Online Master cheating on real life lover?

[short-n-sweet]

Hey everyone, I just wanted to know what you all thought on this particular subject?

Do you think having an online Master (does not delve into real life) is considered cheating on your real life lover?

My thoughts:

Well, I have a lover, and I have an online master. My Master knows about my partner, but not vice versa. There are things my lover can't/wont do for me. I accept that. But I also accept that deep inside me there is a true submissive born to serve and honour. This side of my life is taken care of by my Master. He provides the fuel to ignite that fire inside me.

So don't feel I'm cheating on my partner. I love him with everything I have and will continue. But I also love, obey and serve my Master. I have found a way to meld both into my life.

Looking forward to hearing from you all!

cheers,
short-n-sweet

 

[RJMasters]

Hey everyone, I just wanted to know what you all thought on this particular subject?

Do you think having an online Master (does not delve into real life) is considered cheating on your real life lover?

My thoughts:

Well, I have a lover, and I have an online master. My Master knows about my partner, but not vice versa. There are things my lover can't/wont do for me. I accept that. But I also accept that deep inside me there is a true submissive born to serve and honour. This side of my life is taken care of by my Master. He provides the fuel to ignite that fire inside me.

So don't feel I'm cheating on my partner. I love him with everything I have and will continue. But I also love, obey and serve my Master. I have found a way to meld both into my life.

Looking forward to hearing from you all!

cheers,
short-n-sweet

If there is nothing wrong, then tell your lover. If you withhold telling him then it is considered a lie of omission and yes it's cheating.

I struggled with this for years. This isn't something others can really answer for you as it a matter of your conscience. I certainly am not judging you, not my place and I don't know all the circumstances. However I will call it for what it is. And if your big enough to do what you are doing, then your big enough to admit it and carry all that goes along with it physically, emotionally and mentally.

Some would say that being honest about it is the best way to go and I would agree. However, being honest doesn't always turn out like you want and could blow up in your face. Kinda of like it did me when I sat my wife down and explained things to her.

What ever you do, you shouldn't dance around the issue.

Good luck and I hope you find a resolution to the situation you face.

 

[BeachGurl2]

My position is this: if you have to ask the question, then you really already have your answer. I agree with what RJ had to say, but I will also add my 2 cents to the mix. If this is something that is such a big part of who you truly are, how can you have an HONEST relationship with anyone without them knowing about it? You can't. No matter how much you might love your SO, you are leaving out a huge part of who you are. That isn't honest. So not only are you cheating him, you're also cheating yourself. Bottom line for me is that I can't be with someone from whom I have to hide my true self.

 

[Pure]

hmmm

Do you think having an online Master (does not delve into real life) is considered cheating on your real life lover?

How about this reformulation: "Would one's having an online Master be considered cheating BY your real life lover?"

That's fairly simple.

But the general question is a land mine in these parts, and i fear you're in for some delicately (as above) and not so delicately phrased moral objections to 'cyber adultery.'

In fact this is related to the question I'd ask you: If your real live lover 'cybers' with another (over the 'net, no physical contact or even phone conversation), is that being unfaithful. How about his just having a hot correspondence, sharing erotic fantasies?

I think the majority say 'yes' (re cybering), based on the 'shoe on the other foot' argument. Objectively, I can say that a spouse's jerking off with someone a thousand miles away is really not quite on a level with fucking him. But humans are a jealous lot.

===
to Beach GURL2 who said,

Bottom line for me is that I can't be with someone from whom I have to hide my true self.

I see your point and admire your goals. BUT Looking at the facts, I think most people [are] with someone who does not know their 'true self.'

 

[BeachGurl2]

to Beach GURL2 who said,

Bottom line for me is that I can't be with someone from whom I have to hide my true self.

I see your point and admire your goals. BUT Looking at the facts, I think most people with someone who does not know their 'true self.'

Oh, I have no doubt that you're correct about that. But I think it's very sad. And after 12 years with someone who truly didn't know me, I can honestly say that I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone than have another relationship like that one.

 

[karlw]

Hello

First off this my first post so bear with me. For the woman who is asking if it is cheating if you are asking you already know the answer. For my case, I am in general very shy but I have been involved as a dom for almost twenty years. My shyness has never overshadowed that dominant side. I have just recently starting dating a girl who is very submissive. She is not use to a dom like me who is very loving and passionate and yet very much in control. She has always had a dom and a boyfriend because neither could fill the void in her completely. The big difference is both knew of the other. Is your boyfriend interested in this lifestyle at all? Why do you not ask?

