Online extra-marital relationships?

[OutofTune]

I'm not here to ask about the morality of it. I'm interested in how you keep it hidden. Assuming the relationship is several months or more, and it includes phone calls, texts, emails and instant messaging, how do you protect yourself from your s/o finding out?

Does your s/o know you are at Lit, but not that you've found a special someone here to share yourself with? How can you be sure that special someone won't contact your s/o if you give them personal information?

I'm interested in the tips and tricks to make an ongoing Lit affair work and keep the parties involved separate and protected.

Thank you!

 

[Emerson40]

I'm not here to ask about the morality of it. I'm interested in how you keep it hidden. Assuming the relationship is several months or more, and it includes phone calls, texts, emails and instant messaging, how do you protect yourself from your s/o finding out?

Does your s/o know you are at Lit, but not that you've found a special someone here to share yourself with? How can you be sure that special someone won't contact your s/o if you give them personal information?

I'm interested in the tips and tricks to make an ongoing Lit affair work and keep the parties involved separate and protected.

Thank you!

No morality police here - it's your life, live it as you see fit.

Unfortunately, I also don't have any tips on deception or the maintenance of affairs, be they sexual, cerebral, virtual, physical, etc in nature.

Your post is not the first of this type to appear here, and you will see responses ranging from those critical of your motives and plans to deceive, to those supportive and offering up advice on how to keep your "plates spinning in the air".

What I am wondering though - and I ask this out of pure curiosity - is:

1) If you put as much work and effort into your marriage as you are prepared to put in keeping this extracurricular activity hidden, would your current relationship be in better shape and negate this extra-marital stuff? If not, why are you still in it?

2) If this special someone is special enough to share yourself (and special enough for your spouse / family to share with as well, as time and attention you could be spending with your spouse / family is now going to your special someone) and is the bee's knees, why don't you just leave your spouse and just be with your special someone?
I suspect this is a "cake and eat it" situation, but I'll grant you the benefit of the doubt, and look forward to hearing what is motivating this.

Your last line is interesting. Other than you, who needs "protecting" in this affair, and why?

 

[OutofTune]

Thanks Emerson, I'm a single gal, but have need of this info for the person I met here.

I realize not everyone will want to chime in on here as to not out themselves, but by starting this thread I've received a few PMs.

I know lots of this goes on here, even among the how-to peeps.

 

[sethp]

Try using a separate browser with full security and privacy settings on.

 

[blulilacgrl]

I'm not here to ask about the morality of it. I'm interested in how you keep it hidden. Assuming the relationship is several months or more, and it includes phone calls, texts, emails and instant messaging, how do you protect yourself from your s/o finding out?

Does your s/o know you are at Lit, but not that you've found a special someone here to share yourself with? How can you be sure that special someone won't contact your s/o if you give them personal information?

I'm interested in the tips and tricks to make an ongoing Lit affair work and keep the parties involved separate and protected.

Thank you!

Honestly? I can't think of a single way. And I am not making judgments, I understand that there are reasons why people do the things they do. But when you get down to it, if you talking about a "relationship [that] is several months or more, and it includes phone calls, texts, emails and instant messaging", well with that information (especially the phone number) the person you are involved with will be able track you down. And over the course of that type of relationship personal details are going to slip out. I don't think anyone is that good at hiding that much of themselves for months on end.

Maybe someone else will have better advice but I can't think of anything. The fact is there is nothing stopping anybody from even outting you here. I can think of 2 threads in the past year where in one the wife found out her husband had an online affair and broadcast it all over Lit and the other where the friend of the man who cheated came here in order to "punish" the mistress because he thought she was a bitch. So he outed her in RL (at her work and to her friends not associated with Lit), The fact is there is no fool proof method of "protecting" yourself.

When you choose the person you are with, you take the chance with what happens. Only you can decide if it is worth it.

You say that you are a single gal. So I am assuming that you are involved with someone who isn't. I am also going to assume that you are worried that he/she might leave trail that the SO might follow back to you? There is always that possibility. You are going to have to trust him/her to be careful. Just like he/she is going to have to trust you not to out him/her.

 

[SassySheDevil]

I'll never understand why people who don't agree with ones decisions have to always be the ones to respond. If you don't like it, leave the thread. Stop judging. Sheesh.
But in all seriousness, there are many threads like this and if you search you will find out some other advice without being the one to get stones thrown at you from the moral police.

