Openings

[Rumple Foreskin]

As a token of respect to the English language in general, and Literotica in specific, I haven't posted a new story for several months. BUT, all good things must come to an end.

My latest affront to good taste and composition is "Burying Uncle Hiram's Ghost". It's a multi-category love story about cousins who can't marry thanks to the law and the will left by their child molesting uncle. It also involves group sex. So I asked Laurel to decide. She went with Incest.

The question I'm now placing before this august assembly concerns openings. It's a given in fiction that the first sentence, paragraph, page, etc. should be your best. With Lit short stories, does that translate into the need for something sexual in the first few paragraphs, which is what I did in my story, or just something a little stronger than the usual, "My name is Fred and this really happened?"

Also, has anyone noticed voting differences between stories with storng sexual openings and those that take more time to get rolling?

Rumple Foreskin

ps: I'm going to ask KillerMuffin to put the story on the SDC in case anyone feels like taking a whack at the thing. RF

Burying Uncle Hiram's Ghost

 

[Colleen Thomas]

First, I am glad to see ya poting again Rumple

My openings are not usually strong in the sex department. They tend to take a while before it gets physical. I can't say that it really hurts my scores or helps them. I can say it isn't a given that you need a strong sexual begining to have a story do well.

I will be more than happy to take a look at the SDC and give you some opinions, which you can file 13 along with the rest of my not so dsage advice

*HUGS*

-Colly

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

First, I am glad to see ya poting again Rumple

My openings are not usually strong in the sex department. They tend to take a while before it gets physical. I can't say that it really hurts my scores or helps them. I can say it isn't a given that you need a strong sexual begining to have a story do well.

-Colly

Colly,

Yeah, but you've got talent. That's cheating.

RF

 

[destinie21]

If a story starts out with sex, then it needes to be really good otherwise it's just boring old tab a into slot b "oh baby, baby"

I ant to know the motivation and I like the build up to sex not just the big bang and then nothing.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

The "grabber" opening sentence is woefully overdone and for me has become a sign of a tyro writer. Stories that open with some sex scene that's obviously contrived to grab the reader turn me totally off. It's become a gimmick.

I've paid attention to the way I approach reading a new story, and I've come to believe that no one makes a reading decision based on a first sentence. Before you get to the first sentence you've already read the title of the story and probably even the one-sentence description. You've seen who the author is and you know what category you're in. I almost always give the story at least 2-3 paragraphs before I decide whether I want to continue reading, and I expect something to interest me in that interval. Not try and grab me, but interest me, and that usually means some clear prose, and a certain amount of story-telling ability. When a story opens with gratuitous sex, I know I'm being jobbed.

---dr.M.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

No more talent than you, you ole flatterer

I tink I am in agreement with doc, at leat where you are concerned Rumple. Your stories interest me because of the way you write. I don't think you need a sex scene opening your stories. Those I ahve read so far tend to carry me away on the story telling

-Colly

 

[Icingsugar]

"It was a stark and dormy night."

It's not about opening your story with explicit fucking right away. Because it is not the sex that makes any story original. There are only a limited number of ways to insert pegs in holes, and it's the scenery, the things leading to the sex, and the characters reactions to those things, that sets the stories here apart, both in quality and in mere plots.

So with the first paragraph, one shold strive for setting the tone of the story. When I write, the first sentences and paragraphs are typically not the best ones of the story, I think any story should escalate both tension-wise and prose-wise. But they are typical for the story. I try to make them contain the language that carries on through the plot, the attitude of the narrator and a short intro to what kind of events one is to expect. Without giving away too much, of course.

To open with a hardcore sex scene, isn't that like the erotic literature equivalence of premature ejaculation?

 

[Guest]

 

[gauchecritic]

Looks to me like your 4th paragraph is strongest anyway Rump.

If the first three weren't there I don't think it would matter too much.

The first three (for me) seem a bit gratuitous, given your style and (bushel hidden) talent.

And Yoda's like: "Contrived, they are, to me, it seems."

Gauche

 

[Boxlicker101]

I usually don't get into the sex part in the first paragraph except that sometimes the last sentence of the paragraph promises sex. Usually, it doesn't start until the third or fourth paragraph but after that, I make up for the lack.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Gauche et al,

It was those first four paragraphs that got me to thinking about openings. Writer-wise, I have no problem with the first three. In addition to the sex in paragraph one, they give the setting and characters plus some idea about the story line. However, I agree the fourth paragraph is more literary. I'm a tad proud of it, in actual matter-of-fact.

IMHO, one of the main problems with having sex in the opening is it almost always requires a flashback and they're tough to do well, at least for me.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Colleen Thomas]

I'll give a dissenting opinion rumps. I like the first three paragraphs. Starting off with a slowy paced kind of sexual teaseing sems to work. I end up interested in the characters and the "hundred mile blowjob", just to see what you are talking about.

It's a pretty effective hook, at least from my perspective. I am somewhat biased however, as I would read in in any of your stories even if the opening didn't catch me. I just have sertain expectations of you work

-Colly

 

[Guest]

I think it does depend on the story -

Usually in my stuff there is a gradual introduction to the actual sex.

But one story opened in the middle of a wild sex bout. It was a part two; it just seemed to fit.

Another story opened with the characters relaxing just after great sex. (Don't worry - they had more sex later.)

