Opinions - Cuckold Fetish Woes

[lucy_manic]

Hi everyone,

TLR serious post about the woes of having a cuckold fetish, so ignore if you're not bothered about that.

I know this is technically a board for sexy stories, but I have read a whole lot of the stories here and it seems like of all the places, this would be a good place to get some good, honest or experienced views.

Despite my moniker I am a single man of 33. I've had a couple of really good long heterosexual relationships and I have no problem admitting that I have bi tendencies. During my last 7 year relationship to my surprise I developed a strong cuckold fetish. I watched a lot of porn in my 20's and I tended to gravitate towards 'amatuer' porn that showed real couples in all manner of situations. I have never got off on the staged poorly acted porn with model-like actors just going through the motions. Everynow and then I would see a real 'cuckold' movie and something about the fact that the wife/girlfriend really wanting it and enjoying it, did it for me.

I thought it was just porn, until I started to fantasize about it with my longterm girlfriend at the time of 4 years. It was so opposite to any feelings I'd ever had. Just like any jealous boyfriend in a new relationship there were a couple of times that I had told her off for speaking to guys/girls when we were drunk because I was jealous, so this fetish really knocked me for six and I definitely did not want to acknowledge it to myself. She had always confided in me that she was bi and I liked that about her. Occasionally we would fantasize about trying to get another girl back to ours but we never quite managed it and of course I would have loved it but it wasn't at the foremost of my mind.

We would get stoned and drunk sometimes and that's when I would lose my inhibitions and subtley suggest that I wondered what it would be like for her to flirt with other men. Of course she was uneasy about it. I know why. She loved me. If I no longer felt that jealousy then it must mean that I have lost that love. But I did still love her. We had lots of the normal relationship woes but I loved her, but my strongest sexual desire had become to see her flirting with another man and taking him back to our house while I was there and really wanting him and doing all the things that would usually make me jealous like exposing herself and kissing etc.

I totally understand the contradictory nature of this kink and that is why I am posting. She was kinky and in many ways a perfect match for me. I also had a crossdressing fetish and have been an 'out' transvestite for many years and she was fine with that. The weird thing is, I have no shame or regret about my transvestite fetish ( it comes and goes like the wind, has no casualties and weirdly most girls don't bat an eyelid) but I feel totally trapped by this cuckold fetish.

I split with my ex about 5 years ago for other reasons but I always felt guilty for asking her to try getting with another man. We never did that but I know that for a partner it must seem like a complete betrayal. I'm actually a bit of a feminist having grown up in a single mum family and everything about this horrid fetish smacks of misogyny or male ownership of women.

I did see her again about 2 years after we broke up as she was visiting from Australia. As it happened she had organised with a mutual friend to go to a fetish club, so I went with her in drag, both of us free from the pain of the previous years and we had a great time and (for the first time in my life) engaged in 'play' with other fetish club people. I saw her fucked, I joined in, but it wasn't the same. What I had been longing for when we were together was to witness the girl I loved yearning for another man and for me to be the voyeur to something very naughty. It turns out, if I had stayed with her she would have probably volunteered that anyway. She told me after we split she had gone to sex parties and did lots of crazy stuff.

I am now stuck on my own. I have been single for 5 years, but by design. Every nice girl I fancy I ignore, because it's highly unlikely I will ever find a woman who would want such a thing and I am so worried that I would start a new relationship and then after a year have the same urges and horrify the woman with my suggestion.

So the point of my post. I thought it was just a phase and it would go away, but it hasn't. I know that this fetish seems to be against the very spirit of love and romance, but I am actually a very romantic person and would very much love to fall in love with a woman and treat her right in every way and end up having kids. But is that even possible to achieve that when you have such an unusual kink? I know that any new relationship I start, I should tell them about this and most girls would be totally freaked out. But do you think there is any way to have a strong loving romantic relationship between a man and a woman when the man periodically needs that to happen?

I am truly lost and I really had no idea I would grow up to want this. I thought about trying to find a girl who always wanted to go with other people, a 'nymphomaniac' type girlfriend, but would it be real? Would I even be attracted to a girl who wanted that?

 

[kazajin4]

I think its very possible to find a woman and love and have kids even with your kink afterall there is a woman out there for everyone and with you its just a matter of finding the right woman, while it may not be this second or an hour from now finding the one will take you time as I know it did me to find my one.

 

[MatthewVett]

I definitely think you can find a woman who enjoys a loving relationship with you but also has some occasional action on the side that you're privy to. I mean, for me, that sort of sounds like the ideal relationship, if everyone where consenting and happy about it.

I don't think it has to be first date conversation material. I'd probably start bringing it up jokingly, like if she appears attracted to another guy in a movie or out on a date, that might be a good time to make a little comment about it and see whether she follows it up.

On a different note, I highly recommend going back to your post and adding more paragraphs. It's not very easy to read right now.

 

[lucy_manic]

Thanks for the replies guys. Reassuring to hear those points of view, especially about it being the ideal type of relationship. I guess it is about finding a person who wouldn't think that was unusual, but who would be into it and understand that it doesn't diminish the love I would feel.