 

[fgarvb1]

I suppose one would set up a separate hard to bust Identity.

Name, E mail, address...untracable track phone with out GPS or one that looks like the regular phone.

Set up an ALT. here to use...make up a fake history, family etc.

Basically act like a under cover agent or spy.

Make a couple up for the future.

A well seasoned ID can come in handy.

 

[Emerson40]

I'd be interested to talk to your questions Em but I'm not sure this is the thread for it, or if they're questions you'd like to hear answers to or just thinking points for the OP (and all of us)?

No need to talk to me, they were just general questions I put forth. More out of interest and a curioity in what motivates some folks to do the things they do.
They're also not so applicable in this instance, as I thought the OP was the spouse looking for tips to keep things hidden.

 

[Scrubber]

From a practical perspective:

Phone calls and texts are probably the most dangerous.

If you have a lock screen on your phone/tablet - use it and make sure the spouse does not know the code (don't make it something they could easily guess, either).

Be careful of IMs, Facebook messages or whatever. I still have not worked out how to stop all such messages appearing on the screen of my ipad without having to type in the lock code first. A policy of sending the first IM which says something very bland like "hello" rather than "I want to fuck your brains out" is wise. Then when the other person responds you can get fruitier. Even so, this is not foolproof since you might find yourself unwittingly conversing with the spouse who just happened to pick up the ipad. That's a risk you take.

Use a dedicated email account that the spouse does not know about, with a password they would not guess.

Do not allow your computer to sign in to the dedicated email account automatically.

If you send photos make sure to delete them from your phone immediately. Otherwise you might find yourself sitting in a bar with friends showing them the pics of your weekend away and suddenly they swipe across to find a compromising picture of you. Embarassing.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I'll never understand why people who don't agree with ones decisions have to always be the ones to respond. If you don't like it, leave the thread. Stop judging. Sheesh.
But in all seriousness, there are many threads like this and if you search you will find out some other advice without being the one to get stones thrown at you from the moral police.

Throw a rock into a pack of jackals, and the one that gets hit howls

 

[imemkay]

I have to say, I haven't seen anybody get judgemental on this thread; which is pretty remarkable for the HT board.

 

[1Browneyedguy]

to OUTOFTUNE

There are no secrets or tips to give you.. and yes I'm a little surprised that others haven't been
judgemental on here...

I had an affair w/ a woman for several years.

Keep a cool head ! Be sure you are both commited to this . Any other advice, go with your gut feeling... It's NOT chisseled in stone.

 

[GiggLeGasm]

you're asking two questions.. the first is about hiding your activity. The reality is, there are ways for your IRL partner to attach keyloggers to just about anything electronic you own. You need to assess the risk and judge for yourself how your online life changes your "real" life.. understanding that both are likely to be very real.

The other is about how to predict the actions of others. lol.. good luck with that one!

 

[drtyyoleman]

There ARE things you can do to mask your activities but very little you can do to completely cover your tracks.
You can use "In Private Browsing" if your browser allows it. This will keep your computer from saving your tracks to history, cookies, and the like but it isn't fool proof.
If someone is determined to find out what you're up to, they will but you can make it hard for them.

Never ever give anyone your personal information, ever.
No phone numbers, your true email address (use only one you can access secretly), no address, birthday, anything.
They might be used as breadcrumbs that can be followed.

Do not add any site you don't want discovered to your favorites or bookmark anything you don't want found out.

Delete your history EVERY TIME you go online without fail.
Same for cookies.

 

[Gaslamp_Society]

I think there are lots of ways to cover your tracks...to hide the trail. In my experience...as the spouse of a sex addict...she was very proficient in covering her tracks...erased history, bought a separate pre-paid cellphone, multiple e-mail addresses...and then of course, private browsing. So technically, if you are a technical gangster, you can do lots as long as she doesn't walk in on something. But as my wife lost more and more control to her addiction, she also got sloppy in hiding her tracks...and I caught an unrecognized number on our cell bill. What made me check it if I was so clueless? Because while I had no physical proof, emotional evidences surfaced...emotional withdrawal, visible signs of contempt and increased irritability...and plenty of sabotaging any forms of intimacy. But in my stupidity, I didn't even read between the lines then...it was a dream that informed me that she was up to something. Two weeks went by, with that dream gnawing at the back of my mind...so I brought it up...and she lied and said that she would never do that. Following day, she tells me it is over between us..without explanation...tells me she wants to separate to think about things...I check bill and boom, it all comes together. So unless you are a complete narcissistic sociopath, she may sense the change and redirect of affection that you are redirecting to someone else. True story...take from it what you will. Cheers.

