Opinion on Girlfriend Masterbating

[jckontharocks]

So, my girlfriend and I have a really good sex life. I am the first guy to ever get her off. So, once this happened for her for the first time she wanted it constantly (which was fucking awesome). Though lately she wants it a little less but still enough to keep me more than satisfied. However, sometimes I'll want it and she wont because she she recently just masturbated. I don't have any problem talking to her about things like this but she did get really defensive. She assured me that she would way rather have sex than finger herself, but I get really frustrated when she does this. Is there something I can do or is this normal? Every girlfriend I've ever had didn't touch themselves. LITTLE HELP??

 

[bailadora]

Are you for real? You must be very young, because I can't fathom a man thinking that a woman who likes to masturbate is abnormal. It's her body - why the hell shouldn't she touch it? How the hell else would she learn what feels good to her? Think of all the reasons you do it: it feels good, it relieves stress and it's just plain fun. Same reasoning applies to the opposite gender.

I'll also tell you this: I've been with the same man for over 20 years and most days I'd rather have intercourse with him than masturbate. But....on occasion - I want to be a little self centered and focus on me, myself and I. And you know what - there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. In short, you need to adjust your thinking right quick, bud. You need to learn that penis in vagina is not the be all, end all of a sexual relationship. It's only one component.

 

[tenderlily]

Do you masturbate? Should it frustrate her if you do?

If she's really never had an orgasm before she met you then it sounds like she has some exploring to do. Instead of getting upset about it I would encourage her. The more she learns about her own body, the better sex will be between the two of you.

It's normal for things to slow down a little as well. Especially if you were having sex all the time.

Every girlfriend I've ever had didn't touch themselves.

This might be true because you know them and I don't. But it seems highly unlikely to me. Perhaps they were embarrassed or thought you might disapprove.

 

[SweetErika]

I know this might sound harsh, but I'd suggest growing up, trusting what she says, and viewing her exploration of her own body as a huge positive. A reasonable amount of masturbation (i.e. an amount that's not having negative effects on one's life--even in the context of a sexually satisfying relationship--is completely normal and healthy. Hopefully your gf is learning some great new stuff that she can use to enhance her sex life with you.

For me, and I suspect many other people, masturbation satisfies different needs and wants than sex. I think of it as something special I do for myself, just like taking a really nice bath or curling up with a fantastic book. I'm thankful my husband respects this and encourages me to enjoy my body and fantasies when the mood strikes.

Maybe your previous girlfriends weren't as liberated or simply didn't tell you they masturbated because they sensed you had negative views on it.

So, IMO, what you need to do from here is change your ideas and then communicate your new views to your gf. If she doesn't have some already, encourage her to explore some toys on her own. Ask her to teach you what she learns while masturbating so you can enhance your mutual sex life even more.

 

[bailadora]

I know this might sound harsh, .....

Continuing this train of thought that Erika started: my reply to you probably also comes across as harshly blunt. But here's why: women suffer enough insecurities about their bodies and their sexual desires all enough on their own. They don't need their partners' disapproval adding to the negative noise. So...I'm not going to apologize for what I said, although I will apologize for how I said it. You're still very young and I know that my views on sex are very different now than when I was in my 20's.

That said, I would encourage you to do ALOT of research and educate yourself on female sexuality. Trust me: you'll become a lot better and more generous lover because of it.

 

[Eilan]

Do you masturbate? Should it frustrate her if you do?

But men have to masturbate!!!! They have neeeeeeeds!!!!! If a woman has a man, she doesn't need to masturbate because she has all she needs.

Okay, I got nothing.

OP: In case you haven't figured it out yet, it's not all about your cock.

 

[jckontharocks]

All valid point and each one is appreciated, however, I wasn't saying that I didn't want her to masturbate. It turns me on to the furthest extent. It just bothers me when she does that and doesn't want to have sex because of it.

To what tenderlily said; Yes I masturbate, but it doesn't prevent me from having sex with my GF whenever she asks. neither of us have a problem figuring out what she wants. She has never climaxed during sex before me. I know what I'm doing.

I really do appreciate the constructive criticism, just let me ask this though?

If your significant others masturbated before you got into bed all the time, this wouldn't frustrate you? It's not like shes lighting candles and going on a mini date with herself. It's the case that she can't wait until I'm around and shes in the mood so she takes care of her urges and leaves me out to dry....

 

[SweetErika]

How often do you usually have sex?

Is it possible she just doesn't want to have sex, and is using masturbating recently as an excuse?

