one-sided conversations versus talking WITH one another

[adamISOeve]

I find it amazing how easily an initial two-way conversation can drift into a couple of almost unrelated monologues. How can that happen? I ask myself. Lack of genuine curiosity must be one reason for it. But I suspect a stronger root cause is feedback received from Facebook and Twitter participation. Nobody gets rewarded there for listening, and the only way for accumulating Likes is by talking a lot.

OK, so we are becoming a community of talkers mainly. But wait: community is the opposite of only talking. And when someone seeks even to connect with someone else, she or he cannot rely on talk only. Some amount of listening is necessary, to reach any kind of understanding. And some amount of reaction to share feedback.

So I guess this ad addresses a woman who has become fed up with Facebook. Or one who never used it to begin with. Perhaps because she feared losing her listening skills, or her penchant for empathy. …. I invite you, dear woman reading this ad now – and who feels some resonance with my remarks – to read my profile and to respond back to the offer I am making you inside. Since I am fairly sure the two of us harbor different desires than mainly talk about ourselves only.

 

[AspiringAuthor]

I find it amazing how easily an initial two-way conversation can drift into a couple of almost unrelated monologues. How can that happen? I ask myself. Lack of genuine curiosity must be one reason for it.

Maybe, dear Sir... women don't like conversing with insulting, pretentious, haughty pricks like yourself. Methinks your pomposity is an overcompensation for another feature you most surely lack...



And also... who the hell do you think you are, talking to me like that?!?

Ciao, "dearest" Adam...

P.S. Yeah, I went there.

 

[DuvessaNight]

Honestly, I really tried to have a friendly conversation with you, and you pretty much insulted me right off the bat. I’m not sure why you’re always saying such negative things about women in general, but speaking only for myself I am one of the nicest and friendliest people you’ll come by, and I couldn’t even have much of a volley with you. I have nothing against you and wish you well, but I really think you should not criticize so much and just be open to what comes your way.

 

[AspiringAuthor]

Honestly, I really tried to have a friendly conversation with you, and you pretty much insulted me right off the bat. I’m not sure why you’re always saying such negative things about women in general, but speaking only for myself I am one of the nicest and friendliest people you’ll come by, and I couldn’t even have much of a volley with you. I have nothing against you and wish you well, but I really think you should not criticize so much and just be open to what comes your way.

And don't dare have an opinion he doesn't share. You should see some of the things he said to me, totally unprovoked to boot. He's a misogynistic SOB. Save your breath, ladies, unless you like being disrespected.

 

[adamISOeve]

Ironically, so it seems to me, two women got together on a thread that I started, for heaping unfounded insults and plain lies on me. Aspiring Author after I ended our conversation, when I realized how self-centered and one-sided her mails were becoming. And Duvessa, after I had enquired why she had stopped conversing 3 months ago, when we engaged amicably with each other. I had merely checked in with her, and she complained about me bothering her.

OK, the rules of Literotica notwithstanding, women here always claim the right to insult and accuse men; that has become allowed de-facto, in light of what #MeToo has kicked loose. I cannot prove what I just wrote, and you cannot prove your accusations, but due to #MeToo, I appear to most everybody here as the villain in this. As usual, since everybody knows by now, women are the weaker gender and deserve unconditional support from the rest of the world.

So be it; I find it a shame, but that is how the dice get cast these days.

 

[Bbl87]

You can’t imagine how fun it is to watch word spread about what a dick you are.

 

[SubzeroGirl]

What is it about this person that makes women want to talk with him in the first place? He seems like every other guy in most personal ads here.

 

[Bbl87]

What is it about this person that makes women want to talk with him in the first place? He seems like every other guy in most personal ads here.

I'd argue he seems more pretentious than most actually, but all in all a valid question.

 

[SubzeroGirl]

I'd argue he seems more pretentious than most actually, but all in all a valid question.

He seemed more of an over thinker to me. I don’t pick up ego or self confidence, maybe I read (skimmed) it wrong. Hope some answers are on the way.