In another story the sex happened only at the end (my lowest voting story, by the way).

Now what does that say?

 

[kellycummings]

Most mainstream writers will say that the first page is the most important. It doesn't have to have anything signifigant to the plot but it does have to grab the readers attention.

 

[Sshafer]

openings

I like to build up alittle before I get to the sex. You know a little back ground not much just enough to make a reader think alittle.

 

[A7inchPhildo]

Rumple,

Let me slide out onto this tree branch with my saw before I start!

I am not going to tell anyone how to start a story. I have read many creative beginings and many poor attempts on whatever censures may fall on the performance.

What I have noticed for my own critique is it all depends on the category. Sex sells when dealing with many categories. Tease sells when dealing with other categories and passion/feelings sells when dealing with yet other categories.

Since you say it is most likely to be presented as an incest/taboo story. I would say you need to NOT sex it up from the start. I would lay out as a brief description to the reader as to what the situation is most likely about. But not really an out line just a general setting and character position.


When I write Wife lover stories it is important to bring the reader into a sexual state quick.
When I write Romance it is important to show feelings and honest compassion.
When I write Incest/taboo I think it is just as important not to involve sex until it has been teased into the readers mind that it could happen if one is teased long enough in the mind.
Just like bondage you need to give the reader a reason why this is good for the person or it don't make sense.

I think readers of that incest category don't try to spank the meat in the first paragraph. They are testing the water to see if it is going to be a realistic situation. Getting a feel if the characters are what they want, and the situation between who and who.

The last one I wrote was over 10k and did not have but slight tease for the first Lit page and seven eights. It still is one of the better rated stories I have and recieves a nuisance of feedback. Not matched for by the Wife stories in feedback but it is recieved well even after a few months of being posted.

The begining is very important, but more important is to remember the majority of the people you are about to entertain. So as each category is very different so are the people who read them.

One of the better authors here on lit for this category I will say is "Youbadboy" http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=152661

With 19 little 'H's out of 23 stories posted. I would say he is doing some thing kind of right.



Well, I am almost through the limb with my saw. So I will say bye for now.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Phildo,

For a guy sawing away on his limb, you make good sense. Someone once said writing Incest was relatively easy because the conflict was built in, "Will they-won't they." That fits right in with your idea about tease working in incest.

This is a tad off topic, but IMHO there's one other aspect to Incest voting--how close the characters are releated. I noticed that the four Incest stories by Youbadboy that didn't get an H were all siblings. Seems to me the Incest readers like it up close and personal. Parent-child stories do better than ones about siblings, with aunt/uncle-niece/nephew, step-relatives, and cousins bringing up the rear.

I mentioned on raphy's thread, about being bored with writing sex scenes, that writing Romance almost forces you to worry with character developement and the feelings of the couple are usually integrated into the sex act.

I don't write BD/SM, so I'm clueless about that category, but I agree with your thought about needing to jump right in with Loving Wives. For what it's worth, I've found the same to be true with Interracial but I haven't written that many. I've got a hunch tease would apply to Lesbian/Gay stories. I wonder if anyone has ideas about other categories such as Group or Mature?

Thanks for the categories.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[gauchecritic]

My favourite category is mature, although I tend to cross platform and include anal, gay, incest etc, and my most voted stories (139 and 199) and most read (60 and 82 thousand clicks) begin with the promise of sex scenes from the outset. So whether that's tease or not I don't know, because with both stories the scanning reader will get to the sex before having to use the scroll button.

Thinking along those lines, if I scan a story to see if I think it worth the bother, getting a sense of style and come across a sex scene before scrolling then I'll go back again to the beginning and start reading properly.

A story that captures me for any reason, in the opening line or paragraph, in whatever category, will have me reading on anyway.

Gauche

 

[A7inchPhildo]

So whether that's tease or not I don't know, because with both stories the scanning reader will get to the sex before having to use the scroll button.

A story that captures me for any reason, in the opening line or paragraph, in whatever category, will have me reading on anyway.

Gauche

That is the truth it is not really a sex scene it is more a promise of what should come. A form of foreshadowing never really saying what happens but leading the reader to know if it is in his/her likes.

I read many different categories sometimes for fun other times to learn the opening line/paragraphs are what holds my curiousity.

A good example is Colly she writes in categories I do not generally read, but her first lines capture my imagination. This puts my mind in a set form before the story that I am going to enjoy what I read. So even if the rest of the story is fair (due to content or category) I still like the story overall.

Parent-child stories do better than ones about siblings, with aunt/uncle-niece/nephew, step-relatives, and cousins bringing up the rear.

Sometimes depends on the creative ability of the author. I have a story of two siblings that scores quite high. It also borders the non consent category. The hard part to that is how do I make a part two because it will no longer be non consent with a forgiving end. Part two will for sure bomb compared to part one.

Just my opinion but a high rated incest story will have tease tease tease. Then some kind of non consent slightly forced sex. then end some place with all present having a reality check. The last part is what sends the reader over the edge.

Truth is Parent child, and siblings are incest (Include double cousins in incest as well but no reader understands what that is.) the rest is just taboo. You need to have a story that makes it more taboo to make it have the same feelings expressed to the reader.

I hate to say it, but the feeling you are looking to express is: "That is fucking sick!" but they were too horny to stop.

Save the "OMG! I can't believe it happened" for the other categories.

Phildo