 

[the captians wench]

So far I agree with every one else. My big thing has always been does your partner consider this cheating. In my case I very much did and my ex very much didn't. He didn't see what he was doing as wrong and so he would do it and then hide it from me which was even worse when I found out about what had been happening. Not only was he cheating on me in my eyes, but he was lieing to me as well.

You obviously must have some guilty feelings if your asking advice on the matter here. At least one would think so. Above all else, above anything that any one tells you, you must do what you think is right, and as Shakespear said "to thyne own self be true". At least that's my feelings on it.

 

[caela]

I don't know if I'd consider it cheating per-se but I would say that your lover has every right to be royally pissed off when he finds out because you are deliberatly hiding things from him. Not just about what you do on the net but about who you are at the very core of yourself as well.

Even if neither of you considers it cheating I see it as being monumentally unfair to your lover unless you come clean with him. You never know, if you explain it to him he might recognize and try to fill that need for you or he might understand that he can't and not mind you getting that need filled by your Master over the net.

 

[chris9]

I agree with what everyone else has said.
Especially the part about showing the one you lead your life with who you truely are, about letting him in on changes of how you see yourself.

If I imagine my bf having a cyber relationship I would be pissed, and hurt, but I could forgive. If he had this relationship to fill a gap that I didn't even know was there in our real life, long-term, committed relationship with each other, I'm not so sure about the forgiving part.

 

[short-n-sweet]

I understand and see all your points. To each his own

Thanks for the feedback guys

 

[Masters_Falcon]

ok I am sure you don't want to hear any more recriminations but I feel the need to throw my two cents in...

Ask yourself 2 questions.. does my lover love me enough to do what I need? and if not is he willing to let me have someone online without considering it cheating, that will give me what I need?

If the answers to both are no then truely your not with the right person. If he loves you he will see to it your needs are met. But on the flip side if YOU love HIM why do you need anyone (or anything else) even if it is only online.

Now mind you i am not trying to be a heartless bitch I know not everyone is sexually compatable in all areas, but honestly (speaking from experience) if you aren't sexually compatable no matter how much you love one another it is going to lead to serious problems (the least of which will be cyber cheating and the worst will be real cheating).

Perhaps you should seek life and love elsewhere.

 

[DeeplyHisForever]

Hey everyone, I just wanted to know what you all thought on this particular subject?

Do you think having an online Master (does not delve into real life) is considered cheating on your real life lover?

My thoughts:

Well, I have a lover, and I have an online master. My Master knows about my partner, but not vice versa. There are things my lover can't/wont do for me. I accept that. But I also accept that deep inside me there is a true submissive born to serve and honour. This side of my life is taken care of by my Master. He provides the fuel to ignite that fire inside me.

So don't feel I'm cheating on my partner. I love him with everything I have and will continue. But I also love, obey and serve my Master. I have found a way to meld both into my life.

Looking forward to hearing from you all!

cheers,
short-n-sweet

If you feel that you would be mad if your partner were doing the same thing then it's cheating.. Otherwise it isn't in your mind

 

[Pure]

surely, falcon

is jesting

if YOU love HIM why do you need anyone (or anything else)

what percent of real life couples--as opposed to Romeo and Juliet-- fits this 'you are my everything' mold?

 

[chris9]

is jesting

if YOU love HIM why do you need anyone (or anything else)

what percent of real life couples--as opposed to Romeo and Juliet-- fits this 'you are my everything' mold?

And Romeo and Juliet only fit it because they killed themselves before couple problems could occur.

 

[shy slave]

I agree with what everyone else has said.
Especially the part about showing the one you lead your life with who you truely are, about letting him in on changes of how you see yourself.

If I imagine my bf having a cyber relationship I would be pissed, and hurt, but I could forgive. If he had this relationship to fill a gap that I didn't even know was there in our real life, long-term, committed relationship with each other, I'm not so sure about the forgiving part.

Like Chris I would be pissed.

Actually I would be steaming angry and would be very, very vocal about it, before crying and acting like an emotional girl. This final reaction would make me almost as angry at myself as I would be with him, as I hate to resort to tears when truely angry.

The reason behind my anger would be because it would show there were huge flaws in our relationship.
I consider it lying by omission.

No single person can meet all the other persons needs and expectations, in every area of their life; but thats why we have friends. Not everything is about sex and sexual satisfaction.

