One Night Stands

[bisexplicit]

This has probably been done before (it seems most everything has), but...
Whats your opinion on one night stands?


Personally - I'm against them. Emotional and physical safety rank higher on my more importance list than momentary gratification.

 

[rcuhljr]

Well I'd think done properly the risk to your physical safety is rather nill, now for the emotional side you have an argument, but I suspect that isn't an issue for a lot of guys.

 

[bisexplicit]

Well I'd think done properly the risk to your physical safety is rather nill, now for the emotional side you have an argument, but I suspect that isn't an issue for a lot of guys.

STD's? I mean, condoms aren't a hundred percent fool-proof...
Theres always acquaintance rape as well.

 

[rcuhljr]

STD's? I mean, condoms aren't a hundred percent fool-proof...
Theres always acquaintance rape as well.

Yeah... true enough. I'm just theory crafting. still not sure if the risks would reduce most guys interest. Also one night stands often seem to involve alcohol, the classic inhibition lowerer.

 

[SweetErika]

This has probably been done before (it seems most everything has), but...
Whats your opinion on one night stands?


Personally - I'm against them. Emotional and physical safety rank higher on my more importance list than momentary gratification.

I'm sure it's been done many times, but it's a great discussion topic, and there are enough fresh opinions to keep it interesting.

At this point in my life, one night stands don't seem right for me. When I was 16-18, I had a couple, and they were great experiences for the most part (one particularly hot one with a virgin, oddly enough). The emotional component wasn't as big of a deal to me back then...I was discovering and passionate about sex. I was always vigilant about condoms and birth control, though I'd be far more careful about things like oral today.

As I got older and settled into a relationship with my husband, my emotional needs changed, and one night stands don't hold much appeal. I guess I realized how much I love the emotional intimacy of sex, and a purely physical fling seems dangerous and empty compared to what I know it can be with someone I share love with. I don't trust myself not to form an emotional connection, and am certain that kind of experience would lead to more pain than pleasure. Consequently, I prefer to go through the trouble to find someone I care about than fulfill my more immediate physical desires. However, I do respect and somewhat envy those who feel differently and act responsibly.

As for rape, it can happen with a stranger, someone you've know for a short time, or someone you really know and trust. You can only use your best judgement, and even staying away from mind-altering substances won't protect or help you get out of it in some cases.

 

[curvygrrl]

I have had a couple of one night stands, all but one were fantastic experiences. I guess I was born in an age where we were educated if not by schools or parents on stds and condom use, then at least by television, peers, and other media. I know some choose not to be well informed, but I have always gone into a situation sober and armed with condoms and birthcontrol pills. The men I have been with have all been okay with me using a condom even for bjs.

I usually have fairly good instincts when it comes to others, but also make sure that I am always in a situation I can get out of if things get bad. The only time I have EVER been forced was by an aquaintance, someone I trusted. I had slept over at his house with a group of friends many times and had dated one of his best friends. He went to church every Sunday and worked with the youth group there. He had helped me fix my car when it was headed for the scrap heap and gave me rides while it was being fixed. He never flirted with me or gave any indication that he was interested in me as more than a friend. I thought he was kind, considerate, respectful, and a good person. I was wrong. He raped me in my own home in the middle of the night by stealing a key I had given to his friend, the man I had dated.

Basically, it is like this. You are statistically more likely to be raped by an aquaintance than a stranger. Those odds do decrease if you chose to put yourself into the position of having a one night stand. If you choose to go ahead with it, take ALL precautions necessary. Someone should know where you are at all times. Always have a phone available, and know that even these precautions don't make you 100% safe.

 

[EJFan]

there was a time (like sweeterika said) when i could do one night stands. i didn't do them too often... just a couple... but i couldn't do it now. i've just sort of grown out of the idea emotionally. sex, to me, has become more emotional and less physical... a transformation that happened the first time i was actually in love with someone as opposed to having sex with someone.

ever since then i can't just bang a chick... damn her for making me feel this way.

 

[Munachi]

Personally - I'm against them. Emotional and physical safety rank higher on my more importance list than momentary gratification.

you mean, you are against them, or they are not your thing? I am not a native speaker of English, but being against them to me sounds like you mean no one should have them?

As for me - There was a time when they had a certain importance for me. That is, about a two years ago my so far only long time relationship ended, and then about half a year later I had my first ever one night stand - in this time an expression of a certain freedom I had found, and it was just in the time when I felt I am over the relationship, and do not want a new one either. In that time I had quite a few one night stands, and while they were sexually disappointing, they somehow belonged to how I felt about life...

Emotionally they didn't cause me problems. But as I said, sexually most of them were somewhat dissappointing...

But anyway, I still occasionally have them... I don't seem to meet anyone that convinces me it can be worth the effort to have a serious relationship, and well, I do have sexual needs...

