One for the Irish...

Laurel

Kitty Mama
Joined
Aug 27, 1999
Posts
20,693
I'm sure, as usual, that I'm the last person on the planet to have heard this one, but here goes...

a bloke goes into a pub, and the barmaid asks what he wants. 'I want to bury my face in your cleavage and lick the sweat from between your tits'he says.

'You dirty git' shouts the barmaid 'get out before I get my husband.'

The bloke apologises and promises not to repeat his gaffe. The Barmaid accepts this and asks him again what he wants.

'I want to pull your pants down, spread yoghurt between the cheeks of your arse and lick it all off' he says.

'You dirty filthy pervert. You're banned. Get out!!' she storms.

Again, the bloke apologises and swears never ever to do it again.

'One more chance' says the barmaid. 'Now - what do you want?'

'I want to turn you upside down and fill your pussy with Guinness, and then drink every last drop from the hairy cup'

The barmaid is furious at this personal intrusion, and runs upstairs
to fetch her husband, who's sitting quietly watching the telly.

'What's up love?' he asks

'There's a bloke in the bar who wants to put his head between my tits and lick the sweat off', she says.

'I'll kill him. Where is he?' storms the husband.

'Then he said he wanted to pour yoghurt down between my arse cheeks and lick it off' she screams.

'Right. He's dead' says the husband, reaching for a cricket bat.

'Then he said he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my fanny with Guinness and then drink it all' she cries.

The husband puts down his bat and returns to his armchair, and Switches the telly back on.

'Aren't you going to do something about it?' she cries hysterically

'Look love. I'm not messing with someone who can drink 15 pints of Guinness...'
 
LMAO

Oh god, Laurel. I almost shot soda thru my nose after reading that one. Thanx for starting my morning out with a laugh. :D
 
How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

*hic* Lightbulb?
 
IRISH ARTIST,,,

A couple is attending an Art exhibit and they are looking at a portrait that has them taken aback. The picture depicts three very black, very naked men sitting on a park bench; two have a black penis and the one in the middle has a pink penis. As the couple is looking somewhat puzzled at the picture.

The Irish artist walks by and says, "Can I help you with this painting? I'm the artist who painted it."

The man says, "Well, we like the painting but don't understand why you have three African men on a bench, and the one in the middle has a pink penis while the other two have a black penis."

The Irish artist says, " Oh, you are completely misinterpreting the painting. They're not African men, they are Irish coal miners and the one in the middle went home for lunch."
 
Complaint!

I'd like to file a formal complaint about all jokes that portray the Irish as drunks. I'm half-Irish, half my relatives are Irish, many of my friends are of Irish descent, and only about three-quarters of them are chronic alcoholics. So, some balance please!
 
Oh pfft. I'm half irish as well, and I'm the first one to tell drunken irish jokes. I love them.
 
Question asked by my Irish grandfather:

Why is the birth rate in Ireland so low?

Answer:

They would rather drink than eat. And when drunk they'd rather fight.
 
I'm half, too!

Have you heard about the gay Irishmen? You know, John Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzjohn?
 
A Texan walks onto a plane and says to the stewardess, "My name is Brown, spelled B-r-o-w-n. I'm 6' 2" tall, I weigh 240 lb's. and I'm white from the top of my head to the tip of my toes and I'm from Texas!"
As he saunters down the isle he stops and goes through the same speech to every person he meets. Upon finding his seat, he turns to the dapper man in the seat beside him and does it again.
"Hi, my name is Brown, spelled B-r-o-w-n. I'm 6' 2" tall, I weigh 240 lb's. and I'm white from the top of my head to the tips of my toes, and I'm from Texas!"
The smaller man eyes the Texan and replies, "Me name is Patrick Michael Finnigan. I'm 5' 4" tall and weigh 135 lb's. I'm Irish and I'm white from the top of me head to the tip of me toes, except for me asshole, which is brown. Spelled B-r-o-w-n!"



Comshaw
 
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