 

[PlanetaryNebula]

I think…. I think a lot gets lost in translation. I’ve chatted with him on several occasions and even if we have disagreed about stuff, we have managed to find understanding. But it takes work when your only communication with someone is via text.

I think there’s truth to what he’s saying- a lot of people do just want to hear themselves talk, OR we get excited about expressing our own opinions and forget to listen. Of course this is a 2 way street, but I think this guy is villanized way more than he deserves to be.

I know ladies. I’m a gullible twat. But he’s obviously yearning for a connection. And everyone deserves to feel loved. My advice to the OP and any potential suitorettes- don’t let anger or rigid beliefs write your replies for you. I by no means think anyone should let OP or any other person walk all over you, because we all have a right to express ourselves, but there’s something to be said for a little patience and trying to come to an understanding vs just being so quick to argue.

OP- your frustration shows in your ads!! Maybe make an ad expressing what you DO want and not what you don’t want. Energy flows where attention goes. Focus on the positive, remind yourself the good things you experience from having meaningful connections and maybe you will attract more of those things to you.
Best of luck

 

[AspiringAuthor]

Hope some answers are on the way.

I'm just getting started....

I cannot prove what I just wrote, and you cannot prove your accusations...

Can't I, though? Are you sure about that??

Since I can write a "summary" of his quote, I'll do that here. Adam stated, for the record, that I was close-minded and resistant to learn new things. All of this, he surmised, because he assumed that I never learned to pleasure myself to orgasm in my youth. Also for the record... we had discussed nothing close to sexual before this gem came out, so I don't have the foggiest clue where that even came from.

He also stated that he was happy to have learned ahead of time what a total narcissist I am (my inference, based on his quotes,) and that since he no longer had to spend his precious, valuable time conversing with the likes of me (read: not real, and not truly alive) he had time to pursue conversations with other multi-faceted, much more interesting women.

As if this wasn't enough...

"Adam" then went on to tell me why he thinks I'm such an awful person (see above)... and that he pities me.

My crime? I asked him not to talk politics with me, that I find the topic distasteful. But he went ahead and wrote a page-long, narcissistic diatribe about.. you guessed it.. POLITICS. His ranting email entirely proved my point about why I find political discussion so damned distasteful to begin with. Dad always told me that if I want to lose my friends in a hurry, I should engage them in political discussion, because he knew no better way to find a fight. Dad, for his 8th grade education, was a wise man.

For the record, "Adam," I didn't complain to you about your vainglorious, uninteresting, BORING AF letters to me about living behind the Iron Curtain, aviation, music on AFN radio, and whatever else you decided I needed to know, for shits and giggles. Quite possibly the only truly interesting thing you spewed was a nugget about Gen. Patton, which my dad would have loved to know. But knowing my dad, he might have. Who knows?

You fucked with the wrong "non-living" and "ignorant, non-curious" bitch... I can, and will, provide screenshots in PM or otherwise to anyone who wants proof that these conversations are authentic, though I suspect anyone who has had the extreme displeasure of conversing with you already knows them to be truthful.

Checkmate, you prick.

moderator note: sometimes when editing multi-quote posts, the quote boxes move to text they weren’t initially associated with. That happened here and my attempts to fix it weren’t working. So sorry! -TPH

---

Author note: I'm sorry to have broken the rules in this fashion. Please accept my sincerest apologies, and hopefully my edits to this post are acceptable.

 

[AspiringAuthor]

What is it about this person that makes women want to talk with him in the first place? He seems like every other guy in most personal ads here.

Not every man here is a total waste of space. I've found quite a few nice guys, ones who know how to treat a lady with respect.

 

[PlanetaryNebula]

I'm just getting started....



Can't I, though? Are you sure about that??


As if this wasn't enough...



I believe those are exactly your words, "Dearest..." (Emphasis yours)

Shall I go on? I shall!



My crime? I asked him not to talk politics with me, that I find the topic distasteful. But he went ahead and wrote a page-long, narcissistic diatribe about.. you guessed it.. POLITICS, entirely proving my point about why I find it so damned distasteful to begin with.

