JazzManJim
On the Downbeat
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2001
- Posts
- 27,360
So I have this part-time job delivering pizzas. It's not a bad gig, and I make a few bucks as spending money for the week. Besides, I like driving, so it's even better that I can drive and make a few bucks. But this week has been one of the toughest, most infuriating delivery weeks I've had in the year and a half I've been doing this.
So it's venting time. And y'all get a front-row seat. Exciting, eh?
Okay, my first rant is about tipping. I'm not going to get into it much except to say, tip your drivers. They brave traffic, weather, deer lunging in front of them., neighborhood dogs, kids playing in the road, police roadblocks, and God knows what else to bring you food. Just treat them right and give them love. It's the only decent thing to do. The tips are the only thing between me and minimum wage.
And if you don't tip them, at least let one of them live the "Pizza Guy delivers to the hottie housewife" fantasy. Just once. Please? Okay..I'm begging here.
Second rant. Look, folks. If you call to have a pizza delivered, please don't make me wait for you to come to the door for minutes and minutes and minutes. Don't act surprised when you open it and see me. I mean, don't you remember ordering the pizza??? If you don't, you probably shouldn't be handling money..or using the phone.
Third rant. I'm busting my butt out there. I don't have any control over how the pizza is made, whether you got a good deal or not, or what the expected delivery time is (though I can shave a couple minutes or add a couple minutes, depending on if I know yuor'e good to me or bad. See Rant 1, above). These aren't in my control. I don't run the store. I just deliver pizzas. As much as I'd love to help, I can't. The best I can to is to go back to the store and tell the manager what you told me, or yelled at me. Just call the store and talk to the person in charge. They can fix the problem.
Fourth rant. Mark your house well and turn on your porch light. Please don't make me trip off of hoses strung across your driveway, or fall off your front step because when you close the door, I'm left in the pitch dark. Please don't make me drive back and forth, back and forth, down your street trying to find your house. Just mark it clearly, with big numbers, on both sides of your mailbox. That's not hard, and it helps a gazillion percent. And oh yes, tie up your &*(*)(^^&( dog. Don't let him sniff me in uncomfortable areas while assuring me that he doesn't bite. Maybe he'll choose that moment to learn. Maybe he likes the taste of pudgy pizza delivery man. Maybe he's been saving up a lot of aggression because you're an idiot. Just tie him up or put him in another room and we won't have to listen to him barking at the volume of an AC/DC concert.
Whew! That's all. Thanks guys for letting me get that off my shoudlers.
So it's venting time. And y'all get a front-row seat. Exciting, eh?
Okay, my first rant is about tipping. I'm not going to get into it much except to say, tip your drivers. They brave traffic, weather, deer lunging in front of them., neighborhood dogs, kids playing in the road, police roadblocks, and God knows what else to bring you food. Just treat them right and give them love. It's the only decent thing to do. The tips are the only thing between me and minimum wage.
And if you don't tip them, at least let one of them live the "Pizza Guy delivers to the hottie housewife" fantasy. Just once. Please? Okay..I'm begging here.
Second rant. Look, folks. If you call to have a pizza delivered, please don't make me wait for you to come to the door for minutes and minutes and minutes. Don't act surprised when you open it and see me. I mean, don't you remember ordering the pizza??? If you don't, you probably shouldn't be handling money..or using the phone.
Third rant. I'm busting my butt out there. I don't have any control over how the pizza is made, whether you got a good deal or not, or what the expected delivery time is (though I can shave a couple minutes or add a couple minutes, depending on if I know yuor'e good to me or bad. See Rant 1, above). These aren't in my control. I don't run the store. I just deliver pizzas. As much as I'd love to help, I can't. The best I can to is to go back to the store and tell the manager what you told me, or yelled at me. Just call the store and talk to the person in charge. They can fix the problem.
Fourth rant. Mark your house well and turn on your porch light. Please don't make me trip off of hoses strung across your driveway, or fall off your front step because when you close the door, I'm left in the pitch dark. Please don't make me drive back and forth, back and forth, down your street trying to find your house. Just mark it clearly, with big numbers, on both sides of your mailbox. That's not hard, and it helps a gazillion percent. And oh yes, tie up your &*(*)(^^&( dog. Don't let him sniff me in uncomfortable areas while assuring me that he doesn't bite. Maybe he'll choose that moment to learn. Maybe he likes the taste of pudgy pizza delivery man. Maybe he's been saving up a lot of aggression because you're an idiot. Just tie him up or put him in another room and we won't have to listen to him barking at the volume of an AC/DC concert.
Whew! That's all. Thanks guys for letting me get that off my shoudlers.
*Waiting, waiting, mins ticking. Damn that pizza man!*
