Online Ds relationship rules and exclusivity

[xxxSubSamxxx]

I can see that when a Dom has certain requirements for a sub to follow it's conflicting if there is not exclusivity on the side of the sub, she cannot slave for two masters. But a Dom can be in a real life relationship and be married but still have a good Ds dynamic with his online sub.

I also feel that being an online sub has restrictions and if neither Dom or Sub is ever going to relocate then exclusivity is something both would be willing to forgo for the sake of a good online relationship that pleases both Dom and sub, both knowing it's temporary.

For you and online Ds relationships, do you want exclusivity? Do you give exclusivity?

If I am given exclusivity, I give it back, if I am not, then I date in real life too.

Sam xx

 

[Primalex]

I can see that when a Dom has certain requirements for a sub to follow it's conflicting if there is not exclusivity on the side of the sub, she cannot slave for two masters. But a Dom can be in a real life relationship and be married but still have a good Ds dynamic with his online sub.

I also feel that being an online sub has restrictions and if neither Dom or Sub is ever going to relocate then exclusivity is something both would be willing to forgo for the sake of a good online relationship that pleases both Dom and sub, both knowing it's temporary.

For you and online Ds relationships, do you want exclusivity? Do you give exclusivity?

If I am given exclusivity, I give it back, if I am not, then I date in real life too.

I would word it that way:
I require D/s priority.

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

I would word it that way:
I require D/s priority.

If you require to be the priority do you give priority to your sub, or do you have multiple subs? Do you have real life relationships at the same time as online relationships?

Your answer is a little ambiguous for me xx

 

[Primalex]

If you require to be the priority do you give priority to your sub, or do you have multiple subs? Do you have real life relationships at the same time as online relationships?

I don't require to be the priority, I require to be the D/s priority.

Humans have dozens of things that are more important than D/s, like earning money, taking care of other humans, etc. I don't expect to be the priority in someone else's life, but I expect to be the one who makes the (final) decisions that are part of the D/s relationship.

I'm married so the reverse is true, I cannot grant priority over my mundane real life.

I wouldn't rule out multiple online relationships, but I can't see that this would work fairly well in the traditional sense, considering the time constraints. I've had a long "online friends with benefits" relationship (we did fuck in real life in the end, too), that did indeed work for like 10 years, because we both weren't possessive and even when we hadn't talked with each other for a year because real life became more interesting for either one of us, we would connect immediately again and have fun for as long as time permitted.

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

I expect to be the one who makes the (final) decisions that are part of the D/s relationship. - Primalex

I see this is very clear indeed. You expect there not to be a dispute about pubic hair decisions or orgasm denial decisions. If another RL Dom wants something different you expect to be the one who is obeyed.

Thank you for your post and your input into the thread xx

 

[CutieMouse]

I can see that when a Dom has certain requirements for a sub to follow it's conflicting if there is not exclusivity on the side of the sub, she cannot slave for two masters. But a Dom can be in a real life relationship and be married but still have a good Ds dynamic with his online sub.

I call bullshit.

Who says a submissive can't have multiple PYL partners? What if it's an arrangement where both PYLs agree about the rules? What if the PYLs are happy dividing up responsibilities? What if having more than one PYL takes some pressure off the one (or both) who have a lot going on and don't have time for a more structured D/s relationship?

If a PYL is capable of juggling more than one relationship, and can manage to keep his or her priorities straight re: marriage and online*, why should it be any different for a pyl?

I also feel that being an online sub has restrictions and if neither Dom or Sub is ever going to relocate then exclusivity is something both would be willing to forgo for the sake of a good online relationship that pleases both Dom and sub, both knowing it's temporary.

I think it's foolish to expect (much less demand) exclusivity to a computer screen, but that's just me.

For you and online Ds relationships, do you want exclusivity? Do you give exclusivity?

If I am given exclusivity, I give it back, if I am not, then I date in real life too.

Sam xx

These days I do my relationships real time. Like I said - for me, personally, submitting to words on a screen, images on Skype, or a voice on the phone would be an exercise in foolishness and futility.

My current relationship started online, technically, in that we met through OKCupid. We are long distance so there is still an online element, I suppose, but we see each other a lot- we usually find a way to spend 3-5 days together a month, sometimes more. He does not expect nor demand exclusivity from me. I am free to date, spend time with, and have sex with/bottom to whomever I want. I have no interest in doing so, and after years of polyamory have chosen to be monogamous with him. He is equally free to do whatever he likes, but has no interest in other women.


*I seriously question most people's ability to maintain a healthy balance re: online and real time relationships - PYL and pyl alike.

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

Who says a submissive can't have multiple PYL partners? What if it's an arrangement where both PYLs agree about the rules? What if the PYLs are happy dividing up responsibilities? What if having more than one PYL takes some pressure off the one (or both) who have a lot going on and don't have time for a more structured D/s relationship?

If a PYL is capable of juggling more than one relationship, and can manage to keep his or her priorities straight re: marriage and online*, why should it be any different for a pyl? - Cutiemouse

Thanks for this perspective, I fully appreciate what you're saying. I am very selective about being exclusive to a computer screen.

Long distance relationships have a new set of challenges. It's nice that neither of you are demanding exclusivity, but it's even better that you choose to be monogamous.

Thanks for your participation xx

 

[Farawyn]

What CutieMouse said. Unless there are feels involved, it goes both ways, what's good for the goose, yadda yadda...

The feels throw everything off though, yes?

 

[MyNameIsNO]

What CutieMouse said. Unless there are feels involved, it goes both ways, what's good for the goose, yadda yadda...

The feels throw everything off though, yes?

LIKE A DAMN AMATEUR

 

[Farawyn]

LIKE A DAMN AMATEUR

I'm mushy. I get the feels. SO???

 

[MyNameIsNO]

I'm mushy. I get the feels. SO???

I like our feels

 

[Farawyn]

I like our feels

Oh my.

 

[TheJestersAdvocate]

Something tells me this is appropriate....for some reason.

http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/oh-my-takei.gif

 

[SensualSam]

.....

 

[Miasorrow]

I call bullshit.

Who says a submissive can't have multiple PYL partners? What if it's an arrangement where both PYLs agree about the rules? What if the PYLs are happy dividing up responsibilities? What if having more than one PYL takes some pressure off the one (or both) who have a lot going on and don't have time for a more structured D/s relationship?

If a PYL is capable of juggling more than one relationship, and can manage to keep his or her priorities straight re: marriage and online*, why should it be any different for a pyl?

I couldn't agree more. Thank you for making that so apparent.

 

[SpunThings]

Is it bad to say that for me it doesn't work without the feels?

No. You do you.

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

What CutieMouse said. Unless there are feels involved, it goes both ways, what's good for the goose, yadda yadda...

The feels throw everything off though, yes?

What exactly do you mean by feels? Can you fall in love over the internet without meeting in person? Or do you mean touching in real life as in feels?

 

[cookiecat]

What exactly do you mean by feels? Can you fall in love over the internet without meeting in person? Or do you mean touching in real life as in feels?

The feels is the first. Falling in love with someone without ever meeting them.

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

The feels is the first. Falling in love with someone without ever meeting them.

I see thanks for clearing that up xx

 

[cookiecat]

Is it bad to say that for me it doesn't work without the feels?

Why would that be bad?

Are you trying to decide whether you want to be exclusive in real life, to someone online who's married? I wasnt clear from your original post.

 

[SensualSam]

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