This was the first email he sent back, telling me how I disappointed him that my emails weren't centered around HIM...


This was my reply... because the email he referenced there touched briefly on his political topic, and then onto, you know, getting to know one another...



For the record, "Adam," I didn't complain to you about your selfish, uninteresting, BORING AF letters to me about living behind the Iron Curtain, aviation, and whatever else you decided I needed to know, for shits and giggles.

You fucked with the wrong "non-living" and "ignorant, non-curious" bitch... I can, and will, provide screenshots to anyone who wants proof that those conversations are authentic, though I suspect anyone who has had the extreme displeasure of conversing with you already knows them to be truthful.

Checkmate, you prick.

Wait.. who is Redacted?

 

[AspiringAuthor]

Wait.. who is Redacted?

I left out our real names. I fixed the original quotes to make them clearer. Sorry for the confusion!

 

[PlanetaryNebula]

I left out our real names. I fixed the original quotes to make them clearer. Sorry for the confusion!

Ohhhhhhh! Fuck I’m dense

 

[AspiringAuthor]

Ohhhhhhh! Fuck I’m dense

I'm usually the one who does that shit. LOL I tell everyone I'm blonde by marriage.

 

[Bbl87]

Not every man here is a total waste of space. I've found quite a few nice guys, ones who know how to treat a lady with respect.

We do in fact exist, but I also completely understand why every woman on here would by wary of guys here in general. This thread and the OP and all.

 

[AspiringAuthor]

We do in fact exist, but I also completely understand why every woman on here would by wary of guys here in general. This thread and the OP and all.

I fancy myself lucky that I found my few diamonds in the rough, though I'm usually willing to give people the benefit of the doubt. For every wonderful guy I've met here, about 20 more were "throw-aways," so to speak. I found out the hard way after I posted my own personal ad two years ago. They ranged in personality from sweet and sentimental to "Adam-ish." That's a new term for me. When hubby is being a jerk, I tell him, "Stop being an Adam."

True story.

 

[Bbl87]

That's a new term for me. When hubby is being a jerk, I tell him, "Stop being an Adam."

True story.

That's pretty awesome. Glad you've found a few diamonds!

 

[SubzeroGirl]

Not every man here is a total waste of space. I've found quite a few nice guys, ones who know how to treat a lady with respect.

I didn’t mean to suggest he was a waste of space or other men are, I meant his ad doesn’t stand out as anything special and I was curious why so many people have interacted with him.

Your conversation made me instantly think of Kurt (Uncivil Law) from Lawtube. If you look him up, there are video’s of his thoughts about women and how much backlash he got from them. Very funny! The irony, not your situation.

Thank you for the info. I do believe in 2 sides to every story and I’m not passing judgement on anyone, but I’m glad you know who you are and are not letting yourself be defined by someone else.

 

[AspiringAuthor]

I meant his ad doesn’t stand out as anything special and I was curious why so many people have interacted with him.

I made the fool's error of commenting on a thread, and he contacted me first via PM. He chose to continue corresponding with me after I warned him that 1) I wasn't looking for anything remotely sexual because I have a good man already, and 2) I'm not nearly as intellectual as I sometimes come across when I speak or write.

I normally let things roll off my back, but it was SO very obvious this thread was about his and my conversation. Being salty between the two of us is one thing, but posting it on Lit for the whole world to see? Nuh uh. I realize I outed myself in posting here... but he could have at least pretended to be a gentleman and left it between us. That way, it would have only been us two. He's lucky it was me writing this, to be honest. It could have ended much worse for him.

 

[SubzeroGirl]

I made the fool's error of commenting on a thread, and he contacted me first via PM. He chose to continue corresponding with me after I warned him that 1) I wasn't looking for anything remotely sexual because I have a good man already, and 2) I'm not nearly as intellectual as I sometimes come across when I speak or write.