As for dangers - I am aware of that and try to be as careful as possible... For example despite a lot of people saying that oral sex is not dangerous, I don't do that without condom unless I am with someone in a long enough relationship where I won't use condoms for other things either (i.e. after testing and all)...

 

[Eilan]

I've had one experience that could be somewhat classified as a one-night stand, and it was a MMF threesome with my husband and another guy. I say that it's "somewhat classified" as a one-night stand because I'd gotten to know the guy pretty well beforehand, and the sex was a one-time thing.

I wasn't worried about my physical safety because my husband was there, and he's been qualified for the past 27 years on handling a firearm, so I'm confident that he could hit what he's aiming at (if it were an issue). STD's weren't an issue, either.

However, this is the guy that I mentioned on SweetErika's thread about having sex with someone without their SO's knowledge. His marriage was in its death throes at that point, but I still felt guilty about what happened.

It's not something that's happened since, and I'm not seeking it out right now, either. I learned that no matter how much I thought I was prepared for it, the one-time deal just isn't for me.

 

[RavenousRae]

I don't have the personality to be able to just meet someone and have sex with them that day and never see them again. Sure it can be a great fantasy but I know I'm to much of a wuss, too concerned over my health and safety, and too interested in long term investments in relationships. In other words I'm to much of a good girl and I'm not ashamed of it.

 

[Unafraid]

In general, if I like someone enough to have sex with them, I like them enough to have sex with them again.

I've had a few, but not very many. A couple that were intended to be one-nighters turned into affairs lasting for months.

 

[silverwhisper]

i've never had one, so have no meaningful input. i sometimes wish i had, but when i look at what i've done instead, i'm not exactly disappointed. wait a minute: there was one night in baltimore, and another during a trip, but i was too young to appreciate that's all they were and that was OK.

i think that when i was emotionally in a place where that would have worked for me, my social skills just weren't where they needed to be to make it work right.

ed

 

[tiwolf]

Outcome

I have had a couple of one night stands, all but one were fantastic experiences. I guess I was born in an age where we were educated if not by schools or parents on stds and condom use, then at least by television, peers, and other media. I know some choose not to be well informed, but I have always gone into a situation sober and armed with condoms and birthcontrol pills. The men I have been with have all been okay with me using a condom even for bjs.

I usually have fairly good instincts when it comes to others, but also make sure that I am always in a situation I can get out of if things get bad. The only time I have EVER been forced was by an aquaintance, someone I trusted. I had slept over at his house with a group of friends many times and had dated one of his best friends. He went to church every Sunday and worked with the youth group there. He had helped me fix my car when it was headed for the scrap heap and gave me rides while it was being fixed. He never flirted with me or gave any indication that he was interested in me as more than a friend. I thought he was kind, considerate, respectful, and a good person. I was wrong. He raped me in my own home in the middle of the night by stealing a key I had given to his friend, the man I had dated.

Basically, it is like this. You are statistically more likely to be raped by an aquaintance than a stranger. Those odds do decrease if you chose to put yourself into the position of having a one night stand. If you choose to go ahead with it, take ALL precautions necessary. Someone should know where you are at all times. Always have a phone available, and know that even these precautions don't make you 100% safe.

Hey CG

How did it end? Did you charge the guy? Confront him?

 

[silverwhisper]

holy crap, i missed this! ditt, tiwolf's question.

i wish there was a button i could push that instantly killed rapists.

ed

 

[tiwolf]

Results?

I've had one experience that could be somewhat classified as a one-night stand, and it was a MMF threesome with my husband and another guy. I say that it's "somewhat classified" as a one-night stand because I'd gotten to know the guy pretty well beforehand, and the sex was a one-time thing.

I wasn't worried about my physical safety because my husband was there, and he's been qualified for the past 27 years on handling a firearm, so I'm confident that he could hit what he's aiming at (if it were an issue). STD's weren't an issue, either.

However, this is the guy that I mentioned on SweetErika's thread about having sex with someone without their SO's knowledge. His marriage was in its death throes at that point, but I still felt guilty about what happened.

It's not something that's happened since, and I'm not seeking it out right now, either. I learned that no matter how much I thought I was prepared for it, the one-time deal just isn't for me.

Dear Eilan

Since this was a first MMF for you was the physical aspect enjoyable or was your mindset about the acquaintence and his marital situation too much of a deterrent to experience the MMF situation? If you found another male whom you (both hubby and yourself) developed a long term relationship with and a trust was there and the situation of a MMF presented itself, do you think that you would go for it?

 

[tiwolf]

Bal'more Story Hun!

i've never had one, so have no meaningful input. i sometimes wish i had, but when i look at what i've done instead, i'm not exactly disappointed. wait a minute: there was one night in baltimore, and another during a trip, but i was too young to appreciate that's all they were and that was OK.

i think that when i was emotionally in a place where that would have worked for me, my social skills just weren't where they needed to be to make it work right.

ed

Hey SW (aka ed)

Interested in the Baltimore story if you are willing to share. I am a native Baltimoron (and you can only appreciate the Title of message if you are one). haven't been there in many years, lots of changes, byt still would find your story interestingly nostalgic.

