Once I get a bad taste in my mouth for someone...

[Starfish]

...it is hard for me to shake the way I feel about them, unless they really redeem themselves. However, sometimes I feel like I am over looking reasoning in the process. I guess I just feel like I don't go by an kind of social standard of acceptance of people, just what I feel. However, I want do a lot more emotional adapting to what ever will make things flow better in life. I feel that I must adapt and change to see that things can be made comfortable and good for all people in any given uncomfortable situation.

I don't want to not be a forgiving person. Why would someone be unable to forgive? What holds us back? Is it selfishness, or is it that we are afraid and are protecting ourselves?


I wonder about this a lot. It bothers me. Any input?

 

[scylis]

i'm sorry about the brussle sprout thing! really! i didn't even know they were brussle sprouts! somebody chopped them up and hit them in my food!

but, honestly, now! how bitter could it possibly have made it?

 

[perks]

lick me

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[sufisaint]

Only when you learn to truly forgive yourself for your mistakes and flaws can ever truly forgive someone else. Thats what makes it so hard.

 

[gallahad]

[
I don't want to not be a forgiving person. Why would someone be unable to forgive? What holds us back? Is it selfishness, or is it that we are afraid and are protecting ourselves?


I wonder about this a lot. It bothers me. Any input? [/B][/QUOTE]

I think it depends a lot on what the person has done that has bothered you so much..some things are easier to forgive than others
and once you have been burnt once it takes more to get the trust account to full

If its something minor then you need to step back and ask what am I really upset about

 

[Starfish]

Re: Re: Once I get a bad taste in my mouth for someone...

Yes....but I am learning not to share it.

There is a differnce between sharing input and shoving it down other's throats. (I am guilty of that) What is making you feel like you can't speak your mind?

I really would like to hear what you have to say as long as you can say it in a respectful way, which I think you are more than capable of, and you know it.

 

[Starfish]

Re: Re: Once I get a bad taste in my mouth for someone...

If its something minor then you need to step back and ask what am I really upset about

Exactly something I have been trying to do. The big stuff is hard as hell though, and that is where I am stummped.

I would really like to clarify that this thread was motivated by personal experiances in my life that have nothing to do with literotica. However, the topic can and does carry over to this place, and how I deal in my mind, and how I could improve it.

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[JerseyBoy]

Re: Re: Once I get a bad taste in my mouth for someone...

I don't want to not be a forgiving person.

~scratches head~

ummmm, anyways

there is only one person at this moment I cannot forgive...and as soon as I figure out who he/she/it is...they'll be hell to pay!

 

[Starfish]

I am famous for shutting down as my husband calls it. If I don't, then I am not able to forgive myself let alone anyone else later.

I don't want this to happen to you. I know that you feel bad.
I do forgive you about all of that. Intrigued has, and she is the reason I was really offened, because I thought you were attacking her.

Give me a second, but I will pm you right now.

Just realize that things between us can and will heal and I really only said I don't care about you because I was putting up my defenses and trying to be self convinced at the time.

I owe you the decency of forgiving the incident and forgetting it too.

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[gallahad]

I owe you the decency of forgiving the incident and forgetting it too. [/B][/QUOTE]

not meaning to intrude but it sounds like your off to a good start!

 

[Starfish]

there's no intrusion...

Thank you for noticing Gallahad. I really don't like holding animosity toward others.

I like my inner peace.

 

[Cheyenne]

...it is hard for me to shake the way I feel about them, unless they really redeem themselves.

I've had this conversation with another Lit member, asking exactly what someone has to do to "redeem" themself. The answer I got was along the lines of "I don't know." Turns out I never did earn that redemption, either.

I'd be curious what your criteria would be to judge if someone has redeemed themself or not. It is an odd word (to me) to use - redeem- when talking about forgiveness.

 

[Starfish]

It's pretty obvious what I mean. I mean that they understood the offense for what it was, with humble natured concern and effort put forth to stop doing it. Of course, that is me. Others will have other standards for what this means to them.

 

[Cheyenne]

It's pretty obvious what I mean. I mean that they understood the offense for what it was, with humble natured concern and effort put forth to stop doing it. Of course, that is me. Others will have other standards for what this means to them.