I normally let things roll off my back, but it was SO very obvious this thread was about his and my conversation. Being salty between the two of us is one thing, but posting it on Lit for the whole world to see? Nuh uh. I realize I outed myself in posting here... but he could have at least pretended to be a gentleman and left it between us. That way, it would have only been us two. He's lucky it was me writing this, to be honest. It could have ended much worse for him.

Ahhh, this makes a lot more sense to me now. He writes to women trying to pick them up vs you writing to him. Now I understand, he’s one of those guys. I feel so relieved, I had a hard time believing there was something extraordinary about his ads that drew women into him.

I wouldn’t worry about outing yourself. One advantage of being a women here is that we usually get the benefit of the doubt and I haven’t seen anything that reflects poorly on you.

Better luck with the gentlemen that do exist here.

 

[AspiringAuthor]

Better luck with the gentlemen that do exist here.

Thanks!

 

[adamISOeve]

some conclusions I am drawing out of this thread. First: all in all, I found the thread – in its entirety – almost better than some SRP plots.

Secondly: despite its apparent length (25 posts in total) only four “bystanders” were taking part in this bashing session of me, and one of them, SubzeroGirl began her contribution with an open mind to begin with. Thank you for that, BTW.

Third: One brave woman came to my rescue, and she tried to interject some reasoning into this bashing session. I thank you for that, Nebs, I consider you a brave woman. With my penchant for history, your posts remind me of some words inspired out of a death cell more than 75 years ago “First they came for the socialists .... ” (Bonnhoefer was the spiritual author, although Niemüller wrote them down on paper later).

Fourth: the villain on this thread was Aspiring Author, for considering a personal ad I had written an affront to herself. And for breaking several rules of Liteotica, like it is prohibited to quote verbatim from private emails. But such rules apparently exist only for males, females may violate them anytime they please.

Fifth: Duvessa contributed some unfounded accusations too, but she seems a woman able to realize when to stop, other than AA.

Sixth: the bystanders who had no skin in the game, must have figured that piling crap on somebody has become the new norm for the Personals. Clicking “Like” buttons and crapping out contempt on people they don’t know. OK, even illiterates have been given a forum now on which to “speak”.

I drew more conclusions, but I will keep them to myself. Except for this one: some supposed discussions I had participated in on Literotica, had been worse than this one.

 

[Bbl87]

Third: One brave woman came to my rescue, and she tried to interject some reasoning into this bashing session. I thank you for that, Nebs, I consider you a brave woman. With my penchant for history, your posts remind me of some words inspired out of a death cell more than 75 years ago “First they came for the socialists .... ” (Bonnhoefer was the spiritual author, although Niemüller wrote them down on paper later).

I'm not sure that the quote you are referencing is all that applicable. Nobody is coming after you for your political ideology, religious beliefs, or union associations. You're being called out for your behavior. Two VERY different things.

As an outside observer, I do have to say trying to play the persecuted in pretty unbecoming. I know victimhood is celebrated in alot of modern society, but it isn't a good look.

If you are a student of literature as well, you might also be familiar with this quote:

"Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love."

One person sharing their poor experience with you, I could write off to a one off. Two, that's the beginning of a pattern. Three is definitely a pattern (I had someone reading the thread PM me and share a similar experience to these ladies).

Fourth: the villain on this thread was Aspiring Author, for considering a personal ad I had written an affront to herself. And for breaking several rules of Liteotica, like it is prohibited to quote verbatim from private emails. But such rules apparently exist only for males, females may violate them anytime they please.

If we want to get technical, I believe that rule is for PMs on here, don't know that emails are within its purview.

EDIT: Upon rereading, emails are included in the rule, so I was incorrect in that. I will note, though, the fact that you seem more concerned with the rule breaking than the veracity of the contents is telling. You say that Duvessa's accusations are unfounded, but if she posted what you said verbatim, you would complain about sharing of private emails or messages.

I would hope that, perhaps, this thread might lead to a little introspection on your part. Even if you don't think you were at all in the wrong, which I assume is your mindset based on your response, I would hope that it might at least cause you to pause and think about it.

If you are the intellectual you purport to be, it might be time for a little self reflection.