 

[BedtimeStories]

They're certainly not a favorite of mine, but I have been there before.

Commonly, I prefer sex with men and women that I have become friends with...people I feel I know well, like to be around, and genuinely care about on some level.

In my opinion, it makes the sex that much better! No awkward "shyness", etc.!

 

[bisexplicit]

I have had a couple of one night stands, all but one were fantastic experiences. I guess I was born in an age where we were educated if not by schools or parents on stds and condom use, then at least by television, peers, and other media. I know some choose not to be well informed, but I have always gone into a situation sober and armed with condoms and birthcontrol pills. The men I have been with have all been okay with me using a condom even for bjs.

I usually have fairly good instincts when it comes to others, but also make sure that I am always in a situation I can get out of if things get bad. The only time I have EVER been forced was by an aquaintance, someone I trusted. I had slept over at his house with a group of friends many times and had dated one of his best friends. He went to church every Sunday and worked with the youth group there. He had helped me fix my car when it was headed for the scrap heap and gave me rides while it was being fixed. He never flirted with me or gave any indication that he was interested in me as more than a friend. I thought he was kind, considerate, respectful, and a good person. I was wrong. He raped me in my own home in the middle of the night by stealing a key I had given to his friend, the man I had dated.

Basically, it is like this. You are statistically more likely to be raped by an aquaintance than a stranger. Those odds do decrease if you chose to put yourself into the position of having a one night stand. If you choose to go ahead with it, take ALL precautions necessary. Someone should know where you are at all times. Always have a phone available, and know that even these precautions don't make you 100% safe.

I'm not sure what happened afterwards, if he was charged, or anything...but I just want you to know that there is still help available for you, even years afterwards, just if you need to talk about it or have emotional baggage or anything there are lots of services available - and I could get the numbers for you.
Meh, this is awkwardly worded, and I know you don't know me, but also, if you need anyone to talk to, I'm available.

 

[silverwhisper]

tiwolf: not much to tell, really: was visiting my best friend at college. we were freshmen, and he was, like me, sorta seeing someone who was actually seriously involved w/ someone else, while at the same time, he had something going w/ yet another person on the side. this story relates to that yet another person.

anyway, we were having a purity test party, maybe a dozen people or so. she and i had the lowest purty test scores in the room and she invited me back to her room. where her roommate was trying to sleep. it was kinda rude, in retrospect, and not something i'd ever do now. there were all kinds of bad choices made that night and let's just leave it at that. :>

ed

 

[tiwolf]

Ok

OK SW

Thanks for the reply. Leave it at that. I also have a long list of not so great activities, but that's the learning process

 

[Miss Trixie]

i am all for one night stands, given the right circumstances and right guy. sometimes getting caught up in the moment is the best thing. i try to be careful but i am also lucky since i have not wound up in any bad situations, or with any strange itches lol. it's not something i do on a regular basis but i have done it 4 times. and this weekend i did give a guy i had just met head right next to someone's house at like 3 am lol he had the nicest dick i'd ever seen i just couldn't help it

 

[SlyKitten]

I think one night stands can be a lot of fun, with the right person, when all necessary precautions are taken, and preferably when both parties are sober.

I’m with Unafraid on that one. All the one night stands I had ended up into a regular affair, except one; I had a craving and needed it satisfied, he was there, he was cute. We didn’t speak long enough to see if we had anything in common, if we should see each other again… It was good, too, so I don’t regret it.

 

[londonaberdeen]

Serve someones needs

Everyone is different, even as some have eluded too previous. Peoples needs change in time too. As EJFan and SweetErica have said they've "grown out" of the need. Yet a female friend of mine now in her 40's had only ever been with her husband. Now plays the field different man each weekend.

As for me, been there. Often enough to know it can be fun and old enough to know it doesn't compare to the love of a good woman.

 

[curvygrrl]

Thank-you

I really appreciate everyone's concerns. I did press charges and after an excruciating wait and a long tiring trial, he is gone for a very extended federally funded vacation. I was scared to at first, I just wanted the whole thing to go away, but I thought of all the people that he had contact with that were just like me, thinking he was a good man and was trustworthy, and I think it would have killed me inside if I hadn't done something to stop him. I don't know if he has done it before, but I had to do my best to make sure he didn't do it again. That was actually a major step in my recovery.

I am currently in counselling still for it and I have a great circle of family and friends that support me unconditionally. I am one of the lucky ones, I have people that I can rely on when my outlook turns bad. There are others out there who have nobody and end up in some pretty bad situations.

I want to thank everyone for their concern, it really means a lot.

 

[curvygrrl]

holy crap, i missed this! ditt, tiwolf's question.

i wish there was a button i could push that instantly killed rapists.

ed

That would be nice, I have a couple of other "instant-death wishes" to add too.