I'll tell you what we do, then maybe it's something you could suggest to her: We tell each other when we want some sort of sex, whether that's masturbation or sex with the other person. Then the other person has the option of saying "go ahead and masturbate" or "let's do something together" (even if that's a handjob, oral, mutual or assisted masturbation, etc.). Then there's no misunderstandings, like masturbating on the assumption that our spouse isn't up for intimacy, and masturbation doesn't ever preempt sex. But we also recognize that masturbation is a great thing and make sure we give each other the opportunity to do that.

 

[bailadora]

I really do appreciate the constructive criticism, just let me ask this though?

If your significant others masturbated before you got into bed all the time, this wouldn't frustrate you? It's not like shes lighting candles and going on a mini date with herself. It's the case that she can't wait until I'm around and shes in the mood so she takes care of her urges and leaves me out to dry....

You don't say how long you've been together, but sexual relationships have a way of waxing and waning. And funnily enough, what happens in the bedroom is quite often affected by what happens outside of it : school, work, stress, kids, family problems. There was a time that my husband was pissed because when he came to bed, he wanted sex and I was often either not in the mood or too flippin tired. The solution? He started helping me around the house a bit more and started coming to bed a lot earlier (instead of midnight or 1 am).

There could be many reasons why she's not waiting for you, but she's the only one who can tell you why. Instead of searching for answers here, why not start with open and honest communication with her? Just be sure you approach the conversation in a non-accusatory fashion, because I've gotta tell you, the way you worded your opening post, it comes across that it's all about you - which is reflected in the tones of the responses you received.

You also need to make sure that you're prepared to hear something you might not necessarily like. Its natural to feel defensive when someone points out something less than complimentary about us, but try to set that aside if this happens and see if there isn't some validity to what she says. In short, your best bet for finding out what's really going on lies with her. Good luck.

 

[jckontharocks]

Well to answer your first question, we bounce around we'll get hot and heavy every day for a week, take some time off go ever other day. Thats as close to trendy as its been. And don't get me wrong she is the most satisfying person i've ever come close to being with. But, part of it is b/c im not selfish and her getting off gets me off. I for the first time have been exposed to some squirting and I don't know what I do different and neither does she but it happens about once ever 15 times. So its always a BIG surprise!!!!!

I really like your suggestion Erika that was more the type of thing I was looking for. I really like your thoughts on masturbation. I would really like to see her do it, we've talked about it but she isn't ready for that. Thanks for the good words!

 

[jckontharocks]

Oh I definately see what your saying. It seems like she is always horny during the day. It's like the dark turns her off (or shes tired). But I get what you saying.

 

[Boundlife]

Oh I definately see what your saying. It seems like she is always horny during the day. It's like the dark turns her off (or shes tired). But I get what you saying.

You might have just answered your own question. Maybe it's really a timing thing.

 

[SubNebGuy]

She has never climaxed during sex before me. I know what I'm doing.

I'd wager money she's faking and just telling you this so you'll feel secure in your cock prowess.

Grow up...people's sex drives don't always jive. If she rubs one off and leaves you 'hanging', follow suit and go jack yourself off. Or maybe don't be an ass about it to her and maybe..just maybe, she'll give you a handy.

Be a man about it, instead of a whiny boy.

 

[leyna]

I don't quite understand her train of thought here...masturbation makes me horny as hell and wanting my man more
::shrug::

 

[EroticApology]

This sounds like a bruised ego. I get the impression that your ego was stroked knowing you were the one to make her achieve her first orgasm. And now that she's exploring self without you its really bothering you. It seems a bit as if you feel violated. Meaning her orgasms are yours only for her to achieve.

 

[Felix_Jones]

It's mastUrbating motherfuckers.

 

[sunandshadow]

I've heard many people, both men and women, say that whenever they have an orgasm they aren't interested in sex for the next X hours (whether X is two hours, 12 hours, 24 hours, or 48 hours). Arousal and orgasm use up some chemicals in the brain, and some people's bodies manufacture those chemicals more slowly than others', or have a smaller stockpile that thus gets exhausted more easily. In 15 or 20 years you will probably find yourself experiencing the same thing, since men's sex drives peak somewhere between age 18-25 and after that tend to decline a bit. Women on the other hand do not reach the peak of their sex drives until about age 28-33.

 

[night&day]

Are You A Moron?

Anyway the girl can get off is to be encourged! I knew a guy who actually complained to my friend and me that he dated a woman and she squirted when she came and got his sheets all wet! Like that was a bad thing. My friend begged him for her phone number.