Opinions???

[Ghostwriter]

Hi, I'm a new author here. I just posted 3 stories and I would really appreciate some feedback (constructive critisism welcome) The titles are "The Most unusual Spa", "The Making of A Slave" and "Night Workout". I really enjoy hearing what people like and what they think could be improved apon. So far, I love the way this site works and look forward to posting more work soon. Thanks all in advance.

 

[Whispersecret]

Ghostwriter, I read "The Most Unusual Spa" about a half hour ago. I didn't make specific notes, but here are some of my random thoughts:

--I thought the idea of a private spa was an original one. I always admire originality.
--I noticed that you used Natasha's name right in the beginning so I didn't have to wonder for a long time whether the narrator was male or female.
--I found you jumped from present tense to past quite a bit, and you really need to keep to one or the other. Past tense is best for budding writers. I also found a few things your proofreader missed.

But all in all I enjoyed it. Nice first effort.

 

[Ghostwriter]

Thanks whispersecret, It is hard to edit your own work objectively.....I think I will make use of the editors here for future postings. I didn't realize I jumped back and forth in tenses so much...lol. Practice makes perfect I guess.