Maybe it will go away? Who knows. The cross dressing seemed to ease off on it's own. I kind of miss wanting to be a woman.

Oh and you are correct Matthew, I wrote that when very drunk and most of my writing tends to be overly long and ornate. So I've added some paragraphs!

 

[ukcouple4play]

OP I have always carried around huge amounts of guilt for my kinky sexual urges, cuckolding/wife sharing amongst them. I lost one great girl because I couldn't be open with her and chose to fantasise with other girls online instead - she found out and left me. Turns out from her subsequent lifestlye she was every bit as kinky as me.

I now have a wonderful partner who does everything to reassure and support me to open up. Still I find it hard, I have repeated patterns of behaviour I regret but she is still with me. My point - you CAN find love even with kinks you are made to feel ashamed of because society labels them abnormal, not all girls by any means will freak, for many it will be an unusual, intriguing turn on. My fiance probably found the sharing fetish strange at first because she never expected it, now she admits mmf is her biggest fantasy. Don't despair, be proud, confident and honest about who you are.

 

[policywank]

Hi everyone,

TLR serious post about the woes of having a cuckold fetish, so ignore if you're not bothered about that.

I know this is technically a board for sexy stories, but I have read a whole lot of the stories here and it seems like of all the places, this would be a good place to get some good, honest or experienced views.

Despite my moniker I am a single man of 33. I've had a couple of really good long heterosexual relationships and I have no problem admitting that I have bi tendencies. During my last 7 year relationship to my surprise I developed a strong cuckold fetish. I watched a lot of porn in my 20's and I tended to gravitate towards 'amatuer' porn that showed real couples in all manner of situations. I have never got off on the staged poorly acted porn with model-like actors just going through the motions. Everynow and then I would see a real 'cuckold' movie and something about the fact that the wife/girlfriend really wanting it and enjoying it, did it for me.

I thought it was just porn, until I started to fantasize about it with my longterm girlfriend at the time of 4 years. It was so opposite to any feelings I'd ever had. Just like any jealous boyfriend in a new relationship there were a couple of times that I had told her off for speaking to guys/girls when we were drunk because I was jealous, so this fetish really knocked me for six and I definitely did not want to acknowledge it to myself. She had always confided in me that she was bi and I liked that about her. Occasionally we would fantasize about trying to get another girl back to ours but we never quite managed it and of course I would have loved it but it wasn't at the foremost of my mind.

We would get stoned and drunk sometimes and that's when I would lose my inhibitions and subtley suggest that I wondered what it would be like for her to flirt with other men. Of course she was uneasy about it. I know why. She loved me. If I no longer felt that jealousy then it must mean that I have lost that love. But I did still love her. We had lots of the normal relationship woes but I loved her, but my strongest sexual desire had become to see her flirting with another man and taking him back to our house while I was there and really wanting him and doing all the things that would usually make me jealous like exposing herself and kissing etc.

I totally understand the contradictory nature of this kink and that is why I am posting. She was kinky and in many ways a perfect match for me. I also had a crossdressing fetish and have been an 'out' transvestite for many years and she was fine with that. The weird thing is, I have no shame or regret about my transvestite fetish ( it comes and goes like the wind, has no casualties and weirdly most girls don't bat an eyelid) but I feel totally trapped by this cuckold fetish.

I split with my ex about 5 years ago for other reasons but I always felt guilty for asking her to try getting with another man. We never did that but I know that for a partner it must seem like a complete betrayal. I'm actually a bit of a feminist having grown up in a single mum family and everything about this horrid fetish smacks of misogyny or male ownership of women.

I did see her again about 2 years after we broke up as she was visiting from Australia. As it happened she had organised with a mutual friend to go to a fetish club, so I went with her in drag, both of us free from the pain of the previous years and we had a great time and (for the first time in my life) engaged in 'play' with other fetish club people. I saw her fucked, I joined in, but it wasn't the same. What I had been longing for when we were together was to witness the girl I loved yearning for another man and for me to be the voyeur to something very naughty. It turns out, if I had stayed with her she would have probably volunteered that anyway. She told me after we split she had gone to sex parties and did lots of crazy stuff.

I am now stuck on my own. I have been single for 5 years, but by design. Every nice girl I fancy I ignore, because it's highly unlikely I will ever find a woman who would want such a thing and I am so worried that I would start a new relationship and then after a year have the same urges and horrify the woman with my suggestion.

So the point of my post. I thought it was just a phase and it would go away, but it hasn't. I know that this fetish seems to be against the very spirit of love and romance, but I am actually a very romantic person and would very much love to fall in love with a woman and treat her right in every way and end up having kids. But is that even possible to achieve that when you have such an unusual kink? I know that any new relationship I start, I should tell them about this and most girls would be totally freaked out. But do you think there is any way to have a strong loving romantic relationship between a man and a woman when the man periodically needs that to happen?

