assessment for gender realignment. That's cool, I have no issue with that, more than anything i feel she deserves to be happy - if this is how then that is all that should be focused on.

What I am wondering is... have I dealt with this in an ok way? I sent her an email that said of course she's still my friend, unless she hurts me at which point I reserve the right to kill her - fair enough, right? i then sent a second email that has asked her a couple of questions - is she changing her name? does she plan to align herself with a box of sexuality? is she coming to visit? to be honest i am scared, but that is my selfishness not her concern... if that makes sense.

Has anyone here been through this? Either from my side or hers? Pm me/post here... i would really appreciate it.

Thank you

oh and if you're going to flame then might i redirect you to the playground?


Hx

 

[Hairgrip]

did the above post make any sense? or have i merely rambled wierdly?

i'd really appreciate some feedback

Hx

 

[thickspear]

there's a certain courage in...

no i haven't been through this...but...

it sounds like you handled the situation with warmth and humor...

it's hard to know what is really going on in other peoples heads but she has come out to you so she must be willing to experience your reaction for good or ill...

since you've assured her of your understanding and willingness to be there for her i would think there's nothing to do except to offer her some of your time or just a friendly ear...

i have made aquaintance with a number of transgendered people... i hope she finds a supportive community, a shoulder to lean on, acceptance and love

ts

 

[Etoile]

This is absolutely a good place for this kind of discussion, Hairgrip.

It must have been hard for her to come out to you after such a long time without much contact. I think you handled the situation very well, especially by asking the questions you did, which were accepting, curious, and non-threatening.

 

[Queersetti]

I think you handled the matter just fine.

I agree with Etoile, I think that your friend will appreciate your kind hearted curiosity about the process she is going through.

 

[Hairgrip]

Thank you, for flattering my ego and understanding that I wasn't trying to be flippant with her - they're questions that I needed to understand the answers to.

I recall that the uni LGB soc that we had had a huge row about TG, they argued that should a man choose to become a woman, and then to live as a hetero then the LGB soc was unable to support them, since in effect they were a straight woman, follow my drift?
My experience with sex change is brief and unpleasant, due only to the nasty litttle worm I knew who felt they would be happier as a a man, and as such proceeded to harrass complete strangers about their feelings, ops and the intimacies of their sex life.... trouble is it makes you nervous meeting others then, just in case....

Hx