One for the ladies ...

[higherlevel4u]

Now I'm a man ... at least I was last time I looked ....

And I know us men get bad press at times from you ladies - unfortunately, even as a guy myself, I have to admit it is very often deserved!

I saw this joke earlier today and thought how true it was, and I also thought to show there's no hard feelings, I would start a thread where you ladies can post all your jokes that run down us guys .... with no hard feelings .... well, I might have one, but that's just me ....

So to start us off, try this one:

Q. Why did God create Woman?

A. Because after creating Man, he was convinced he could do better ....

 

[WantonWitch]

Now I'm a man ... at least I was last time I looked ....

And I know us men get bad press at times from you ladies - unfortunately, even as a guy myself, I have to admit it is very often deserved!

I saw this joke earlier today and thought how true it was, and I also thought to show there's no hard feelings, I would start a thread where you ladies can post all your jokes that run down us guys .... with no hard feelings .... well, I might have one, but that's just me ....

So to start us off, try this one:

Q. Why did God create Woman?

A. Because after creating Man, he was convinced he could do better ....

Lol... good one

He was right too !

 

[higherlevel4u]

Lol... good one

He was right too !

Glad you liked it, Witchie ...

Here's another:

Q. What's the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?

A. A man will spend two hours looking for a golf ball ...

 

[DLL]

ok I have one....so glad to see its not lawyer jokes...lol


An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde Guy were doing construction work on a scaffolding on the 25th floor of a building.
They were all eating lunch and the Irishman says Corned Beef and Cabbage!!!
If I get Corn beef and Cabbage one more day I am going to jump off this building!!
The Mexican opens his lunch box and exclaims...Burritos and Tacos!!! If I get Burritos and Tacos one more time I am going to jump off this building too!!!
The Blonde Guy opens his lunch and said BOLONGA!!!! If i get one more BOLONGA sandwich I am going to jump off too!!!
The next day the irishman opened his lunchbox saw corned beedf and cabbage and jumped to his death....
The Mexican opened his lunch saw a burrito and taco and jumps too...
The Blonde Guy opens his lunch, saw a BOLONGA sandwich and jumps to his death as well.
At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping..if only i knew he hated corned beef and cabbage so much I never would have given it to him...
The Mexicans wife said I could have given him enchiladas I didnt know he hated burittos and tacos so much!!!
Everyone turns and stares at the Blonde Guys Wife
Hey dont look at me!!! she said He makes his own lunch!!!!!

 

[higherlevel4u]

Nice one, Dee ... a gender reversal on the Blonde women jokes ....

Here's a quote (attributed to Robin Williams, I think):

The trouble is, God gave man a brain and a penis, but with only enough blood to run one at a time ....

 

[wickedlady31]

Men

Here's one!

How are husbands like lawn mowers?



They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

 

[higherlevel4u]

Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are kind, sensitive and good looking?

A. Because they already have boyfriends ....

 

[WantonWitch]

Q WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?


A because they are plugged into a genius

 

[higherlevel4u]

Q WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?


A because they are plugged into a genius

Nice one, Witchie!!


Men are like mascara – they always run at the first sign of emotion ....

 

[WantonWitch]

I have an entire folder devoted to them


Q WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?


A they don't have enough time

 

[higherlevel4u]

I have an entire folder devoted to them


Q WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?


A they don't have enough time

I bet you do, too ....


Q. Why do female black widow spiders eat their mates after sex?

A. To stop the snoring before it starts ....

 

[WantonWitch]

I bet you do, too ....


Q. Why do female black widow spiders eat their mates after sex?

A. To stop the snoring before it starts ....

Just to keep the snoring theme for a minute

Q WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?


A because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapour lock

 

[higherlevel4u]

Man to God: Why did you make women so beautiful?

God to Man: So that you would love her

Man to God: But why did you make her so dumb?

God to man: So that she would love you ....

 

[WantonWitch]

Q WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?


A they don't stop to ask directions

 

[higherlevel4u]

Q. What do you give the man with everything?

A. A woman who can show him how to work it ....


alternative answer:

Ten milligrams of penicillin ....

 

[WantonWitch]

Q WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?



A because a vibrator can't mow the lawn

I think I may have found my second home on lit

 

[ima6uldv8]

Just to keep the snoring theme for a minute

Q WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?


A because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapour lock

You two have given me some much needed laughter. I have a cold and this one about made me choke from laughing

 

[WantonWitch]

You two have given me some much needed laughter. I have a cold and this one about made me choke from laughing

*Curtsies* It's a pleasure



Q WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?



A so they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties


This thread is soooo gonna earn me some enemies rofl

 

[Essa]

What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?


Telling you his real name.



ooops forgot to laugh at my own joke

 

[higherlevel4u]

Thanks for your contributions, ima6uldv8 and Essa ....


I think I've opened pandora's box here with Witchie ....

 

[WantonWitch]

Thanks for your contributions, ima6uldv8 and Essa ....


I think I've opened pandora's box here with Witchie ....

You should have known I'd love it


One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,

"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied

"What does it say on your shirt?"


He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb...

 

[higherlevel4u]

Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?

A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in the bed, and go to the fridge ....

 

[WantonWitch]

Q What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A A rumour

 

[Essa]

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the Happiest woman in the world."

The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

 

[WantonWitch]

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower,

"honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"


"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.