I am truly lost and I really had no idea I would grow up to want this. I thought about trying to find a girl who always wanted to go with other people, a 'nymphomaniac' type girlfriend, but would it be real? Would I even be attracted to a girl who wanted that?

We don't control how we feel. We may control what we do about it and chose to suppress certain urges, distract ourselves from them or avoid situations where they arise. But ultimately we don't choose how we feel or what urges we have. It is important to differentiate between taking responsibility for our actions and inflicting emotional damage on ourselves for feeling guilty for feelings we do not control.

Your post seems to reflect an understanding and acceptance of your own range of emotions and internal contradictions but then regards women and our desires in a very simplistic and homogenous way. All human beings have complex and conflicting emotions and very few of us fit the definition of what society calls "normal". The idea of being with more than one man is a lot more common among women than many guys imagine. And while most may see this as being in conflict with a loving relationship there are plenty of us with enough imagination and our own deviant desires that we would not automatically assume that a man wanting us to be with other men reflects any lack of love or respect.

Being feminist is not at odds with being a hot wife. The porn version is often portrayed as disrespectful but as with all other aspects of porn it is not a remotely realistic portrayal. Not everyone agrees with me of course but feminism is ultimately about women being treated equally and free to make their own choices without fear of judgment or reprisals. The first generation of feminism was often about shaking off the male view of women and replacing it with a female view of women. I kind of regard that as a necessarily aggressive swing of the pendulum to attempt to balance out an unequal society. But while rules dictated to me by women may be modestly more palatable than rules dictated to me by men I am not truly free and equal until neither is trying to tell me what to do. Whatever I do is inherently pro-feminist if I am doing it by choice based upon my own desire.

Like any fetish, chances are that those who share the fetish are a minority. You want to be careful about how and when you communicate it to people. Be respectful of their views. But also EXPECT them to be respectful of yours.

If this is something you are ever able to pursue with a partner I would make one simple recommendation. As part of a loving and respectful relationship it needs to be about her and what she wants. More than likely she won't make the choices you imagine. Prepare yourself to have a real glimpse of her desires and do not expect her to put constraints on herself to assuage your limitations of acceptance.

 

[ukcouple4play]

Policywank thank you for a great and insightful post. I wasn't surprised when my fiance told me she did indeed get very turned on imagining being with other/more than one guy, what surprised me was her saying she hadn't even admitted it to herself until I told her about my similar fantasies. Like you say, a loving relationship should be all about equality of desire, I hope I can play a part in helping her come to terms with her own. And I look forward to being surprised by what those desires amount to.

 

[policywank]

Policywank thank you for a great and insightful post. I wasn't surprised when my fiance told me she did indeed get very turned on imagining being with other/more than one guy, what surprised me was her saying she hadn't even admitted it to herself until I told her about my similar fantasies. Like you say, a loving relationship should be all about equality of desire, I hope I can play a part in helping her come to terms with her own. And I look forward to being surprised by what those desires amount to.

I hope that works out well for you.

One of the biggest issues that men face I think is that they have a strong tendency to see themselves in a hierarchy of better or worse as it relates to female sexual desire. So as soon as they understand what a woman sees in another man they see that as a direct line relationship to something they are lacking. It is odd in a way because it seems to me that most men are able to see multiple women as being each appealing on their own without having to put them in order of preference.

The truth is women appreciate variety too. And by definition if we are going to sample something new we probably are going to look for something different. That doesn't mean better, just different. Expect that the man she would choose will be different, which more than likely means having something that you don't. If you want to know her true desires you have to let that flow and not impose constraints in advance.

 

[policywank]

Policywank thank you for a great and insightful post. I wasn't surprised when my fiance told me she did indeed get very turned on imagining being with other/more than one guy, what surprised me was her saying she hadn't even admitted it to herself until I told her about my similar fantasies. Like you say, a loving relationship should be all about equality of desire, I hope I can play a part in helping her come to terms with her own. And I look forward to being surprised by what those desires amount to.

P.S. - It is hard to overstate the degree to which women are expected to censor and even delude ourselves to protect male egos and achieve societal acceptance. You must be patient and hyper vigilant never to give her a reason to believe you judge her negatively.

 

[Addicted098]

I think U shoud look for such women. I have seen plenty of women posting about wanting a cuckold husband on varius online forums. I don't kno if they were exaggerating or what but if there are real-life clubs of people into cuckolding, Then there woud definitely be single women who woud want to do what their friends are doing. Maybe U shoud ask for advice in any online forums for cuckolding.
At the same time, are U sure this fetish will go away if U keep waiting & stay single because U are going through important years of your life.

 

[littlecordelera]

lucy manic, what you have described is wife sharing, not cuckold. If it were cuckold, you would find arousal in feeling sexually inferior to her other partners. I do not see anything in what you have written that indicates that is the case.

With that said, wife sharing is very common. I'm convinced most guys would like to share their wife, and given the number of couples active in the swing lifestyle, you should have no trouble finding a woman who shares your interests.