 

[angeleyes612]

My husband had an online/texting relationship for awhile and I was able to find out with little to no effort. His mistake was simply forgetting to logout of facebook while on my computer. It's a little mistake that can cost you alot. I understand the need to have an outside source to, for lack of a better way to phrase this, make you feel desirable or perhaps they help you to feel something that your s/o either can't or won't do for you. The advice given above are all good ones, Just be thorough when you are done for the day in deleting, logging out, locking whatever the device used may be.

 

[dougsan]

1. Drop phone, change it often
2. Private (no one knows you have it) computer
3. Believable second identity - a credit card would be great but cash should work OK
4. Use 2nd identity to set up the computer (or steal a friends info)
5. Don't shit in your own yard - always meet in a completely out of the way place
6. Change meeting places often
7. Tell absolutely no one.
8. Tell absolutely no one
9. Recognize nothing can be hidden from a copetent searcher
10.Plan on what you'll do when you get caught
11.OR GET YOUR SO's PERMISSION ; >

Much luck and good fucking. Hope its worth it because if you love your wife you will more than likely be caught because you'll want to be caught

 

[OutofTune]

Thanks for your replies here and via PM. I've received some good tips, some I'd thought of and some were new.

 

[Primalex]

I have to say, I haven't seen anybody get judgemental on this thread; which is pretty remarkable for the HT board.

Because the question wasn't asked by a guy.

 

[Deeply_Scared]

1. Drop phone, change it often
2. Private (no one knows you have it) computer
3. Believable second identity - a credit card would be great but cash should work OK
4. Use 2nd identity to set up the computer (or steal a friends info)
5. Don't shit in your own yard - always meet in a completely out of the way place
6. Change meeting places often
7. Tell absolutely no one.
8. Tell absolutely no one
9. Recognize nothing can be hidden from a copetent searcher
10.Plan on what you'll do when you get caught
11.OR GET YOUR SO's PERMISSION ; >

Much luck and good fucking. Hope its worth it because if you love your wife you will more than likely be caught because you'll want to be caught

Great comprehensive list! Although #11 takes all the fun out of it.

 

[bailadora]

Because the question wasn't asked by a guy.

Nope. I've seem women who cheat on their partners get handed their arse on this board. That said, I think two things factors were at play at the time this thread originated:

1) the OP clearly doesn't give a shit about the ethics or morality and 2) there had just been a huge controversy about why some people had to be so mean and couldn't just keep their opinions to themselves on topics they disagreed with. This is just speculation on my part, but I think that some of those who might normally have called the OP out (myself included) were just tired out from the aforementioned controversy and decided to say "fuck it" instead of getting into it all over again. It's a theory, anyway. *shrug*

 

[Bramblethorn]

Great comprehensive list! Although #11 takes all the fun out of it.

Not in my experience. Something extra-kinky about having my partner's encouragement

Nope. I've seem women who cheat on their partners get handed their arse on this board. That said, I think two things factors were at play at the time this thread originated:

1) the OP clearly doesn't give a shit about the ethics or morality and 2) there had just been a huge controversy about why some people had to be so mean and couldn't just keep their opinions to themselves on topics they disagreed with. This is just speculation on my part, but I think that some of those who might normally have called the OP out (myself included) were just tired out from the aforementioned controversy and decided to say "fuck it" instead of getting into it all over again. It's a theory, anyway. *shrug*

Yeah, that was pretty much it for me. I had other stuff to work on and couldn't be arsed going over the same old ground again.

 

[OutofTune]

1) the OP clearly doesn't give a shit about the ethics or morality

No, I don't because it is all relative. What some find morally wrong others merely shrug their shoulders. For some people simply being at Literotica w/o the permission of their spouse would be morally and ethically wrong.

We can debate the moral/ethics of coming to erotic sites all day but I doubt we'll see eye-to-eye and find common ground, so why bother?

 

[bailadora]

We can debate the moral/ethics of coming to erotic sites all day but I doubt we'll see eye-to-eye and find common ground, so why bother?

I guess it all depends upon one's reason for engaging to begin with. Some will engage with the purpose of trying to convince someone else to their way of thinking. Others will engage because they enjoy the debate, in and of itself. Or both, at the same time.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

People come to LIT to get what's missing from their lives.