One-liners. Okay--two, tops.

[dr_mabeuse]

Guy walks into a shrink's office totally naked and wrapped in cellophane.

"Well," says the doctor. "I can clearly see you're nuts."

 

[English Lady]

Doctor doctor,I think i need my eyes examined.

-you sure do mate, this is the chip shop!

 

[Guest]

Doctor asks patient with a parrot on his shoulder what he needs.

"Can you get this ugly boil off my ass?" says the bird.

 

[logophile]

How many kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb?
Wanna ride bikes?

 

[English Lady]

A man walked into a bar...

OUCH!

 

[Guest]

A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar.

"What is this, a joke?" says the bartender.

 

[logophile]

What do you call a dehydrated Frenchman?

Pierre.

 

[English Lady]

did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?


He sold his soul to Santa.

 

[Guest]

Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac?

Stayed up all night worrying about rather there or not there is a dog?

I love the dyslexic in my life, but my love of this joke is older than my dyslexic. Go figure. God got even.

Edited to add : EL's joke was not here when I started composing this!

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing a teepee and a wigwam on his head.

"Well," the doctor says. "I can already see your two tents."

 

[Samandiriel]

Celine Dion walks into a bar and the bartender says....Why the long face?

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

How many surrealist does it take to change a light bulb?

Fish.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Three blonds walk into a bar...
You'd think one of them would have noticed it!

 

[Guest]

What's the worst part about skydiving with a blind person?

The screaming dog.



Think that blind guy that sailed his boat by himself to Hawaii was impressive?

Well, his dog swam out in front the whole way.

 

[Samandiriel]

She's so fat when she goes to a buffet she pulls up a chair.

 

[English Lady]

What do you call a scouser in a suit?


The accused!


(Ok, non-pc I know, but most of my jokes are *L* stereotypes are funny )

 

[dr_mabeuse]

What's the worst part about skydiving with a blind person?

The screaming dog.

~~~~

 

[TheEarl]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Why should you never go out with a midget with learning difficulties?
Because it's not big and it's not clever.

The Earl

 

[Sunnie]

Four blondes are in a car headed to Disneyland when they see a sign that says "Disneyland Left!"

So they turned around and went home.

 

[English Lady]

Why should you never go out with a midget with learning difficulties?
Because it's not big and it's not clever.

The Earl

*ROFL*

 

[joeys-game]

How many kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb?
Wanna ride bikes?

rofl

being ADD myself,,gotta love it!!!

 

[joeys-game]

A guy with 3 eyes, no arms and one leg is standing on the side of the road.
A car stops and the driver says
"eye, eye, eye, you look armless, hop in"

 

[English Lady]

you've all heard it before but...

What do you call a Donkey with 3 legs?

A wonkey!

 

[Guest]

Why can't women parallel park?

Because men have taught them that this much (hold hands six inches a part) is a foot.

 

[oggbashan]

How does an Essex Girl turn on the light?
She opens the car door.

How does an Essex Girl say 'no' to sex?
I don't know. Neither does she.

How does an Essex Girl show she's interested?
She puts her hand down your trousers.

How does an Essex Girl drive?
She doesn't. She can't drive and give BJs.

Og