Once more into the breech

[grumpymann]

Posted a new poem let me know what you think of my scribbling. Would love feedback good and bad.


But I would LOVE it if it was good! LOL




http://www.literotica.com:81/stories/memberpage.php?uid=310465

 

[WickedEve]

First, there are typos. Stop it. That's a no no. lol

This line stood out for me. I really like it:
Let my mind float away on a cocktail haze

You have some good material here, but it does need work. I think you're rushing your poetry out for submission too quickly. I'd try sitting it aside for a few days, then reading it again, and making a few edits.

Spend some time on this board and you'll pick up some good tips for poetry writing that will help you improve.

Also, watch for phrases like "soul cries for mercy." Cries for mercy is cliché and soul is used way too often in poetry. See if you can find a fresher phrase that gets the same meaning across.

 

[grumpymann]

OK the story is finally done

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=134202