In a casual conversation with a manager I once worked with we got on the topic of siblings. Actually, it was more about the peoples seemingly crazy decisions/actions.
He was the oldest of three brothers, and as most in that position are wont to do, he, at times, picked on his younger siblings. Anyway, whatever vagaries of conversation got us there, he asked the semi-rhetorical question, "Why is it, when you have them down in a headlock, or on the ground with an arm twisted behind their back, and you tell them to 'say uncle', they won't say it?"
He was baffled by this past behavior and unable to conceive of a reason why someone wouldn't just say "uncle", be released, get up and go on. "Don't they realize I'm going to break their arm?"
He was a little surprised when I replied, "Oh that's easy." He was happy to hear an explanation, and only slightly embarrassed when I began by telling him that I was a younger brother and had been in that position many times before:
"When you've lived your entire existence without physical sovereignty, you reach a point of realization that the only thing you have control over is yourself. When everyone older is bigger and can 'make' you do what they will, all that you are left with is self control. Somewhere along the way you realize that you have control over that one thing, and you can choose that last shred of self determination, and you decide it's just an arm. It's only pain. You reach the point that you are willing to have that arm broken, or your teeth knocked out with a mallet, rather than bend your will to another. Because, at somepoint, that's all you've got left that is your own: your mind and your decision."
I think he actually understood, and I saw for the first time how trivial a thing it was from his perspective: A twelve year old sitting on his nine year old brother's back thinking, 'OK, got you again, say uncle and then I can go see if sis has any bubble gum hidden in her dresser drawer...' Just another inconsequential thing, and the only thing that makes it remarkable, the only thing that makes it stick out so much that he's still baffled by it when he's forty years old, is when the nine year old says, "go ahead and break it."
From his position as the oldest, the only force to be reckoned with was the parents. Beyond that he had a freedom not comprehended by the youngers, tinged only by the vague concept of "responsibility" only to the degree the parents enforced it (which leads to an entire other examination of perspectives.) To this older sibling, saying 'uncle' didn't mean anything. Even perhaps doing things to avoid pain, meant little, because they were only hickups, brief pauses in the stream of time between the times when he was in control of himself and others.
I'm sure some older siblings even saw it (at times) as a responsibility to teach the younger ones how to submit and just do what whoever is asking you to do and get on with living.
...
No real point to this, just rambling musing that came to mind based on various posts here in recent history. What's interesting is how people don't begin by understanding that there's cause and effect behind any viewpoint the other person holds.
And then the other side of that: that just because one's opinion may be 100% valid from his context, that it is just one of several billion contexts on planet earth (if you limit it to this one semi-sentient species). That is, does anyone really consider things from the context which is the sum of all perspectives?
...and what is the similar scenario among girl siblings...?
Come to think of it, the one girl I dated who was into being the submissive half of S&M was the oldest of three girls... while I got into neither side of it... hmmm..
And why does Rhino choose to draw?
And why the dancing bananas when one by one the penguins slowly steal my sanity?
He was the oldest of three brothers, and as most in that position are wont to do, he, at times, picked on his younger siblings. Anyway, whatever vagaries of conversation got us there, he asked the semi-rhetorical question, "Why is it, when you have them down in a headlock, or on the ground with an arm twisted behind their back, and you tell them to 'say uncle', they won't say it?"
He was baffled by this past behavior and unable to conceive of a reason why someone wouldn't just say "uncle", be released, get up and go on. "Don't they realize I'm going to break their arm?"
He was a little surprised when I replied, "Oh that's easy." He was happy to hear an explanation, and only slightly embarrassed when I began by telling him that I was a younger brother and had been in that position many times before:
"When you've lived your entire existence without physical sovereignty, you reach a point of realization that the only thing you have control over is yourself. When everyone older is bigger and can 'make' you do what they will, all that you are left with is self control. Somewhere along the way you realize that you have control over that one thing, and you can choose that last shred of self determination, and you decide it's just an arm. It's only pain. You reach the point that you are willing to have that arm broken, or your teeth knocked out with a mallet, rather than bend your will to another. Because, at somepoint, that's all you've got left that is your own: your mind and your decision."
I think he actually understood, and I saw for the first time how trivial a thing it was from his perspective: A twelve year old sitting on his nine year old brother's back thinking, 'OK, got you again, say uncle and then I can go see if sis has any bubble gum hidden in her dresser drawer...' Just another inconsequential thing, and the only thing that makes it remarkable, the only thing that makes it stick out so much that he's still baffled by it when he's forty years old, is when the nine year old says, "go ahead and break it."
From his position as the oldest, the only force to be reckoned with was the parents. Beyond that he had a freedom not comprehended by the youngers, tinged only by the vague concept of "responsibility" only to the degree the parents enforced it (which leads to an entire other examination of perspectives.) To this older sibling, saying 'uncle' didn't mean anything. Even perhaps doing things to avoid pain, meant little, because they were only hickups, brief pauses in the stream of time between the times when he was in control of himself and others.
I'm sure some older siblings even saw it (at times) as a responsibility to teach the younger ones how to submit and just do what whoever is asking you to do and get on with living.
...
No real point to this, just rambling musing that came to mind based on various posts here in recent history. What's interesting is how people don't begin by understanding that there's cause and effect behind any viewpoint the other person holds.
And then the other side of that: that just because one's opinion may be 100% valid from his context, that it is just one of several billion contexts on planet earth (if you limit it to this one semi-sentient species). That is, does anyone really consider things from the context which is the sum of all perspectives?
...and what is the similar scenario among girl siblings...?
Come to think of it, the one girl I dated who was into being the submissive half of S&M was the oldest of three girls... while I got into neither side of it... hmmm..
And why does Rhino choose to draw?
And why the dancing bananas when one by one the penguins slowly steal my sanity?
Thanks for that. 