Yeah, that's what I would have guessed. Thank you, Fishie.

 

[Starfish]

Sure thing.

 

[Laurel]

I have the opposite problem.

Once I have faith/trust in someone, it's hard for me to shake that, even if I discover them to be less of a person than I first believed. I'm struggling with that now. I keep wanting to believe this friendship is worthwhile, when I know that it's not.

It's less about me caring for the person, and more about me hating being wrong.

 

[Laurel]

I sure killed this thread! Sorry, starfishie.

(am honored by your sigline, btw. *blush*)

 

[Soblue]

Wait Laurel, let me kill the thread

Unfortunately, I have the same tendency to cut people off when they leave a bad taste in my mouth. I think because it's easier to just ignore them and not deal with the pain of why they hurt me in the first place. I am really good at not thinking about unpleasant things, just shove them all the way out of my mind.

It's hard to forgive, when things seem unforgivable. Right now I'm dealing with my only brother, who has lost his marbles and is hurting everyone around him. This has been going on for about 2 years already, and I've forgiven him a few times, but I'm about ready to write him off. Don't know what else to do

 

[Guest]

Piss me off and you get a 5 year sentence of living in a large wooden box. I got that from an episode of Friends. Tribiani logic, you know...


To answer, though, the nature of forgiving is a function of the unique circumstances of the offense, the people involved, and the feelings that resulted.

I think that you forgive that person inside, you just don't trust them anymore. Which is not necessarily good. The person did not want to hurt you, yet did horribly. Forgiving the person and forgetting and getting past your emotions are two very different things. You simply know, or fear, that history will repeat itself.

I guess redeeming and forgiveness are at different stages in this process. Maybe technically it's easier to forgive someone if you know what they did was not intentional, yet fear or demonstration of them repeating the mistake will lead to sadness and no redemption.

The best way to make things flow better in life? Kiss Storm's ass. And I don't mean stuff a bottle up it... again, or spank it again, or just feel it up in general. I wasn't sleeping, I know you did that too.
Now, let's all try it. Kiss... my.... ass.....

Not bad, you've got potential...

 

[phrodeau]

That bad taste in your mouth could be precisely the reason for your gut feelings. Your dog can tell you that everyone has a different odor. Another person's odor can subliminally cause instinctive reactions. It's all about chemistry.

I feel that I must adapt and change to see that things can be made comfortable and good for all people in any given uncomfortable situation.

Then you need to overcome the natural chemical aversions you're experiencing.

 

[binkley]

... but it came out with scrubbing.

Brush your teeth with Saniflush
You don't even need a brush
All you do is rub it one
One, two, three your teeth are gone

 

[Cherry]

Fishy,

You're a lovely lady

I really admire your forgiving and peaceful nature. It takes quite a woman to ask the hard questions of herself; and, you've done so sincerely.

I've seen all sorts of sides to you (lurking, as usual) that run the gamut from playful and sexy, supportive and loving, sullen and depressed ... and now this, holding out an olive branch in peace and understanding.

I hated to see what happened in that thread with *cat*
I know her well enough to know that what she has said up there is true. She is her own worst critic (and she has some pretty severe critics). That incident was a train wreck of mistaken/misunderstood words ... and the harder she tried to explain her point of view, the deeper she dug herself into a hole. Not because she wasn't sincere in her explanation of what she meant; but rather, because of the preconceived notions of her intent by others. She started another thread so that she would not deteriorate the original further; and then, was accused of looking for attention. It was sad to see Intrigued unload on her because it appeared that she had been advised behind the scenes. I think Intrigued is a lovely woman, as well - but, I can't help but think if other people had kept their noses out of it, she would have come to realize sooner that *cat* was not attacking her, or anyone else for that matter. I wish you all would notice how hard she tries to hold her temper and keep the peace ... first to apologize. Her biggest flaw/weakness is that she keeps coming back for more in an attempt to make herself understood ... and that only leaves herself wide open for more criticism.

Cheyenne,
I'm sorry that your friend still isn't willing to hear and believe you.