If he felt he had to have an online relationship I would have expected him to talk to me about what was missing between us and how that could be fixed.
Not everything can be compromised, but not everything involves lying and cheating.

I am not in a position to stop him having an online relationship with another person, but I can ask that he shows me the respect our relationship deserves by talking to me about why he has that need and the various ways he would like to fufil it.

Such a lack of communication about his needs and wants before he attempted to fulfil them would make me walk away from the relationship with a second glance back.

Without communication the relationship is not worth saving.

 

[Chicklet]

And Romeo and Juliet only fit it because they killed themselves before couple problems could occur.

that's exactly the thought that came to my mind when i read that, LOL!

 

[Carillon]

And Romeo and Juliet only fit it because they killed themselves before couple problems could occur.

This sounds so familiar ... I just wrote a paper on this, actually. Funny how that works, hey?

 

[FurryFury]

Okay let's say it is cheating.

Now is that wrong?

I, for one, won't judge.

Whoever said if you aren't getting your needs fulfilled by your RL partner, if you've given him that chance and enough communication, you might need to rethink things, I'd agree with.

Fury

 

[catalina_francisco]

But somewhere you have to make decisions and choices in life, and have values by which you live. It doesn't work going through life agreeing with everyone and everything for fear of being seen as judgemental or not everyone's friend. We teach our children right from wrong and then confuse them by calling it judgemental and saying it is wrong to do so. IMHO, judgement is not necessarily the evil it is sometimes made out to be, and is also different from saying you do not agree with or honour a particular form of behaviour don't you think? As I have said before, we make judgements each day of our lives, except some only call them judgements when they feel uneasy for some reason, and we apply labels and understanding to those labels everyday, except once again people are selective in what they see as a label and call it such when they once again feel uneasy or fear the outcomes of acknowledging it.

Catalina

 

[FurryFury]

But somewhere you have to make decisions and choices in life, and have values by which you live. It doesn't work going through life agreeing with everyone and everything for fear of being seen as judgemental or not everyone's friend. We teach our children right from wrong and then confuse them by calling it judgemental and saying it is wrong to do so. IMHO, judgement is not necessarily the evil it is sometimes made out to be, and is also different from saying you do not agree with or honour a particular form of behaviour don't you think? As I have said before, we make judgements each day of our lives, except some only call them judgements when they feel uneasy for some reason, and we apply labels and understanding to those labels everyday, except once again people are selective in what they see as a label and call it such when they once again feel uneasy or fear the outcomes of acknowledging it.

Catalina

I agree.

This is one area in which I am very uncomfortable making a judgement because it hits a little too close to home.

Some other areas I have less of a problem making such a judgement though.

Fury

 

[O'Mac]

I have a very simple technique to register if someone may or may not have a problem with you keeping something such as this behind their backs.

If you were in the same situation but the position were reversed, would you have a problem with it?

That is to say, if your partner was talking to someone online without your knowledge and fulfilling their fantasy without your input, would you be okay with it?

 

[catalina_francisco]

I agree.

This is one area in which I am very uncomfortable making a judgement because it hits a little too close to home.

Some other areas I have less of a problem making such a judgement though.

Fury

Think we sometimes get confused by the thought and reality no-one is perfect and so feel if we have done something or come close, we can never say anything about anyone else doing it, even if only to say it is not a good choice. It is not so much a judgement as perhaps learning from life and being able to share that lesson with others when asked or faced with a similar situation. Doesn't necesarily mean we don't understand or feel for that person, but we are often in a better position to be objective than those caught up in the moment and the emotions involved.

Catalina

 

[FurryFury]

Think we sometimes get confused by the thought and reality no-one is perfect and so feel if we have done something or come close, we can never say anything about anyone else doing it, even if only to say it is not a good choice. It is not so much a judgement as perhaps learning from life and being able to share that lesson with others when asked or faced with a similar situation. Doesn't necesarily mean we don't understand or feel for that person, but we are often in a better position to be objective than those caught up in the moment and the emotions involved.

Catalina

Maybe so, in any case this is one area in which I really am uncomfortable making any judgements.

Fury

 

[A Desert Rose]

... That is to say, if your partner was talking to someone online without your knowledge and fulfilling their fantasy without your input, would you be okay with it?

That's a good question and one I have a simple answer to...

I'd be okay with it.

 

[saw_man1]

Now what?

You asked for opinions and you have gotten them. The general consensus is that yes, you are cheating. Now what? What are you going to do?

Do you even care?

Just curious.